Inside PBS Blog

Baby Boomers are the most privileged, best-educated and healthiest generation in history – and they are shifting to a new phase of life.  In the new series Life (Part 2), host Robert Lipsyte covers the topics of encore-careers, aging, finances, healthcare and more.  Last week, we collected questions for Lipsyte about the series and the Baby Boomer generation.  Here are his answers (and a bonus comment on a reader’s brave story).

I'm fascinated by how our perspective often shifts as we age; how, with the passage of time, things can matter a great deal more, or a great deal less... things like religious/political convictions, commitment to a long-term marriage/relationship, pursuing a particular career/hobby/ fitness regimen/volunteer commitment. I wonder if you've let go of a number of beliefs/activities/goals you used to think were really important, and if you now embrace ideas or practices you once scoffed at. How do you know when it's time to let go of something, or when it's wiser to stick with what you've got?” Vivien E. Smith

For starters, Vivien, I’m a lot less certain of what I absolutely know than I was thirty years ago, even than last year; having the experience to see all sides makes it harder to be dogmatic, dammit. (Or even funny. A few weeks before he died, the comic Alan King said that age and compassion made it much more difficult to make jokes at people’s expense.) You seem to be most concerned about that old When-to-stay-and-when-to-go question, a critical one that might be just the river that runs through us. I don’t think I’m any better at that, but I do think the choices I make now, whether it’s about a relationship, a job, a commitment of any kind, is far more carefully thought through. I know now how tough it is to get out, how much pain and effort goes with letting go – I’m much less likely to plunge into something, figuring, as I did when I was young, that I could always muscle my way out. So if you mull and waver, that’s good. Take your time and try to get it right. And if you’ve gotten it wrong, maybe something you bought into a long time ago that you realize has changed (or you’ve changed) think it through carefully, but don’t be afraid to go out the door before you go out the window. One thing you know now is that times goes by.

“My parents are aging and I find myself assuming the role of parent much sooner than I expected (perhaps you never expect this). I wonder how you recommend emotionally preparing for life changes and the role reversals that tend to happen as age progresses?” Dawn Simmons

How do you ever prepare for that, Dawn? I found it very hard as my parents aged to let go of still being their child (this is when my parents were in their eighties and I was in my fifties.) It was easier to take charge of discrete events – doctor’s visits, re-arranging the house for their safety, etc. – than it was to think of myself as their parent now. That’s what helped me the most, concentrating on tasks rather than on a posture or philosophy. I remembered how I’d be more successful getting my kids to do things if it became a shared activity, a discussion, than if I declared, “Because I said so.” And in both cases, I didn’t always know better. Even kids, but certainly old people, are experts on their wants and needs. But particularly with your parents, you can’t be their parents – it’s as damaging to their psyches as yours, although they will be thrilled to see that you can help them over bumps and through crises. So flush that parenting image from your mind. You’re Daddy’s little helper again. It may be fraught, but your own experience and what you learned from them make it different and often rewarding. My parents are gone now (at 90 and 100) but I feel good about our relationship at the end and what we did together.

“How do I make the remainder of my life as significant as the previous years?”  Dee

Well, Dee, just how significant were the previous years? If you were an Olympic athlete or an ingénue on Broadway, your performing significance may be over, but there are lots of kids out there to coach. Even if the pirate band you captained has voted you out (new investors) there are places that would value your expertise (some Wall Street start-ups.) And while you were being so significant, there were probably things you didn’t have time to do, passions put on hold like writing, painting, collecting, teaching, just listening to jazz. Now is the time to make the time for things that will make you feel enriched, complete and, yes, significant. On LIFE(Part2) we call it re-invention. Good luck.

“You have quite a cast of characters as your guests on the show.  How did you pick which celebrities would be on?”  Simon Morris

I guess you remember the celebs, Simon, but the overwhelming number of guests were experts in their fields – geriatricians, social workers, psychologists, financial planners, etc. And the bold face names came on with a reason – Martha Stewart had created a model geriatric hospital unit, Mike Huckabee talked about weight loss, and David Hyde-Pierce talked about the Alzheimer’s in his family, not acting.  That said, I didn’t pick ‘em. Naomi Boak, the nonpareil executive producer and her best picks of all – the staff of the show – matched topics to guests, then mixed and matched the guests. I just had the enormous pleasure of talking to them.

“I am curious about the subject of plastic surgery. It seems out of place with some of the other topics the show covers. Why is it a part of the show?” Nancy

That was my question, too, Nancy. And I was hostile to the idea at first – I thought of plastic surgery as a medical-industrial hustle, part of making us feel dissatisfied with ourselves and then exploiting it. But it’s a fact of life and something that more and more members of our boomer audience are at least considering, so it seemed we needed to deal with it seriously as a medical, social and psychological choice. Even political, as Faye Wattleton pointed out – she put an interesting spin on the issue by making her years of nips and tucks an effort for the cause. How many media requests did the head of Planned Parenthood get because she was gorgeous? I still think we are pushed toward plastic surgery but as long as we can discuss it honestly, I think it should be on our agenda.

“I had the privilege of encountering the trials and tribulations of "aging" when I was 25. Due to a temporary illness, I found myself temporary (partially) blind, then unable to walk, then somewhat incapacitated, all while my young friends went on about being healthy and vigorous and clueless. I felt "90" for just long enough to get a real taste of my mortality!
Flash forward 30 years, and with an understanding of "what's to come" and with the knowledge that there's no avoiding it (except to perish, of course!) I embrace each new year despite the age spots and wrinkles. I will forego plastic surgery and silently give thanks that I had my youthful time, and more thanks to be around for each new "season." For those bitter, aging folks who rant against the violations of their bodies and their minds, I say "take it up with Old Man Time," cuz you won't ever win that fight!
Share your time and your wisdom with your children and your community, and be prepared to help EACH OTHER as we aged and aging people will soon outnumber those most capable of helping us in our final years.”  Joy

Sorry you went through that, Joy, but delighted you shared it with us. As a former sportswriter, I recall so many athletes who “got old” and, in a sense, even “died” in their twenties and thirties when their athletic careers were over. Not many came out of it with your insights. I had cancer at 40 and at 60 a crippling back injury, both of which I’ve long recovered from, but I do remember being slow and partially incapacitated and how impatient the rest of the world was with my limping gait and physical uncertainty. Changed my attitudes and gratitudes, too. I like the way you used the word “privilege” – it certainly seems you got something important out of that illness and now so did the rest of us. Thanks.