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Our Children, Ourselves

Posted by Patience on March 20, 2009 at 7:00 AM in PatienceRaising Girls
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blessingway m lyra kiss

Lucy was in the middle of "it's mine". There had already been about 1,000 statements claiming all that was hers. It was so bad that when a dear friend started to sing The Clean Up song she said, "NO! That's my song. My Mr. Jim (her teacher) sings that, it's MY school song." I shifted uncomfortably yet playfully stated that I was sure neither Lucy nor Mr. Jim owned the rights to that ever popular song. I suggested that maybe every parent and kid in the world shared it.

We all laughed and I tried not to feel embarrassed. I know this is normal and totally developmentally appropriate. I know her power is wonderful and she will possibly one day rule the world.
I know she is her own individual...and yet there are moments when I still cringe. We are such different people, besides the fact that she is 3 and I am 32.

While I am growing and learning as a parent, I still have moments of feeling the social pressure and wishing she were more polite because it is one of my own big personal values. I stack up my performance as a parent and wonder what those around me must be thinking. I view her as an extension of me which can be disastrous for us both.

In this process I'm finding she is teaching me to live a more authentic life. I am teaching her how to use her power in the most effective way. I imagine we are both and forever will be finding our way.

Do you ever have these moments? How do you find your way through?


anne writes...

Oh my gosh, all the time! My youngest has Down Syndrome; he is aware that people stare at him. Kids are just trying to figure it out, but he does not like it, he will say in a really loud, deep voice You, leavemealone, (one long word) leavemealone, and then maybe stick his tongue out at them. Oh I cringe every time. I try and tell him, just smile at them and say hi. Oh, the social pressure to have manners. I think we will all just be forever finding our way. Using those teachable moments as they come along. In the meantime I just keep coloring my hair

Katy writes...

I have two boys with such different husband and I often joke with each other "he's your son" depending on which personality character either son is exhibiting. They do have their own individuality and we both recognize that...revel in it! We do our best to cultivate it, but there are still those times when I impress upon them my personality and upbringing. We want to teach them right from wrong and keep them safe, but I still have to marvel and learn from each of their own uniqueness.

Katy ResumeCreator

Amber writes...

My personal struggle is with the way my 4-year-old behaves in classes. I was a very 'good' student, compliant and attentive. But my kid, she's off doing her own thing. She would rather come up with her own game using the gym equipment than wait in line for her turn to jump over hula hoops lined up on the floor.

I know that there are upsides to her personality. She is not following the crowd, and that's a good thing. But it's not easy for me to butt out, and I feel embarrassed when it's my kid holding everyone up yet again.

My only tactic for handling this, at the moment, is to send her with my husband whenever I can. If avoidance can be called a 'tactic'. ;)

Christy writes...

I have a wonderful 26 month old daughter who, so far *wink*, is showing signs of following in my footsteps...which is not exactly a good She is extremely polite, so much so that other people have mentioned it out in public. She is creative, playful, and curious. However, she is also clumsy, stubborn, and very independent.

Most of the time she is fairly easy to work with; except of course when she is tired. It's these times, with freinds and family and especially in public, that I have my "Oh my God, is this really my kid" moments. It's hard to explain that your child isn't just a spolied littel brat when they drop to the groud and flail around becuase you told them "No" for the third time regarding a candy (or any other item) purchase. The funny thing is I can put her in the EXACT same situation after a good nap, or shortly after waking up in the morning, when she is refreshed and she will take the first "No" as law and not ask again.

I know she's only just 2 now, and our "trials" will increase and vary as she gets older...and I am actually looking forward to it. Becasue I know that once we get past it, we will be closer then ever. I have NEVER loved anyone as much as I love her and I look forward to sharing that love with her and introducing her to as much of the world as I can.

cupcakes mommy writes...

Response to Christy:
I just had the same experience today with my sweet little 2 year old. My kid was acting crazy (she didn't roll on the ground only because she doesn't like dirt). I did not even recognize her as my child. She stayed up way too late the night before. She does not take naps- ever. Just before bed tonight she had a psycho moment and started screaming and crying like somebody was beating her up and then about 10 minutes later fell asleep. Who knew how important "beauty rest" was- sheesh!

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