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Tell us what you think.
Selected submissions will be posted here, so check back regularly.
1/19/07
Janae Salley
elmont ny
heyy my name is janae yea i saw the video i also kow daniel,raymond they are my cousics and erslena is my grandmother . they growin up very well.daniel is doing a graet job with his music,raymond is doing good in school about to go to college. My grand doing great .i check on her everyday. i grew up with them in sunset park.
6/26/06
Rishi Chamman
Amsterdam Holland
Hello everybody,
I just saw 'Why can't we be a family again?',and was very inspired. Inspired by the two intellingent, strong brothers and the grandmother, who despite all the heartache tries to take care of everyone.
Im a filmmaker myself and the kind of honesty and intimacy that was shown in this documentary was soulstirring. For me this film is about standing tall, staying positive even though one has to face many difficulties in live. About taking matters in your own hands. Raymond, Danny and their grandmother are heroes to me, because of this. Watching your approach, your strength in life, makes me wanna do better in my life as well. God bless you, may all your dreams come true:)
3/24/06
Raymond Jacob
Elmont New York
Sorry for taking so long to write and say hello to all those who have tuned in or have seen the movie. I'm now a high school senior and will be on my way to some great college next year. (Hofstra University) My Brother Daniel is doing great. He is still coaching and running his organization. He also is putting out a new hip-hop album so be on the look out for "The 2nd Round Draft Picks" My grandmother is still the same great caring person she has always been. On the entire behalf of the Jacob family we wish you all the best of love and make sure you live every day to the fullest.
9/26/05
michelle harris
daytona bch, fl
I was very touched by the story and must say to these people to never forget God. I am also a victim of the poverty of having a parent on drugs. It does something to you on the inside but God pushes you to keep going and I thank Him for being a blessing in my life. Now I have children of my own and do everything I can for them to make sure that they grow up productive and positive people by the grace of God.
6/7/05
Shawana Iverson
Charlotte, North Carolina
This film really moved me. I am currently going through a drug rehab program and I have been clean for about a month and I feel like I can make it as long as I take it one step at a time. This film touched my heart in so many ways. How the boys were able to be so strong and wise in their young years. I was wondering if you had any updates on this family and how they are doing.
Thanks, Shawana
7/3/04
Terra
Boston MA
I found this documentary at my local public library and I identified with Danny and Raymond in a small way. My father struggled with substance abuse which caused him to be absent while I was growing up. I still wonder why he chose that life over us. My grandparents, aunts and uncles have came along with help and support that made a big difference in my life including help while I was going to college.
A previous post inquired about whether there was a college fund set up for Danny and Raymond. I would also like to know if there is some way to contribute to them living their dreams. We are all family and we are never alone. Thanks so much for making this film.
4/20/04
Erica
Jacksonville,Fl
I just recently saw the incredibly inspiring story about Danny,Raymond,their grandmother and their mother Kitten.I was especially moved by Danny and the way he handled the situation with dignity and love for his grandmother,his brother and also his mother.Danny truly reflected a person with a pure and honest heart which is so hard to find today,i wish Danny was someone i could meet and get to know more about,and it would be so inspiring to get an email from him and hear more about the issues he is tackling on a day to day basis.If you do read this Danny,please email me at Diedrenanton@bellsouth.net,it would be greatly appreciated.
Much Love,
Erica
3/28/04
JCordero
Brooklyn
Just wanted to take this time to say how moving this documentary was for me. Although I was feature in it for a few minutes, I must say that knowing both Daniel & Raymond has truly made a tremendous impact in my life. They continue to strive and no sense of the word "boundary". They are truly wonderful brothers who love one another. They have stuck together through the good times and bad times along with the love and support of their grandmother and family. I wish them the best of luck and much love from my heart to theirs. I am truly happy and proud of them.
Daniel - continue doing your thing you. Okay dodge.
Raymond stay strong and know that you are loved.
JCordero
3/3/04
Danielle N.Barron
far rockaway ny
i think they did change ... in one way raymond one of my close friends is doing real good ... playing all kinds of sports and he is doing good in it.. pulse DANNY has a good job and taking care of his seft real good.. and erslena is doing good with danny cause now he grown and doing his think.. without her he probably wented made it far...and she is taking care of sweet old raymond.
raymond im proud of u for keeping ur head up .... okay sexy j....
lot's of love
2/24/04
NY
I am pleased to say that I was Raymond's teacher for most of his 6th grade in Queens. I always knew he was someone special, and am thrilled he is doing well now. If there is any way for me to get in touch with him to tell him how proud I am of him, please let me know. Thank you.
2/9/04
LM Nelson
Ames, IA
As I watched Danny and Raymond talk about the life they came to know, my first thought was "for the grace of God go I".
I am a child of a heroine addict. However, my story ended very differently than Danny and Raymond's. My father died of an overdose when I was two years old. Yet, my emotions have remained the same as the two brothers. I constantly asked my mother as I child why my father could not be with me. Did he use drugs because of me? Was it easier for him to die than to be my father? Why couldn't we be a family?
Now, nearly thirty years later, I continue to ponder those questions, desperately wanting my father to answer me. But in the course of the program I realized what my life could have been like if my father had lived. Rather than the rosy family picture that I envisioned, my world, I believe, would have looked similar to Danny and Raymond's. I could have a father who was very much alive but in the grips of a horrible, debilitating disease. I could still never have the answers I so wish to have from him. I could still be living, as an adult, within the grips of a painful family relationship.
Honestly, I wish that I had a resolution or a positive outcome, which would resolve my pain, but alas, I am thankful to realize and accept that I am not alone and that the horrible disease of drug addiction is not something to be ashamed about anymore. Also, I am learning that my father was more than a drug addict. He was an intelligent, thoughtful man, whom I have more in common with than just our DNA.
Thank God for grandparents, friends, and communities who, rather than turn a disapproving eye, seek to provide the nurture and guidance that all children desperately need.
Thank you Danny and Raymond for sharing our stories.
1/29/04
Elainea
I came across this program late at night and it immediately brought tears to my eyes because for the first time I was able to see a program that reflected events and emotions that had happened in my own life. There is an epidemic of children being raised in homes with parents that have drug and alcohol problems but it doesn't seem to be talked about enough. Finally the voices of two children were heard and more people need to hear them. This film should not be just for late night tv and treatment clinics-everyone needs to see and hear what is happening. Why don't we talk about parents that do drugs and the affect that it has on the kids?! There are so many situations like this in EVERY neighborhood across the U.S.!
Those two boys know secrets about life that will take others years to figure out. It is so difficult to be your own parent and take care of your parent. They are lucky that they have their Grandmother but it's hard to accept that your mother cannot clean up her act for you. It seems like she is choosing drugs instead of her family and that deeply affects a child's self esteeem. People all around the world can see that these kids are very special but the one person who is supposed to love and care for them cannot get over her own problems to see it. It's so sad.
I'm 23 years old now, an over achiever, a college grad, and persuing a master's degree. I have wonderful grandparents, friends and a boyfriend but I still wish my mom would be a mother to me. I've been in and out of therapy for years to try to understand and cope with my situation. I see myself in those boys and my heart goes out to them.
1/29/04
C.Lewis-Oritz
This show moved me to tears, from the start. As usual no strong male involve. Woman of color holding it together. And two young men of color again without a focus. At least this is what you would want us to believer. But, as long as they have her (grandmother) they will make it. God Bless you! I will never forget her as long as I live. I have so much respect for the grandmother/mother and her total involvement with the 2 brother. I respect their spirit. I just have a question, what is going on with the family?
1/29/04
Dianne Outland
I was very impressed with the film and how someone cared enough to put on film how destructive drug addiction can be to the demise of the family dynamics. Unfortunately, the only changed that occured in that family was to the detriment of the Erslena and the children. I cried for the children because they continued to love and want a family which included their mother.Their grandmother did her best for them,but she needed support also. A family is defined by who is willing to love, care and support unconditionally. I definitely think that defining family is different. Social service organizations will play a greater role in supporting family dynamics as drug addiction divides more families. I just hope that these agencies continue to exist.
1/29/04
Belinda
Ft. Myers, Florida
Wow, what a rare and raw look at the lives of others, I am a mother of two boys, about the same age. I am not a drug user, but have a sister that is. She has a daughter. I really feel that I relate to the Grandmother and her thoughts about wanting to help and be there for the kids, but not wanting to know about the mother(her daughter) and what she was doing, alive or dead, etc. It is so hard to let someone do the job they are suppose to be doing knowing that the relapse could put the children in danger again. It makes you want to not know about the things that are going on. This was a great film piece, the emotion it made me feel was incredible. Please put more of these type documentries on and show solutions for the people who can relate, or resources they should seek.
Thank you, and May God see that we all become responsible for who and what we are.
1/29/04
Sabine Hilten
Phoenix, AZ
Thank you, PBS, for airing this sad but inspiring story told by two wonderful filmmakers.
1/28/04
I thought it was a great film, I cried alot while watching the film, I can totally understand how the two boys are feeling & I'm 28 years old. I was taken away from my mother who was on drugs when I was 9 years old, not by Social Service, but by my cousin who was only 19 at the time & had a two year old of her own. My mother passed away from AIDS when I was 13 years old. And my six year brother went into the foster care. Because there was know other family members to take him. When I turned 19, I called Social Services and found him, he was living about a 2miles away from me, when I that out I asked my cousin,if he could come stay with us, and she said yes. As I get older I really miss my mom alot, when I was younger it just felt like she was just gone somewhere far away and I couldn't see her. But now I tell friends who have moms that are still around that they are so lucky to have their mom around. I made a promise to myself that when I turn 35, I would like to become a foster mom. I have taken a couple of classes, and I need to complete two more.
1/28/04
Lilac Koeppe
I think That these children's lives were put on hold and centered on their mother's addiction and needs. The Grandmother and kids were robbed of normalcy and the comfort of permanency. Children have a right to "belong" and be wanted. The mother's rights should of been terminated and the grandmother or another family should of been allowed to adopt them so they could go on. Our social services are too co-dependent and mal -adaptive they perpetuate the problem. Those children's lives have been wrapped up in fear, hopelessness, and rejection because no one ever set up boundaries for the mother of what was acceptable and expected. A parent is expected to follow through and be consistant- so should the social services!
1/28/04
Angie
Brooklyn, New York
I did not get a chance to see the show from the beginning, but the story caught my attention as I was flipping through the channels.
I believe the family stoped being an enabler to the mother, and decided to take control of their own lives. The young boy Raymond, said it so eloquently,"I will always love my mother, but I will not stop living my life."
I started using drugs heavily after my parents passed away, and I was 23; now I am 38 years. I did drugs up until I was 30 years old. I understand the illusion of drugs, and the temporary relief it brings, but for people who do not understand; should not pass jugdment on a person strength and will power. You must first do drugs to know the intense craving and rush it gives. I have been clean for 8 years. I barely take cold medicine. I am a budhist, and that is what saved me from destroying my life.
I can't have children do to the amount of drugs I put in my system. Now I want kids more than ever, and after seeing the boys. I wanted them to be mine. I wanted to tell them it gets better. I would love to speak to Danny and Raymond. I felt the loss of the mother, and I wish I could have two brave boys in my life; as she does. I will remember them for as long as I live. Who knows maybe they might contact me by email.
1/28/04
Gail Thrasher
Charlotte, North Carolina
Bravo,
To wake up and here the music of this most timely movie was a confirmation to all of my efforts as a Certified Substance Abuse Prevention Conmsultant. I have viewd this film at least 25 times and use it as a tool in my work. Working with young people who are from simular backgrounds and with parents who are in the recovering community in different aspects. I have used it in my prevention ministries programs and my family programs. I cannot begin to tell you the great response I have gotten from all of the audiences I have shared the film with I just wish there were move on this scale that give "real time" situations and events surrounding substance abuse. With all of the govertment cuts in place this is a film that I have seen hit home for all of the participants and they were real. The ending always serves as a debated topic and leaves the audience to come up with there own conclusions by answering the question what do you want to happen. I would definetely like to see more films like this.
Thank you for the great effort put into this film.
Respectfuly submitted
Gail Thrasher, CSAPC
Chemical Dependency Center of Charlotte Mecklenburg
1/28/04
September Madiosn
Houston,Tx
Well i whatched the show last night and I really don't watch PBS. I was flipping channels and once I seen a young man crying talking about how his mother had left them for weeks. Erslena is a srong black women for going through so much. For Danny to graduate from high school anything is possible.The word family has alot of definitions your friends could be your family,family could be your family,or you could be family.When my father died of drugs I didn't cry because I had to be strong for myself, I wish he was here and cleaning up his act like Kitten is doing. I'm very proud of her for not ending her life and getting better and standing on her feet. Danny and Raymond are hereos. They were young but they have old souls.The reason why I say that there hereos is because I know people in the hood that went through the same thing and they gave up and flipping burgers.
1/28/04
Seguin, Texas
I was totally moved by the insight and maturity of Raymond and Danny considering what they've been through and continue to go through. Their unconditional love for their mother is also truly inspirational for people trying to deal with family members that appear to have no regard for the well-being of the family unit.
Kudos to Raymond, Danny and Erslena for making the most of such a horrible situation. Wake up, Kitten! You're loved in spite of everything you've done...you're so blessed and don't even know it!
1/28/04
Bronx, NY
I'm a truly moved. I cannot stop thinking about this documentary. This morning on the subway ride to my work, I started crying. These boys are so strong and full of wisdom, yet wounded in search of their mother's love.
Is there some college fund set for these boys? If so, please forward information to my email address. I would like to help out in anyway that I can.
Thank you :)
1/28/04
T.REED
DALLAS,TX
I WANT TO COMMENT ON THE FIRST QUESTION.I FEEL THAT THEY WERE GRANTED SERENITY. THE CHILDREN AND THE GRANDMOTHER REALIZED THAT THEY WERE NOT GOING TO CHANGE KITTEN,EVEN THROUGH THEY CONTINUED TO BE THERE FOR HER. I COULD SEE THAT ERSLENA QUICKLY STARTED TO HAVE FEELINGS OF DESPAIR WHEN KITTEN LEFT THE REHAB. I CAN RELATE TO THE WHOLE FAMILY BECAUSE I TOO HAVE A DRUG ADDICTED MEMBER. IT REALLY IS AN EMOTIONAL ROLLER COASTER TO SEE THE PERSON YOU LOVE DO SO WELL AND THEN TURN BACK TO DRUGS. OVERALL I THINK THE GRANDMOTHER IS DOING AN EXCELLENT JOB, AND THE BOYS ARE VERY INTELLIGENT DESPITE THEIR OBSTACLES. ERSLENA SHOULD BE APPLAUDED FOR HER EFFORTS, BOTH IN SUPPORTING HER GRANDCHILDREN AND NOT GIVING UP ON HER DAUGHTER!
1/28/04
Janelle Casanave
San Jose, Ca
I just wanted to say that this program was extremely touching. I hope that both the boys are doing well and Erslena is picking up her life. I also commend the grandmother for taking care of the boys and showing them that they can be loved. Its ruff in this world, especially for the black community. If I could, I would want to tell Danny and Raymond to keep their heads up. And to know that with every obstical their is a leason and for them to learn from this experience and grow.
1/28/04
This was really a fantastic film. It broke my heart to see the unimaginable position the boys mother put them in. They spoke to her so frankly. I also felt for the grandmother that had to take on the awesome responsibility of raising her daughter's children. I wish the boys joy and love.
1/28/04
This was a sad look into the life of a hurting family. I noticed there were no men in this family and no sign of God. The grandmother had no husband and the daughter had no husband. The break down of the American family, perhaps especially among African Americans, with absentee father's, is a receipe for self-perpetuating human tragedy. It will be repeated from generation to generation. Lack of a responsible father in this family and no presense of the Lord Jesus in this family will doom it to defeat. I pray for these young boys that they can find the Lord and find a way to not repeat the mistakes of their parents. God help them all.
1/28/04
I was very moved by the documentary --esp. by the strength of the grandmother. She is a role model to us all.
This story made me question my parenting, what makes a person strong, and what is a family.
The biggest question for me is this: though they were abandoned by their mother, these boys continued to love her and want her to be their mother.
My son, who had a very privileged childhood, has distanced himself from his father and me because of slights he perceived in his growing up despite a totally different perception by his identical twin brother. I find this to be so true--abused kids continue to love and want their parents and children who were given a lot want distance. I see this in many of my friends' lives too with their children and it continues to puzzle me. In fact, I am in counseling to try to understand it. Do you have a comment on this?
1/28/04
Elaine Canfield
Duluth, MN
As the mother of three boys, I was filled with sadness and pride as I watched the story of the Jacob family. Sadness for their longings unfulfilled and pride for their incredible strength and faith. Honestly, those are two of the most incredible young men I have ever "met." In the midst of pain and disallusionment, their beautiful spirits shined brightly. I will be a very proud and happy mother if my boys grow to be as intelligent, kind, understanding and loving as Raymond and Danny.
Thanks to the Center for Family Life and especially to their grandmother for raising up two incredible young men for our world.
May God Bless her with her hearts desires!
1/28/04
Cheryl
Olean, NY
So, what happened? The film was done in 2002. What has happened since?
1/28/04
New York, NY
I found this story heart breaking. I do think that the definition of a traditional family has changed, but fortunately for Raymond & Danny, they do have the stability of their grandmother and you can't underestimate the social service support systems. Both young men are bright and strong and in psite of all they've experienced, they prove to be good kids who can have a future and become productive citizens. I truly hope that their mother pulls her life together, but if she is unable or unwilling to do so, they have their grandmother and they have the right stuff to make it and I hope they do because they both deserve to have a good decent life and future.
1/28/04
Margo Morin
Beverly MA
I am a former Social Worker, and watching this film I thought to myself what a dream this Grandmother is for a client- her love for her grandchildren is heroic, and her willingness to sacrifice for her family is so inspiring. She is raising some amazing kids. May God bless her.
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