How does a provider deal with a crying child who refuses to stay? The
parent carries the child around for 30 minutes, then turns him over and
leaves. The parent never says a word to the child. The child cries
only when the parent is in view and stops immediately when the parent
cannot be seen. The parent does not engage the child in any play. As
soon as the child cries if set down or taken by provider, the parent
takes him back. Help!
Responses:
Subject: Separation Anxiety From:Lana Date: 03 Mar 2000 2:38 AM
Arm yourself with information! Subscribe to the Toys-R-Us free
newsletter or Parenting magazine (available at library) that will cover
topics such as the drop off. You can sign up your parents for the free
newsletters, or make copies of the stuff at the library. What I've
read is that the transition time should be about fifteen dedicated
minutes that the parent, child and provider should spend together
(casually talking, going over any needed information, and connecting)
before the parent departs. There needs to be an established routine
for this process that will communicate comfort and predictability to
the child (and adults). If things are too hectic at these times,
rearrange things so that this can be in place. You could even type up
a little page with quotes or suggestions from parents (using real or
made up names or intials) entitled "Successful Drop-Offs." Don't
mention separation anxiety. State the above information and say that
it may take a few times for it to work well. Give them out to your
existing parents or better when you first take on a new child. I don't
know what your setting is, but, this could work in almost any
situation, either coming from you or with the approval of whoever is in
charge. You or the center could attach a handwritten statement or just
say simply when giving the information, "...we've found that the
suggestions described here makes drop off time really smooth." For
newcomers, they will get the idea that it's sort of policy, though some
may completely ignore it and continue to add to the problem. Remember,
this is hard for the parent, too, and they're struggling with their own
decision to leave their child. Unfortunately, their struggle is
manifesting at an inopportune time. Asking for email addressess or
even for permission to call might provide opportunities to talk aobut
this desired drop off experience. Patience, understanding, support and
INFORMATION should help.
Subject: Separation Anxiety From:Peggy Date: 05 May 2000 4:25 PM
My 18 month old son has recently become very hard to leave when I take
him to daycare. There was a new girl in the room in the early mornings
(my schedule dictates that he goes to daycare by 7am)and he and one of
his playmates did not connect with her. While talking to the director,
one morning, we came to the conclusion that the new girl is very much a
hands-on, cuddling type of person. My son is extremely independent and
likes his space - even with mom and dad - so this went against the
grain for him. After I spoke to the head teacher, the new girl backed
off and gave him his space. He's now easily distracted by books and
toys and back to being a happy little boy when I have to leave!
Hi!My son is two years and 10 months. He speaks Spanish as maternal
language and we are living in Ann Arbor MI since july 2000. My son had
started preschool one week ago and it is very difficult for him stay
there by himself. He starts crying and asking for his mom...Last year
we spent every day together. What do you recommend to do? Tank
youRaphaela
