i have a question. we just had our second child in under two years and i am wondering how the heck i'm supposed to find the time and energy to build and maintain an intimate relationship with my husband when the kids demand so much--sometimes all--of us. am i committing a major no-no if i let things slide for a while? or am i committing a major no-no if i try to take on marital issues right now?
There are about 100 pictures like the one above. When Lyra was just minutes old, Jorge
held her in 52 different poses, taking goofy and joyous pictures of himself with his new girl. It's just so amazing, and the love so overwhelming during that time. It's easy to lose the "you and me" in all of the new "us". When the babymoon wears off and you are both so tired and spent is when the real relationship navigation kicks into high gear.
It's difficult to answer your question Kelly because every couple is so different, however I am happy to share my own experience. Every weekend for the last month, Jorge and I have been arguing over the stupidest things. I realized we were royally on each other's nerves and even after four children are still adjusting to our new life with this baby.
For us, we need a little of both options you mentioned. I try to remind myself that space and time are required during this stage of our lives and marriage. Grace is a wonderful gift to give each other. It won't always be this way, the baby won't always be so little and needy. I won't always feel so frazzled. While I'm sure there will be different challenges ahead, they won't be the exact kind before us today. This thought can be comforting during particularly hard moments in our everyday lives.
Yet even while we are willing to honor the stage we are in, we can still choose to be in it together. This might mean that I push myself to ask him to join me (even when I'm tired and I wish he would just jump in without the invitation) in the thick of it because we are partners and friends. It might mean that we require breaks both separately and together. It might mean that I have to trust him to take care of things even if it's not the way I would. It might mean that we choose each other even in the midst of all the need around us.
In the end, these children will grow up and leave us and this person is the one who will be by my side after they are gone. Many a day though, the answers aren't always so clear.
What do you think superparents? How do you find your way back to your partner in the midst of living life with kids?