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• Excerpt from I Am Not a Psychic!
• Law & Order: Special Victims Unit
• Mr. Belzer's bio

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Belzer offers his take on the David Letterman scandal. (2:08)
 

Full Interview (23:44)
 

Tavis: Pleased to welcome Richard Belzer back to this program. The popular comedian and actor of course continues his run - his long run - on "Law & Order: SVU." The show now airs Wednesdays at 9:00 on NBC - more on that in a moment.

He's also out now with the sequel to his first novel. The new book is called "I Am Not a Psychic!," which leads to the first and obvious question. The last time you were here to promote your book, it was called "I Am Not -"

Richard Belzer: "A cop."

Tavis: "A cop." And this one is "I Am Not -"

Belzer: "A psychic."

Tavis: What are you?

Belzer: I am not sure. (Laughter)

Tavis: What are you, dude?

Belzer: I'm not sure. I'm just going through all these permutations, every day is different. I'm happy to be alive.

Tavis: I'm glad of that.

Belzer: The reason I wrote the first book is because I'm fascinated with the convergence of celebrity and reality, and playing a cop for so many years, it's a fascinating thing the way people perceive me and the way the police perceive me. I used to run from them and now they give me rides, so it's interesting. (Laughter)

Tavis: We're going to come back to the book in just a second.

Belzer: Okay.

Tavis: First, though, I mentioned that you have a new time slot on NBC.

Belzer: Yeah, the 9:00.

Tavis: And did I read you dissing my boy Jay Leno? Did you say something about him?

Belzer: No, no, I did not diss Jay Leno.

Tavis: You did not diss Jay, okay.

Belzer: Let me be careful with what I said. It was nothing to do with Jay.

Tavis: Okay.

Belzer: My (coughs) - excuse me. I'm getting choked up because I could lose my job, wait a minute. (Laughter)

Tavis: Either that or you're about to lie, one of the two.

Belzer: No, no, I don't lie. I'm too old to lie. My feeling is this, is that 10:00 to 11:00 at night employed thousands of people. Not just actors, but writers, directors, producers, catering, dry-cleaning, drivers. So my initial response to that was it's just going to hurt - put a lot of people out of work.

Jay is a friend of mine. We started together in the early '70s and he's doing his thing, but I'm just - I hope it's a success, I hope it generates work, but you see how I'm treading on thin ice here, I've got to be careful what I say.

Tavis: I got it, I got it. Jay's a nice guy, but he ain't got -

Belzer: Jay's a great guy.

Tavis: He ain't got shoes like that, thought.

Belzer: No, no, no. (Laughter)

Tavis: Jay can't rock shoes like that.

Belzer: No, he can't.

Tavis: No, those are nice, those are nice. (Laughter) All right, so back to "I Am Not a Psychic!"

Belzer: Wait a minute - my shoes are starting to move by themselves - okay. (Laughter)

Tavis: So back to "I Am Not a Psychic!" The storyline here is?

Belzer: Well, I put in, like, three or four of my fascinations - Marilyn Monroe, the mob, the Kennedys, Vegas - and -

Tavis: That all goes together.

Belzer: Well, it does, in more ways than you might suspect. (Laughter) But there's enough doubt about Marilyn's death for it to have generated for many years all these different theories and stuff, so I put together this story where I'm in New York - I play myself in the novel. It's like a reality novel. And a friend of mine's in Vegas and he says he broke the case and I don't believe him.

And I go there and he winds up dead, and then I get caught up in this thing that involves a congressman who was having an affair with her and the mob, and -

Tavis: I can't imagine that.

Belzer: - and the Vegas - right.

Tavis: Yeah, I can't imagine that, yeah.

Belzer: So it's all thinly disguised, the Kennedys, Marilyn, Dean, Jerry, it's all my stuff that I grew up with.

Tavis: I was doing okay till I got to the part about you being a martial arts experts. I was like, "Belzer's lying." (Laughter) Belzer is lying.

Belzer: You one sharp mother, let me tell you something.

Tavis: Yeah. (Laughter) What do you know about martial arts?

Belzer: Let me just explain something to you. See what that says there? "Novel."

Tavis: Yeah. (Laughter)

Belzer: This ain't a documentary, brother.

Tavis: So you could just make stuff up, then? Yeah.

Belzer: Well, you know what I did, my co-author, Michael Black, is a martial arts instructor. He's also - he's a police instructor but he's a martial arts guy. So if I figure I'm going to fictionalize my life a little bit, I want to kick ass in these novels. (Laughter) So the thing I like about it is that Michael, the way he taught me about the physics of the body and how to - so in the book it describes what actually goes on when you get in a fight, which I found interesting. So it's like I'm an intellectual fighter, not a physical fighter.

Tavis: Has he taught you a few moves?

Belzer: You busted me, man.

Tavis: No, no, no - has he taught you a few moves, though?

Belzer: Well, my moves are always with my mouth, you know? (Laughter)

Tavis: I was waiting on something behind that.

Belzer: That's verbal, that's all I'm going with.

Tavis: What does the writing allow you that the acting and the stand-up doesn't?

Belzer: Good question. Well, with fiction - I've written two nonfiction books - with fiction, I've had these ideas for so many years, and I haven't been famous for many years, so these things have been gestating in my mind. I am a conspiracy theorist, I've studied all this stuff, so I wanted to make it like a Thin Man novel - mystery or I get caught up in something I don't want to get caught up in, and it's funny but it's also scary, like Dashielle Hammett or Raymond Chandler and the gangster movies from the '30s and '40s.

Tavis: You know Dick Gregory? You know Dick, the comedian?

Belzer: I do. I admire Dick amazingly. To me, Dick, Lenny Bruce, Richard Pryor, and George Carlin are the four greatest artists that do stand-up comedy ever.

Tavis: Hold on - hold that thought just for a second. I only raise Dick because Dick is a conspiracy theorist as well, and I was just thinking the two of you should - a book by the two of you (laughs) would be a humdinger.

Belzer: He's not on some diet now, is he?

Tavis: No, no, he's off the diet now, he's off the diet.

Belzer: Remember that? He drank some Bahamian juice or something?

Tavis: Yeah, yeah, the Bahamian diet, yeah. Well, if you and Dick got together, that'd be -

Belzer: The man got down to nine pounds, that's it.

Tavis: Well, that'd be quite a book.

Belzer: Come on, brother, we need more of you. Damn. (Laughter)

Tavis: Let me go back - I didn't know you were going to give me that list, but since you gave it, I know how to follow along. Walk through the four and tell me why in your mind each of them were so great.

Belzer: Well, Richard Pryor is the sun and all other comedians are planets, and this is not hyperbole. He is the Michelangelo, the Miles Davis, the Michael Jordan. There are certain people that come along - and Cornel West. There are certain people that come along, it's one of a kind, they have this integrity and passion and intelligence.

Pryor could go on stage, as we all know, talk about a socially complex situation, make everybody uncomfortable, and then you explode in laughter. He could play five different people in one thing. I unfortunately met him a long time ago, and the arc of his career and the idea that he could talk about sexuality, psychology, sociology, you name it.

Pauline Kael, the creator for the "New Yorker," said Richard's first concert film, which I think is arguably the greatest live performance ever for a comedian, Richard Belzer - Richard Belzer. (Laughter) Sorry - sorry, brother.

Tavis: Freudian slip.

Belzer: Richard Pryor - I should be that lucky.

Tavis: "Live on the Sunset Strip."

Belzer: "Richard Pryor Live in Concert," the first one, Pauline Kael said he should have been nominated for an Oscar for it because of the performance. And what I liked about that was the camera had him from head to toe, and they didn't go in for the mugging. But it's just like wow, this guy is - you know.

Who else did I mention? Lenny Bruce, of course, took it on the chin, First Amendment. The tragedy of Lenny was he believed in the law, and as we've come to learn unfortunately in America, the law can be manipulated, the law can have people on the bench who have a particular political persuasion and they make their judgments predicated on that.

The greatest story I think - not the greatest; one of the great stories of Lenny was he was arrested for saying so-called "dirty words" in a club and at the trial the cop who arrested him I son the stand reading Lenny's bit. And of course it's not funny. "And then the c-sucker went to the -" you know what I mean?

It was like - and Lenny's going to the judge, "Man, let me do my act." Because it was offensive, it wasn't funny when some cop did it. Not that I'm disparaging cops, but they're not all stand-up comics.

Dick Gregory, I remember when I was a kid I saw him on TV and he said, "You better laugh at me, I may move in next door to you." I said, "Man, this guy." (Laughter) I said, "Yeah." Dick had this kind of professorial thing about him, but he also had this kind of warmth. He was astounding, and I think he is not as remembered and revered as he should be, Dick Gregory, when you think of the historical significance.

Tavis: To your point, before you go to George Carlin, I saw him here in town a few weeks ago. He and Mort Sahl together.

Belzer: Oh, wow. And?

Tavis: I laughed my butt off.

Belzer: Oh, great, what a great - I'm glad to hear that.

Tavis: To see the two - and I've known Dick for years but never saw him in stand-up, because he stopped doing it for a little while. But to see him and Mort Sahl together, he killed. It was amazing.

Belzer: Oh, great. And Mort is -

Tavis: Yeah, he's funny, man.

Belzer: Gets an asterisk in the top 10 too.

Tavis: Yeah, he's funny. George Carlin was your fourth one.

Belzer: George - when we lost George I went on David Letterman and we were talking, and I took out this list, it was like 26 albums. I've done one album; I've been in the business 37 years. Doing an album is like writing a novel. It's the hardest thing in the world if it's going to be good. And I would say arguably 20 of them are masterpieces.

I remember when we did the Mark Twain tribute for George in Washington I was standing backstage with Jon Stewart and they were showing clips of George, and Jon turned to me and said, "Oh, that's his 11th greatest bit." It's like some comics - Cosby had (unintelligible) guys are known. George was known for 50, 60 different things.

I'd like to share something that I've never said in public before because Cornel's here and you're here and I feel comfortable. George's daughter Kelly called me and said George wanted his ashes spread in Morningside Heights in New York where he'd hang out with his friends, and down in the Village by The Bitter End and the Café Wow where he first worked, and she asked me if I would like to place some of the ashes.

So I went down to the Village with her and we had the bag of his ashes, and we found a tree on I think it was Bleecker, a little - you know, in New York you have the -

Tavis: Mm-hmm.

Belzer: And there's this tree, and we put the ashes down and I took George's ashes and I put them in the dirt and I looked at my hand and I licked it and I went - and I got, like, I swear to God I've been funnier since that day. I got George Carlin's DNA in me. (Laughter) I licked his ashes and I burst into tears. I had to go around the corner because everyone was kind of trying to be positive. But do we have another second?

Tavis: Sure, please.

Belzer: Because this is a great George Carlin story.

Tavis: Go ahead, go.

Belzer: I've had a problem - it's not my problem, but people were always afraid of me. They thought I was unpredictable, that my politics were too radical, that I was dirty, et cetera, et cetera, and George used to substitute on "The Tonight Show" for Johnny when Johnny had that, and I think it was '81 or '82 that George was going to host and there was an article in "Rolling Stone" about me that said, "If he's so funny, how come he's not famous?"

And they talked about how I was banned from "The Tonight Show" and all this stuff, Fred de Cordova, who's the producer of "The Tonight Show." It was like Johnny Fontaine in "The Godfather -" "Richard Belzer will never do that show," like "Johnny Fontaine will not get that picture." (Laughter)

So George read the article and they said, "Who do you want to open the show?" He said, "I want Richard Belzer." And they go, "Wait a minute, you could have Burt Reynolds, you could have," blah, blah, blah. He said, "No, I want Richard." And he fought, and I did "The Tonight Show," and I did very well and after that I don't want to say it was a miracle but it certainly changed the perception of me.

Before that I was contraband, people were afraid to put me on television, and I did "The Tonight Show" with George. Then after that I did it with Johnny, because George did that. George didn't have to do that, and I've known many comedians who George had called or they called him or they hung out backstage, and every one of them - Lewis Black, Gary Shandling, you name it - their lives were changed, not just their career, their lives, by what he'd told them and the care that he showed and the compassion he had for other comedians. It's just a rare, rare thing.

Tavis: It occurs to me now to ask you -

Belzer: I miss him so much.

Tavis: Yeah. It occurs to me now to ask you, Richard, as I listen to you walk through in detail laying out why you love these four guys in particular. When you got into the game over 30 years ago, how did you think you were going to craft your own style?

Belzer: Good question.

Tavis: How did that come together for you?

Belzer: Well, when I was a little, little kid, I was one of those guys I got thrown out of every school I ever went to, I got in all kinds of - never killed anyone, but I just got thrown out of Hebrew school, I got thrown out of private school, public school, a yeshiva. (Laughter) The rabbi said, "You're out of here. Go eat bacon, pray to Minnie Pearl, you're not a Jew." (Laughter) It was like they just couldn't do anything.

Tavis: So you are Gentile, you couldn't help it.

Belzer: Yeah, get out of here. (Laughter) So I was sent everywhere, but I just had this thing, for lack of a better term, uncontrollable wit. I couldn't not do a joke, I couldn't not make people laugh, whatever. I was physically - I don't want to get into this; I'll just mention it quickly because it's germane - I was physically abused when I was a kid so I've learned that - as a matter of fact, I told Jerry Lewis this, my dear friend.

When I was little I looked just like Jerry Lewis. I had the crew-cut and I did all his stuff. My mother was very physical. But once in a while I would do a Jerry Lewis face for something and she'd laugh, so I told Jerry, "Man, you saved me a lot of ass-kickings," (laughter) because I would just go - I'd do one of his things and she'd kind of smile and put the belt or the brick or whatever it was.

Tavis: You may not want to talk about it and that's fine, but it is true when you talk about a lot of the best comedians, back to the guys on your list, on the Belzer list, those guys endured hardship in their own lives and there is an argument, as you well know, that what makes comedians like you so funny is the turmoil they had to go through.

Belzer: Yeah, I disagree with that, and I'll tell you why.

Tavis: Tell me, I want to hear this.

Belzer: Historically that's true. When the guys came from Eastern Europe and the pogroms and they were poor and they lived on the Lower East Side and they had hardship and tragedy, a lot of comedians who went into vaudeville and the early waves of comedians did have these kind of stories. But Jerry Seinfeld? A lot of these - and I'm not slamming them.

Tavis: But Pryor's the king of the hill, Pryor went through that as a kid.

Belzer: No, Pryor is here, but I'm saying a lot of the guys that started in the '70s and the '80s and stuff, they didn't come from the Lower East Side and they weren't - you know what I mean? I think it's a dangerous thing to say, "He's funny because all these bad things happened to him." I think if I was never abused I'd be funny. It's just that we are who we are; we're born who we are, and then life imposes itself on us and we react.

I think I would have been funny no matter what was done to me and I think most people's talent is there and things bring it out. That's why I hate when they tell kids to stop drawing. Everybody's an artist when they're born.

Tavis: What do you think, then, especially because to your story now it happened for you so young, what brought that out in you?

Belzer: I don't know. It's like someone who asked Walt Whitman once where he got his ideas from, and he said, "Lightning bolts from heaven." He was being glib, but any artist will tell you that you don't know where it comes from. When Charlie Parker did a solo, where did that come from? When Michael Jordan changes direction in the air, you can't teach that. You don't know where it comes from. It's a gift from whatever.

Tavis: You mentioned Letterman earlier and I can't let that pass. What's your take on the drama?

Belzer: First of all, he's a friend of mine. That said, second of all, I can't think of a more intelligent, dignified way to handle something like this, and I know that many people have a take on it. But David, when the chips are down, after 9/11, when Johnny Carson died he did that one-hour show, there's been a few times where in spite of - and after Harry, his son, was born - David has always been thought of as this cold kind of guy but when the chips were down - 9/11, Johnny's death, his son -

Tavis: His heart issues, yeah.

Belzer: - you could see the humanity. You could see it. So in this, I think you could see his anguish. It wasn't a bright thing to do, but that's humanity. He did it before Harry was born. I'm not condoning it, and he said himself he's got a lot of work to do at home.

So it's not like he was on the Appalachian Trail, like you said, or having someone his daughter's age service him. This is different. It's not condonable but it's reparable.

Tavis: The flipside of that question is whether or not it's fair game then for other comedians to pile on because Letterman has been known for skewering other people doing the same thing. Is that fair game, even though it's not defendable?

Belzer: That's a good question. I'm astounded - and this is a testament to David Letterman - at how everyone's kind of backing off, doing mild jokes about it and mentioning it, because Jon Stewart and Bill, we all admire David. And David, I've known David for 30-plus years. I never heard a bad thing about the guy. I never heard him mistreating his staff in any way, I never heard of him doing any of the things that you hear other crazy comedians do to their staff.

This guy has never been in trouble, and this is not a good inaugural thing, but there's history there and there's a reservoir of good will. I think he'll survive.

Tavis: I think I heard you say you think he's done a pretty admirable job of how he's handled this, mixing the humor with the veracity.

Belzer: Absolutely, right. Absolutely, brilliant. Did you see it the other night?

Tavis: I saw it. I've seen every night; I've been watching every night to see how he was going to handle it. He's done a good job.

Belzer: That's a dangerous thing.

Tavis: I think he's done - not that you asked, but I think he's done - you asked me if I watched it and I have. I think he's done a good job of balancing it. I am concerned; I've seen a lot of talk kick up of late of where the line is and whether or not he runs the risk of angering women or women's groups if he keeps making too much light of it. Does that make sense?

Belzer: This is why it's brilliant, because he's balancing it. He's making light of it, but he's saying, "My work is cut out for me at home." It was a horrible thing for his wife. I think he'll survive. I can understand why certain people would be outraged, because there's a situation.

If you're the boss and you're a woman - I spoke to my wife today, she's in France. She said, "I'm amazed that in all these years it hasn't - he's the only guy that you never heard of (unintelligible) assistant. It's like it's a miracle that you haven't heard about something like this before." And she's pretty sophisticated, so.

Tavis: Well, she's married to you; of course she has to be.

Belzer: Well, she hipped my game. (Laughter)

Tavis: Let me move toward the close on this note - you referenced earlier in this conversation, made a joke, in fact, about your fame and that you haven't been famous that long. Actually, you have been. Talk to me - I don't want to color the question too much but I want to move off of Letterman to you. Talk to me about fame and how you've navigated your own coming to terms with what it means to be in the public eye, to be famous, and having (unintelligible).

Belzer: Yeah, it's a good question because it's a bizarre, fascinating phenomenon. The word "fan" comes from the word "fanatic," and I am fortunate - let me just say this first. When I first started getting a little success and people would compliment me, my head would go down like I didn't believe it. I don't deserve this, I'm getting away - I always felt like I was getting away with something.

Because when I was a kid I got punished for doing all these different things, so it's like that's still there. Your brain is wired. It took me a long time to kind of not gloat in it but accept it, because when I walk down the street in New York people smile when they see me. It's like, that's great - "Hey, Munch, hey Belz."

Another thing that I really like about it, most of all, I believe - not most of all but say second most of all - is I get to do charity work. I get to help raise awareness about gun violence, about racism, about hunger. And without being vapid or trivial about it, I'm really devoted to these issues. I'm in the Creative Coalition, I go to schools and I'm working animal rescue, and that to me is - I think celebrities have a civic responsibility to do things like that because we're lucky.

Look how much money we make and how - I didn't work - I don't work the way my father worked, got up at 6:00 every day and came home at 6:00 at night and six days a week. He had his own business. When I was a kid I said, "Man, if he's the boss -" I couldn't believe how hard he worked.

Tavis: You always walk off the set singing, so I'm waiting for you to break into the good life.

Belzer: Can I just say one thing about PAX, which is this charity I'm involved in?

Tavis: Yes, please do, please do.

Belzer: And this is very important. I know you edit this, but please leave this in. There's an organization called PAX, P-A-X. They have two programs. One is called Just Ask, and this is an amazing thing. We have parents call up their kids' friends' parents if they're going over to play and say, "Is there a gun in the house? Is it locked up?" You'd be surprised how many good parents go, "Whoa." And we've prevented some horrific accidents or whatever.

The other thing is we have a hotline that kids - and we've gotten thousands of calls and I think we've prevented some terrible things - kids can call the hotline and say, "This kid in school is flashing a gun, he's talking about -" and we really help.

And I'm not naïve enough to think we can take guns away, because - but I just want to protect children and families, and I think whether you're right-wing or left, this is not a political thing. I just hope that gets through, because people identify me with certain politics, but this is children.

Tavis: You should never, ever assume that I would ever edit anything you say on this program.

Belzer: I'm flattered.

Tavis: And you're welcome.

Belzer: Thank you, my friend.

Tavis: I'm glad you came to see me.

Belzer: I appreciate it.

Tavis: Our friend Richard Belzer. His new book, "I Am Not a Psychic!" He is, though, an intellectual.

Belzer: Can I sign it for you?

Tavis: And a great actor - please, I was going to ask you to do that while I say -

Belzer: And your name is?

Tavis: Yeah, you know what? (Laughter) Anyway, that's our show for tonight.