E-mail a friendMichelle Singletary
airdate May 11, 2006
Michelle Singletary is a personal finance expert whose Washington Post column, 'The Color of Money," is syndicated in more than 140 newspapers. She's a regular contributor on Howard University's radio program, Insight, and hosts a half-hour reality show, Singletary Says, on the new TV One network. In '04, she published her first book, 7 Money Mantras for a Richer Life and recently released her second, Your Money and Your Man. Singletary earned a master's degree in business from Johns Hopkins University.
Michelle Singletary
Tavis: We continue our 'Road to Wealth' series tonight with Michele Singletary, financial columnist for the 'Washington Post,' and a contributor to NPR's 'Day to Day.' Her latest book is called "Your Money and Your Man,' (laughs) 'How You and Prince Charming Can Spend Well and Live Rich.' She joins us tonight from Baltimore. Michele, I don't know where you come up with these titles, (laughs) but I always love the title of your books. "Your Money and Your Man.' Now, where'd that one come from?
Michele Singletary: Well, I get so many letters from women who do not know how to handle the money with the man in their life. And I was just saying hey, let me just give it to you straight. This is your money and your man. Not or your man. 'Cause you can have both. (Laughs)
Tavis: Right. (Laughs) All right, so what is it that you find that women most have trouble with when it comes to managing money versus, or as compared to, men?
Singletary: I think the thing is the idea of sharing. Lots of, especially African American women, have achieved so much now. We're earning more, we're buying our homes. And then once they find the man, they have trouble figuring out how to merge that money with them. They're scared; they're fearful; they don't wanna have joint bank accounts.
And so they have some issues. And then listen, all couples have these money problems. One person's a spender, one person's a saver, and they can't figure out how to combine the two.
Tavis: You know what's fascinating for me is that the premise of this book is absolutely antithetical, completely antithetical to every article that I read about relationships where men and women are concerned, particularly in the African American community, which is simply this. That Black women make a lot more money than Black men do, so why do Black women specifically, I wanna talk about all women in just a moment, but since you make the point about Black households, why do Black women need money advice? Shouldn't you be writing this book for the brothers?
Singletary: (Laughs) Well, here's the great thing about this book. Even though it says your money and your man, it is definitely for guys. Get the book, read it, and give it to your honey. And it - because I really lay out how to handle your money whichever side of the relationship you are. Whether you're the man or the woman. I take you from whether, the time that you're single to you're dating to engaged to married.
So there's something in there for men and women, and also whether you have a man or you have no prospect of ever finding a man. (Laughs) It's still gonna help you get your money straight, so that when you are in the posture to find the man, you're gonna know how to handle your money.
Tavis: To that point, there is this assumption, and you tell me whether the assumption is still right or whether it's wrong these days, but there's an assumption, I think, that there are benefits, financially, to being married.
Singletary: Absolutely. The cohabitation rate in this country is just outrageous. So many people are living together on the notion that they're gonna save some money. But a lot of these relationships fail and a lot of times, the women end up poorer than when they came into the relationships. There are financial benefits. For example, Social Security. If you were married to someone 10 years or longer, you get Social Security benefits based on their employment record, even if you get divorced and don't remarry. Now listen, if I'm gonna be with you for 10 years, I want my money. (Laughs)
Tavis: (Laughs) What about taxation?
Singletary: Listen, if you pass to where you can pass your assets onto your spouse tax-free, can't do that if you're shacking up. There are all kinds of (unintelligible). If you are working, you get to have employment benefits for your spouse. So, and then there are lots of studies that show that married folks, economically, are better off than people who are living together.
Tavis: And yet, everything I read outside of this book suggests to me that the major reason why people end up divorced, number one, not infidelity, not mother-in-law, but money.
Singletary: Money. Money. One of the number one reasons couples have fights in their relationships. That's because they're not talking about it. They're not sharing their information before they get married. They're, you will spend a year planning a wedding and less than what, an hour talking about how you're gonna handle your money together. I say when you get engaged, you open up the books. Everything is on the table, and you share your credit reports before you get married.
Tavis: That is, though, perhaps the most difficult thing to do. So I mean, it sounds funny when you put it that way. Here's somebody you're about to spend the rest of your life with, nothing should be a secret at that point. But let's be honest, people don't like pulling out they money stuff.
Singletary: That's right. But you pulling out every other kind of stuff.
Tavis: Well, that's true. (Laughs)
Singletary: (Laughs) You're doing a whole lot of stuff you're not supposed to be doing. You're locking lips and, listen, you're opening up your life to them. And if you have children, you're exposing them to your children. But you're not gonna expose them to your money? What does that say where your values are? You need to share those credit reports, because you need to know what is their financial history.
Countless times, I've talked to couples who are about to, say, get a home loan? And they just now finding out that their spouse has a lot of debt that they didn't know about. So this is a time, before you get married, to open up those books. Share that, and talk about how you're gonna handle your money together.
Tavis: All right, it's easy to say that. What advice lies in this book for how you broach, again, a subject that for a lot of people is very uncomfortable?
Singletary: You say baby, how do you handle your money? Listen, you just talk about it. You sit down at a non-confrontational time. You don't do it when the bills are coming in. And you put all the stuff on the table. You order your credit reports, you order your credit scores, all three of them, you sit down, and you talk about it. Now listen. I suggest that every couple, before they get married, go through premarital counseling that has a financial component to it.
Not something where you sit for an hour and you talk about money, but something that has something comprehensive, so that you can have a third party to help you sort through some of these issues that you're surely gonna have.
Tavis: And in those counseling sessions that you know full well, what kind of information, what kind of challenges are placed on the table for these couples around the issue of money?
Singletary: Well, they talk about things like are we gonna have joint bank accounts? How are you gonna do your retirement planning? Where do you wanna retire? What kind of house do you want? How many children do you want? Because there's definitely a financial aspect in the number of children you have. Those are the kinds of questions that they ask couples, and you'd be surprised how many couples who go through premarital counseling don't actually end up getting married, because they haven't addressed these issues.
Something as simple as how often do you want to go shopping? Where are we gonna go on vacation, and do you believe in putting a lot of things on credit? Those kinds of issues that can break down once you get married.
Tavis: Is it possible today in this economy, in this place called America, to do as the book's subtitle suggests, to spend well and live rich? Is that still possible?
Singletary: Oh, it's absolutely possible. I know, 'cause I lived with my grandmother, Big Mama. You heard me talk about her before.
Tavis: Yeah. (Laughs)
Singletary: And she was able to do it. I'm able to do it with my honey. We have no money issues. Because listen, you can, if you live below your means, you save something from every dollar you get, and you do some of the things that I talk about in this book, instead of worrying about what kind of car he drives or what kind of job he has, even, find out how generous he is. Does he tithe? Does he believe in saving for the future, or living for the present? If you do those kinds of things, you can spend well, and you can live rich.
Tavis: All right, so let me close by asking how many relationships you think this book is gonna break up? (Laughs)
Singletary: (Laughs) Listen, I think quite a few. And they should be broken up. But you know what else? It's gonna save a lot of marriages. I already have people who are sending me letters who are either engaged and read this book and have gotten some things together, and married couples. Because there's a chapter in there called 'House Rules' that dictate some of the rules you should have in your marriage.
For example, neither of you should spend a certain amount of money without consulting each other. That kind of thing. Compromise. So I think I'll break up some people, but I think I'm gonna save some marriage in this book.
Tavis: Well, whatever happens, don't send me your letters. Send them to Michele Singletary at the 'Washington Post.' (Laughs) The new book by Michele Singletary, financial columnist for the 'Washington Post,' is titled "Your Money and Your Man, How You and Prince Charming Can Spend Well and Live Rich.' And she says, it is possible. Those two things are not mutually exclusive. Michele, nice to have you on the program.
Singletary: Oh, it's my pleasure.
Tavis: Glad to have you. Up next, Oscar-winning actor Lou Gossett, Jr. Stay with us.
Back to May 11, 2006