Please accept my condolences on the tragic and sudden loss of your friend and neighbor the day after he returned home from combat. As a Gulf War veteran, I become very upset when I read letters describing how a healthy soldier sent off to war returned home a distraught veteran who killed himself without getting the care he earned and needed. VCS hopes more can be done to reduce barriers, such as stigma, so our returning service members and veterans will want to seek mental health counseling.
You were very sensitive to help your late friend's wife, and I hope you and your wife are doing OK after finding his body.
In response to your question, there are both formal and informal sources of assistance for your late friend's wife. First, she should have been contacted by an official military casualty officer who is very well trained in handling the death of an active duty service member. The casualty officer should provide assistance with completing most government benefit forms for the Department of Defense and the Department of Veterans Affairs (VA).
Second, she can receive free bereavement counseling for family members from a mental health professional a local VA "Vet Center." This is the best place to go, in my opinion, because about half of the staff are combat veterans. You can find the location of the nearest Vet Center at VA's web site.
Third, she can receive non-government assistance through a non-profit organization, such as TAPS, an organization that goes above and beyond what casualty officers provide. They can be contacted here.
Fourth, mental health providers are offering free care through a program called "Give an Hour."
And, finally, many universities, religious groups, and private groups offer free confidential counseling. There is professional help out there waiting, and this is a tremendous improvement over prior wars.
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