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Jen: March 2009 Archives
Dentist Schmentist. Is there a way to avoid the drama of the dentist chair? Especially for those kids who feel violated by just having to say "ah" let alone sit still for the drill? Here's a handy article about how to help kids understand the value of the dental hygiene and timely visits to regular doctors, too.
When You Give a Girl a Camera. Looking for something creative to do with that growing girl of yours? Whether she's five or fifteen, you'll be delighted to see what she sees when you look through the lens of her heart.
What Do Babies Really Need? In all the angst that mother's suffer over whether to continue breastfeeding when problems arise, it's good to keep in mind these bits about baby bonding that have so much more to do with hands on tenderness than whether or not baby gets a bottle.
When I first discovered Mccabe Russell online, I knew this dancing mermaid would be just the person to encourage supersisters (and superdads) who want to see their girls grow creative and strong. McCabe is a self-taught artist who has dedicated her work to helping young girls feel good about themselves through art and creative play. In her mermaid camps, girls of all ages weave affirmations and poetry into art journaling, mixed media. homemade candles, and fairy jars to name a few. I asked Mccabe to tell us more about her mermaid warrior classes and what she knows now after fifteen years of creating safe space for girls to explore themselves while also learning the power of supporting others.
What is a mermaid warrior?
A mermaid warrior is a girl who is not afraid to be herself. She also supports her mermaid sister-friends~its all about encouraging each other through art and friendship.
What are your little mermaid friends telling you about what little girls need these days? Any tips for moms who are having trouble connecting?
What I hear most from my little mermaid students is that they need to feel understood. I think as adults we sometimes rush to find a solution or teach the lesson. These things are important and have a place, but it is equally important to just listen to what they are saying. When a tender issue arises, try to give them your undivided attention so that they know their feelings are valued. I have also found that even when a child is not ready to share, a simple, "I know it feels hard right now" can do wonders. Feel WITH them. We all want to feel normal and connected even in our hardest emotions.
Why do you think little girls are so drawn to the princess thing?
I think Disney plays a big part in that! I think it seems exciting and glamorous to them with all the pink tooling and handsome prince bouncing on a white horse. Being a princess seems to equal a happy ending. A part of me cringes when I hear a little girl say she wants to be a "princess when she grows up." I love fairy tales, but they often don't tell the whole story. I want girls to feel like they are beautiful without the costumes and drama...that they are perfect and enough in their everyday self.
We're all about ages and stages here on the supersister blog. In your experience, is there any difference between what a five year old or a ten year old mermaid needs?
The five year old mermaids (at first) need to be assured that they are doing it "right." They feel safe in knowing that their artwork and presence is approved by others. At the same time, they thrive in independence and love the opportunity to do so. I feel it is important to teach them the joy of doing art for yourself, whether it gets put up on the fridge or not. When asked my opinion on a piece of artwork I love to ask, "Do YOU like it?" Once they start school they begin comparing their art to other kids, and a piece of the magic gets lost. At the same time five year olds are very free and not afraid to ask questions or give new ideas.
Ten year old mermaids need to feel their uniqueness is honored and valued. Many of them are torn between wanting to establish their own individuality, and yet not feeling brave enough to be themselves. It is a tough pull, so 9 and 10 year old girls need extra encouragement and love in this area. This topic might not be regular dialogue between their peers, so getting them together to talk about these things is powerful and healing. They are so relieved when they discover they are not alone in their feelings.
One more. What drew you to this work?
I had a really hard time as a kid, especially around the age of twelve. So much was happening and I did not have anyone to talk to about it. It makes me sad that i carried all that shame around for all those years, and yet it is my superpower to help others in this special way. In my early twenties, I found an art healing class, and began the long journey back to myself. I kept thinking how great it would have been to have a class like that at twelve. Over time i discovered that my passion was being the person I needed as a child to other girls. It is empowering for everyone. Our pain has great power if used correctly.
Thanks, Mccabe! Supersisters, leave a comment telling us the thing you love the most about raising girls. We'll send a special mermaid surprise to one lucky commenter.
What's on your weekend roster, sisters? Has spring arrived to your part of the world yet? Are your kids in the middle of spring break? Here are some links for you and yours that might be interesting and encouraging in one way or another.
Ben's Bells. Tuscon Mom Jeanette Packard is finding a way to bring hope and light to the world by offering back kindness in honor of her son Ben who died unexpectedly at age three. Click through and I promise you will be inspired not only by the goodness happening here, but also by Jeanette's kindness and courage.
Picture Hope. One of my lifelong dreams has been to travel to faraway places for a deep and hopeful purpose. Check out this video. If all goes well, I'll be off on a hopeful storytelling adventure with one or the other of my children by my side. Can't you see Carter in Nepal? Madeleine in Rwanda?
You can find me here. Here's a lovely reflection on the sweetness of a new baby and a moment in an everyday life. Do you have a new baby at your house? Leave us a link to your stories and how your other children are handling the new addition in the comments below.
He's wringing his hands over a little egg case of praying mantis eggs sent over from Meryl.
At first, it's the most exciting thing ever! 50 to 400 eggs! Praying mantis bugs everywhere. Can you even imagine?
We sit on the couch and marvel. This is fantastic. And then. The wheels start to turn. And turn. And turn and turn and turn.
What if I'm not here when they hatch?
What if no one is here when they hatch?
What if no one sees them when they're born?
Can we go to the doctor and get an x-ray everyday so we'll know when they're coming?
Can we put them somewhere really warm will they hatch faster? On time? Right now? Like popcorn?
I HAVE TO BE THERE WHEN THEY'RE BORN.
I WANT MY WHOLE FAMILY TO BE THERE.
When Carter is in grief, it's the most heart-wrenching thing in the world. None of us can take it. It's the saddest, sweetest grief you've ever seen. You don't know whether to laugh or cry or, in our case, say all the wrong things to make it better. And not just us, but four next door neighbors, two from each side. Not a single one of us had something good to offer that could help Carter stop crying as his emotions traveled through all of life's most primal moments--birth, home (can we make 400 individual shelters for each of them), loss (what if they fly away? what if they're not with me anymore and I needed them?), death (what if they die???).
An hour and a half into the meltdown, I had only two thoughts in my head:
1. This is clearly not about the eggs.
2. There is a whole lot of love for one little boy in this room.
Tell me, please oh please, how do you deal with meltdowns--the kind that aren't about bad behavior or not enough to eat or not enough sleep--but those tears that are telling you that something is truly not all right. I'd love to know.
You get to go to bed at eleven after watching a scary movie.
And no one tries to wipe the evidence of the chocolate chip pancakes you ate at 6AM from your adorable mouth.
You can (pretend) to play video games all day long.
And get first hand lessons on how to blow off your mother from your oldest cousin who says on repeat, "Mom. Stop worrying about them. I got it."
Cute girls might even try to pick you up.
Just in time for your own stand up comedy show.
Where you have your own fan club.
All because your mother had to go and have that silly baby, who might not be so bad after all.
This video came right at the perfect moment this week. It's the perfect pick-me-up is you want a little credit for sticking it out in the everyday moments. And if your family (like ours) is weak in the hair brushing department, you'll love how rumpled everyone looks.
And while you're at it, why not check out how one woman is making lots of kids in Tanzania extremely lucky this St. Patrick's Day. You'll feel lucky, too, when you see how little it takes to make a big difference.
Do you have a nana who's 90 years young? Check out this sweet photo essay from one Maine momma who knows how to capture love in her lens.
Looking for something to do with your favorite girl and her cadre of friends? Learn how to teach a mermaid warrior course where little girls in your neighborhood can make art journals and feel the full weight of their princess-y power.
Born yesterday morning
Mason Gray, 9 pounds, 3 ounces, 22 inches long, and yes, boys and girls, his mama pushed that big ole boy out in under 20 minutes flat!
Kris is at home and doing well. More pictures to follow...
1. You are powerful.
2. You can say no when you need to.
3. You know the right thing to do, and you can do it.
4. You are beautiful.
5. You can be strong and need tenderness at the same time.
6. Your big strong emotions are safe with me.
7. I will honor your strength.
8. I will respect you and your wishes.
9. I will teach you how to be brave and kind.
10. I will love you no matter what.
At least, that's what the princesses in my life are telling me they'd like to hear, in hushed whispers at the dinner table, when their mothers are ready to strangle them for being such divas or devils, you decide.
What do you think, supersisters? Will we turn them into monsters if we give them more rein (or maybe that should be reign!) I'd love to hear your honest opinion in the comments below. Is it possible to give little girls too much power?
Are your kids growing weary of their tried and true online games? This new photo mashup tool on PBS Parents makes Madeleine a sage and the li'l PBS girl her muse (see above). Lots of lovely ways to be creative with your pictures here.
Wondering if you could ever dare do art with your kids when you are feeling so no creative yourself? Here is a gentle photo essay to demystify the process. All you need is a blank piece of paper and a box of paints.
Here's a kind reminder to soak in whatever the day brings--whether the little one in your house is eleven days, eleven months or eleven years. Lovely reflections for such a sweet sunny Saturday.
Since we are incredibly new to TV at our house--we've only had a television with actual channels you could watch since last spring--my kids (and I) are still trying to sort out all this business about what it means to get ready for DTV. Here's a nice educational DTV video that makes sense out of the changes ahead.
It's Spirit Week at Carter's school and I've never seen him happier to wake up, get dressed and be there now before it's too late.
"What's wacky Wednesday?" I ask, since the whole week sounds wacky to me.
"You just have to be waa-aaacky?" he answers, ever so helpfully, blue eyes shining with maniacal glee.
I shrug my shoulders and go back to making what Madeleine describes as "the ultimate lunch"--turkey, cheese on whole wheat bread, chips, juice box and pudding--my penance for an entire school year of jelly sandwiches thrown into a old grocery bag.
Fifteen minutes later Carter comes down dressed in an old ratty t-shirt, a shiny red polka dot tie, two different shoes and a pair of underwear on his head.
Yes, underwear on his head and a chopstick which he announces will help him eat his sandwich. Bwahahahaha. What could be more mischievious, more wacky, more wonderful than that?
Go ahead, treat yourself to something wacky today. Surprise your kids with an unexpected moment of silliness and find out how happy they can be when no one has to button it up, tuck it in or do it right.