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Yes She Can!

Posted by Patience on January 27, 2009 at 7:00 AM in BabiesPatience
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lyra rolls.jpg

I've had a few big family doubts lately. Will we be able to give everyone the attention they deserve and need? Will someone get lost in the shuffle? I'm so grouchy, would I be more patient and kind if I had 2 children? The parenting doubt and guilt seems to be very much alive no matter the number, the circumstance or situation. Can we ever be everything we want to be to our children? No, probably not. Then we remember if we could be, it would probably ruin them. This brings me to the great roll watch of 2009.

Everyday Lyra gets closer and closer to rolling over. "Lead with your head!", I told her. Whoever is watching her at the moment yells when she is making a rolling attempt. Everyone else runs in like it's some amazing replay in the Superbowl or something. And then they stare and cheer her on.
"Who is the best roller in the family?" Jack says in 3 octaves higher than his regular voice.
"You can do it baby!" Josiah believes.
"Come on mamacita!" Lucy insists.

The good news is that for every time she cries a little too long waiting for someone to pick her up, there are moments like these. Moments when she is the entire world.

She finally did it today, our rolling girl. Lucy caught it before anyone else. I watched as she showed me. It was big news on the car ride home from pick-up. They gathered around to show Jorge when he got home from work. These little happenings keep me going until the next time I am sure this is all too much and we are not enough. We are enough, we are all okay.

What little bit of parent guilt are you carrying around today? Do share in the comments, I'm pretty sure we'll all feel better if you do.


laura writes...

not a little guilt but alot - i am divorced. it is so hard to see your kids hurt when they want you back together - even though it's been about 5 years. the guilt has never "lessened" - don't really know how to do it either.

p.s. the picture of your daughter is just beautiful - love her cheeks!

PatienceAuthor Profile Page writes...

Laura- I kind of know what you mean, I have some things in my past that always sit in the back of my heart and mind and I wonder how they will affect my children both now and in the future. It's so heavy and hard sometimes...More than anything, I just hope my kids (all our kids) know the intent of our hearts and how deeply we love them. I think Jen is going to write more on this topic tomorrow. Much peace to you today and thank you so much for sharing, I think there are lots of parents in a similar place.

Amber writes...

Oh man, today it's snowing again here and I'm alone with a preschooler and a baby, and I have a cold. I am not being the kind of mom I want to be right now. I'm impatient and my temper is short, and I'm spending too much time on the computer. I feel like I should be much more present with my kid than I am. It's impossible to meet everyone's needs all the time.

And way to go Lyra!

Freebies writes...

In past I've have a little baby, it was my little sister but now she is beautifull teenager. Than she was a small horror to me:) I always try to be a friend to her and now we are the best friend and she is the most lovely sister in the world for me. I'm proud to have such sister!

Devra Renner writes...

Hi Laura,

Five years is a long time to feel lousy and I'd love to help you enjoy the next five and definitely beyond! My parents divorced when I was 4 and as an adult I have conducted "Dealing With Divorce" groups for children.

Here are some overall tools which may be helpful in lessening the guilt:

*Explaining to your kids, and yourself, that it is the husband/wife part that divorced and not the mommy/daddy part sometimes lessens the guilt. Your kids did not arrange the marriage in the first place, so it might make sense to them that they aren't responsible for the divorce either.

*Two happier homes are usually better than one miserable one.

*If you aren't sure what to say, let a book be your platform from which to spring a conversation about feelings. Sometimes it's easier for everone to talk about a Dinosaur's divorce. (Yes, there is an awesome book called "The Dinosaurs Divorce by Marc Brown and Laurie Krasny Brown (yup, of Arthur fame!) which gives lots of options for discussion.

Aviva and I have a bunch of other resources/ideas we'd be happy to share with you if you need something specific to the age of your kids, situation etc. feel free to email us.

Elle writes...

My little piece of Mom guilt? Too much TV. In the background. Clifford on now while she eats dinner. I know she only watches PBS and most of the time she's doing other things, but I feel terrible that it's on that much.

Then again, it's the third month of winter and one can only walk the mall so many times.

laura writes...

thank you for the kind words. you are all so kind... ... ...


Jennifer writes...

My son had a pulmonary function test yesterday and his results do indicate asthma. I feel guilty because they mentioned that a cough with no other symptoms can be a sign of asthma. Since he never seemed sick I just ignored it. And now I feel sad : (

Laura- on the off chance you come back here...I'm so sorry that you are feeling guilty about your divorce. My parents divorced when I was 17 and I have spent a lot of time thinking about divorce and kids. I think the biggest thing in terms of kids feeling ok about their parent's divorce is how the parents treat each other. Are they acting in an adult fashion, do they put the best interests of the kids ahead of their own differences? If you can answer yes to these then I know that your kids will appreciate it- even if it is only one of you acting appropriately. Do I get sad sometimes? Yes, occasionally I do, even so many years later- but I know it was the right thing for them to do and I'm so grateful to my mom for the way she conducted herself. Best wishes to you.

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