I've read and read about how to deal with the "terrible two" tantrums,
but I'm still stumped about my 24 month old daughter. When I try to
reassure her, then ignore the tantrum, she screams even louder.
Attempts at re-direction end up with the offered toy flung across the
room. In other words, every intervention I try just makes the
situation worse! I don't want a spoiled brat- HELP!!!
Responses:
Subject: Tantrum Aid From:L.A.K. Date: 03 Mar 2000 4:16 PM
I have a 23mo. old at home, along with three older siblings. I know
how trying tantrums can be! In my house, the tantrums usually come
from one of the older sibs taking something our "2yr. old"
wants/"thinks is her's"...which ends up in meltdown city! We treat
her, as we treat the other three. First, we make eye contact and
request the behavior to stop. If it continues, we state if the
behavior doesn't stop by the time we count to three, she has to go to
the corner(time out: age appropriate). Then we count. If it
persists...off to the corner, for her..1-2 min. But that is not all.
Because she "caused" the scene, she is held accountable for her
disruptive behavior, and is asked to say she is sorry, to all involved
(whether it is one sibling, or the entire room of people)and we also
ask for the "feuders" to forgive one another, and give each other a hug
and kiss. The person who was on the "receiving" end of the behavior
tells the "offensive" one, "It's ok, please don't do it again." This
way, all involved are held accountable for their "role" in the
incident, and they learn not only that there is a consequence to their
actions, but more importantly...forgiveness!
Subject: "tantrums" From:Lana Date: 03 Mar 2000 2:49 AM
Be sure not to talk about the child having these tantrums to other
people where the child can here you, or to the child in an unfavorable
light, thereby giving it more notice and possibly fuel. I can't
remember where I read the technique I use. I do not try to console,
placate nor discourage my child. I sit as close as the child will
allow without allowing myself to be harmed and I tell the child (when I
can be heard) that I will be there when ready to tell me with words
what is going on. This communicates acceptance of the need to express
frustration, anger or whatever. The child wants to know that you have
time (though often inopportune) for even this and will not leave them
or try to manage it in a way that feels worse than they already feel.
If they are not used to this, it may take a few times for them to
realize that this is what they can expect from you. Stick with it to
provide predictability, which will be comforting, just as your mere
presence will be each time you're there. Read stuff on self-esteem,
Like "Self-Esteem Games" and severely limit sugar and junk. Eat whole
foods and drink lots of water. We are what we absorb. Did I lose you
at the end?
Subject: Tantrum help From:Brenda Nixon Date: 04 Apr 2002 7:35 AM
Hi,Lana gave some great suggestions. When a tot first begins to throw
a tantrum it can be for attention and it can also be frustration
without the words to express herself. Either way, it can be unnerving
to us moms. Remember, during the episode, try to ignore her tantrum but
immediately respond when she shows some self control and begins to calm
down.During neutral (non-tantruming) times, read books about emotions
so your daughter learns the names for feelings. If it is words she
lacks, then you can teach her that all feelings have a name. While this
isn't an immediate cure it will, in the long run, help your daughter to
use her words more than her body to express anger. For more free
parenting tips, articles & solutions visit the Parent's Page at
http://www.parentpwr.com/pp!tips.html. - Brenda Nixon
