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Run To Your Mother Joy

Posted by Patience on May 5, 2009 at 7:00 AM in HolidaysPatience
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ocean joy3

It hasn't been my most stellar year of mothering. I have discovered a new level of hard I didn't know about yet. The sheer number of little people, the drama of a three year old with a lovely and yet intense personality, the needs of a baby. I kind of thought I had this thing under control up until now. It's a gift really, being humbled and joining the ranks of real parenting. Even though I like to reflect (i.e. mildly obsess) on my parenting on a regular basis, this Mother's Day I find myself with new and confusing feelings.

I'm not sure I deserve all the hoopla of honor, I have never been so edgy and made so many mistakes. It's been more of a triumph of survival and I'd be horrified and hurt if there was no fanfare at all. Sound familiar?

This is the year when I remember I birthed these children.
This is the year I discover how forgiving children are when they proudly present me with a macaroni necklace made at school.
This is the year to tell my husband what I would like to do because I need to know I am loved regardless of my performance.
This is the year to remember the 1,000 tiny things I do to keep this family going.
This is a year for self care, forgiveness and a new start.
This is the year that I run towards what brings me joy so I can bring it back to my family.

This is the year I tell my mom I understand her and love her in a new way.

Are you having the opposite kind of year? Do you desperately need everyone around you to see you in all your mothering glory?

Every mother I know seems to have a love/hate relationship with Mother's Day. What's your feeling about it? Tell us in the comments.


Vanessa writes...

Well put! Thanks!

Amber writes...

I am very love-hate about Mother's Day. I particularly hate all of the sickly sweet sentimentality of the occasion. Mothers are people, and it's OK that we're people. We don't have to be 'saints', all-suffering and never complaining with no thoughts for ourselves. Sometimes I feel like this way of celebrating motherhood is really stifling and guilt-inducing.

I think that Father's Day is much better.

Eleanor writes...

First, Patience, Thank goodness we do not do our own "performance reviews" as mothers because we mothers always second-guess our own performance. Second, thank goodness that regardless of said "performance," we still "deserve" all that wonderful goodness and love that our kids and spouses have to offer because they seem to think so (they don't even know what a "performance evaluation" is and I think their standards are lower than our own :-)), and you know what...I think they are right. "Performance" and "deserve" do not belong in the same sentence - at least not in this sense. It is so much about self appreciation and realizing that you deserve every last bit of goodness that your family gives. It's about sitting back and looking at your life and saying "this is so good" and the picture that you are looking at and evaluating includes EVERYTHING!

PatienceAuthor Profile Page writes...

such wisdom Eleanor...all of it!

nicole writes...

What a hauntingly beautiful image. You could do a book with all of your extraordinary photos. I would buy it!

PatienceAuthor Profile Page writes...

Thank you Nicole, I needed that today!

Martha writes...

Well's my first Mother's Day. I already have a love/hate relationship with it. I agree with Amber...Father's Day is MUCH better!

ecig writes...

I love mother's guys should appreciate your mother more..


Thank you for sharing your stories. When I was young I didn't have much of a relationship with my mom. I think it had to do with the fact she had been going through some tough times.

Although I wish I had someone to look up to at that age. I guess that was my challenge in life. Although I never really established a relationship with my mother until l my late 20's I feel some resentment about the past and how I wish she could have been there for me.

Instead I ended up looking to myself for the support I needed.

Now when mothers day comes up it just reminds me of the gap that was missing from my youth. Sorry, I had to share my story and I hope that didn't offend anyone.

Test for Candida writes...

Even though it isn't Mothers Day anymore. Christmas is coming up and its the longest I've been away from my Mother in my entire life. It's a strange feeling having such a detachment.

I'm starting to understand maternal love better as time passes away from my family back home.

I know as well that no gift I can give my mother would make her as happy as to have me home for the holidays.
Candida Book

PatienceAuthor Profile Page writes...

me too, i've been feeling particularly connected to my mom this holiday, just finally understanding what life was like for her when we were growing up. (ps)

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