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April 15, 2009

YOUNG VOICES

Tonight: The Pirates vs. The USA
by Jeremy Freed


 

Hey, pirates, didn't you get the memo? Everybody loves America now. Way to be behind the curve.

Last Sunday, U.S. Navy Seals killed the three pirates holding Captain Richard Phillips hostage aboard a lifeboat. Today, the pirates vowed revenge. According to an Associated Press article, a 25-year-old Somali pirate spokesman named Ismail said, “We will seek out the Americans and if we capture them we will slaughter them.”

There are two strange things about this story. The first is that the pirates are swearing revenge on the U.S. True, we did kill three of their own recently, but it seems hard to ignore the fact that for a bunch of guys in flip flops with Soviet weapons, declaring war on the U.S. Navy might not be such a good idea. Maybe it was the khat talking. The other thing is, since when do pirates have spokespeople? Talk about a PR nightmare.

The response? The French Navy detained 11 today, captured from a pirate "mother ship," Time reports that hijackings will soon be curtailed by a sniper rifle that can pick off brigands from a mile away, and Spike is planning a Deadliest Catch-type reality series about the U.S. Navy patrols in Pirate's Alley.

In other news, the other Pirates are up 4-3, playing the Houston Astros tonight in Pittsburgh.

REACTION

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