Great post, Patience. I have felt your pain! My 4-year-old daughter brought me to tears on many a day b/c of potty issues. She finally got it at a few days past 3.

My son got it together a lot faster. He was potty-trained by a little after 2 yrs. I can't take credit, though. He did it on his own. In fact, his preschool teacher asked me to stop sending him in in diapers! He's still working on the poop issue, but I can't complain.

Thanks for these great tips!

Oh, I know so well how crazy you can make yourself about toilet learning. I do have one tip.

Our favourite thing is a little fold-up potty seat that you can take with you anywhere. Ours is Diego-themed. It really helped with the strange toilet anxiety, because my daughter loved the thing. Best $12 I ever spent.

No advice -- potty training brought out the worst in me as well, and it took my daughter 1 1/2 YEARS of training to successfully transition to underwear -- but I just wanted to thank you for your honesty. Really, you have no idea how much it meant to read another mom's potty training experience that didn't start with "My brilliant son trained himself at 13 months old..." If I'm the class dunce of mommy potty trainers, at least I don't feel as alone now. :)

My one son refused to poop in the potty, so by early evening, we were forced to put a diaper on him and within minutes, he did his business. I say forced because I was in deep fear he would get a blockage or something like that. I just hoped that eventually, he would sit long enough while peeing, and the other would "slip" out thus ending the fear of knowingly doing it in the potty. It took at least a month before that moment happened. Then he willingly gave up the diapers. That's why I think it helps to teach little boys to sit at first so they can take care of both issues without getting confused. Unfortunately, the younger ones were eager to start standing because the older one did...lets just say I had a lot more "cleanup" around the toilet than with my first. Oh well. No matter how you "try" to potty train EVENTUALLY they will get it, you just have to hang in there!

Oh I cannot TELL you how much better you make me feel!

My daughter, 3 next month, will not use the toilet. I don't mean CAN not I mean WILL not.

She is bowl and bladder trained, she just will not use the toilet. If we are at home, she does not wear a diaper. She has never, ever had an accident while she is without a diaper. However, she can hold it FOR.EV.ER. When she has to pee or poop she will ask for a diaper. "How about trying to toilet?" I ask in a very easy going tone. She has flat out told me "I'm not going to do that."

I have no idea why. We have never pushed, we are very, very relaxed parents, but this is her thing and she will just never give it up.

Apparently I will have to go to college to both nurse her to sleep (yes, that's right) and change her diaper. OY!!

Thanks for your post. It makes the potty training experience much easier for parents if we discuss it with humor and honestly.
While I was potty training my son (which I can say I still am really) I looked into the minefield of potty training books. I put all my research onto my website. I hope this helps parents find the right book for their family.
http://www.baby-books-guide.com/potty-training-toddlers.html

Thanks
Carmen

I guess the only thing that I'd add that helped us was I enlisted the help of the everpowerful siblings (this of course doesn't work with child #1). their encouragement and positive peer pressure was helpful although not everything. there was no privacy at these times, I'd ask the person on the potty if whoever was training at the time could come watch and they were happy to oblige. they were such cute teachers, "look (trainee)" they'd say, "then you get some paper and ...." you know the rest.

as far as waiting for #2 to appear in the potty, stay your course, she'll get there, keep doing everything just as you did for the pee and it will work. it always came a bit later than #1 in our family. staying calm and almost disinterested at times helped me.

the #1 rule I remembered when potty training (that no one ever told me) was that accidents are every bit a part of training, just as much as hitting the potty is. good luck!

Potty Training book saved my Sanity!!
(to use with the magic potty)
________________________________________
Men’s Health Magazine (Sept. issue) recommends Potty Train Your Child in Just One Day: Proven Secrets of the Potty Pro by Teri Crane. My husband picked us up a copy after reading the article. IT REALLY WORKS!!

Everyone is talking about throwing a "potty party" to potty train a child. I was so desperate; I was willing to do anything. Her book outlines 10 themed parties. What kid doesn't love to play and pretend? All my mommy friends have successfully potty trained their kids with her book too.

Honestly, when I first learned of this book, I thought NO WAY! Maybe this would work on a little girl, but NOT a BOSSY, 2-1/2 year old BOY. NO WAY! Guess what? It REALLY WORKED!!! Teri Crane SAVED MY SANITY!!! Her book was easy to read, funny and extremely helpful. I can't thank Teri enough. I would HIGHLY recommend this book to EVERY parent. It will save you much grief and frustration. Potty training shouldn't be difficult, we as parents make it difficult because we don't know what to do. Teri teaches you. Buy the book, it's the best money you will ever spend

Most amazingly, I had some questions, so I called the author, and she CALLED ME BACK!!

I am so happy I'm not alone in this resistant potty training. My almost 4 yr. old (April) Is refusing to go pee in the potty. we started training her last monday 1/19/09. We told her for about 2 weeks prior this was going to happen. We told her diaper don't fit anymore and they don't make your size. the first day was not happy she threw her panties,said I don't want to wear panties!! about and hour went on and she finally put the panties on, this actually turned out to be are best day. she held her pee all day even during nap time finally around 7pm she said she had to go sat on the potty and went pee. we were so happy we danced around huged kissed her, you could tell she loved it.she went to bed that night with a pull-up on. woke up the next day and same thing, would hold it all day no accidents. but later that night when she had to go, she peed in her pants, then went and changed herself and did'nt tell anyone. It has gotten worse each day to where now she told me she'll sit on it but she'll never pee in it,and she has'nt

You know with all the people out there who make sure they let me know that their children were positively all potty trained before age two, I'm so glad to hear that there are also many who are where I am. My daughter is about two months shy of three and she gets only certain parts of the potty thing. She loves washing hands, using toilet paper, taking off her pants and her diaper all by herself, and especially putting stickers on her potty chart on the wall. She pretty much enjoys everything not pertaining to sitting on the potty and hasn't progressed past anything besides just sitting on it either. I thought originally that it was because the potty chair that we had was uncomfortable because she would stand up and rub her leg like it was hurting, so we bought a new chair with a cushy seat, but she sits on that one even less than she did the first one (not that that was much). I'm getting ready to try the much tabooed candy rewards because I need to find something that will push her towards wanting to make progress.

Personally I think one of the biggest frustrations about potty training is just the fact that we can't control it. The child is the one who makes it happen, their in the driver's seat, and I think many of us parents wish we could just turn on the switch and make it happen. I can't give advice from where I'm standing, but I think that once I learn to control my urge to control the situation I will probably have more luck.

I just want to say God Bless You for this post.

I have been feeling like The Worst Mother because I am getting so impatient with my almost four year old.

I just about cried on the milkman's shoulder earlier. Really.

I know all the things I'm supposed to do, but the third time I cleaned up a giant pool of urine today I thought I would lose it (and yes, this was about five minutes after another fruitless try on the potty).

So, thank you for writing this-at least I know I'm not alone.

Thank you all for sharing your hints, dilemmas, successes, and reminders to perservere. We have a very strong willed 3 1/2 yr. old boy. He has been telling us for months when we broach the p/t subject that he doesn't want to be p/t. But he is just horrible these days about getting his diaper changed, he tells us right when he is pooping, he asks for a clean diaper, he is talking about poop and pee issues, and is drawing poop when he draws, etc... so I decided today would be the day we start p/t because we have the time this week. I prepared 2 "prize" bags - one for peeing and one for pooing on the potty - and showed these to him last night. He was excited about the prizes in the bags! This morning, he all but turned inside out throwing a fit about not wanting to be p/t. I left him alone for the first hour, and then told him we were putting a pull-up on and then setting the timer for every 30 min. to have him go in and pee. He couldn't go, and then about 1 1/2 hrs. into all of this, I discovered he had peed and pooped in his pull-up. So of course then he didn't have to go on the potty chair. We tried unsuccessfully a few more times this morning before calling a break at lunch time, with plans to resume trying again after his nap later today. I am feeling like the worst mom in the world because I can't figure out how to help him want to try potty training. So I have spent much of the day in tears - sometimes he's seen me crying. I hate that! I told him I was just having a bad day. It's ridiculous and I know I should "get a grip!" I just don't know what I'm doing since he is our first child. So all of your comments have helped me know I'm not alone in my feelings.