Rachel Simmons, advisor to "Understanding and Raising Girls"

Rachel Simmons: Hi Janie. Great question! There is SO much to say about this topic. The Internet is the new bathroom wall, only this bathroom wall can be launched into everyone's house, with just a click of a button. That has transformed the power kids have to hurt each other -- and changed the game for how we need to parent girls.

Let me say a few things about this. First, one of the biggest problems we see with respect to cyberbullying is that schools do not hold kids accountable for behavior occurring "off school grounds;" yet as any school professional will tell you, what happens off school grounds comes right back into the school, disrupting the social fabric. When kids are not held accountable for their actions -- and unfortunately, many parents are not doing this on their own -- a lot of kids learn quickly that, short of threatening someone's life, they can say and do what they want online. So one thing I think we need to do is pass laws, in school districts and state legislatures, that hold kids accountable on and off campus.

I think that as a country we have funneled quite a bit of money into teaching kids about Internet stranger danger; that is, teaching girls (especially) to avoid unfamiliar people online. Yet it's the people a girl sees every day who I think are most likely to hurt her electronically. In other words, we have to do more to help kids navigate their social lives online. The Internet is an extension of girls' relationships -- like a bathroom or hallway or carpool lane, it's a place where girls congregate, often away from adult supervision. We have not done enough to define (and help kids think about) social obligations, rules and boundaries online.

The last thing I'll say about this is that I think parents need to put more limits on use of technology. I don't think girls should go to bed with cell phones, and I think that use should be moderated the way TV access is.

Rachel Simmons: Hi Bradford. Having two dads will certainly put your daughter in a position of having to defend herself -- hopefully not too much, but let's face it; she will still grow up in a homophobic world. Although she may face more right now, the reality is, she will grow more resilient as a result. Kids who face some kind of struggle in their youth grow thicker skins, and they are less likely to fall apart in the face of stresses that life brings, like adolescence. For instance, a very popular book right now is called "the Price of Privilege" by Madeline Levine. Dr. Levine identifies the newest at-risk population of children as affluent adolescents. This is because they are growing up in a world where everything is fixed and protected on their behalf. Affluent adolescents in this category fall apart in their teens, becoming anxious, depressed, and prone to dangerous risk taking like drugs, alcohol, and risky sexual behavior.

This does not make you feel better as a parent, I know. There is nothing worse than seeing your child suffer. So in the short term, I would talk frankly with your daughter about it. I would say, "There are people in the world who do not like it that your dads are together. There are some people in this world who can be very mean. That doesn't mean that they have the right answer, or are doing a good thing. They have one opinion, and we have our own. We love each other and we love our family. We know that's true. But what can we say to people who are mean to us?" Talk with her about what she thinks you can do. Role play some responses that she might use in the face of discrimination or hate, remembering to work on her level (not your own). Good luck to you.

Rachel Simmons: Hi Michele. This is a very important question. First of all, I want to recommend a new book on this very topic called "So Sexy So Soon." It's by Diane Levin and Jean Kilbourne, and it is about the sexualization of childhood. It provides very concrete strategies to resist the onslaught of images that sexualize children.

But it is most certainly an onslaught. One of the things Levin and Kilbourne talk about is that it is not enough just to say "no." That may work with very young children like yours, but in the long run, it will lead to hiding and sneaking around. Beyond no, you have to talk about the messages kids are getting. Again, your kids are awfully young for that. So one thing I would recommend is that you try to limit their access to the media that would sexualize them. Limit what Levin and Kilbourne call "screen time," the amount of time they are in front of ANY screen - computer, phone, TV, etc. Expose them to empowering media (to the extent that you can find it). A great book series for tweens is called "Beacon Street Girls." Check out websites like Common Sense Media to keep track of what your kids are watching, and to see what experts have to say. But definitely check out this book --- it will help a lot!

Rachel Simmons: Hi Phil. I wish I had a list as long as my arm to give you, but unfortunately, i don't. This isn't exactly a bull market for female role models. I think if you broaden your sense of what a good role model is, you might be more successful. For example, how awesome is Lisa Simpson? Outspoken, original, intrepid. Or someone like Oprah. Laila Ali, the boxer. A lot of girls really like Pink, the singer/songwriter. Kate Winslet: doesn't diet, gets outraged when she gets airbrushed. The Beacon Street Girls in the Beacon Street book series - fabulous role models. New Moon Girls, a website where original, outspoken girls can develop community with other likeminded girls. Queen Latifah. But I would also encourage you to find real live role models in your daughter's life. Are there opportunities for her to have a "Big Sister" or mentor figure in her life, perhaps through Girl Scouts or another similar program? I'm sure I'm forgetting a lot, but these are what come to mind for now.