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René Syler is author of Good Enough Mother: The Perfectly Imperfect book of Parenting, a former anchor of CBS' The Early Show, mom and advocate for cancer research. Read more »
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Yesterday morning, I got home after my 5:30 a.m. boot camp to find my husband of 16 years had locked one of the cats in the closet, and she had pooped in his favorite carry-on bag. Neither of the children was up, and the bath I ask him to draw every morning was ice cold. That meant, the cranky son wouldn't want to wash his hair in it (and our water pressure doesn't allow us to run the bath and shower at the same time). This was a surefire combination for a sibling battle and just another day in the life of a Good Enough Mother.
I'm René Syler. Welcome to my world! I'll bet it looks a lot like yours. Three years ago, I wrote Good Enough Mother: The Perfectly Imperfect Book of Parenting, which outlined my philosophy on parenting and life in general. Back then, I had a high-powered job as a network news anchor, a husband and two beautiful kids: my daughter Casey and son Cole. I was trying to do it all.
Like so many of my girlfriends, I was running myself ragged trying to provide my precious babies with a perfect childhood when it hit me: I didn't have a perfect childhood, and yet I survived. I was so tired of living up to an absolutely unattainable standard of parenthood that left me tired, frustrated and overall unfulfilled.
It was then I decided good enough was going to be perfect. Now that doesn't mean we don't try to be perfect parents, but we do get to cut ourselves some slack when we fail. And failing, my friends, is a given.
One of the stories mentioned in Good Enough Mother was about my son's grade school birthday party. He wanted donuts in the shape of an "8," just like his best friend had. I searched high and low and found a well-known chain that would do just that. So after working eight hours, I drove to the donut store only to find the pubescent kid behind the counter had given my 8s to another mother. The only thing left were 9s. He was completely oblivious to my panic. For a split second I thought about scrapping the donut plan altogether and getting cupcakes, but there wasn't time for that. So off I went, mulling over the explanation I was going to give to my crest-fallen 8-year-old boy as to why he didn't have his special donuts. When I got there, guess what? He didn't care. You know why? Because it was his special day, they got to eat donuts in class, and his mom was there to help him celebrate.
That was a big lesson for me. I realized that, even with my faults, which are way too numerous to count, what my children really wanted was me. So now I preach the gospel of imperfection. I have screwed up more play dates than I can remember, forgotten permission slips and am a really lousy cook. But I give my kids what they really want, which is my time, love and attention and, with a fair amount of frequency, breakfast for dinner.
Want to be a Good Enough Mother? Try these tips:
Years ago, while pregnant with my daughter, an older woman struck up a conversation. She must have sensed my palpable fear at giving birth and being responsible for another human being. She gave me the words that have stuck with me through this whole humbling experience. She said, "You alone will be the best mother that child could have." Instantly I was put at ease because I understood what she was saying.
I didn't have all the answers then and still do not. But I am smart enough to figure it out. So are you!
Remember, imperfection, is the new black!
Sorry, René Syler is no longer taking questions. Feel free to comment on the article and let us know what you think about the topic.