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Did you relate to or feel empathetic towards Nicky? If so, why? Share your response and your reactions to TODAY'S MAN.
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My son is 34 years-old and lives in a small house I had built (by refinancing my house) next to my house. He is extremely bright, sometimes funny, often angry for his own reasons, and would be totally lost and homeless if we (my adult daughter and I) did not care for him. I feel that our day to day life is actually a quality life and I would not trade it for a life without these responsibilities unless there were different attitudes and programs in this society.
Just before he was diagnosed, at the age of 21, my son was making another attempt to live on his own and away from home. He fell from a balcony on the second story of someone's home and, in the fall, sustained spinal cord damage which was stabilized by a long and complicated surgery. After the immediate recovery from the surgery, he went to a rehab facility for three months and then he was discharged to his family home. Because the hospital bills for this were astonishing, the hospital managed the process of applying for Social Security Disability and Medicaid. They would have had to treat him without compensation during that time as he was an adult and had no health insurance. Unless they would have been able to help him get qualified for these programs, there would have been no legal way for the doctors and hospitals to get paid for their services.
I have been actively involved with his care during his whole life and, while I had sought assistance for him through doctors and counselors, I had come to the realization that he was unable to get "better" (socially and emotionally).
Unfortunately, he was made his own payee and, since he is unable to manage his money wisely, I have to contribute a lot of additional financial assistance in addition to social and emotional assistance. It would be impossible to go through the process of assuming guardianship without provoking him to leave and drift on his own. This would probably prove fatal to him. His sister, who is now 22, will inherit any family money and property and then she will have the responsibility of either caring for her brother or hiring someone to care for him.
It seems that there are not nearly as many families that are willing or able to continue to provide care for their adult children who are emotionally or socially disabled. If the adult child is clearly intelligent, families often assume that he or she is being irresponsible and that their only reasonable reaction is to try to force the child to cope as though he or she were an adult.
I know that there really are many families who realize that their adult child will continue to need supervision and assistance. This is despite the fact that the adult child does not either qualify nor belong in an institution which might provide that care for a person with developmental (intellectual/learning) disabilities.
It is often easier for me to intentionally mislabel his condition and explain our living situation by saying my son has brain damage. I cannot even declare my son as a dependent on my income tax as he would lose what medical and financial assistance he now receives from the state and federal government. Most of his care and income actually come from me and there is no way to change this. There really are no programs or facilities to help children and their parents who are dealing with Asperger's or conditions similar to it. Group homes are torture for these people because they do not have the social skills to live in any kind of group situation.
At this time and place, there seem to be very few families who are willing or able to make the same choice that I have made. Many adults with brain diseases or differences are living under bridges or in jail because their families cannot or will not continue to provide care. Making the choice I have made seems right and just but very lonely and unusual, also.
If it were only to help disabled adults OTHER than my son, I still wish that we, as a society, could develop other options for care of individuals who will never be able to live independently. We live, however, in a society that is only beginning to consider universal health care. I do not foresee the development of programs to provide the care throughout life that individuals like my son require.
Hello! I enjoyed the film so much!!! Nicky is a pleasure and quite hilarious! My sister Jenny was also diagnosed with Asperger's in her 20's. During the film I kept thinking how many things Nicky and Jenny have in common. She is has acheived great things in life. She is now living with a roommate in an in-law apartment attached to my parents home. After many many problems finding and holding a job, she has had much success with her career as a page in the local public library. It has been the perfect job for her and I would recommend any person with Asperger's to try it. I would love to get in touch with Nicky to see if he would be interested in emailing my sister or speaking to her on the phone. I think they could potentially be friends! If anyone has any information to help me...please let me know. The film was wonderful, something I think can touch many people. The diagnosis alone has helped my sister and my family so much. And thank goodness for Speech Therapy!!!
I was able to watch the documentary for the first time, last night, on WHUT. I could identify a LOT with Nicky's challenges. I've had similar challenges growing up: socially, physically, (coordination issues), a family in denial who punished me for being "different", along with employment issues. I began to suspect that I, too, am an Aspie this year. I'm middle-aged and have been considering getting a professional diagnosis. That also begs the question: "Once diagnosed, then what?" At my age, there are extremely few professional services for a middle-aged, nearing senior citizen age, adult Aspie. I have no idea where to go from there, in the USA.
Just saw the preview of the film and I plan to watch it in it's entirety. Three cheers for you Lizzie & family, especially mom. So sad that Psychiatrists subjectively throw labels around without ever having known the individual. Horrible that medicine is prescribed because the Drs. get incentives from the drug companies especially when the drugs become generics. It's uplifting to see that you are not alone in this battle against being different. This movie should be required for all shrinks & teachers to build awareness. It's too bad there aren't more programs specially for this human condition.
I have only watched the trailer portion of the film, I am feeling this huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. The film has given me hope to communicate to family and friends what having Aspergers really means. I am 48 and non-Aspergers woman married to the most wonderful sweet, kind, loving man - who happens to have Aspergers. He is 54 and lived with the cruelty of this disability all his young life. The youngest of 6 children by the time he reached adulthood when the disability was recognized; his family had given up trying... moved on with their own lives, for the most part. I have a wonderful film now that can help myself and husband communicate appropriately with them regarding what Aspergers means. In return it should bring more understanding, acceptance and appreciation of my husband. Thank you so much!
Thank you for making this film. So much needs to be done. I was appalled at the jobs offered to Nicky. There is a gaping hole in appropriate services and training of support people working with adults with AS.
Accommodations are necessary but may result in workable situations for the individual and the employer, but the jobs must be carved. I hope this film results in a surge in research and techniques that can help these wonderful people.
Thank you Lizzie for making this film. I found Nicky very lovable and was drawn to him immediately. My oldest son (21) has some of the same characteristics. I wish so much that we lived closer to New York so I could give your parents a break and have Nickie visit us. We are foster parents in Texas. We adopted 3 children with special needs. Two are in college now. Tell your Mom to never give up hope and that I send her my love and understanding. Sulinda Mann
It is unfortunate that we still feel the need to perform 'normal' behavior. As if there is some accepted or ideal normal out there. We are all located differently within a field of this false normal/ideal.
Viewing Nicky's brain/functioning as lacking exposes our narrow and flimsy notions of behavior and what it means to be human. Instead of thinking about how we might 'fix' people psychology has labeled as Asperger 'sufferers', we might be better off thinking critically about our rigid (self-enforced and continually co-constructed) ideas about acceptable behavior being compared to an idealized normal.
Sadly the childlike joy and wonder are often slowly beaten out of us so-called-neurotypicals over time and as a result of our institutions (staffed and continually re-constructed everyday by ordinary people). Why do we submerge urges to be ourselves? Why do we ignore feelings and proclivity even in more open spaces while we get such joy from watching Nicky live. We side with him in his job and yet do our part at work and out in society to enforce normalcy in others and ourselves.
Nicky does not live in chaos and letting go of 'normal' would not doom us to it either. But this current myopia / fixation on an idealized view of how people in each situation can and should act is another kind of doom through which we are living and in which we are implicated (except perhaps Nicky).
I met Mister Rogers when I was 7 at his WQED Pittsburgh studio.
My sister is 55 years old and when she was very young she had a brain tumor removed. We always blamed her behavior on the operation until we saw the film. She is a sweet person but socially she behaves like a young child. My brother and I have often asked the same question of my father the film maker asks her family. What happens to her when our father is gone? My father just happened to be visiting us when the film was aired. It has opened new dialogue.
Interesting comments here, and though I'm a little late, I wanted to jump in because of personal experience with some of the slightly more controversial subject matter here.
I first encountered Nicky towards the end of the span of the film. I was interning at Manhattan Theatre Club after years of work in autism (including developing job placements, doing task analysis, and job coaching for autistic teens), and have a family member on the spectrum, so I was fascinated by his role within MTC, though I never had the opportunity to work with him closely. I was usually was offsite at another location, but I had the chance to discuss Nicky with his supervisor and witness some of his work up close, not to mention witness his dancing at opening night parties (something I wish had made it into the documentary!)
I can tell you firsthand that the theater world is a demanding social environment, and probably not the best placement for someone with autism. Still, it was a challenge that MTC and the Gottliebs were willing to take on, and they should be applauded for that, especially given the energy that went into it.
The rules were as much for his benefit as everyone else's. MTC's vitality depends on things like the attitude of donors and subscribers and the cooperation of "star" performers (hello, Rob Morrow!), and staff behavior is a vital part of that. Reception can be the first line of defense for a major issue, and it's important to be able to adapt to that without worsening the situation. Regarding Nicky's comments about the play - that's a huge no-no for anyone at a non-profit theater company, autistic or not. (I'm not sure, but I think he continued on at MTC in his copy duties after that, something the film isn't clear about).
I've trained autistic people in basic reception duties in much more lax working environments, and it's rarely a good match. In this case, the social demands were more intense than he could adapt to, and the assignment probably needed to end at that point, no matter how much he loved it.
Having seen the situation up close, I loved the scene between Nicky and his supervisor. How do you explain complex social interactions to someone who doesn't grasp those things at a basic level? She notices when she's not getting through, and tries to explain abstract things on a concrete level. It's also clear to me that at times she's struggling not to laugh - I guarantee you she never had to lecture any of the neurotypical interns about sneaking peeks at the unreleased production calendar. She could have just told him 'no', but instead she tries to help him understand 'why'. Her tone is firm, but that was necessary to get through to him. Since I wasn't privy to those conversations at the time, I was entertained and impressed by the entire discussion.
One more thing - clearly there are resources out there that Nicky didn't have, but I don't think his parents can be blamed for that. Knowing what they know now, they're doing the best they can, like many families out there who have to make do with what they get access to. This film was a beautiful portrait, not of the 'best practices for dealing with autism' (which never seemed like the filmmaker's intention to me), but of the reality of the situation for many families who are struggling to make the best decisions from day to day under difficult circumstances.
Overall, I enjoyed the film and appreciated the chance to get to know Nicky better. Thanks Lizzie for making the film, and good luck to the entire family going forward.
Dear Gottlieb Family:
As the mother of a forty year old man with Asperger's, I was touch, charmed and distressed by Lizzie's well crafted documentary. The love you bestow on Nicky is admirable but I know that love is not enough.
It is obvious that Nicky has the potential to live independently, earn a living and have a social life. But in order for these things to occur, he will need to learn the independent living skills, appropriate adult social behavior and pre-vocational skills that cannot be taught in his home.
The most difficult thing my husband and I ever had to do was to place our son, at age 14, in a special boarding school (The Devereaux Institute, Santa Barbara) where he was rewarded for and learned age appropriate social behavior. When he graduated from high school, at age 19, he moved to a pre-vocational, independent living program, near our home in Los Angeles, where he learned how to cook, shop and budget as well as to clock in on time and demonstrate appropriate work related behaviors.
Twenty five years ago, it was extremely difficult to find appropriate programs for a young man who could have fallen "between the cracks" but perserverence paid off. Because our son is high functioning, we fought several legal battles to obtain the funding need to get him the services he still receives from a job coach and independent living counselor.
I still remember the frustration and despair I felt, wondering what might happen to my beloved "Mikey" if I could no longer take care of him. I also worried about my older sons and how their lives might be affected. But today, thanks to the efforts of many, Michael lives a mostly independent life in his own apartment and drives to the job he has held for thirteen years. He has friends he has met through his various developmental programs and even dates a nice young woman.
My hope for you, Gottlieb family, is that you can find a good independent living and a prevocational program tailored to Nicky's wonderful personality and special talents. Please don't give up; If it's available in Los Angeles, New York City has got to have something similar. Lizzie, I look forward to another documentary, in five years that shows Nick in his own home, going to work and spending time with his girlfriend.
Most Sincerely,
Judith Comroe
I was so taken with this documentary about Nicky. I also grew up with a brother (older) who was diagnosed with multiple learning disorders, medicated, etc... I often saw the pain my parents went through unable to "reach" their son. We were not of the era of Autism or Asperger's, so my brother has gone the last 41 years struggling socially. Sometimes he has known it, sometimes not. He has never been able to keep a normal job, live alone or expand. He also has never shown any gift with numbers either, but he does have a gift for building things. Thank you for sharing your story. It helps explain a little more of who he is inside.
Lizzie, thank you so much for making this movie and thank you, PBS, for broadcasting it. This particular program was so informative on a quite rare topic. What a loving, patient family you are. I especially was touched by your discussion with your mom, asking her what she expected of you when the time came your parents were no longer able to be caregivers. You have your own family, yet are eager to make sure all goes well in the future with your brother. I really enjoyed reading your update. Wishing the best for Nicky and your family, and hope he gets to meet or talk to Heather. How cool would that be!
One thing I forgot to say above...is that my son was born with multiple birth defects...and like the song, "Me and you against the world," I carted him to every imaginable doctor to correct his cleft palate and club foot...and behavior problems... He had, on average, three appointments with specialists a week, ranging from ENT's, orthopedists, plastic surgeons, speech pathologists speech therapists, physical therapists, social workers, California Children's Services, allergists, cranio-fascial teams, family therapists, clinical psychologists, psychiatrists, pediatricians, orthotic shoe and brace designers, prosthsdontist, opthalmologists, school principals, vice-principles, and psychologists, laboratories, radiologists, countless teachers meetings, police department, and ultimately juvenile hall. My one year older-than-he daughter and I both deserve awards for the years and effort and sacrifices we put into attending to my son's specialized needs. To this day I resent the medical community for not giving him the proper High Functioning Autism/Asperger's diagnosis due him...until he was 12 in 1997. Before that...the psyche professionals labeled him everything from severely emotionally disturbed, ADHD, ODD, OCD, etc. If my son bordered on severely emotionally disturbed, it was due to the ineptitude of the medical community to properly recognize his Autism spectrum disorder recognizeable since birth.
Thank you so much for making this film and sharing Nicky's story. I have been a middle school Special Education teacher for the past 8 years. I have known a number of children very much like Nicky, but I've only known them from ages 12-14. I felt like I was watching a fast forward version of my students' lives. Nicky is so much like an older version of one student in particluar that I've been working with for three years, that I've been telling all of the staff and general ed. teachers that know him, that they need to see this movie. It should be shown to all teachers (present and future). One of the most difficult parts of being this boys teacher and case manager, has been getting all of the other adults that he must interact with during his day to understand why he acts the way he does, and to get beyond their surface conceptions of who he is in order to appreciate how awesome a person he is. If I can get some colleagues to see this I can imagine lights bulbs turning on, minds opening, horizens expanding...(maybe).
This was a great film which shed much needed light on the subect os Asperger's Snydrome. It is a film that bears repeating on PBS. Thanks for the update on Nicky since the film was made. Thanks for sharing your story Lizzie.
I just watched your film. Loved it! Would love to hire Nicky if I was ever in the position to do so. I thought he was an excellent employee. If I had to get rid of anyone it would be the woman in the red suit who was his supervisor.
Wonderful documentation of the fact that there's a glaring need for scafolding around employment opportunities for people with autism spectrum disorders.
Hello?
I myself finally got diagnosed corrrectly @ age 47 almost 3 years ago in 2005, that I was autistic with Asperger's Syndrome, after having been a "failure" the last 30 years in trying to obtain and maintain employment in the field of electronics. Last worked in 2001, but have been unemployed the last 7 years.
Studied Electronics @ Wentworth Institute in Boston, MA. @ age 12, was IQ tested @ a level of 135, or "gifted" intellectually.
Still live in family home in Salem, NH, with my 75 year-old Dad, and 45 year-old "neurotypical" younger brother.
I am "retired" now on a low SSDI fixed income, since no employer in New Hampshire or Massachusetts can "see past my autistic exterior", to even figure out, that I am a "practical" hands-on "Electronics Engineering Technician", and can build "prototype" robotic equipment, ect., from rough sketches, ect.
Also, unlike a lot of high-functioning autistic people, I myself am able to "drive" my own pickup truck, and am reasonably independent, but need assistance with task organization, ect.
Just my thoughts...
Tom
Your documentary was clearly a work of your love for your entire family. You allowed us to witness the growth of ideas and awareness in both your parents and your brother. The examples you chose to share of how jobs are maintained on thin ice at best were shown with dignity and compassion. The documentary presented an exquisite glimpse into the challeges faced by people with Nonverbal Learning Disabilities such as Asperger's Syndrome. Brava!
I thoroughly enjoyed the film and feel that through it, more people will become aware of autism spectrum disorders. I have learned so much from my son, and now realize the state of "normal" does not exits. We all have different levels of tolerance for sound, smells, etc and each perceive life based on these tolerances. I now view the somewhat odd person on the corner or the seemingly bratty crying child as someone who may be on the spectrum. My 15 year old with high functioning autism watched parts of the film with me and totally relates to the love of Mister Rogers. I agree with your comment on the need for group homes for asperger's/high functioning autistic people to live. Not a day goes by that I don't consider what my sweet son's future will be like. Thanks Nicky and Lizzy
Thank you Gottlieb family!
I read your comments on the making of the film and want you to share with Mrs. Gottlieb that her hair looks beautiful. As a Mom of an Asperger teen, I appreciate all that your mother has done to help Nicky reach his full potential.
Great job!
Thank you Lizzy for making this wonderful film!
It lovingly presents the reality of living with Asperger's Syndrome as well as validating the impact on the entire Gottlieb family. I am so impressed by the energy, the compassion and the love of each member of Nicky's family.
They are an inspiration to all parents of a child diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome. Like many of the folks who posted here, I know first hand. I have a son dx'd with Asperger's.
If you're a parent and are looking for inspiration, you might find it helpful to check out www.full-love-ahead.com.
Again, thank you! I look forward to the sequel!
What a wonderful film!! I was only able to catch the last half, and would love to see the entire film. I have a son who was diagnosed with Asperger's at the age of 14. Thank God for good doctors and teachers who helped us finally get the right diagnosis. From about the age of 4 Chas was diagnosed with ADD, ADHD, learning disabled, developmentally delayed, etc. We tried all the different meds as well. By getting the correct diagnosis we were able to have Chas attend a local school for children with autism. At first we were sad and worried about taking him out of his high school. He was in the Special Ed Program. Our school system where we live does a great job for kids with special needs. Chas needed more. What a wonderful gift we've been given by having Chas now 17 at his new school. When I first walked in the class, I looked around and smiled. I said to myself, "These kids are like my Chas!". The school has him in a work program where he attends class, and they take him to his job at a assisted living home. They also teach him life skills. Shopping, ordering food, finding his way around town, etc. He loves it! In the summer he actually receives a pay check and he really loves that! Chas has been such a blessing to our family. Yes, it has been very hard at times. He has 2 brothers and 1 siter. They understand their brother is different, and love him the way he is. He'll never forget your name, birthday, lines to his favorite movie, can build anything out of anything!! He loves to hug you and ask to hold your hand. We wouldn't trade him for the world, he makes us smile and laugh everyday!!! Thank You for sharing your brother with us. Deanna Salken, Yorktown Virginia
Thank you so much for making this film. Although 1 of every 150 children are now being diagnosed with autism or a related condition, society is ill-equipped to meet their needs and those of their families. I see it as my son moves through school, and I am already hearing about the lack of supports when he becomes an adult. It is very worrisome, for example, to think that my state does not provide housing for adults with autism or related conditions. Parents like me can't continue carrying the proverbial water buckets up the hill indefinitely.
I am outraged by some of the comments people have posted on this message board. Saying that this young man is not able to function independantly because his parents did something wrong shows how very little you understand the problems a young adult with Asperger's struggles to overcome!
I am not a lazy or overly indulgent parent yet my young adult son stuggles with similar difficulties. I have gotten him help and I teach him all that I can. Understand that you can not change the way a person's brain functions or change the neurological abnormalities that make him feel and experience the world differently from the rest of us. The best we can do is teach them how to compensate for these things to whatever extent the individual is able.
I wish all the families living with Asperger's the best of luck in the future. Do not accept the negative words and blame some people try to place on you.
Society has yet to face the fact that autistic children grow up to become autistic adults and that even some of the most intelligent ones need support services in order to live on their own. Social service providers don’t know what to do with these adults because they don’t fit into any of the existing categories. The lowest functioning ones who are also intellectually challenged continue to live in group homes or institutions, while the highest functioning super-achievers the media does publicize have only mild impairments that don’t interfere with independent living skills
I live in Montreal, Canada and am one of those normally intelligent but severely autistic and semi-autonomous adults who fall through the cracks. Diagnosed with autism at age 3, I also have Tourette’s Syndrome and personality disorder along with the sensory irritability and motor skill impairments that often accompany autism. Although I can look after personal hygiene, routine shopping, bill payments and some other tasks and even hold a part time clerical job if the workplace is flexible enough to provide the adaptations I need, I have trouble with all tasks that depend heavily on dexterity, visual-spatial skills, social skills, focus, organization and higher order cognitive skills like decision making and planning. I often spend hours just trying to find things. My low frustration tolerance, sensory irritation that worsens in response to frustration and underlying deficits make it impossible to do household chores properly or even tolerate them. These tasks irritate my nerves so much they set off fierce rages where I break things and bite my arms to shreds.
The particular wiring abnormalities I was born with also left me without the ability to cope with change, tolerate even the most trivial stressors or have the ambition to develop interests. All it takes is a disruption like a blackout to break my tenuous hold on fragile skills and set off a meltdown that people who don’t know about autism confuse with a psychotic break. When hard and uncertain times set in around the turn of the millennium, my moods and behavior problems got worse and my negative disposition deteriorated into outright nihilism.
In order to function at his best, an autistic adult has to be matched to the right living environment and get the support he needs. I happen to be stuck in an especially tough and inappropriate living situation that I wouldn’t wish on any severely disabled adult. Montreal is a troubled, angry and poorly managed big city with a manic pace of life and vicious climate that keeps me housebound for days and has me teetering on the edge of a meltdown with violent storms. Like all parts of Quebec, it became a predominantly French society that makes life difficult for people who don’t speak the language. The last thing an autistic whose grip on language is weak to begin with needs is to have a foreign language shoved down his throat. I also struggle to cope with the demands of a regular part time job and full load of adult responsibilities.
I am in this mess because my parents went into denial when I was diagnosed at age 3, raised me as a “normal” child, expected me to function as well as my nondisabled sister and punished me for failing. They never gave any thought to my needs as a disabled adult because they didn’t even think I was disabled. I am now stuck with no support at all except for my elderly father, who is still in partial denial and is getting worn out from his role as my only support person. When he passes on I will have nobody, not a soul! Montreal has no support services for adults with my needs. I’m worn out from spending years trying in vain to get help with the tasks I have difficulty with and being bounced around like a ball.
One would expect an intelligent autistic like me to thrive and build resilience in such a challenging environment. Sadly, that did not happen. All I got for straining myself for so many years and fending for myself with no support was the burnout some high functioning adults who lead stressful lives and don’t get the services they need are prone to. If anything, my fragile nerves just got weaker from the wear and tear.
I laud Lizzie Gottlieb for showing the public what life can really be like for adults with Asperger Syndrome.
-Marla Comm
This film has touched me on so many different levels. I knew someone who must have had aspergers around when "Rain Man" was out, he was a work colleague who passed the CPA exam but not get his certification because he couldn't hold a job long enough. It was horrible how he was treated, behind his back they called him Rain Man, he just couldn't handle any work that required any type of creativity, all he basically could handle were redundant tasks. In a meeting room sitting around the table someone asked him to pass a book and he tossed it so it landed on the table with a thud. A group of us went to nightclubs with him a couple of times, he would stand by himself and watch the group interact, it was very odd. When I first heard about Aspergers, I think Oprah did a show on it once, I thought of him. I feel so sad for him, what he could have done if they knew how to teach him at an early age. Seeing how Nicky behaved reminds me so much of my old friend.
Now I am looking at this through my son, he is five and is just diagnosed with PDD-Nos, not aspergers but the social skills groups he is being referred to is for kids with aspergers and PDD so I guess it is similar. He has many strengths but has speech delays and issues with interaction and the more I read he just doesn't fit any of the categories. Right now I am just sorting out all the info, praying that everything turns out alright. I admire Lizzy and her family for having gone through this and maintaining so much love through these challenges, I hope if my family has to face this we can show as much dignity.
I enjoyed the show. I appreciate any presentation that brings AS to the public's attention. I have Asperger's, but a much milder case of it than Nicky. So there were things I could identify with and things I couldn't. I'd like to comment on two things I identified with and that I think are universal to all people with AS.
Ths show highlighted well how clueless and uncaring shrinks are. We saw how shrinks floundered blindly in diagnosing Nicky. They missed what should have been obvious and did some misdiagnoses. Lots of us Aspies can identify with that. The root of the problem is that shrinks don't care enough to examine Aspies closely enough to make the correct diagnosis. Sufficient testing can be done with various brain measuring machines, but shrinks won't bother to run the tests. And they don't care enough to do enough brain research to figure out the neurological roots of the problem. Hans Asperger reported the syndrome in the 1940's, but American shrinks blew it off for 50 years because THEY DON'T CARE! Like all normally brained people, normal brained shrinks have an instinctive compulsion to disregard the welfare of abnormally brained people. I can personally attest to that fact that mental health organizations couldn't care less about diagnosing or helping adult Aspies (thanks for nothing, University of Michigan Autism & Communication Disorders Center). No organization or shrink will diagnose me. Nicky is lucky there's an Aspie support group where he lives. There's none where I live.
Nicky's problems with holding a job are also something I think all of us Aspies can identify with. I've been fired from several jobs for committing gaffes much smaller than the ones Nicky committed. In this labor glutted world in which we live, employers can afford to be super picky. More than productivity, employers have come to value normality and submissiveness in employees. Any worker who deviates from the social norm or rocks the boat can easily be tossed out and replaced. Employers are completely unwilling to accommodate an unusual worker, even if they know the worker has a neurological disorder. Darwinistic power games rule in the workplace. Abnormals in the herd are quickly weeded out and discarded. That's free enterpise.
That's the situation for adult Aspies today. I feel sorry for Nicky in that he believes the lies fed to him by Mr. Rogers. Society has determined that unusual, individualistic people are NOT special or equally important in society. They are the runts of society. Mr. Rogers doesn't make the rules. Employers and the herd consensus do. Someone needs to wise up Nicky to the fact that society will not value him because he's unique. Teach him to survive in a Social Darwinist society. If that makes him and the rest of us Aspies miserable, then that's tough luck for him and us. That's nature.
Dear Lizzie and Nicky,
The world can be a cruel place. I know because I am a lot like Nicky but I also have learning disabilities as well. I also am a big fan of Mr. Rodgers, 90210, and Jeopardy. I tried to go to group sessions but have not found the right one for me. People don't understand what it's like to be different. Thank you for making your film. Everyone should watch and learn from it.
Marc
What a memorable film about an important and touching subject. I can't imagine viewing it and not being affected in some way. Ironically, 2 of my former neighbors are connected with this work: producer, Jenn Small from when I lived on 12th St., and Carl,a member of the support group in the film, from when I lived on Grove St. Props to you both, and of course to all of the Gottliebs.
I am the mother of a 17 year old son with Aspergers Syndrome. So I was thrilled when I happened across this documentary. Nicky reminds me of my son in many ways. But Nicky's language abilities are far superior to my sons. I laughed and cried while watching it. I was very impressed with Nicky and his family. He is a very lucky young man to have such a loving, supportive family.
i have a grandson with asbergers, he is 8yrs old , so i was very glad to see this documentary, as it gave me more insight to this . there needs to be more awareness concerning asbergers, thank you so much for airing this program .
catherine.
My 18 year old brother Bede also has autism. I was watching Today's Man, and at some point Nicky was pacing in the kitchen. Out of the corner of my eye I could see my brother pacing in our kitchen. They were in complete unison! The movie mirrored my brother so well. I have recommended that all the teachers I work with watch it. It really hits on many of the problems people on the spectrum face. Nicky articulates his feelings and thoughts extremely well. Thank you Nicky.
having taught special education for many years, it's amazing how many unique individuals there are in this world. If only we could match up the rare talents of these individuals with some occupation. There is so much they could give of themselves to make this world a better place. Too bad Nicky couldn't screen videos for errors, or watch tv's for clarity ??????
I know somehow he will find a way to share his gifts with the rest of us. I look forward to Nicky's future.
Thank you for creating such a wonderful documentary. My younger brother also has Asperger's, and Nicky reminded me so much of him. Luckily, my brother was diagnosed in his early teens and had the benefit of very effective therapy. I can remember his "homework assignments" where he had to recognize facial expressions and correctly identify them. He is now married to a warm, loving woman and holds a steady, full-time job. I am so proud of him! Best of luck to Nicky, and thanks again for the film. Everyone should see it!
Except for a very few unpleasant angry people(why post here?), this exchange is wonderful. My son, now 22, did very well in the structured system of high school- AP classes, great SAT scores, 3 scholarships to 3 different colleges- no friends and lots of computer and video game playing. However, his freshman year away -second semester- he couldn't handle being on his own- he ate meals but stopped going to class and spent many hours on his computer. He came home and got his AA at the local( good ) community college. He then tried commuting to a large local public university- again- not so good. He decided to take this year off from school and has a part time civil service job doing data entry for local gov't. He does talk to some of his co-workers(which is something- he didn't talk to kids at his schools- unless he ahd to as part of a study group) but we would like to see him finish his degree and find more rewarding employment, some- even- minimal social life and learn to live on his own with support.
To the whole Gottlieb family- thanks and good luck.
Please show this film again. Word is spreading among those who are affected by Aspergers, those who know someone affected, and those who are assisting an affected family member or friend through life, that this documentary was so insightful. People want to see this again.
I'm the mother of a 22 year old man/child who is diagnosed with Asperger's. From the time he was in my womb I realized this child's going to be different, traveling an unique path in life. He's led me through some wild cliff hanging trips as I manuevered through the years attempting to assist him, obtain all the help I could from medical professionals and manage my own life centered around Aspergers. As a child and teenager his life consumed my entire family. He was diagnosed with everything under the sun from age four and medicated with various medications until Asperger's started to be talked about when he was about fourteen years old. Finally a psychiatrist focused all his symptoms under this disorder. Today he still lives at home, attends a community college with an A in electronics but returns home to self solitary behavior in his room obsessed with his television schedule and computers. I take each day as it comes, dealing with social and emotional delays. He refuses to discuss his disorder, read anything or view anything about it. Fortunately his self esteem's high, and he's happy in his own selective world. I'm a writer and a retired pediatric nurse and I share my personal frustrations, hopes and thoughts on raising my son via writing essays. I praise this documentary, because it reveals a side of what life is like living with Aspergers, via the diagnosed individual and family members.
I am a religious educator and have worked with a couple of young people who have been diagnosed with aspergers so I have some knowledge and experience. I was so moved and learned so much from watching this film. Getting to hear an adult, or really several, who have grown up with aspergers, speak about what their experiences was such a gift. Seeing Nicky at work was particularly powerful and informative. I will bring a larger and more informed view of life with aspergers after seeing this film and will recommend it to others to see.
Thank you so much!
Thanks for a great film on the struggles of people "on the sprectrum." I was touched by Nicky's life and his families' journey to help him. He is a neat guy and I hope he gets to meet Heather and Mrs. Rogers someday!
My younger brother has Aspberger's and, like Nicky, he can tell you the days that Easter has fallen on or will fall on without resorting to a calendar. He is very outgoing as well.
I worry about his acceptance in the community even though he has a job that is related to his musical ability. People in our area are suprisingly intolerant of differences in adults. They seem to think that once someone is an adult the problem should disappear.
This was a wonderful film. I felt that it was accurate and captured the nuances of dealing with someone who can't read social signals but is himself a very social person. I do feel that the co-workers in Nicky's first job could have been more understanding of his handicap. I've found that once my brother is told that something he is doing or saying is offensive he rarely repeats the error. (He finds a new one instead!)
I consider myself lucky to have Jeff as my brother. He's taught me that a person needn't be perfect to be loved. And, although he has his problems with understanding things, he's a very loving, lovable person. Thank you Lizzie and Nicky for making such a realistic and loving film.
Sunday night's January 13, 2008 INDEPENDENT LENS show on Channel 56 was a show about autism and the autistic specialty Asperger's Syndrome. The show, titled TODAY'S MAN, I thought was about how frustrating autism can be. Autism for the optimist is very frustrating.
The autistic individual can become physically a man but has the brain of a child. Nicki, the show's subject, trys a couple of jobs but is fired from all. He knows his parents his won't always be around to help him. TV remains something very important to him. Where does one put an individual who can't properly communicate or socialize? Thus there must be an agency who serve communication and socialization to individuals with autism. This agency must must come soon because autism is a growing problem in the U.S.A.
Nicky and I worked on this film for so many years. Privately. Not knowing really if other people would like it or understand him. To read these responses has been the most extrordinary experience. I am overwhelmed by the outpourng of support and love and recognition. Some people have written that meeting Nicky makes them feel less alone, but really we are having that experience just as strongly. I had no idea there were so many families out there in similar situations. This only makes it more clear to me that we need to work to find some practical answers - how to help people with Asperger Syndrome find living situations and work that takes advantage of all that they have to offer the world.
Though I hope to see the entire film if it airs again on PBS, I first entered the story when the family is at the table reciting some passages just before Nicky gets his new suit. No one that I know has this condition so my first introduction to Asperger's Syndrome was the character on the TV law drama on at 10PM Sunday nights. I was fascinated by Nicky's story and found him just so likable and endearing. I loved it when he went to his first support group and was thrilled for all there when they were able to identify with vingettes of daily life as expressed by other attendees. I loved it that Nicky had the opportunity to talk to the lovely girl and I harbor a hope that Nicky may find a bit of "romance" in his acquintance with her. I would love to see a follow up of Nicky's life. What is more I would love to give Nicky and his whole family a great big hug.
Marie
A totally engrossing film, I'm so happy to have seen it. I'm not sure who is more fascinating, your brother or your family! When Nicky asked "for one more" hug before leaving for his first day of work, it was probably the most touching, "normal" thing I have ever seen captured on film.
THANK YOU FOR MAKING SUCH A WONDERFUL FILM. AS A WORKER IN THE REHAB. FIELD FOR 34 YEARS IT MADE ME FEEL THAT MANY OF THE THINGS THAT I HAVE NUTURED AND PROMOTED WHILE WORKING WITH ADULTS WERE FOR THE BEST REASONS DESPITE THE TIMES I HAD TO EXPLAIN OR TRY TO EXPLAIN TO CO-WORKERS AND IN MANY CASES MANAGEMENT WHY. AS THE AUNT OF AN AUTISTIC 20YR. OLD WITH HIS WONDERFUL CHEERFUL NATURE .I HOPE HE ALSO WILL FIND HIS PERFECT JOB. IT SHOULD BE WITH COMPUTERS OR MATH AS THIS IS HIS FIELD OF INTEREST. I NOW WORK IN THE SCHOOL SYSTEM WITH A TRULY SPECIAL YOUNG MAN WHO INPROVES AS EACH DAY GOES BY..AGAIN THANK YOU.
Stunning, winning, memorable. How perfect the ending: wandering in the garden, all smiles, singing Poor Wandering One.
This was a wonderful film. I think I have never understood Asperger's more than I did when Nick and the girl were talking (sort of) at the end of the Asperger's group meeting. She seemed to find it difficult to look at him and when she finally did, he became distracted and walked off to another area of the room. I wanted to yell, "Nicky, here is your chance for romance. Here's someone who wants to get to know you." And then I realized Nick couldn't see the social cues I was seeing. That is Asperger's! The love between the members of this family is palpable. It was a joy to watch them interact. I look forward to a future update and think this wonderful filmmaker for her courage and ability in making a beautiful/difficult story come to life. Thank you!
I am ordering the film, I missed it the other night and a friend told me about it. My Aspie son is 14 and was diagnosed quite early (1996). I am always looking for better ways of helping others understand AS, and really it isn't as much a deficit for the AS person as it is a deficit in our culture. Reading the above comments I can't wait to see your film!
Kate
This documentary gave me greater insight into a friend's life. It gave me a look into the life of Nicky. It showed me what a charming and endearing person he is. While he is watching Mr. Rogers in the film, he says something so concise and profound. I cannot remember the exact quote, but the gist was that Nicky is extraordinary just by being. This not only seen in Nicky as a person but also in the way he brings out the best in those who surround him, the sweetness, patience, and love conveyed by his parents and sister. Thank you Lizzie Gottlieb for making this film.
I am so grateful to Lizzie for creating this extaordinary window into the lives of her and her amaizing family. I was brought to tears by the amount of unwavering love and strength each person had for one another. Thank you so much for this gripping and inspirational film. Nicky and his family are now my heros, and I aspire twards their patience, their kind intelligence, and all encompasing love.
As both a Psychologist and University Psychology Professor, I was certainly interested in this film. I was also, however, amazed that Nicky appeared not to be supported by any sort of agency or organization that specializes in folks with A.S. Here in New Haven, CT, for example, there's a facility that works with young adults with A.S. After two years in their residential program, the individuals graduate into their own apartments with all the life skills, social/recreational, educational, therapeutic, and vocational supports they need to live more independently. This certainly sounds like something Nicky could benefit from!
Excellent film Lizzie. Very educational, warm, funny. How can I get hold of it or recommend to friend's or clients? Good luck w/ your journey. Rachel Sussman, LCSW, Psychotherapist
Editors note:
Home DVD copies of TODAY'S MAN are available at:
http://todaysmanthemovie.com
I loved this documentary and have been searching for such a thing this past year to show my family so that they may have a better understanding to my son Dax's way of thinking. He is just going on 3, and was diagnosed a year ago with classic autism. Nicky was great and I was impressed with how well he does do, and what a great heart he has. I know Dax even at age 2 can really relate to his love for tv and his favorite programs. Great show, great story, and wonderfully supportive family a lesson to all of us on how to hold together.
I have NLD, a kissing cousin of Aspergers as it were, and Today's Man brought back so many flashbacks of my own life.
I remember arguing with my supervisor as I trained to be a teacher, not because of any problems with authority, but more out of frustration that he couldn't see my side. Then during my student teaching, I mentioned to another teacher that my mentor teacher was really strict and that wasn't the kind of teacher I wanted to be. When he found out, he was so angry, he thought about releasing me back to the program. Fortunately, he was fair enough to persevere because, in truth, I had no idea that making a comment about him would be perceived as an attack on his authority or as ingratitude.
After that, I got fired from three jobs because of social gaffes. When I saw how excited Nicky was and how eager he was to succeed, it reminded me of my own life and how hurt and bewildered I was when things didn't work out.
The good news is that people with NLD and Aspergers can learn through training and experience. I've now taught for twelve years and am considered a respected and competent teacher. Do I still mess up? Sure, and I've made a lot of trouble for myself in the social realm by inadvertant gaffes, but at least I am living independently and continue to grow through the challenges NLD provides every day.
Thank you Lizzie for producing an excellent film that allows regular folks to glimpse the challenges that people with Aspergers and NLD go through every day.
My husband and I watched "Today's Man" last night on PBS. As parents of a teen-aged daughter with Asperger Syndrome, we saw many similarities in the family dynamic. Theirs is a loving, warm, and caring family. It was very well-documented and accurately represented how wonderful our children with Aspergers can be. Equally portrayed were the difficulties one encounters with AS. My hat is off to Lizzie Gotleib in her ability to introduce her brother to the world and to capture his beautifully warm essence. Thank you, Lizzie, for sharing Nicky.
I saw the documentary and was furious. Most of the material in this documentary does nothing more than show what happens when you enable an asperger's child. I felt it was sad and pathetic. My daughter is 17, asperger's, mainstream holding A's & B's, learners permit, has been shaving her own legs since she was 14. She has friends and has sleep overs and she knows how to be sarcastic.
She has an older and younger brother and I never treated her ANY differently than I did my boys. Actually, I have a higher expectation of her because she has so much more to battle against than her brothers. If she lives with her dad and I, I GUARANTEE it will be because of a choice she makes and not because she is incapable of. I always tell people that it's a battle of wills and I will win because if I don't she is the one that looses.
This is an extremely enlighteneing film on a subject that most of us know little about. I have a nephew whose son has been diagnosed with Asperger's so it is beneficial to know what their family is facing and what lies ahead for them as he becomes an adult. Unfortunately, I missed the beginning of the film and I hope that it will be aired again. I know everyone in our family would benefit from it.
Nicky is a wonderful, sensitive young man. I hope that he will find his place in life and will benefit society by just being himself. I admire his sister for making this heart warming documentary. She and her parents are wonderful role models for all of us. They accept Nicky for the loving son and brother that he is and have helped him in every aspect of his challenges.
Thank you for sharing your lives with us.
I liked this glimpse of his life. I could hardly tell he had anything wrong with him. I thought I bet he would be interesting to talk to. Made me wonder how many of us might have this disorder and not even know it. I hope he is doing well and wish him and his family all the best. Thank them so much for documenting this.
GoD be with you all!!
A fascinating film about some delightful people. Nicky is *cursed* with Integrity. All the honest (yes, childlike) inappropriate thoughts and behaviors that have been so carefully socialized out of me are still the truths that Nicky sees and says.
I'm reminded this night that it's a particularly perplexing and difficult world for any human who cannot find the value in guile or telling lies.
Thanks Nicky - and you're right, Mr. Rogers rocked.
I have Asperger's myself. My own circumstances are not exactly like Nicky's (When I was first diagnosed as an adult a few years ago, I of course read about AS a lot, and it still seems like 1/3 of what is written about AS is not me at all, another 1/3 I can kind of relate to a little bit, and another third fits me to a T), but I could still relate to him. Good film. I liked seeing him in the AS support group best. I wish I hadn't been dividing my attention between the program and the internet for the first 20 minutes or so.
This film is a superb statement of the parental paradox in which the dream of having a child who never grows up becomes the nightmare of having that child cast into the world alone upon your death. I am presently facing that nightmare.
I loved the film, so well done. Nicky's loving family and Nicky's great personality certainly come to light as do the issues persons with Asperger's face. I work with teens, including some with Asperger's. One former student with Asperger's works in a bank. Another idea is to have Nicky join a speaker's bureau where he could share his thoughts and earn a good wage. Special Needs conferences are always looking for articulate speakers.
God bless you. Thanks for sharing your story.
Thank you for airing this documentary,
Having a brother of similar age to Nicky and in a siliar situation to Lizzy I was greatly moved by this portrail. In particular I identified with the milestones of life, love and becoming a man encountered by Nicky and the emotions evoked with these challenges.
My parents have in a similar way have raised a son with ASP now 40 yrs old, with asperations to get him indendedent, to siimilar conclusions arrived at in your film and I too as a sibling am grappling with support of my bother after my parents pass on.
I often wished there were a organisation in Eatern Ontario with similarly afflicted individuals, and now given a name "Aspergers" which I had not heard before, perhaps I will be able to find one. My parents have said that my brother has been variously diagnosed as Aspergers, schzophrneic, autisitic, "slow learner" over the last 20 years and now I feel closer to understanding the scope of these conditions thanks to your film.
It is difficult to convey the value of seeing such real life struggle which parallels so closely that of our family. Thankfully, it seems as with Nicky my brother and our family have rallied under the challenges to create a lifestyle which has now settled into a somewhat peaceful and happy situation. I often wonder how may others with ASP not treated so sensitively are in the ranks of our homeless of our society.
A remarkable film I saw last year featuring an autisitic Sigorney Weaver called "snow Cake" evoked similar feelings, and portrayed a particularly enlightened community spirit surrounding her condition, a great film.
I wanted so badly to see this documentary, as this syndrome seems to run in my family, but scheduling conflicts prevented me from seeing all but the last few minutes. I wish to add my voice to so many others begging you to show it again, with plenty of announcements ahead of time so that we don't miss it again. Thanks.
Editors Note:
Filmmaker Lizzie Gottlieb provided updates in November 2007 on what Nicky has been up to since filming ended:
http://www.pbs.org/independentlens/todaysman/film.html
My son and I watched this documentary together. Like Nicky, my son also has Asperger Syndrome. He was diagnosed at 16. He is now 21 and getting ready to move onto the next phase of his life...independence. He has worked so incredibly hard over the years to develop skills that most of us take for granted. His strongest desire is to be able to take care of himself and live like everybody else. He wants his own home, a job that he likes and that can support him and a relationship with a women who will understand him and love him for who he is. He talks about being a father and what he wants to teach his child. When he asks me if I think that these things are within his reach, what do I tell him? I tell him that having Aspergers is not about limitations, it's about endless possibilities. The truth is, this kid has amazed me so many times over the years about what he is capable of that I believe that anything is possible. We just have to be creative and find a way that works for him.
I watched "Today's Man" with much trepidation. I had read much promoting it, but as autism awareness grows I find it painful to watch the many shows describing the life I had with my now 30 year old autistic son. Like Nicky's family, we were intelligent people living in the midst of New York City and none of the many evaluators ever diagnosed Chris' autism. When a friend shared information with me about Asperger's, I was shocked. This was my son's behavior but why hadn't anyone else seen it? I brought my observations to a leading psychiatrist in the field and he agreed but that wasn't until my son was 22 years old. Much of what I saw on this moving and sensitive documentary echoed our experiences. What brought me to tears, Lizzie, was the scene when your brother is watching Mr. Rogers. Chris found many peaceful moments in his childhood tuned to Mr. Rogers. Perhaps it was his calm demeanor, his routine of changing his shoes and jacket each day the same way, his singing his simple song. When Mr. Rogers came on each day, Chris was happy and we were happy.
Your family is wise to plan Nicky's future in a way that you and your young family are not solely responsible for him. The road ahead does not get easier. This is no fairytale.
My daughter knows a boy in high school that we suspect has Asperger's Syndrome. He is gifted in music and math-related subjects, and has mannerisms and behavior associated with Asperger's. My daughter is very bright and has always had social skills issues, but she does not have Asperger's. She wants this boy to be normal and be her boyfriend. She cannot accept what he is, and it makes her angry. I encourage her to be more compassionate and understanding towards him, but I don't seem to be able to get through to her. He seems very attracted to her, but afraid to interact with her. They once shared a happy time together, but it didn't last. It's sad to watch this. I feel bad that my daughter isn't more mature about him. She gets very frustrated, and then angry about it all.
The topic of tonight’s Independent Lens, Aspergers Syndrome, attracted my interest because a close relation, who is 20, has been diagnosed with a mild case of AS. In his freshman year in college, he missed many of the non-verbal signals that would have told him what a professor considered most important in a course, and what social behavior the school found acceptable, or not. He wants to make a success of college, which he cherishes for its social life; he has listened with more than his usual patience to advice about expectations at the college level, and is doing better as a sophomore.
What I did not expect when I tuned in Today’s Man is Nicky’s story. He has made real progress in relating to people and reaching out to the world in the years since I met your family in Salt Point when Nicky was 12, and at a few other meetings later on.
Nicky’s experiences in the Chase mailroom and at the Manhattan Theater Club show he is vulnerable to the demands of standard business behavior. His supervisor at MTC, all pursed lips and narrowed eyes, clearly lacked patience and understanding; I am surprised she didn’t fake it better, knowing she was on camera. On the other hand, Nicky clearly took pleasure from contact with people at the reception desk, and satisfaction from successfully juggling tasks.
The Aspergers diagnosis can be frustratingly vague, but at least it provides a starting point – a structure – that can lead to doing meaningful work, sharing experiences and making friends with other AS adults, and transitioning to supportive living arrangements. Your film provides hope that there are promising developments ahead.
To you – Nicky, Lizzie, Maria, & Bob – my best wishes,
Ken – New York – January 11, 2008
Thanks, Lizzie, for a great film about your family and Nicky. He spoke beautifully and made me laugh a few times with his observations. I loved Nicky's smile and joy at times. I work in a small to medium-sized law firm and we have a fellow in the mailroom that has AS. He works full time, has been with us a little over two years and is 26 years old. He has a college degree and a paralegal certificate. One must have patience with him. He does surprise me with his social skills - better than one would expect.
I knew about this condition earlier because of another documentary about a British girl that has this condition.
I appreciate your giving us this great film. It can bring some understanding to this condition. I read that you are in remission with thyroid cancer. Hope that remains so and you are able to do many more films. Our 35 year-old son has Stage IV melanoma and his future looks limited. We all have our challenges in life.
Exra ordinary? Aspergers? Nicky is no different than any other "normal" child, the product of overbearing, rich, upper east side parents with blinders on . Nicky has all the qualitifications of a spoiled child, he over-talks during personal conversations, Life is only about himself and himself, and he cannot hold the simplest of jobs. He sounds pompous and shuns authority. Sounds like alot of the kids I knew while growing up in Manhattan. He is rich and spoiled and will only amount to Nicky, as long as his parents support him. He never had a chance from the beginning.
Our 26 year old son has Asperger's. I asked for assistance from the Dept of Vocational Rehabilitation to assist our son in a job where his employer would understand his specific challenges. Our son works for a large hotel chain. This week he came home with Employee of the Month awards. Our daughter Christie said, let's revisit the specialists who gave us gloom and doom reports on his disability and say, "See.. you were wrong.. It was you who did not understand." Patti
I was incredibly moved by this film, along with the other posters on this site. It really teaches so much. What nicky said about Mr. Rogers, has to hit everyone in the heart, everyone can be who they are, and that's ok. I just want to recomend to everyone who missed this to see it if they get the oppertunity, you will not forget it. Otherwise i just want to wish Nicky and his family the best of luck in everything(and wish nicky much Glamour in his life), and I just hope they know how many lives they touched.
(I think my earlier submission disappeared so will try again)
It is important to know that Aspbergers is a spectrum condition, that people have it to different degrees. Many successful, brilliant people have it and "pass" in the community, tho people might think them slightly odd. My older son, in his 40s now, was always a loner and always a problem -- he was known as "the family disrupter" but I didn't realize what was the cause until I learned about Aspbergers in the 90s. He is obsessed with his computer and his exercise and whatever idea or scheme happens to be current in his life. He has earned and lost huge sums of money with some of his passions, including the stock market. He is never wrong. Has taught himself multiple subjects (has a college degree) and passed exams in many fields autodidactly. He has little empathy for others. He is extremely moral, ethical, honest. What has really helped him is a five year relationship with a professional woman who is Asian and seems to have little interest in touchy-feely emotional connection. However, there is a real connection there. She has "trained" him unknowingly behaviorally, commenting on his table manners, ignoring others, treatment of others and he has mellowed in the relationship. I think he is happy. He refuses to admit that he has Aspbergers and thinks I am the "crazy" one but he certainly has many of the traits, the obsessions, never being wrong, loner tendencies, lack of empathy.
Bless you, Lizzie. Your film is the first time I have actually experienced a personality so much like my brother's. Born in 1918 (and I, in 1924), there was no explanation or help for my brother's goofy behavior. He was a brilliant, humorous, musical, odd guy who was tolerated, but difficult to be with. Your film has helped me recover my memories of our childhood. My brother even, believe it or not,like Nicky, sang joyously the leading role in The Student Prince, when he was in high school! As an adult he was able to hold a job, marry, and father two children (one of whom, in my opinion, has AS). My brother is no longer living, and I am able to virtually relive our childhood now that you, Lizzie, have given me al visit with your family.
Dear Lizzie,
I just viewed the documentary last night and realized that I had Nicky in my Chubb Institute programming class between 1997 and 2001. I just want to say hi to Nicky. I do not know if he or your family remember his experiences at Chubb but I do. Everyday was an adventure. What a guy. I hope everything works out for Nicky, you, and your family. You all are wonderful people.
I left Chubb due to cut backs after 9/11 but I still have teaching in my blood. I am a mathematics and computer science instructor in Boonton High School, Boonton, NJ.
Please continue making beautiful, meaningful films.
Peter Podesta
I was spellbound by this documentary. It was truly extraordinary and should garner many awards. I don't think I have seen anything like it on TV or elsewhere. It has prompted me to write here for the first time. As a longtime New Yorker without any knowledge of this condition, I was mesmerized by this "urban reality show" from the very beginning. I thought it was a touching portrait of someone whom any one of us could recognize as a true citizen of this huge town, this wondrous but demanding Emerald City. Each of us, with Asperger's or not, can easily identify with Nicky, with his human qualities, his natural joy of things, his love of innocence, TV, glamour, old films, theater and, oh of course, Mr. Rogers. His special condition does not make him any less universal. So much of adulthood is learning to suppress our natural responses to things and avoid saying what we truly think, so we can interrelate with what is often a hard and mercenary world. Nicky's pure and guileless spirit, his disarming, uninhibited approach to everything reminds us of that inner life and spontaneity that is so often drilled out of us so we can stare at computer screens in soulless offices, pay our bills and interract with people whose main goal in life seems just to get ahead, with little regard for others. God bless you Nicky, your sister and loving family. I wish you and others with this perplexing condition a greater understanding on account of this lovely, insightful film.
Very grateful I stumbled onto the film. A brilliant film! Clearly filled with love, compassion and humor of the filmmaker and family. Great lesson in meeting the challenges life hands us. Hopefully, it will be distributed heavily in Hollywood so that "a Michael Fox" or other celebrity can champion AS.
My thanks to Lizzie Gottlieb and her family for sharing their story with so many people. I stumbled upon this program late at night (it's now 3am) and I'm better for having seen this hour of truth, life and love. You'll be in my thouhts always. Thanks!
Thanks so much for making this film to the Gottlieb family. Am the adult sibling of someone with aspergers, and this film really, really meant a lot. Amazing, amazing work.
the filmmakers are so right. There are NO real services for adults with Aspergers. To me it seems bizarre there are these smart, kind adults who could have a lot to offer our economy, and yet NOTHING is being done to find them employment.
It's truly a shame.
I was deeply moved by the way in which Lizzie Gottlieb ended her film about her brother Nicky's Asperger syndrome by showing him in the family garden gleefully performing Mabel's song from the Gilbert and Sullivan opera, "The Pirates of Penzance" (also called "The Slave of Duty"). At the beginning of this rollicking show, Frederic, the hero, is seen celebrating his 21st birthday as Nicky does in "Today's Man." Alas, the fictional Frederic was born in a leap year, and is therefore considered a mere 5-year-old and thus deprived of his free will. He cannot leave a gang of pirates to whom, as a child, he was mistakenly indentured just as Nicky, due to a neurobiological accident has been in thrall to a poorly understood condition since birth and cannot fully escape his childhood rituals and routines.
Frederic must forsake the enchanting Mabel and remain forever a "poor wandering one" (or so it seems until surprising revelations make it possible for the two lovers to unite). Who can resist a happy ending? Certainly not Ms. Gottlieb who has weathered a challenging upbringing as the only sibling of a developmentally challenged brother with energy, verve, humor, and devotion intact. Nicky can be depressed, and he can be exuberantly high on life. He is, to a large extent, enslaved by his disorder but, thanks to his compassionate and committed family, remarkably liberated in terms of self-acceptance and optimism. The Gottliebs have empowered Nicky to be a spirited and plucky "wandering one." We all wish this doughty man-child a safe journey on life's high seas. And if the young woman with whom Nicky enjoyed an animated exchange at an Aspy meeting turns out to be his Mabel, brava!
My brother Conrad was six when I was born in 1924, and my sister was five. I grew up with a big brother who was "goofy." Musical, humorous, with very high grades in school, he was socially very inept. My sister's friends always accepted him as goofy but harmless, and since she was charming, his presence at her parties and picnics was OK. My parents tried to help by making sure he belonged to a Boy Scout troop, and trying to help him "be a man" by getting him boxing gloves and a punching bag. But Connie was a sissy; chess was the sport he was good at, and singing the leading man's part in the school operetta was a great joy for him, gaining a kind of belonging he could get no other way.
A setback for him was rheumatic fever when he was twelve; the only treatment for it in 1930 was aspirin and bed rest. He spent a year in bed, and I am sure the social isolation was not helpful! However, he developed a good knowledge of mathematics, read many books, and didn't seem to be suffering. He and our dad played chess and worked on math theories together. He gained weight, and became soft and pudgy.
He managed all right in college during the two years my parents could afford to send him there-- a small liberal arts college many miles away. After that, he lived at home for a year, working at a bank as a key-punch operator (data entry), a job involving numbers (but not math, at his level) very repetitive. That job led to a paranoid psychotic breakdown at age 21, a very frightening experience for all of us. He was diagnosed as schizophrenic, spent 6 months in a mental hospital, and received many insulin shock treatments. (This was 1939-40.) When he came back home, he was subdued but able to cope.
As his life went on he was able to hold low-skill jobs, and volunteer as a teacher at his church. He married and raised two children, one of whom I believe has undiagnosed Asberger's. Conrad's strange personality was tolerated by his employer. He was a perfectionist who wanted to do a good job and be recognized for it.. He "fell apart" only when he had too much responsibility, in complex social matters. He wanted to be respected-- and his anxieties in trying unsuccessfully to achieve that tore him apart. He was never violent. He had many short periods of hospitalization during his life after manic episodes. Conrad died in his 70s after deterioration from what seemed to be Alzheimers disease, but which proved upon autopsy to be Pick's disease, another brain abnormality.
The likelihood is that Conrad's diagnoses and history point to organic origins of his odd personality, his inability to empathize, his ability in abstract thinking, music, and language, his social anxiety and awkwardness, etc.
Now we have a label, "Asperger's," for a syndrome, and some recognition and respect and support for such people. Nicky's life has illuminated my brother's for me. I hope that the scientists and researchers are doing whatever can be done to identify the chemical and organic patterns common in the physiologies of the Conrads and Nickys of the world, so as to find nutritional or medical treatments that work.
In this film, Nick both looks like my brother and behaves the way my brother did! I am astonished to meet Conrad again, and I hope that Nicky can become as well accepted at my brother was, without my brother's psychotic episodes. Thank you, Lizzie and Nicky and your parents for making it possible for me to understand my brother.
bravo - wonderful, sensitive touching film that resonated with the wonder of people who see and experience life differently then the society at large - in primary times people like nik were seen as having special gifts, insights into life and the humanity - we discard these gifts because they don't fit our norm and yet these people are the dreamers the artist who see life differently not for what it is but for what it could be - we can learn much from nik - but one thing i think worth thinking about is maybe niks is an artist a dreamer, somebody who has a special gift to climb metaphors and trees and sing about the wonder of things - i think we need to appreciate people like nik for who they are and not romanticize or demonize them but enjoy them - we can learn much from nik - like the wind we all come from - keep dreaming and fighting for your dreams nik even if it just feeling the wave of calm and quiet and the possibilities in watching Mr. Rogers Neighborhood - sanity and normality is over rated - geo (at) JamesKusel.com
This film did nothing but highlight the lax parenting skills of Nicky's mother and father. Through the years, it is clear that they allowed this man's every whim as he was growing up, set him in front of a television set because it kept him quiet and happy and didn't bother to instill in him any independence, respect for other people or indeed any semblance of social skills whatsoever. They used his Asperger's as an excuse to flake out on parenting him, preparing him for the outside world or the event that may not always be on hand to dress him, shave him, pay his bills, etc. In turn, Nicky is now under the impression that television is all that matters in life and that things are his way or the highway. He has no idea how to interact appropriately with other people, which he should have been taught years ago, and those things have become his main obstacles in life, not his Asperger's. He is an intelligent man capable of reasoning and holding intellectual conversations, yet in one scene, he can't grasp the notion that he isn't allowed to open other people's mail and starts arguing with the supervisor. The whole thing was ridiculous. I don't know what other viewers were watching, but I did not see a closely bonded family with a charming son, I saw two parents who were desperate to get their lazy, spoiled brat of a kid who they'd been coddling for years out of their house so that they could begin their own lives, and an obnoxious little boy who had no plans to leave because his parents were too lazy to equip him with the means to do so when they had the chance. This man was not supposed to be able to speak or walk according to doctors, but yet he did! When given this gift, his parents should have ran with it. Instead they've raised a rude and annoying egomaniac. I can't believe they actually expected him to magically get a job, move out and be a productive member of society when they had done NOTHING to prepare their son for a real life. They have done their child a great disservice and now they are stuck with the consequences of that.
"Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen."
"Great spirits have always found violent opposition from mediocrities. The latter cannot understand it when a man does not thoughtlessly submit to hereditary prejudices but honestly and courageously uses his intelligence."
These are two quotes from Albert Einstein.
Nicky,
Thank you for having the courage to share your story with the world. The typical NT would not have that kind of courage. You (Lizzy, Mom, and Dad) are pioneers and heroes to many of us who do not get the opportunity to share our story of AS with the world. Nicky, you put the neuro-typical mind to shame. You are smart and loving. My husband and I are blessed with two amazing boys who have Asperger's Syndrome. Mitchell (almost 12 years old) and Mason (almost three). I do feel fortunate that the medical world is more up to speed with Asperger's. However there is still very little one can do. The thing I wish for most is not a cure per se, because I love my boys just the way they are, but for wider NT understanding, and also better understanding within the medical community. We live in a world where kids are taught early on that "It's OK to be differnt," but those who say that seldom practice what they preach. My son Mitchell is now in middle school. It is quite a struggle for him to fit in. He REALLY wants friends and he REALLY wants to be understood. I too wish that the world we live in were more like Mr. Roger's. Mitchell was not allowed to have the controversial immunization shot because he had a kidney transplant at 10 months of age (diagnosed with a rare kidney disease called ARPKD). He also had seizures before the transplant. I too was told that Mitchell may never walk or talk. It was quite some time before he could walk or talk, but now he is playing the piano and violin well. And when he did start talking, he started learning other languages, and is now fluent in a few. Mason was diagnosed on Halloween day, but I knew before that. He started lining his trucks up perfectly from smallest to biggest, etc., and he too is very good with music and languages. My husband was diagnosed shortly after Mitchell. Our fathers, and brothers have it as well. It is all in the family. I am very touched and relieved that someone shared their story of Asperger's. I am so happy that someone (Lizzy) was thoughtful enough to film it in Nicky's own words. It is very profound given the fact that his family was told he may never walk or talk. Although my own experiences are somewhat different, there are some similarities. The T.V. is something I did notice early on with both my sons. Sesame Street is a big deal with both boys (even with almost 12 year old Mitchell), and now Little Einstiens. When Mitchell volunteers to watch his brother, I know he is really watching Little Einstiens. :-P I limit the T.V. because it becomes an obsession. But as one man in your film puts it so cleverly, "That was a way I learned how people interact, without having to interact myself." Brilliant! I hope everyone watches this film. What a family! If everyone had a family like this one, the world would be a better place. It is not easy watching someone you love struggle with the prejudices of the world. It is especially hard when you know that the person with Asperger's has so much to offer, that they are loving, and smart. We wish your family all the best. I think PBS should give Nicky a job inTelevision!
Thank you.
I just finished purchasing the DVD of this film! Since seeing it a few nights ago, I have been unable to stop thinking about it. My daughter Regan was diagnosed in the Autism Spectrum PDDNOS(umbrella) at the age of 3.5. We were so lucky to live in an area in which the school district had a wonderful program for children in this spectrum. At age 3.5 she didnt talk did not look anyone in the eye and could not do the basic thigs a 3.5 year ald should do. By the age of 5 she was reading and being mainstreamed at her elementary school. We have definately had many challenges but I feel so blessed that she is doing so well. Her social inabilities have made things on that front VERY difficult. She started middle school this year(6th grade) and within 3 weeks the kids were making fun of her and just being mean. She does have a class called Social Communications every day, which I am thankful for. It will be an ongoing process for life I know. She is so wonderful, loving, funny and smart and it is hard to see your child being treated badly. She lets it roll off and not depress her(shes much better at that than I am) Seeing this film was such a joy and treat. Nicky is fantastic and I loved the way Lizzie showed the good and the not so good. It was watching a day in our life as well. Thanks again for this look into your family! We appreciate what you have done getting this out there.
We love our children, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, fathers, mothers etc. living with this disorder. Its a tough road, but one I would not and will not leave until Our Heavenly Father takes me home.
God Bless you all
Alysa H.
I don't usually make comments about movies I've watched but feel compelled to tell you that I absolutely loved this film!! Lizzy has done a fantastic job educating everyone on what it's like for the families and individuals afflicted with Asperger's. Thank you for taking us into Nicky's world - he's absolutely charming.
I hope Lizzy continues to create more documentaries - and I wish all the best for Nicky!
Thanks, Lizzie for a great film. The story of your family was really inspiring!
I was diagnosed with AS just before my 41st birthday. I guess I am lucky that I am perhaps more "mainstreamed" than many Aspies. Maybe that's partly because people may age were raised in the time before ADHD, AS, OCD, etc. Some kids were just "weird" and that was that.
I think as a child I was crafty enough to learn the trick of satisfying people's expectations and that really "saved" me. However, I guess I would also have to admit that due to this method I developed for getting by in the world, a "personality" is more a thing I "do", rather than a thing I "have".
Nonetheless, I have been able to graduate college, get married, buy a home and hold a steady job. I feel very fortunate because I can see how easily things could have turned out differently for me.
It was such a relief when I was finally diagnosed! I finally started to make sense to myself. But it was a lonely feeling, too, because after the diagnosis, there was nothing else--no class I could take or therapy I could undergo. There was no support network of any kind. The doctor who diagnosed me just shook my hand and said goodbye.
I hope your film will help shed some light on this still very little known and poorly understood disorder. Nicky and other people with AS are the most fascinating, creative, interesting people in the world. They have wonderful brains and giant, pure hearts and really deserve a chance to fully express themselves.
Thanks again for your lovely and powerful film.
Such a smart, honest, movingm multi-faceted film. Thank you, Lizzie Gottlieb, for making it. Thank you, PBS, for showing it.
Thanks, Lizzie, for this moving film.
My son has Asperger's--only we didn't know what was wrong with him until he was a teenager. In many ways he's like Nicky in his disconnect from reality, and his obsessions--computers and Japanese manga. He's a gifted violinist.
I thought he would always live at home, but during a year at the Vocational Independence Program of NYIT on Long Island, he met his AS girlfriend. They now live together with their two-year old son, who seems normal. My son works as a baker, and a very good one. The three of them lead an almost-normal life--with much help from both sets of parents as well as social workers.
My best hopes and wishes for Nicky, that he may get his life together as well as my son has.
This film was incredible. Our daughter helps to care for a 17 year old young man with autism. Even though Asperger's is different, we learned so much about the challenges and the rewards of caring for these very special people. Thank you Lizzie for your love of your brother and thank you Nicolas for sharing yourself with us. We are blessed to know you better.
Hi. My name is, Nicole. I am 31 year's old, and, I have High Functioning Autisum. Like Nicky, I was diagnosed with AS, at, Age 18. My town's school system, thought I had, LD, all the year's, that I, attended, regular school. I was in, part, main stream, part special ed, during my Elementary, Middle, + High School, year's. I currently live, with my parent's, and my 27 year old sister, Devon, who is a, twin. Like Nicky, he and I, have very, similar interest's, like: I also like Soap Operas, I am very good, at memorizing over, 1,100 birthday's, I also like the Performing Art's, (I take local dance lesson's, in my, town), I like to see, and watch, Broadway musicial's, when I, can. And, I like to volunteer, in my town, when I want, to. I thought, this film, was very good. I am hoping, that more American's, will learn a lot from this film, about, people like me. And, one day to, I want to live on my own, and maybe, have a boyfriend. Thank you for your, time.
I thoroughly enjoyed this film. I am a special education teacher (speech and language clinician). I work with students with autism. I have worked with several children diagnosed with Asperger's and some not yet diagnosed. I find them fasinating and enjoyable. At times, I don't see them as having a disability as much as having some abilities above and beyond those of us who are so called, "neurotypical."
Dear Lizzie,
It was hearwarming to see this movie, and your loving caring family, and how Nicky has flourished, with an exuberance.
Thank you for bringing Aspergers into the open. I have a (geographically distant) family member whose parents never discuss the matter, retaining the burden on their shoulders, rather than enlist the rest of the family. I don't know if they fully understand or are in denial, and several of us cannot raise the matter with them. They are also caring, loving supportive parents of a very bright young adult with some of the social problems typical of AS. I hope that one day that they can share the support of other family members, too.
i only caught the last few minutes but recognized the traits that my very bright grandson has. Is there anyway that Aspergers can email each other? Wonderful, Wonderful film.
Editors note:
You may want to consider starting an Aspergers group on Facebook.
I didn't want this film to end. Nicky is so charming, so observant, so full of life. The Gottlieb family is very brave to encourage his independence and to have raised him to travel around Manhattan by himself. It was fascinating to listen to the people in his group and realize the extraordinary efforts they make to learn to function in society. A deeply moving film. I hope Nicky finds his romance...
My heart is so full after watching this documentary. What a wonderful, loving family, and what a delightful man. I feel such empathy for Nicky and hope that I can truly learn to feel compassion for myself and my differences.
I am a professional that works with very young people who are diagnosed with AS. I often question what the future will hold for these extremely unique and inspiring children. Seeing Nicky's view from the perspective of an adult provided me with hope and motivation, as well as sadness and sympathy. Not only the children but the families struggle through all the years, but the love and true honesty of AS diagnosed individuals cannot help but warm all the hearts of every person they touch. Thank you again for making this film availabe so we could share in Nicky's story.
Nicky is is unique- like all of us, but in a very special way. The boundaries, the facades, and the rules of the games that we think are important are absent, for good and ill. Watching him being dealt with by the theater manager was...I was painfully aware of how people treat people- and the view taken to those with "special needs." In 1994 I movedto a Camphill Community where I lived and worked with people with Auspergers, Autism, Down's Syndrome and other "special needs." A pottery, dairy farm and working garden, wood workshop. Those "special needs' taught me the value of a man, and the meaning life and work. One concern I noticed, and saw at Camphill: parents- purely out of love, can maybe shelter a child. And certainly our world is a cruel one. Anyone who has someone with special needs in their lives- OR WANTS THEM IN THEIR LIVES, should look at Camphill Village Trust
I love and adore Nicky - thank you for a beautiful and and moving documentary!!!!!!
I can only pray that my youngest child age 7 will be able to navigate the world one day as Nicky. My only son is high functioning and the lone child lliving at home.Our 3 daughters are married with children of their own. Nicky, you have given me lots of hope! Thank you, Isaiah's mom
Excellent movie, thanks so much for making it!
As a mid-30's Adult Aspie in San Francisco, I am amazed at how many resources there are in New England for Adult Aspies. I would love to have gone to that Adult Aspie support group.
But there are some Adult Asperger's groups and events in Northern California, and I run an email list where such events get announced. I hope it will be okay to announce it here. The web page to join is:
http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/NorCalAdultAspies/
Please read the description before joining to make sure this group is right for you.
Thanks again for making the film; it was really reassuring to see someone else going through the same stuff I deal with.
I can definately relate to Nicky and his wonderful family. I have a 7 year old son with Asperger's syndrome. This documentary really hits home. I felt like my son and Nicky were one and the same. Now I can understand my loving, kind, and brilliant son's mind a little bit better.
Tina - Pitman, NJ
This was an outstanding program. Lizzie very clearly showed her brother's humanity and his struggles. She made his problems with the job very understandable. It couldn't have been more clear how Apsberger people see and interact with the world. And Nicky was respected by the filmmaker and clearly loved.
I LOVE THIS FILM - I LOVE THIS MAN!
Ever since I watched this last night, I've thought of Nicky several times. My heart goes out to him so much. He made me laugh - with his ways. I almost cried at the end. I had no idea about Asperger's. Thanks to chanel 12 and watching this film, I know a little bit. I wish Nicky was my brother. I've NEVER posted on this site before - but this film led me to.
I know God has a master plan for Nicky. One more thing before I go... I can not express with mere words how moved I was to see a family bond like the way this family has. The mom and dad are, to me, the BEST BEST ever! The sister is WONDERFUL and filled with care for Nicky! I gotta stop typing because NOW I feel like I'm getting a bit misty !!
We have a 19-year-old son with AS. He has a sister 15 months older than he. I know she related to Lizzy's conversation with Nicky about looking to the future when his mom and dad aren't around any more.
Our family watched this film together. We laughed and we teared up. Lizzy did an excellent job capturing the highs and lows of having or living with someone who has AS.
We related to so many things - the excitement of a new job opportunities only to be fired for inappropriate behavior. The socially inappropriate behavior that on the surface seems so odd but with some insights about AS becomes so understandable.
The love between Nicky and his father is so similar to what I have with my son. There is no shame in kissing or being kissed.
As my son approaches adulthood, the future holds more questions than answers. I hope Nicky and Lizzie continue to share their journey with others. Thank you.
A beautiful film in every way. I will definitely recommend it to everyone I know. Nicky is absolutely adorable. He and his family are really amazing people. I admire them all. What a wonderful world it would be if Nicky and all the other people like him were accepted 100% by society and given the same chance to seek meaningful work as the rest of us. They can do things the average person could not dream of. All that brain power should not go to waste. Everyone here has a special purpose. Many of us struggle to find our place in the world. I would love working with someone like Nicky. Hey, his hero is Mr. Rogers. Who can argue with that? Thank you for sharing your story.
I am the mother of a 16 year old boy with Aspergers. What an accurate portrayal of my eveveryday life!This film moved me to sob when Nicky repeatedly hugged his Dad ,not ready to leave for his big job. These parents were amazing .Thier devotion is obvious. Thank you for the inspiration and for raising awareness.
I was so touched and inspired by this documentary, I had to express it. I have never seen more patient and ecnouraging parents anywhere. I am going to try to be more patient and encouraging with my son who has a visual impairment. God made all of us...some more special than others.
Bravo.
We used A.S. as framework as early as 1984.
Terrible that NYC medicos missed the boat with Nicky.
"Our" kids with his profile have done fine. Often 27-33 years marked occupational and social settling.
Bravo and much love.
Kathleen
a terrific documentary, extremely well done. It will be helpful to many struggling with aspergers, parents as well as individuals with aspergers. thank you.
I met NIcky's Mom when he was already a young adult. He is such an exceptional guy, you can't help but enjoy his company, as unusual as it is. I am so happy this film has been made and will be shown on PBS. I believe there are very mild cases of Asperger's that are unrecognised, and the poor suffers don't understand the social problems they have, or why people find them so annoying.
I have just finished watching this wonderful film and had to write to thank Lizzie, Nicky and their family for sharing this wonderful story. I even let my son stay up past his bedtime to watch it as well.
From birth, my son Ben was not your typical kid but I was a first time mom and didn't really see the differences until Kindergarten. He would ask the teacher to allow him to complete his work in the hallway where it was quieter because noises bother him. Often I found myself saying that if I didn't know better I would think he was autistic. However his speech seemed to develop normally. It wasn't until later that we noticed the little things like the lack of vocal inflection, the difficulties with pragmatic speech and his lack of comprehension of non-literal communication.
In first grade, his teacher first indicated that she believed he had no control over his actions that were disrupting the other students. She thought I should have him screened for ADD. That just didn't sould right to me so I set to researching. When I first read a description of Asperger's, I could not believe someone had written a detailed account of Ben's development without ever having met him. It took a while to have a concrete diagnosis and even longer to figure out what he needed to make the round hole school system work for my square peg child.
Ben is now twelve and attends a middle school where he attends a magnet program for science, math and engineering. Life is still a struggle for him and will always be in some areas but he understands what his challenges are and knows he has people behind him who believe he can make it. My heart goes out to the many people not diagnosed until adulthood.
I just finished watching Today's Man. I was moved by this work in unexpected - and emotional - ways that I cannot account for. It is a beautiful film. Thank you for bringing your sweet brother and his life to the world.
I loved everything about this film. I think Lizzie did an outstanding job in every way. I just happened to tune in after Frontline and couldn't turn it off to go to bed. I have the upmost respect for each family member, what they have individually and collectively accomplished, and for sharing their story. Bravo!
I cannot think of anything Lizzie could have done differently in the making of the film or the portraying of the story that would have bettered this amazing documentary. This film has captured my heart and I strongly hope that it not only gets the attention it deserves, but that awareness is spread of this condition. Beautiful.
I loved watching your film. I have a 5 year old son with mild autism and and 8 year old daughter who loves her brother as much as you do. I am wondering if you might have any insite into how best to support them both as they move through the school system. Because my son has just started kindergarten at the same school, my daughters friends are starting to talk about how he weird he is, something she had never considered previously. I am also sensitive to not wanting to burden her with looking out for him. I love the way you captured the purity, honesty and openness of your brother. Thanks for sharing.
I took care of a boy with Aspergers for 2 1/2 years. Watching this about Nicky, I had to laugh - in ways they are very different. But in the ways that matter (as having Aspergers) they exactly the same! I kept saying to myself "M.* would say that!" It is very emptionally draining to take care of a child with Aspergers (he was 10 and almost 13 when I stopped working with him.), but he had his quirky little ways to show he loved me, and even now, when I go to visit him, I can still tell he loves me. Well, loves me in the way an Aspergers child can love. I tried very hard to make him functional, or to try to improve his social skills. We got somewhere, but I just can't see how he will function in the "real world". I don't know how he is going to hold a job, or a relationship or to live alone. I can only see him living in assisted living. Isn't there anything better for him?
This film was fascinating. M. fascinated me in the years I worked with him. To understand his quirks. I could write a book about his quirks! About him! Learning about this disorder is fascinating, but now that I do not work with him anymore, there's not really any reason to learn about it anymore. I didn't really learn anything I didn't already know in this show but I loved watching it. It's like watching M. if he was in a different family. He even looks a bit like Nicky! I loved this film, and I am going to get it on DVD to watch it again and again, and probably give it to M.'s mother!
*I don't think his mother would mind me saying his name, but for privacy's sake, I'm not using his name.
Lizzie,
Thank you so much for sharing Nicky's story. You did a wonderful job! I want to take this opportunity to share with you information about Dore Achievement Centers (www.doreusa.com). As I watched Nicky's interactions in many different situations I was reminded of many clients when they begin the Dore program. Dore works with children and adults with learning differences (from Asperger's to ADHD to dyslexia) with a medication-free, exercise based program.
We have many clients with Asperger’s who have experienced dramatic results and feel their lives have changed because of the Dore program. Our clients with Asperger’s frequently see reduction in frustration levels, improvement in eye contact and interpersonal skills, enhanced ability to communicate and improved ability to understand nuances rather than a fully black and white world.
I would like to invite you to take a look at some of the testimonies online at both the address listed above, and on our Australian website: http://www.dore.com.au/whychooseus/client-experiences-and-testimonials.aspx. I hope you find the information informative and please feel free to contact me with any questions.
jackie
I just want to say if I lived in New York I would want to be friends with Nicky. Go to a play or walk in the park with him. Your parents have raised a delightful person. I wish them, Nicky, you and your family all the best life has to offer.
You can't imagine the spectrum of emotions that I experienced when watching this film. I only wish that it was available forty plus years ago, when I was a single mother raising a son who ran parallels to Nicky.
With tears in my eyes, I want to thank the Gottlieb family for sharing their story. I hope it fosters more information and understanding to all of us who yearn to know who they are and why, and most of all - that we are not alone.
I am also an adult here in IL that was recently diagnosed with Aspergers at age 37. I previously had other mental disorders but never in my mind thought of Aspergers. I did not even know what if was till told I have Aspergers and did research on it. The filmmakers are very right in dead that there is little service for adults and so there is ample opportunities to roll up sleeves and create services as needed. The Best approach is to start contacting Autism Society of Illinois and express interest to form local support groups. If enough of us do that, it will spark enough interest to form one. I myself am blessed having great family; I live on my own in a subsidized housing and currently do odd jobs here and there. I have also completed my college education and worked for many ears till some personal events forced me to file for Social Security. My 30's have been a struggle for me but I am enthusiastically looking to my 40's as they promised to be better then my 30's. I am looking forward seeing the film again in it’s entirely and thankful for this opportunity to express ourselves.
My husband and I watched this film together because I was too nervous to watch it alone. As the mother of a 7 year old Aspie, I tend to avoid thinking about what will happen when our child gets older. Nicky is delightful, though, and he's full of that unselfconscious profundity that we recognize in our own son. Aspies enrich the world, and I hope this film allows more people to relate to them with the compassion and appreciation that they deserve.
As a family therapist and psychiatric nurse, I was so impressed with this loving family. This is a fantastic example of how a family can work together to support and encourage growth in both their children. Thank you for letting us into your lives.
Thank you to Lizzie Gottlieb for making this film! I am the parent of a 24 year daughter with Aspergers Syndrome. Watching this film was like watching a male version of my daughter, and made me smile to know we are not the only family out there living this situation. My hope is that people will become aware of Aspergers, and treat the disability with compassion and understanding. There is a significant need for help and services for this adult population. People with Aspergers can be contributing members of society, but need assistance navigating our world and business communities. There are many services and programs for children with Aspergers, but the adult population is left largely on their own or to the ingenuity of their parents. I would urge people to write to their lawmakers to request funding for programs for adults with Aspergers.
I saw the documentary about Nicky last night and liked it so very much, but I only tuned in about 1/3 of the way through the documentary so I missed the first part. I hope it will be shown again on PBS.
I am so impressed with Lizzie that she did this while still being a wife, and mother to twin boys. There isn't really anything I can say that hasn't already been said. The biggest point is that I feel that Nicky obviously was nurtured in an environment that let his extraordinary personality and talent bloom. You can see the love in the family.
I have been aware of Aspergers for over a decade, and and found out about it while working for a company which also employed a young man with AS years ago. I didn't get to know him very well, since he did not socialize so much. He seemed very dedicated to his job, and it appeared to me that he had the same devotion to computers as Nicky (and one of the members of the GRASP support group) had to television. This co-worker was liked and respected, although he was not as outgoing as Nicky.
Just like another poster above, I also wonder if maybe some time spent exploring computers might yield a new interest or even job opportunity for Nicky. Also agreed with someone who suggested that Nicky might enjoy playing a musical instrument since he seems to have a lot of talent, & enjoys music so much. I *really* loved seeing Nicky sing songs from "The Pirates of Penzance" at the end. To see him purely enjoying the music and singing as he was photographed there in the garden setting, was almost the best part. Lizzie did a great job of allowing the viewing audience to see the potential and the joy in Nicky's spirit.
I hope this will be aired again so I can see it from the beginning.
As a special education teacher who has worked with both adults with disabilities in the community as well as young children with special needs in the public schools, I was glad to watch a real life story about an individual with AS. Much has been written and presented in the popular media about autism over the past years (such as the movie Rainman or interviews with Dr. Temple Gradin) but reality for the thousands of families in our communities with a loved one with an autism spectrum disorder is very different. More job coaching, more supported community living programs, and more early identification is needed.
I also believe parents of children with disabilities need to understand that as wonderful as inclusion is for special education students in the schools, special classes must be included in their children's program to teach specific skills that many students with autism don't get in an inclusion program - such as social skills or job training. Just becasue a child is doing well with academics does not mean they don't have a need for special education if they have a disability. I believe the current IDEA law needs to be reviewed since many children receiving special education services in the "natural environment" are loosing out and not learning what they need for later success in our communities.
My thanks to Lizzie and Nicky for sharing their story with us all. I have been telling everyone I know about it today. My hope is that we can one day create more community programs to ensure the acceptance and success of individuals with many different challenges - whether it's AS or mental illness or any other disability. And thanks to the Independent Lens program for all the wonderful films we get to be touched by.
I only saw half of this incredible documentary about Nicky. The minute I saw Nicky I realized he was so much like my son who was diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome about three years ago. He is now 36. I applaud his sister, Lizzie for her extraordinary efforts and perseverance in making this film while going through pregnancy and having twins. I was amazed at her patience with Nicky and the patient, understanding way his parents treated Nicky as well. Nicky is truly amazing and I could feel his frustration when people couldn't understand his behavior and expected him to conform to the "corporate norm". Nicky has quite a mind and a sense of humor. My son has had difficulty keeping a job but is now working as a volunteer at the AANE (Aspergers Association of New England) located in Watertown MA.
This organization is a great resource for AS information and focuses on employment and career concerns for adults with AS through educating potential employers, training professional employment counselors and advising adults. Their website is www.aane.org. When I saw the description of Nicky as a baby it was exactly like my son as a baby. We need more films like this and I would love to see a follow up film on Nicky. Thank you to Nicky, his mother and father and especially Lizzy for an entertaining and informative film.
Dear Lizzie, I can not tell you how much I appreciate your bringing Nicky, your family, and yourself, as a sister and gifted film maker, to PBS. I have 'worked' with and known people on the Autism Spectrum for 38 years, as a speech and language pathologist and a dance/movement therapist. I have had the pleasure of being with people who are now identified as having Aspergers way before the official diagnosis in 1994. I must say, many of my most profound interactions have been with children and adults whose other culture has been a master teacher to me. The combination of taking things literally, when appreciated in context, is the essence of poetry. And the opportunities for creativity within this paradign, are vast.
Your film was done with compassion and skill, by setting the stage and then letting Nicky show us who he is. And the scenes with your mother, father, and the supervisor, were so loving while clearly articulating what Nicky needed to learn in a language in which he could understand and accept. I have taught many trainings on communication, and stressed how the non-verbal aspects add up to more than 95%. Your film showed this without lecturing about it. Bravo. Plus, I must admit, I could not stop smiling whenever Nicky held forth. I hope you do continue as a film maker, and wish all the best to you, Nicky, and your family. Heidi Ehrenreich, Speech/language Pathologist, Dance/movement therapist.
Thanks so much for sharing your story. It made me feel a bit less alone. My sister is 47 and has never been diagnosed, and there has been vacillation in my family between denial of a problem and a vague acknowledgement that a condition is present. She is brilliant in math and a college graduate who majored in math, but the social and emotional world have always presented challenges. As a child, I was very impatient with her, and I feel badly about that. I had no idea that she was experiencing reality in such a different way. I continue to struggle with our interactions today. She lives at home with my Mom, and she works in retail which is highly frustrating for a person of her mathematical interests and strengths, but she lacks the confidence to seek out other, well-suited opportunities. She has emotional trouble when receiving serious information as she laughs inappropriately, which may appear malicious even though it comes out of her disorder. I have particular difficulty with this aspect of the disorder as I feel uncomfortable opening up about serious topics in her presence. Intellectually, I know she is not laughing at or about serious news; but emotionally it is difficult to constantly make that distinction. It is also difficult due to the fact that the lack of diagnosis for 47 years has swept this under the carpet and created such denial in my family that there is too much expectation for "normal" interaction and behavior.
Too much to get into here, but I again want to thank the makers of this film and PBS for validating the experience of others who have perhaps felt very alone. May we all grow in our acceptance and love. Peace.
Nicky is loved greatly by his family. This couple and their daughter have devoted much of their live(s) to this fine young man. As the mom ( perhaps only as mothers can ) made tiny remarks with an optimistic view, my heart rose with great empathy. As a father, I am truly humbled at the devotion given to Nicky by these blessed people. jr
Lizzie, thank you for this moving film. For once, I'm glad I have insomnia, because I discovered this PBS jewel in the wee hours! Since I wasn't familiar with your brother's syndrome, the film was educational as well as a lovely tribute. Thanks so much! God bless your wonderful family.
Lizzie:
I was touched and encouraged by the film. I am a school social worker with many families like yours. Watching the conversations with your parents and hearing Nicky's point of view is going to help me help families. Thank you, and Nicky, and your parents, and Nicky's adult asperger's group for all your openness. I would like to share this film with some of my families -- is there any plan to have it available for sale? I will be watching for notice of re-broadcast.
Editors note:
Home DVD copies of TODAY'S MAN are available at:
http://todaysmanthemovie.com
This was a very warm hearted program. I am so drawn to this man and his delightful personality and how he deals with his disability. There is much love in this family, and patience and creativity and tolerance.
As a social worker I have worked with the parent of two Asburger Syndrome adults(a 30 year old and a 34 year old.)One lived on his own in a protective community and the other stayed at home and had various jobs that were supervised by social services. She too was a wonderful mother who saw the strenghs in her sons and had the discipline to given them boundaries etc. while continuing to affirm them at the same time.
Here's to differences......and to more support in the community. Hats off to these wonderful parents and siblings.
I saw the film last night on PBS. I was so touched and so moved to see a person so like my 24 year old son, Chris. I was impressed by his family and especially by the love and kindness of his sister. We face the same issues - only it seems like it's easier to be unusual in NY than in other places. We have been quite unsuccessful finding a job for Chris - he, too, watches TV and goes out to shop - for American cheese. If we could find a friend for Chris, it would be the best thing in the world.
My son was diagnosed with ADHD in the 3rd grade. After unsuccessfull treatment with Ritalin, and many years, he was diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome during his second year of college, in 2002. We had to travel many miles from our home for testing and diagnosis. He graduated college in 4 years with a BA in Psychology, for which I am very proud. After 2 1/2 years of job interviews, he finally landed a very good jobs at a local agency that helps disabled individuals gain their independance. He works as a Pier Counselor. His employer knew about his disability from the momonent he steped into the interview, because one of the criteria for his position was that he must himself posses a disability. I thank God for this opportunity for my son. I, along with another family touched by AS, have tried to promote a social support group for adults with AS. I personally would like to start an employment agency for individuals with AS. I am aware of the talent, giftedness, and inherint honesty of these individuals. If they become employed, it is usually well below their potential and keeping their jobs is nearly impossible due to lack of understanding on the employers part. Thank you for sharing your brothers story.
I saw Nicky's film last night on PBS. My nephew is 45 and his life is further complicated by poor eyesight and cerebral palsy. He loves tv, especially old game shows; he has notebooks full of the questions and answers he's copied down over the years. And he is in love with and wants to marry Meredith Vieira.
To see Nicky in this film was to gain an insight into my nephew that reading books on the condition just can't give. I was especially taken with the joy of the group at the end of the film who found they were not alone.
Thank you for a moving and beautiful film.
Thank you for producing Today's Man and for sharing your family's lives on film. I found it insightful and thought provoking. God's mystery of creation and life is as varied as it needs to be for all of us to be challenged and understanding.
This was interesting. I didn't like the interaction between the supervisor and Nicky at his receptionist job. She seemed to be full of herself and took his eating at his desk, reading Seventeen magazine, and opening someone else's mail as a personal affront to her authority; a power struggle between an adult and a 5 year old.
I'd bet money she did not have kids of her own. Granted we didn't see everything but on camera I would have expected her to tell Nicky that it is a federal offense to open mailed addressed to anyone but Nicky Gottlieb, that even U.S. Postal workers can do federal time. Seeing a man of his age reading Seventeen magazine does not scream the agency is unprofessional and lax but instead doing the right thing by hiring a "diversified" staff. Staff tattling like grade schoolers instead of handling situations in a manner that would help Nicky progress. Just my 2 cents worth.
I just watched the film last night and was so impressed with the how it captured not only the struggles that Nicky encountered but how he also knew what made him happy. My son is 10 years old and has been diagnosed with high-functioning autism but he has alot of the same behaviors as Nicky. I was so glad that the film was not only doom and gloom but showed how Nicky did enjoy life and was able to find happiness in certain things. My son does very eccentric things but when he is happy that smile and laugh give me the strength to keep trying to help him lead a productive life. I also liked the part where Lizzie asked her Mom who will help Nicky if they are not able and that is a very important question that needs to be addressed as I also have 2 other children that may be faced with this issue. I thought the film was well done and hope to see more films like this as this helps parents and families to feel that you are not alone. Thank you Independent Lens.
Thank you for this film. shouted YES at certian parts, and CRIED at others. If you met me on the street, or at school, or at work, You would size me up as an articulate, Inteligent friendly person who is honest and can do the job.
Within three weeks you would run away from me when you saw me coming down the street. You would clobber me on the play ground. You would Fire me.
In fact to this day you still run away when you see me, and you still beat me up on the play ground. I am that guy you had to fire last week. You could not put your finger on why you had to, But you just had to do it.
3 weeks to 3 months is about all the time you could stand in our relationship. You do not know why YOU feel this way. I did nothing to cause it. "He was a nice guy, but I could not figure him out". "He was wierd" is what you will tell everyone.
It's ok I dont mind. It's not your fault. I am not angry at all. After all, I am the one having trouble on YOUR planet since 1954. I did not have the luxury of medical terminologies and Lablels that the kids have today.
I just have to accept the fact that My gift will take awhile for you to discern. will patiently wait. I will push forward, I will be happy, I will use my insight to help YOU to endure ME if i can, and if you allow.
So far this is the best presentation I have seen. Awarenes is the key to understanding. Understanding is the key to survival.
Thank you Lizzy and Nicky for helpng US all.
Your Friend Dale
A Full Fledged PDD'er
As I watched the documentry I thought about my nephew that will be turning 30 this year.He was diagnosed with Obbessive Compulsive Disorder.He has alot of behaviors in common with Asperger.
His parents had him move out of the house but he spends most of the time "visiting" them. I don't think that the people that were working with Nicky at the jobs he had much of an understanding of the illness or disorder.
My nephew is going through this struggle.He works 2-3 days a week at a video store and is on S.S.I.He has no friends and spends his time watching Star Trek.
Assistant living would be good or like you said,a group home. These type of disorders need to be brought to the fore front. Law and Order:C.I. did an episode that involved a charactor with Asperger. My family deals with Bipolar,P.T.S.S.,Clinical depression.
I was very charmed by Nicky. He provides a vivid insight into social relationships that can only come from someone on the outside looking in. Anyone can relate to his search to find his place in the world. Asperger Syndrome had been described to me before, but Nicky (and the others at his meeting) really helped me to understand it. As a Star Trek fan, I found that one gentleman's comparison of himself to Lt. Cmdr. Data funny and insightful. Nicky is a brilliant and charming guy and I wouldn't consider his condition to be a disabilty at all. He's one of a kind and I wish him the best. A great film!
Yes, I feel empathy for Nicky. I also feel somewhat wiser for having seen this great film! Although Asperger's Syndrome (AS) does not currently impact my life on a daily basis, as the mother of a wonderful 11 year old son, rest assured, life has not been without its hardships. My son has had digestive disorders, Asthma, & ADHD since birth. Being a parent is definitely the hardest job you'll ever love.
I've always wondered how best to even attempt to relate to people with AS and other Autism spectrum disorders. As well, I've wondered if I should try, and if so, how to relate to their family members who, I imagine might feel almost just as isolated as the AS afflicted person at times. I tend to wonder if it’s best to ignore their (“mainstream”) differences or, if we, as a society, should all be taught to celebrate their uniqueness instead?
Nicky is so delightful! He has a beautiful soul… I could see it in his eyes. His spirit is so bright, and his courage is undeniable!! (He's extremely handsome too! But, don’t tell him… I'd hate for him to get conceited :-) He's so lucky to have such a gifted and caring sister. It takes a talented director to capture someone's true spirit on film. But sister, you did it!
Lizzie, please tell your parents that they are two of the most incredible parenting role models I have ever witnessed. They are such an inspiration. I’d like to share something with them since they have share something so special with us. Please tell them that the song "I Hope You Dance" by Lee Ann Womack is a song that they (and you as parent too, btw,) might enjoy hearing, (over and over.) It speaks to the parent side of me wonderfully! Granted, it's technically C&W music and starts out a bit “twangy” but just for the first 15 seconds, and then the violins come in, and every note that follows and every word sounds as if it comes straight from the heart of loving parent. Sometimes, (everyday) I worry about my son’s future and I often gain solace from this song. It’s almost like a prayer in a song. Incidentally, I listened to it just after seeing your film and with Nicky distinctively on my mind, well, the tears welled up in my eyes… But I needed the release so, as usual, the song has therapeutic value. It’s so beautifully done. Hopefully, your family, or others, can enjoy it too.
When I step back and look at the big picture, Nicky doesn't seem so different from most of us. I too love to laugh, enjoy music, dancing, show tunes and theatre! I make lots of mistakes, I forget things and I’ve lost more jobs than I care to remember. Besides, even those of us without AS can be oblivious to the feelings of others or down right annoying to other people at times. What the hell is our excuse?? The common denominator is that we are ALL imperfect human beings.
My best regards to Nicky, Lizzie, their fabulous parents, as well as every single person who worked on this exceptional documentary and helped make it available.
I just stayed up to watch your film air on KQED in the San Francisco Bay Area. I really enjoyed seeing how much love your family has provided to Nicky, and there were so many personal, sweet and touching moments. I have twin boys, now age 5.5 years old. They each have gone through preschool programs for special needs children, and are now being mainstreamed into our public kindergarten program. We have been against diagnosing them with anything so early, and have fought not to have any kind of labels put on them right now. One of my sons is doing extremely well, and becoming very social. My other son is absolutely "loving" and adorable, but most of the time, socially unaware and obsessed with a truck or something mechanical. He has a full-time aide in the Kindergarten class, and we hope that he will eventually be social enough to get along. Like Nicky, my sons are both very good with numbers, patterns and were both reading at age 4. I had a hard time this Fall when I came to school to watch my son's music performance, and witnessed my son really not being able to do what the other kids were doing, and wanting to do his own thing. He has always wanted to do it his way, and never fit in, really. I hope this leads to great things for him someday! Perhaps he will run his own business or make a film, or be the spotlight of a film about him! He is as loving as Nicky, and I suppose that if people with Asperger's have one quality I see that seems to rise above all others, it is that they are so sweet and innocent about everyone and everything. When they are hurt, it is very hard for them too as they can not even understand their own pain. I hope your film can inspire more funding and research in this area. It is a beautiful story, and I love that you have twin boys too!
Nicky, you ask how adults with Asperger's get by. Well, some of us get lucky, and stumble into our perfect careers; but sadly, some of us hold many jobs, often beign told we're working below our capacity, because it seems that in modern corporate America, you can't get by without the appropriate social skills - a foreign tongue for us. On the plus side, some of us also find partners to share our lives with, who appreciate our blunt honesty and strong loyalty. Hang in there, buddy!
As a middle school teacher who has worked with a couple of students who share many challenges, gifts, and quirks similar to Nicky's---and as the aunt of a four-and-one-half-year-old girl who has autism---thank you to the Gottlieb family for making this film. It is both an informative documentary and a beautiful, engaging, and entertaining film.
I admire and respect the apparent honesty and integrity in the portrayal of this slice of Nikky's life. The film deftly touches upon many of the strands of the complex emotional web and practical considerations that help shape the daily existence of AS family members. Lizzie's direction seems to have accomplished this by offering some critical glimpses of the lives of Nicky and his parents, and by then allowing the viewer to approach the individuals in his/her own way and time; Lizzie thus educates and advocates, but in a subtle and sophisticated manner.
Yes, I greatly empathize with Ricky, but I do so TOO IMPERFECTLY; the mysteries of Asperger's Syndrome and other autistic spectrum disorders are still too incredibly vast and, by their very nature, of such of a kind that makes it often difficult for me to identify with or vicariously experience the thoughts and feelings of individuals who are anywhere on the spectrum, including Ricky. Instead, I often find myself grasping for clues about just what the person is actually thinking or feeling. I feel like everything I'm able to glean from the personal stories of individuals such as Ricky is a piece that helps me build a fuller understanding of what it means to be on the autistic spectrum AND of what it means to be human.
Bless you, Lizzy! Thank you for giving all viewers a view into the world of a man with Asperger's. This documentary along with Daniel Tamment's book Born on a Blue Day, are the best windows into the neuro-workings of someone who has a spectrum disorder. As an educator, I constantly educate myself to that my students live to their best potential.
I would love if you could e-mail me the neuro stats that the workshop leader quoted--I have the 99% is language for Asperger's but need the neuro "typical" stats.
Many thanks and many years of filmmaking along with managing twins!! Ally Lyga
I loved the documentary! I have AS myself and can relate to it. I live and work independently in Denver, CO. Also, I know what it is like to have fixations because even at now at the age of 42, I have them. One of them is politics and I have been keeping track of things like the N.H. primary, stuff about the assassination of Benazir Bhutto and Pakistan, among other things. I collect things in foreign languages and was showing a friend of mine that I have a map of Europe in Russian and a map of Brazil in Portuguese.
I wonder what Nicky Gottlieb is doing today and I also loved seeing MJ Carley and the portion of a NYC GRASP meeting. The reason why I liked seeing that is because I am one of three co-facilitators of the Denver chapter. So I got to see how another city does a GRASP meeting. I loved it and hope to see more positive things about AS! Xenia Grant
Editors Note:
Filmmaker Lizzie Gottlieb provided updates in November 2007 on what Nicky has been up to since filming ended:
http://www.pbs.org/independentlens/todaysman/film.html
Thanks for this film and the story it tells. People need to show compassion toward those who are different and that starts with exposure and knowledge.
My oldest child, now 20 years old, was diagnosed with Asperger's in the 3rd grade. Getting the diagnosis was both depressing (no cure) and comforting (identified problem). This film captured remarkably well the JOY that can be, when one accepts what is essentially the innocence and wonder of a boy who refuses to grow up.
However it does not capture the flip side very well - that of the frustrated parent whose child refuses to grow up. We experienced heartache -- seeing my son's peers pass him by and ignore him out of their life. And anger because he refuses to use his brain toward productive activities and does not make significant progress toward independent living. Just like Nicky, my boy can not hold a job and the thought of independent living seems a remote hope still.
What a great documentary about Nicky and his life with Asperger's syndrome. I have a son who received a co-diagnosis of AS & autism just before he turned three. He is now a sweet, precocious and fascinating five year old child. Seeing Nicky made me want to hug him for I could see some aspects of my son in him. I like that this documentary shared aspects of Nicky in his home enviroment as well as in public and the challenges he faces as a result of his difficulty with interpreting social cues. The task of interpreting social cues is difficult for the rest of us at times, but for those with Asperger's syndrome it can be so much more so. I'm thankful that he allowed his story to be shared. Even though his diagnosis came later, it provided him with additional insight into areas that were his strengths as well as areas where he struggled. This could be useful for therapeutic reasons. One example might be learning to analyze facial expressions through computer programs to understand how others may be really feeling since this skill does not come naturally. He was also able to find others with AS that may share similar interests, challenges or problems.
I just watched the film on PBS and was so touched by such a heroic man. I, unlike the other posts I've read on this site, had never heard of the disorder. Also, I'm glad you let us know what Nicky was up to after the filming because I so much want the best for him. It's so hard growing up in a world that demands that a person behave just like the rest-- I was pissed when I watched Nicky’s boss treat him so condescendingly and when he was fired for his honesty. It's sad that people don't make concessions for the individual or take time out to understand that individual. It takes away from so much beauty and diversity. I hope people watch this video and come to understand how heroic someone like Nicky is for living in our prejudice, confining world.
Here's to Nicky!
I am so grateful that Nicky's sister made this film. I teach high school English, and two years ago I had a student who I was told had Asperger's Syndrome. Unlike Nicky, my student did not grow up in a loving good home. My student was much brighter than the other students in class, but he made social blunders which distanced him from others, much like Nicky's comment about how he perceived the people he worked with the first day at his first job. He did not know when to listen to others or show an interest in their thoughts. He sometimes was so depressed about his home life or so loaded from the medication he was taking that he had a hard time keeping his head off the desk. I did not understand very much about Asperger's at the time. As I was watching the documentary of Nicky's life, I kept wishing that I had seen it before I had my student. The documentary helped me on so many levels: physiologically what is different about the brain; "99 % of communication" needs to be spoken/explained; how a focus/obsession with something is a normal component of AS; how to use the "different culture" metaphor which is no different than my foreign students who needs the American idioms explained. It was particularly interesting to me to see so many heads nodding as Nicky described his strengths and weaknesses. I was glad he found like-minded people he could build support and community with. I also noticed how in the middle of the conversation with the woman who had taken Paxil, he walked over to a more interesting conversation for him, and then left that one abruptly to in order to return to the conversation with her. What others would see as somewhat rude, he did not. That was instructive for me, and I can use the understanding I have gained from watching the film about Nicky's life to be a better "translator" for future Asperger's Syndrome students I teach.
I also thought his manager did an outstanding job of explaining that he had to follow the company rules and not read other people's mail or read magazines on the job. I thought she was wonderful at finding another way to explain how to see the problem with the mail to him. I could empathize with her in how she did not want to discuss eating even one more time. :) Sometimes I felt similarly when trying to explain to my student what was appropriate/allowed and what was not.
I also felt sad for Nicky when he was let go for being truthful about how the latest offering at the theater stunk.
I loved how happy he was. I saw the result of a loving home where he felt secure in his demeanor and in how much he was able to do with others. Nicky's story gives me hope about life being better for people with AS than I saw it being for my student. It also shows me the ways that I as a teacher can be sympathetic, understanding, and teach what is necessary so that my future AS students can grow the most in my classroom.
When I saw Nicky singing with such delight, it made me wonder if he would be interested in learning to play an instrument. As a person who loves and understands patterns and who can focus for hours, he might be exceptional in any kind of music that was interesting to him.
I also wondered that I did not see him using any kind of computer. I thought that there must be some kind of interesting job for him that he could do on-line if he wanted to. (Then he could still watch his TV shows-- an idea I would have thought was frivolous until I saw how Mr. Rogers really did comfort and support him on the day he was fired. I wished that all people were as kind and positive about the differences between people as Mr. Rogers was-- and Nicky explained what Mr. Rogers had taught him in such a profound way.)
I found myself praying that God would bless him and his family -- including his sister who has partially found her path in life by helping the rest of the world better understand her brother and the others who are similar. I told God, "I know You have a good plan for him-- help him find his path-- the vocation and giving to the world that will harness his unique gifts as a person."
I enjoyed meeting Nicky very much, and watching this documentary was probably the best teacher inservice I have ever had.
My best thoughts for Nicky and his sis and the Gottlieb family, and my thanks for sharing your lives and introducing me to a new culture to appreciate and support, and a face to remember with respect and tenderness.
I just saw the documentary about Nicky. What a well done film about the social challenges that individuals with Asperger's struggle with. I was fascinated with how well that Nicky functioned and enjoyed the Receptionist position. It is too bad that there was not more vocational support so that he could have been successful in that position. It appeared that his Supervisor tried very hard to help him with the "rules" about the job. I work in the special education field and we have found that visual supports help a great deal to clarify difficult concepts. Susan Stokes is well known for her work in this area. Finally, I found myself moved and chuckling at the same time, because Nicky has such a unique way of looking at the world. Again thank you for this beautiful film.
I just saw the documentary about Nicky. What a well done film about the social challenges that individuals with Asperger's struggle with. I was fascinated with how well that Nicky functioned and enjoyed the Receptionist position. It is too bad that there was not more vocational support so that he could have been successful in that position. It appeared that his Supervisor tried very hard to help him with the "rules" about the job. I work in the special education field and we have found that visual supports help a great deal to clarify difficult concepts. Susan Stokes is well known for her work in this area. Finally, I found myself moved and chuckling at the same time, because Nicky has such a unique way of looking at the world. Again thank you for this beautiful film.
Thank you so much for producing this film. More information needs to be put out into communities about the children who become adults with AS. My son was diagnosed with AS in 1997. We have had a difficult time with educators, society, etc. as many do not understand how AS individuals perceive the world and vice versa. I am also an educator and it is even difficult in the classroom. I love my son very much and would love to find more individuals in our area with AS so my son can interact with them. I have not had much success as the individuals are still young children. We will continue to search.
Thank you again for your courage and development of the film. Way to go Nicky on your continued success!
This is the best indie documentary I have EVER seen bar none!!! I will take this documentary over anything on television, in the art world, or anywhere. I think I have a very mild form of this condition myself. My obsession is with world news and the intelligence communities around the world. I found myself very much conscious of the social faux pas, but still, very charmed by them. I can't tell you enough how much this film means to me. It really is the most spectacular thing I've ever seen.
His thoughts are incredibly honest and intuitive. There were moments of sheer genius. I notice him laughing at the ridiculousness of television shows. To others, this may appear to be an abnormal behavior, but actually, what he finds so amusing is the ridiculousness of the entertainment. This is something that I do also. I'm a big Mr. Rogers fan also, and for that matter, I really love Levar Burton from Reading Rainbow. They are indeed life guides that we grow away from, but should reconsider from time to time.
Also, I share the crisis with death and religion. I was floored when I heard them talking about going through that. It was there that I realized, for sure, what I have long suspected. I'm not like most people. I'm o.k. with it. I think he's o.k. too. Maybe it is the rest of you who have the problem? Have you ever considered that? I mean really... If more people were watching Mr. Rogers instead of worrying about oil, money, and spreading political ideologies... maybe we could all get along a little better huh?
That said, I just want to say, I realize that being socially deficient is a huge hurdle when trying to survive in our society. It's a problem. Still, you must admit, it is very nice to have such people along for the ride with us in life. I think he is a born writer, social commentator, and the world has a lot to learn from him. I wouldn't change anything about him. I just wouldn't.
For the record, when you have a shitty production in theater, and everyone is conscious of how awful it is... maybe you should work on the production instead of firing your receptionist. There again, you are the ones with the problem. You compound it by not dealing with the initial problem and instead taking it out on your staff. If a show is horrible, it just is, and you're not fooling anyone. Is it really his fault for stating the obvious? I mean c'mon. There again, he was not the one with the problem, but he had to suffer through no fault of his own, all because they had a shitty show. That's just wrong. =) It really is important to be happy, he's so right in the things he says. This was brilliant! This guy needs his own t.v. show. It would be nice to be enlightened every now and then by someone who really has a purer heart than any of us ever will.
God Bless You
I have a 14 year old son who was diagnosed with Asperger's when he was 8 years old. I was so glad to get the diagnosis. I loved the film. It makes me happy to see Nicky doing so well. My son seems to be the target of a lot of bullying at school. I have a hard time explaining to people what Asperger's is. I am going to buy this DVD and show it to help educate others along with some of the books that I have. I hope someday there will be a sequel! = )
I was diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome at age 50. Nicky reminds me of me, especially when I was his age. I'm glad he was diagnosed when he was instead of later. He knows why he has trouble fitting in and can deal with it better, instead of thinking there's something "wrong" with him. Communication issues are really rough. With experience, he will learn to handle social interactions much more fluently. I'm rooting for him. Go, Nicky!
I have a mild form of Asperger's syndrome. It was unheard of when I was a child and my teachers told my family they were concerned about me.
I have a son who has Autism and I wish I had had the resources available to me that are available now to children with Autism.
I totally identified with the person who feels similar to the character of Data on Star Trek. I have spent my life studying and trying to look and act "normal" and sometimes loosing who I am in the process.
I agree that having someone do a documentary on this syndrome or having a fictional movie character about this will help the general public not be so leery of people who have differences like ours.
Sometimes I think that the way we see the world is actually gentler and milder than the way others do. We don't have the same level of pretense, and what people sometimes call "game-playing."
I pass for normal now on all the tests people know to give. But to do this, I had to study acting, voice, public speaking, psychology, communications, politics, sociology, self-defense, and other areas in college, and I still read everything I can about human relationships, body language, social skills and emotional intelligence.
It is a laborious process of slogging through mountains of information, looking for the pieces of information that I don't know yet. Because, until someone writes the definitive social skills manual (may never happen!) I don't even know what I don't know! I will always feel like a forgeiner in my own home town.
But I am still learning things from my sister. I had a hard time connecting with my family, and until I told them about Asperger's they didn't quite understand how to help me. The designation now allows her to feel comfortable giving me more detailed help that I need to function when human relationships become complex, ambiguous, or intimate.
There are really no services for adults in my area, and my son is doing well enough now to be considered similar to an Asperger's person. I worry that I won't have the tools to help him manage the social pressure cooker that is High School. As it is, I am often surprised to learn something new that they are teaching very young children with Autism. (For instance, inferring emotions from the eyes only.)
I feel sad that some of these things I should have learned in Kindergarten, and would have been simple to teach me if only someone had known that I needed to be taught them.
Dear Lizzi,
I tuned into PBS halfway through the film, and it caught my attention right away...it sounds like we have some things common. I'm in my mid-30's, and my younger brother (living with our parents) was diagnosed with Asperger's just a few years ago...in his late 20's. I could relate especially to your brief conversation with your mom about expectations for your future responsibility regarding your brother. My family has also talked theoretically about a group home setting...but we have not seriously pursued it. Incidentally, if you visit Pittsburgh to see Joanne, I'd like to meet you and Nicky! Also, I happen to go to Mr Rogers' church...I used to try to sit near him so that during the 'passing of the peace' I could shake his hand and say "peace be with you". :)
What a wonderful film! My brother was also diagnosed with Asperger's later on in his life. It was nice to see someone so similar to my brother discuss his experience so openly and honestly. I particularly liked that the film showed the complexity of building an adult life. It didn't pretend that there were any easy answers, but it also wasn't all "doom and gloom." It was also nice to see another sibling ask what was next, after mom and dad have gone--something I think about often, but never have had the chance to discuss with other siblings. Thanks, Nicky and Lizzie!
I thoroughly enjoyed watching this film about Nicky and his family. The film beautifully depicts Nicky's uniqueness and helps the public to see a glimpse of the challenges faced by young adults dealing with Asperger's Syndrome. I truly hope that this film uncovers some resources and support to help these folks lead somewhat "normal" lives in our communities. Nicky is such a pure, geniune, and likable soul. My wish for Nicky and others diagnosed with AS is that they are given the tools and opportunities to live their lives to their fullest potential. I also hope that people see their true beauty and help them to identify and build on their strengths. Best wishes, Nicky! You are an awesome young man.
I am glad that pbs has shown Nicky's story. I never heard of this condition, however, I could see the help the whole family gained once he was correct diagnosis. And I am so very happy for Nicky that he found a support group of of his peers with the same challenges that he faces. I hope that through his becoming involved with this support group he will be able to live a more normal everyday life. I hope more awareness will be followed as a result of this program. I was profoundly affected by Nicky's story. Maybe others will begin to understand peoples differnces and be a little more tolerant of our differences.
I was completely enthralled by this film. Congratulations to the determined and talented filmmaker and her family. They have contributed a very important document to the AS community and to all of us. The most eye opening scene was the gathering of adults with AS and their families. Although I have INTELLECTUALLY known that AS does not imply low intelligence and, in fact, often brings with it remarkable gifts beyond the "show and tell" type feats as Nicky did with dates, this scene showed me really interesting and lively people speaking so eloquently about themselves and how they think. Their self-awareness was striking and, I imagine, taught to them by hard work, rather than learned by instinct. I was also taught a lesson. If listening is so important, and the folks with AS do it very well, why don't we all listen better?!
I was touched by this film. I am a mother of a 15 year old autistic child who has similarities of Asperger's. I always wonder what will be his future and how will he be able to blend with society. I have been researching for many years to find the answer but there is none. All I can do now is help other parents can come face to face with this epidemic and of course I keep trying to help my son. There is nothing in this world that a parent would want the most and that is to know that there child can be independent once we are gone and that is my everyday struggle. I try to look for ways to knock down that wall and see if he can come out on the other side.
I saw the film's beginning and couldn't stop watching. I have a brother who is now in his mid 50's and watching Nicky was as if I were watching my brother, in many ways. As far as I know my brother has never been diagnosed with Asberger's syndrome, yet because of my mother's lifetime efforts he does live independently and work. So many of Nicky's traits mirror those of my brother. It was a real challenge throughout his early life for my mother, and for all of us siblings, yet I personally feel my life was made larger by my brother. When I saw the movie "Rainman" I felt I was watching my brother, but this film is probably closer to what my brother is like. I think Lizzie, Nicky's sister and filmmaker, is very good, wise, and brave, to bring Nicky to the rest of us. I loved Nicky's words from Mr. Rogers: "It's charming just being" (or words to that effect). I wish everyone could see this film if only to understand others better, and to be more patient and understanding.
Thank you for a very interesting look at Nicky and at his 'syndrome,' disease, affliction (?) - - the film makes this viewer want for more. Thank you Nicky and family. Including Lizzie :)
I thought this was a wonderful documentary to help people understand what Asperger Syndrome is like. I am an Early Intervention teacher who teaches preschoolers on the Autism Spectrum. I felt very empathetic towards Nicky and his family because I wonder what life will be like for my students and their families when they grow up. It was nice to see that Nicky was able to be part of a support group and to know that there are other people in the world who have the same diagnosis that he has. I didn't get the woman's name at the end but I thought that was such a great opportunity for Nicky to meet other adults and perhaps develop a friendship or two. (I didn't turn this on until half way through, I'd like to see it from the beginning). I hope that Nicky is able to get his own apartment so that he can live on his own and perhaps find his place in this great big world. This was very inspirational and moving, I'm so glad I watched it. I think it was so awesome that Lizzie Gottlieb made this film about her brother. Thank you for helping to educate the world!
What a wonderful film. Thank you again and again for sharing your story. I fell in love with Nicky and enjoy every hilarious thing he says. I think he should have his own TV show. very funny guy!! I am a little envious of his freedom to be who he is. Because I fall on the other side of cue reading being too sensitive to social cues and afraid of getting negative ones, thereby feeling less free to be myself. Plese make another film!!!!
I had twin daughters, Morgan and Jackie, in 1995. Morgan has Asperger Syndrome and Jackie does not. I cried while reading the info and watching the making of because it reminded me so much of what my family went through before the correct diagnosis in 2006. Morgan was misdiagnosed previously and drugged with various ADD drugs for many years before we met Dr Stewart Teal of Davis, CA who helped us understand that AS kids do better on no drugs at all. My daughters are now 12, almost 13. I too would like to see development around monitored independent living facilities for adults with AS. The trouble is, these people are so easily taken advantage of, easy targets for the evil people in the world. We need to protect them.
Thanks for this film. My son was diagnosed this fall with Asperger's, at age 18. A teacher suggested that he might have Asperger's when he was ten; the idea was rejected by psychologists and psychiatrists at a prestigious Child Study Center. Years followed of "something" being wrong, and the struggle of he, or the rest of the family, could cope or help. Today he is a first year student at college, living independently for the first time. It's difficult; his grades are great, but he still confronts issues which would strike others as odd. One strategy which has helped is to explain his difficulties to folks who don't understand AS in terms of cultural difference. If one is a foreigner in a strange culture, even common customs have to be explained. So it is with Asperger's folks, who can't read many of the simple interactions others take for granted. When it's simply addressed as difference, rather than disability, everyone's anxiety seems to lessen. In the meantime, hurray for Nicky for the courage to share his story, and to help more folks understand.
I am so gratefully happy that there's a documentary about Asperger's, and I can't wait to see the parallels between our lives and the filmmaker's. I've not yet seen the film. My son has AS-he was diagnosed at 11-considerably earlier than Nicky. The early years were confusing and troubling. It's a relief to have a diagnosis. It's a relief to have others to talk with.
Thanks. I'm waiting eagerly to see the film.
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