Transcript: I knew that I had always been a worrier in the sense that I always had high standards for myself and was always judging myself.

I knew it became a real problem when I was in high school and I had just absolutely lost interest in everything that normally evoked some type of passion and my level of judgment on myself just went through the roof.

I have always turned to music as a huge outlet and a source of expression. I play a few instruments and just enjoying listening to music is one of my biggest hobbies.

I really knew something was wrong when I couldn't feel any song anymore, whether I was playing it or whether I was listening to it or singing it, nothing could ever evoke anything from me. That was sort of a red light.

Hiding the warning signs

My friends have always been really important to me so I recognized that I was starting to withdrawn from them. I tried to force myself into going out and trying to maintain at least a normal appearance to my friends. I think I did pretty decently, I don't think my friends ever suspected that anything was wrong even though I wasn't enjoying myself.

When I was interacting with my friends I felt like I was lying to them because the way I struggled with depression, I felt like I lived a double life. I maintained this outward appearance and charisma that I had had throughout high school and during my healthy years of college, but inside it was very much a different story.

My family has always been very aware of my emotional state and they were definitely the first to know and the first to pick up on it and the first to actually confront me about it and try and help me figure things out.

The move to college

So it wasn't so much the transition to college for me. I struggled most with the monotony of daily life once I got used to college. I have sort of found a sanctuary in keeping busy. Life gets very chaotic, but I know that for me that's kind of my prescription for keeping my mind off of things that if I dwell on could lead to falling down this dark path again. Sometimes my thoughts are my own worst enemy.

The search for solutions, and answers

So I've found that for me the best medicine has been having wonderful friends and family and really establishing and maintaining relationships with people I know I can talk to and taking care of myself in sort of natural holistic ways, meditation and yoga.

Coming up against this issue a lot in official medical journals --because I'm studying neuroscience here in school-- I'm seeing that relapse rates are pretty high in people that have experienced it, especially starting at a young age.

I know that it can be a life long condition and ongoing condition. I don't want it to consume me even if it is just something I'll have to deal with every now and then.

I got into my intro to neuroscience class and they were talking about regulation of mood and neurotransmitters. I was almost brought to tears by looking at the scientific basis for what I had been experiencing. It confirmed that what I had and was experienced was real and that there was tangible evidence for that. I was sort of fascinated by that.

I am most excited to hear when advancements in the sciences are pointing towards more holistic health care and start to feel disenchanted when the research points to new pharmaceuticals to just bombard our brains.

It's definitely comforting to hear that either way issues like this are being brought to light as legitimate medical conditions and not just phases or little mood problems that people come up against every now and then.