Topic: Abandoment Issues and full-time preschool children Posted By: Lyn Fuller Date: 06 Jun 2000 12:21 PM
I hope other working mothers and/or experts will respond. I do not have
the option of being a stay-at-home mother. I am struggling over the
impact my working full-time seems to have on my daughter. My daughter
is now 4 years old. She has exhibited transitional difficulty since
starting full-time home daycare at the age of 17 months. She resist
leaving the house to go to daycare and then resist leaving daycare to
return back home in the evening. Her behavior has ranged from simple
fussiness to slapping at mommy and/or tantrums. At age 3, she seemed
to have adjusted fairly well, exhibiting only fussiness with
transitions for the most part. Then we moved. She started a new
Preschool at age 4. She acted out a lot during the second month in the
new school. She began having little tantrums again with each coming
and going. I know in part this was due to her anxiety over moving into
a new environment and adjusting to new group of children. I have been
riddled with guilt over leaving her in the hands of others from the
onset. She has been home with me for the last 10 days on vacation. I
see a world of difference! She rarely fights me, laughs easily, is
less clinging; in general, she is a happy-go-lucky child at home. I
dread sending her back to the preschool next Monday. My instinct tells
me she is struggling with issues of abandoment. Any
insights/suggestions?
Responses:
Subject: the oddball out From: stressed out in london Date: 06 Jun 2000 2:01 PM
I am the mother of a three year old little girl, I am a stay at home
mother, and she is an only child. I enrolled her at a nursery school
so that she could learn how to play with other children. We worked
through separation anxiety, limited her to two teachers that I felt
were exceptable,excluding two which I felt were tearing down her self
esteem which was so charismatic before starting the program. Now after
being told that she is doing fine, everyday, I have seen that first
hand she is not. She is not involved in the play group, the other
children play together but she is excluded, last to be picked. she
stands alone,plays alone,at school. she watches the other children and
I do not know if this is painful or not. She does not like going to
school but when I pick her up she seems fine,and the teachers say that
she had a good time. Still I can not help feeling bad for her. She has
one playmate in the neighbourhood that I take with me virtially
everywhere that I go so that my daughter has someone to play with. If
anyone has a simular experience, or information on how to build
confidence or how to encourage her to try to play with other children
it would be greatly appreciated and a huge burden lifted
Subject: the oddball out From: kirsta Date: 07 Jul 2000 9:43 PM
Dear stressed out in London. I wouldn't worry too much about your
daughter's lack of interaction with the others in her playgroup. My son
was also quite shy at the same age and would often stand and watch how
the other children would play. Children of all ages love to watch each
other. It is also quite common for children of three to still play
'side-by-side' rather than interact in the ways that adults do.
Perhaps, you could invite one the other children (that she likes) over
to play at her house. You may find a smaller, more secure environment,
(on home ground) may help to increase her confidence in making friends.
Also, how about taking a toy to playgroup and let her play with it. Her
obvious enjoyment of playing with the toy will eventually attract
someone's curiosity. Whereupon she can have fun showing it to them and
perhaps even sharing it. I hope this helps.
Subject: the oddball out From: Lee Date: 09 Sep 2002 12:07 PM
Sounds like you have the option to keep you daughter at home with you.
That's what I would do - pull the child out of school completely. At
this age, kids will often just have one or two friends, or even just do
parallel play. Can you take her to a park where she can play with other
children if she chooses? Also remember she can interact with others,
and they don't have to be children. They can be grandparents,
neighbors, even the people you meet running errands. All will promote
social interaction. The most important thing to encourage socialization
is for the child to feel secure - and that probably means staying with
the family for most of the day. Don't worry - she's got plenty of time
to work on that skill.
