HEALING & SUPPORT

Cope with Losing a Loved One

Losing Your Loved One
How to Help Your Child
Share a Eulogy or Your Thoughts

Losing Your Loved One

Coping with the loss of a beloved spouse, parent, child or other loved one in wartime is a tremendous load to bear.  It is a traumatic grief, very different from the anticipated loss of an ill loved one whose death is anticipated.  It seems to be against the whole nature of things; we’re supposed to celebrate a 50th anniversary, outlive our children and grow up with our parents protecting us.  Such losses can lead to feelings of abandonment or anger, in addition to deep sadness. And there is the additional sense of loss that comes with such challenges as having to move outside of the military community, taking children out of schools, finding oneself solely responsible for the family’s financial situation or being alone in old age.  In such a turbulent time, it is important to remember that a grief shared is a grief halved. Many organizations can help. These include:

• Gold Star Mothers of America
  
  
• Gold Star Wives of America
  
  
• Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors
  
  
• American WWII Orphans Network
  
  
• The Find Resources for Soldiers & Families section of our website lists additional resources.
  

How to Help Your Child

If the fallen soldier has a family, the grief is complicated exponentially.  The grieving spouse has the additional responsibility of caring for the children and helping them cope with the loss and change in their lives.

Helen Fitzgerald, CT, and the Director of Training for the American Hospice Foundation, offers some assistance on how to approach this situation. Helen writes:

The information in my Guidelines pamphlet offers a way for you and your family to keep the memory of your loved one alive and close to your hearts.  It is a place for all of you to remember and to share … My thoughts and prayers are with you as you journey through your grief.  My gratitude goes to your loved one who gave his/her life making our country safe.

In her pamphlet Helen suggests:
Parents and caregivers, the best thing you can do for your grieving children is to offer loving support.  Hugs and touch are so healing.  Listen to the child in your care and really hear what he or she is saying.  And create times for your children to feel safe to talk about whatever might be on their minds.

Find out more by reading: Guidelines for Parents to Help Their Children Through Grief.

Other helpful resources are also available on the American Hospice Foundation’s website, including Military Kids Responding to Grief and Our Loved One Died Serving Our Country, a participatory way for the entire family to honor a fallen loved one.

Share a Eulogy or Your Thoughts

Sharing your story can be a very important part of the healing process.  We invite you to use the Read & Submit Eulogies space on this website to express your feelings or share your experiences.  There you can write a eulogy for your fallen loved one or share a remembrance of the difficulty of coping with loss.

Helen Fitzgerald

Helen Fitzgerald has served as a grief and healing consultant to the National Memorial Day Concert for many years. She is a certified death educator (CT), author and lecturer who pioneered the nation’s first grief program in a community mental health center. Fitzgerald devoted herself to this work after the death of her first husband left her a widow with four children.

For 23 years, Helen Fitzgerald was the coordinator of the Grief Program for Mental Health Services in Fairfax County, Virginia. There she conducted many groups for grieving children, including one for pre-schoolers. Fitzgerald retired from that position in July 2000. Since then she has been the Director of Training (Ret.) for the American Hospice Foundation. Her books include The Grieving Child, The Mourning Handbook and The Grieving Teen.  She has also written two manuals for the American Hospice Foundation: the Grief at School Resource Manual and Grief at Work: A Manual of Policies and Practices. She has written for or has been quoted in Law Practice Management, Employee Assistance Report, Parents magazine, Thanatos magazine, Good Housekeeping and other publications. She writes for the website beliefnet.com.

Dana Palmer (right), whose father was killed on September 11th is comforted by actress Caitlin Wachs, who shared Dana's goodbye letter to her dad on the 2002 Concert.

REFLECTIONS

"When I hear of the death of someone in the military, I know that it is more than the death of one person, it is the death of many people, of the family, and that no words are the right words. Wives, children, grandchildren's lives are apart, as in my family; there is a sadness that will linger for many years to come."

Tina M. Aden
MO