|
Humor MeMore musings on the news"So they've recounted all the votes from the first election in Afghanistan and congratulations to the new president, Al Franken." —Comedian David Letterman "Bush gave a motivational speech in Florida yesterday. He spoke for a half-hour and said he hoped his words were 'inspirationistic.'" —Comedian Jimmy Fallon "According to USA Today, car theft is at a 20-year low. Well, that shows you how bad the auto business is. People don't even want to steal them now." —Comedian Jay Leno "Hey, did you see what happened today? President Obama won another Nobel prize today, this time in medicine, for pretending to give up smoking." —Comedian Jay Leno "Right now I would give anything to be hiking on the Appalachian Trail. I got into the car this morning and the navigation lady wasn't speaking to me." —Comedian David Letterman "It's the first day of autumn. In a statement, Sarah Palin said the dying leaves are because of Obama's health care plan." —Comedian Jay Leno "Kayne West ... interrupted Taylor Swift's acceptance speech. And after he did that MTV threw him out of the building. So it's official. MTV has a lower tolerance for bad behavior than the United States Congress." —Comedian Conan O'Brien "During his speech to American schoolchildren earlier today, President Obama said that what you make of your education will decide nothing less than the future of this country. But no pressure." —Comedian Jimmy Fallon "Well [swine flu] is back ... and they say now this year it may be worse than ever. And I was thinking, well, thank God we fixed our health care system." —Comedian David Letterman "The White House is denying rumors that President Obama has plans to play a round of golf with Tiger Woods, although Obama is planning to ask Tiger Woods if the government can borrow $300 trillion." —Comedian Conan O'Brien "Happy birthday to Madonna—51 years old on Saturday—President Obama phoned Madonna on her birthday and reassured her that no one was going to pull the plug on her." —Comedian David Letterman "Town hall meetings across the country have been disrupted by angry protesters who are against Obama's new health care plan. Things could have gotten violent but nobody can afford to actually get hurt." —Comedian Jimmy Fallon "Transformers II [is] on track to be the biggest box office opening of all time. It's incredible—somebody has finally found a way to make money using American cars." —Comedian Jimmy Fallon "MySpace has fired 60 percent of its workforce. They notified workers as fast as possible. They left messages on their Facebook pages." —Comedian Craig Ferguson "I was really nervous about an apology to Sarah Palin. So what I did to get my confidence up ... I rehearsed by apologizing to Tina Fey." —Comedian David Letterman "President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is in a tight race... On Sunday, he was on the Iranian talk show, 'Eliminate the Press.'" —Comedian David Letterman "I have to admit, I think I've timed this moment perfectly. Think about it. I'm on a last place network, I moved to a state that's bankrupt, and 'The Tonight Show' is sponsored by General Motors." —Comedian Conan O'Brien "After running out of options, Chrysler headed to bankruptcy court this morning...it headed there in a brand new Mitsubishi." —Comedian Jimmy Fallon "NASA is repairing the Hubble telescope. They're having difficulties. Everything is more difficult in space. It doesn't surprise me—it's not like they're rocket scientists." —Comedian David Letterman "In the next hundred days, I will learn to go off prompter—and Joe Biden will learn to stay on it." —President Barack Obama "President Obama may choose a Supreme Court nominee by the end of the week. That's fast. Nothing against the President, but doesn't it worry you that it took him 10 times longer to decide on a dog?" —Comedian Craig Ferguson "Today marks 100 days of President Obama being in office, which is a big deal because 100 days is when his warranty runs out. We couldn't return him now even if we wanted to." —Comedian Jimmy Kimmel "Don't you love watching congressmen lecture auto executives on how to run their business? I mean, you got people that put us a trillion dollars in debt lecturing people who put us a billion dollars in debt." —Comedian Jay Leno "You know, Portuguese water dogs are very intelligent animals. In fact, some White House Cabinet officials have already taught it how to get out of paying taxes." —Comedian Jay Leno "Michelle Obama was photographed in London wearing clothes from J.Crew. The store is selling out of the clothes she's been wearing. Now if someone could just get her to drive a Chrysler." —Comedian Seth Meyers "When the economy fell apart I thought 'Oh no! What's going to happen to me?' And then nothing happened. Because I have ... nothing. No savings, no investments, no mortgage. It's like the world is rewarding me for being a transient screwup." —Comedienne Ophira Eisenberg "Until the financial crisis, I thought a 401(k) was an unusually long marathon. I couldn't understand why my co-workers kept signing me up. To me, it was just a way to mess up a Sunday." —Comedienne Claudia Cogan |
PROGRAM RESOURCES
PodcastBuy a DVD Contact Us |
Who's Helping Our Wounded Vets?
Elizabeth Warren on the Economy
Nurses Needed
Electric Car Dreams
PBS Special Report: Health Care Reform
