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Jen: May 2009 Archives
Here's to your favorite funny face makers this sunny May weekend! If you're looking for good reading material this weekend, here are our favorites from the week:
How do you handle your media preferences for your kids when they're off at someone else's house? Movie critic and mom Sandie Angulo Chen offers this media playdate protocol for the next time screens are part of the fun.
Want to hear what our favorite media experts have to say about kids and screens? Check out this complete guide with sage advice for kids of all ages.
One Silicon Valley mom reviews famous kids and famous mothers who have something to say about where they came from and where they're going. Read her balanced perspective on the way our children view us.
Here's a confession: When I was in fourth grade, crushed under the weight of my school-wide reputation as being a straight A student and all around goody-goody, I learned how to swear. I was careful to keep my potty mouth to myself and a close circle of friends, in order to keep me under the parent/teacher radar and ensure all the perks of being a "good kid." But the thrill of saying bad words in the company of friends fed me with a love of scandal and outrageous behavior that I still secretly (or maybe not so secretly?) harbor. I never got caught and nothing bad happened, but there were always stories of those who weren't as lucky as I was--the girls who got their mouths washed out with soap. The boys who had to stand in corners for hours. And the very unfortunate few who withstood the torture of hot pepper and other hopefully now outlandish forms of behavior modification. It was a dangerous enterprise, I kid you not.
Now I have my own fourth grader who recently got caught on the front porch using less than PBS sponsored language in conversation with her younger brother. I wasn't there to witness, but Dave was. What to do? Make a big deal? Mandate silence? Give a lecture? Neither one of us had much of an answer.
Madeleine, however, had a very finally crafted policy on swearing that she is quite happy to share. "Here's how it works," she told us. "Grown-ups can swear in front of grown-ups, and kids can swear in front of kids, but neither one can swear in front of each other."
That's what she said, I swear.
I know what you're thinking. Ouch. And the more noble-spoken among you, Do we really need any swearing at all? Seriously? I plead the fifth on that one, but I'd like to know what you think. Swearing? No swearing? Consequences? No consequences? You can slice this one any which way and I'm not sure I have the answer.
Here's hoping your Memorial Day weekend is full of the stuff that makes memories for years to come. If you're looking for ideas of what to do, here are a few tips to get you started:
Free Popsicle Stand. Pull out the cooler, load it up with ice and stock it up with that all-time kid favorite Flavor-Ice. Let your kids make a handmade sign that says, "Because You're So Cool! Free Popsicles!" Your neighborhood will be delighted by the surprise and your kids will get a glimpse at the power in giving goodness away.
Bike Safari. Since Carter started riding his bike, there's nothing that makes him happier than a longer trek to the streets far beyond our neighborhood. Turn your ride into a bike safari and bring along treats to eat when you get as far as you plan to go before returning home.
Gardening Goodness. There's nothing like a three-day weekend to inspire you to get your hands dirty and invite your favorite little mess-maker to do the same. Sunflowers thrive with little assistance and provide almost immediate gratification for your favorite little farmer.
Have a great weekend!
Deciding to do something he's always wanted to do all by himself. That's it. And this spring that thing--at least for Carter--is learning how to ride a bike.
Now, I know many of you sisters out there have kids who've been bike riding since they were four. And there are some of you out there (cough cough Kristen) who have two year olds who can bike that trike forwards and backwards, downstairs and across the yard in the blink of an eye. But I swear all of your early bird bike riders have nothing on the bliss of a very scared seven year old who finally decided he had the courage to try to learn to ride his bike, practically by himself, one bright Saturday morning.
For the last couple years Carter has been happy to stand on the sidelines while the neighborhood kids tackled various childhood tasks with happiness and abandon. All the coaxing in the world couldn't convince Carter it was worth the risk to try anything new--an after school club, a green bean, a swimming class. And don't even think about insisting or laying down the law. If there was ever a kid to come completely unglued in the face of parental pressure, it's Carter.
But almost overnight it seemed, something changed. Maybe it was being seven and a half--those half year marks always seem to note big changes in both my kids--but Carter started talking about being sad that he was always missing out. He wanted to do stuff. He didn't want to be afraid anymore.
I spent more than a few crazy nights with Carter on my little kid-sized therapy couch, trying to help him get his confidence up, listening for signs that he was ready to take the leap.
Then one night at bedtime he announced he had two goals. One, learn how to ride his bike. And two, learn how to swim. After a few tentative tries, he was figuring out how to balance. Within a week he was flying across the parking lot. I've never seen him happier. Now with this new skill under his belt, he's warming up to what it will take to learn how to swim--actual swim lessons--though he reports the thought is still horrifying.
I'm still not sure if I did the right thing to let Carter decide it was time--at almost eight--to learn how to ride his bike, but this one thing is certain: there's a particular happiness that comes with deciding it's time to do something on your own, without any pressure, without anyone else deciding how you should learn and when. Carter may be a little bit late to the bike riding scene, at least for this neighborhood, but his joy in choosing his own timing is all his own and something about that is making us both very, very happy.
Read more about what to expect from your seven year old.
Considering adoption? Check in with our experts as you explore concerns and possibilities for adding a new person to your family. You'll be relieved to discover what's a normal and expected part of the process.
Looking for blogs to inspire you on your search for your new family member? Boho Girl chronicles her journey from infertility to despair to peace to a new possibility--an open adoption with a loving birth mother. You'll be inspired by this honest, no holds barred approach to a very important decision. Check out each chapter of the journey on the sidebar to the left.
What if your adoption dreams include a trek to a faraway land? Check in with Owlhaven, an openhearted mama with a houseful of children who came to her from across the ocean. You'll love her stories and insight about how to make a family from a longheld dream, especially when finances are a primary issue.
Favorite adoption blogs or resources? Let us know in the comments below.
art by jenlemen
Now none of us are afraid of climbing that stepladder that will help you gingerly climb onto the table that will let you peek over the edge of this incredible nest. Everyday we take turns visiting our very own newborn nursery to see the latest arrivals.
Look, Mom, they don't even have very many feathers yet! They look so helpless and tiny!
I tell them that all brand new things--birds and babies especially--need so much care when they're new.
That's why we never wanted to put you down when you were first born. You seemed so fragile and frail.
We nod to each other as the next child waits for a turn to climb the ladder, then stand on the table. At this rate, we could probably charge admission, once the neighborhood kids find out.
I watch the whole scene and note how silently both kids take turns watching. No one touches, no one speaks, except to murmur praise and compassion. We are getting a chance to admire the beginning, when the simplest things take so much effort, when every day carries with it so many little changes and so much hope.
Supersisters, here's hoping your Mother's Day is more than magical. Consider this comment section your place to put your hopes for the big day, and remember--choosing to really appreciate and acknowledge all the ways you've done the best you could is the best gift of all.
photo by Tracey Clark
Mom, look what I found!
I don't want to tell you how high up this nest is or how my mind started racing to think of what she was doing out here to notice it anyway, but she found it and now here I am teetering precariously on a stool turned ladder, trying to get the shot so we can preserve this moment forever.
Here Mom, give it to me.
I pass her the camera and wish for another so I could shoot her shooting the nest. Her expert eye, her determination to get in close, her willingness to climb, to risk, to hold still in midair so that what she sees can be seen by everyone else she loves who couldn't be there.
That's my girl, and for all my complaints about how she procrastinates or argues or refuses to comply with my made up rules, she also has this part, too--the wild girl with so much magic, so much wonder, so much appreciation for beauty.
Treasures are waiting to be discovered--even in that kid in your family who you hate to admit sometimes punches your buttons. Especially in that kid who reminds you over and over again the rules don't always apply.
Can you see your "difficult" child as a treasure hunter bringing you back to the forgotten parts of yourself? Here's hoping you can claim your bounty today--in the form of an egg or a nest or a girl who happens to be a lot like you.
Has swine flu frenzy hit your house? Are your kids worried about getting sick or wondering what's going on? Here's a collection of helpful resources about staying safe and healthy--in your mind as well as your body.
If your kids are scared about the flu or other big things happening in the news these days, here's good advice about how to begin a conversation that will put everyone at ease. And if you're wondering what's appropriate for your five year old vs. your eight year old, here's age appropriate advice for everyone in your family.
Need to know the details about swine flu? Check out the specifics about how the virus works and then head on over to this great resource from the CDC about how to avoid germs of all kinds, especially during a time like this. And if you're looking for information specifically geared towards children, don't miss this from Kid's Health.
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