"In honor of the 23 men of 1-17 IN BN who fought and died in Arghandab River Valley and in our honor of the women they left behind. I am a wife of a commander in the 1-17 IN BN - a commander who made it home. But there are so many - 23 sets of mothers, fathers, spouses and children from our unit who are not so lucky."
A 1-17 Wife
healing & support
Cope with Losing A Loved One
How To Help Your Child
If the fallen soldier has a family, the grief is complicated exponentially. The grieving spouse has the additional responsibility of caring for the children and helping them cope with the loss and change in their lives.
The former Director of Training for the American Hospice Foundation and the coordinator of the Grief Program for Mental Health Services in Fairfax County, Virginia, Helen Fitzgerald (CT) offers assistance on how to approach this situation.
It is so important for you and your family to keep the memory of your loved one alive and close to your hearts. Find ways for all of you to remember and to share.
Parents and caregivers, the best thing you can do for your grieving children is to offer loving support. Hugs and touch are so healing. Listen to the child in your care and really hear what he or she is saying. And create times for your children to feel safe to talk about whatever might be on their minds.
Here are some of the guidelines Ms. Fitzgerald suggests:
As soon as possible after the death, set time aside to talk to your child.
Give your child the facts in a simple manner -- be careful not to go into too much detail. Your child will ask more questions as they come up in his/her mind.
If you can't answer your child’s questions, it's okay to say, "I don't know how to answer that, but perhaps we can find someone to help us."
Use the correct language - say the word "dead" etc. Do not use phrases such as: "He's sleeping," or "God took her," or "He went away," etc.
Ask your child questions to better understand what he or she may be thinking or feeling. "What are you feeling?" "What have you heard from your friends?" "What do you think happened?" etc.
Explain your feelings to your child, especially if you are crying. Give children permission to cry. We are their role models and it's appropriate for children to see our sadness and for us to share our feelings with them.
Use the given name of the deceased when speaking of him or her.
Understand the age and level of comprehension of your child. Speak to that level.
Talk about feelings, such as: sad, angry, feeling responsible, scared, tearful, depressed, worried, etc.
Talk about memories, good ones and ones not so good.
Watch for behavioral changes in your child both at home or at school.
Read the full list of guidelines and find more information relating to children and grieving.
