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Patience: September 2008 Archives
Lyra Grace Salgado
born at home, in the water, by candlelight
on September 26, 2008
8lbs. 10 oz
21 inches long
Lots of peace and joy surrounding!
What a sticky subject right? or maybe not at all. Last Saturday my neighbor called with a last minute invitation to go to an Obama rally close by. It was a no brainer for me, convincing the kids was another story.
Me: "Remember the man I told you about that might be the next leader of our country? There is a rally for him going on right NOW? Do you guys want to go? It's like were part of history here!"
Josiah: "Obama?! Is he going to be there?"
Jack: "Nah, I don't want to go. I'll just stay here."
Me: "I don't think he is going to be there but it should be very exciting. Come on!"
We eventually convinced Jack to go but only if we drove instead of walking. Lucy was devastated we weren't walking and everyone was grouchy by the time we got in the car 15 minutes later. I was hoping it was still a good idea especially when the questions started to flow on the way.
"Who is the leader now?"
"Oh, that guy started the war right? Is the new guy gonna stop it?"
"Why did we do that anyway?"
I was completely bipartisan giving both ends of the argument right? Not so much. I totally filled their heads with my political ideals and thoughts. I kind of felt guilty after. I was almost as bad as the smear commercial campaigns on television. It started a new little debate in my head.
Should we use politics as an opportunity to pass on our values?
or
Is it an opportunity to educate about the system and help our kids explore their own thoughts and ideas?
or
maybe a little of both?
I'm sure the answer is different for everyone but after the moment I wished I had asked my kids what they thought before I shared my views. I decided if a do-over is in my future there are a few questions that might stir up some conversation.
If you were the President, what would you do?
What would be important to you (and for all the people)?
What would you change?
What if kids ruled the world, what would it look like?
The rally ended up being a huge hit. There were bubbles, face painting, coloring, boat hats, healthy snacks and music. I was in heaven with all the change energy in air, the kids seemed mildly amused. I'm not sure I started any budding political activism with my crew but I was glad we went.
So I ask you Supersisters, what do you think? How do you handle politics at your house?
What part does it play if any at all? Does the media force you address it or are you blissfully unaware? What do you think kids should know?
a couple of my family fortune tellers
There it was in teal highlighting on the shared online google family calendar- Baby will come. Lord knows it will happen if it's on the calendar right? It was my husband's attempt at manifesting. He put it up over two weeks ago. The 22nd of September was the first day when work was quiet, a good day to have a baby according to his very busy schedule.
I decide to go with it even though my due date is still 11 days away, I'm more than ready to have a baby. He's been on a roll lately with inviting good things to come into his life, and then claiming them whole heartedly.
I noticed his facebook page had been updated:
"Jorge is on high alert...we can't wait to meet our new baby!"
This, of course, started a flurry of return wall-to-wall comments and actual phone calls.
Have I mentioned I'm not even in labor? There has been not one contraction all day.
He came home from work last night and jokingly said, "Hmm...Is the baby here yet, is she cute?"
I have been walking around 3 centimeters dilated for weeks now. High alert passed for me somewhere around last Monday, I've moved to quiet desperation.
I decided to ask a very small child for a prediction as I've found in the past they can serve as excellent magic 8 balls. Lucy, at the age of almost three is the perfect candidate.
"Lucy, do you think we are having our baby this week?" I inquire.
"Nope." She says oh so casually.
"Do you think we are having our baby NEXT week?" I say in my best shocked tone.
"Yep." She replies nodding her head.
So I'm moving on with my family fortune tellers. The phone rang late last night. It was a dear friend who is due with her baby on the exact same day. She was calling to ask me if I thought she could be in labor. I think the google calendar was for her.
Calling all Supersisters- Care to make a prediction in the comments? Or at least tell me what you did to pass the time at the end of pregnancy when you feel like a whale?
Jack and Josiah (above) along with Jorge (my husband) comprise the Blue Guy team
Between years of teaching and parenting, I have played A LOT of kitty-cat and puppy dog in my life. Being on all fours, pretending to eat from a bowl, meowing and barking, it is a game almost all small children love.
Maybe it is an adult coming low to the ground, the physicality of pretending to be something beloved, or just acting silly; it introduced me to play from a child's perspective. The games evolved over time as my boys grew. They would climb on my puppy back and somehow tickling ensued. I found I really enjoyed physical games with my kids. Running, chasing, hiding, jumping, climbing, I felt alive in all the best ways. Kids really love it when you play with them; I learned this from this very smart guy.
We had incredibly gentle boys so my concerned husband started to introduce a playful form of wrestling. The boys loved this "Blue Guy" game and it soon became a nightly routine. (Don't ask me where the name came from, I have no idea)
Jorge would cackle and yell as the boys tagged team together against him. It wasn't long before they could give him a real run for his money. The intensity and frequency ebbed and flowed through the years but Blue Guy was a staple for connection in our house.
When we found out Jorge would need a pretty involved knee surgery I wondered what would happen to their beloved game. It was out of this crisis that Mama Slam was born. If he could wrestle with them, why couldn't I? I was just a fill in, a substitute for the master of Blue Guy but I was pretty sure I could hang.
So Jorge had his surgery and I was determined to become the Mama Slam champion. We even had tournaments. The prize was a night out to dinner, at a place of the winner's choosing. They were gunning for pizza; I had a salad and soup joint in mind. It was the best 2 out of 3, I almost won.
Jorge's recovery took longer than we expected and Mama Slam replaced Blue Guy. Everyone plays now, gender has gone out the window as Lucy can very much hold her own. I've been banned for several months due to protecting our future girl team. Our baby girl to be born any day now will complete the trio that will be pure girl power versus a very experienced boy team. I really miss Mama Slam, more than I expected, but I'm sure the comeback will be fierce and fun.
Tell us your favorite physical games to play with your kids in the comments. If the whole idea makes you tired just tell us the ones you watch your kids play from the bench at the park, it still counts.
Here is some more great info on raising active boys.
my husband Jorge and son Josiah at age 2
It was our little Sunday ritual. Every week we would visit the Fritanga Managua in Miami for our favorite meal. The place was always packed, music playing, Nicaraguan families gathered around small tables with plastic forks and vinyl tablecloths.
Carne asada, gallo pinto, queso, ensalada and maduros. My belly grew each week both from the yummy food and the baby inside. The girls behind the counter smiled and winked at my handsome Latino husband as I fumbled my way through my order in Spanish. I was the gringa, the American girl whose love of food could cross any cultural and language barriers. There was something that always felt so familiar and close about that little place. The culture embraced a deep sense of family that drew me in. It was as if the baby I was growing belonged to everyone at the fritanga.
I wondered about my father-in-law coming to this country with his little boy, my husband. He was an educated man who lost everything when the Sandinista's invaded his country forcing him to flee for his life with his family. Like so many others, he came with empty hands but full of a willingness to work hard and begin a new life.
He had a paper route, pumped gas, and was a janitor at night just to support those he loved and under his care. When things were hard, the same man with a boy's hand in his own visited the neighborhood fritanga for warm smiles and the familiarity of cultural family home.
The girls behind the counter noticed the first Sunday I missed. Jorge told them he was instructed to get my most favorite meal after I had birthed our son Josiah. They congratulated him and sent extra pieces of tres leches cake home to celebrate our fritanga baby.
Every time we visit Miami, we head straight for the fritanga. We live too far away today so in honor of Hispanic Heritage month (September 15-October 15), we will be making our own maduros and playing some fun Spanish games,activities and hopefully finding some new books.
You can also check out what celebrations are planned in your area here.
For our Latino friends: Here is a link to PBS Parents in Spanish.
Blessings: part 2
After our last family togetherness activity to prepare for the arrival of our baby, we chose something a little different this time around.
My friend Melissa gave me this great idea after reading a book on how other cultures prepare and celebrate birth. The idea was to hang flags with hopes, wishes and blessings for a new baby. It is thought that these blessings would be the first thing a baby sees after he or she is born. I can hardly think of a better way to be introduced to your new family and the world.
I let the kids pick the color of paper and asked them to write or draw one thing they wanted or hoped for our new baby. Here's what they came up with:
Josiah: I hope you like what you see.
Jack: I wish you have the power to be strong.
Lucy: I wish this picture for you.
Me: I wish you feel happy and loved.
Jorge: I hope you feel loved in the deep way everyone else does in our family.
This little activity helped us think of our baby as a real person who we already love and have yet to meet. By offering our wishes and blessings, we can start to imagine her here.
If the idea of having the baby isn't producing much excitement at your house, you can turn the exchange on it's side and ask the kids-
What do you wish for yourself when our baby comes?
Everyone in the family can participate, it might expose some needs you haven't discovered yet.
Even with all the family prep, everyone will still find their own way and in their own time. Somehow we all come back to each other in the end. I'm learning it's what family is all about.
Here are a few more ideas for inviting kids to prepare for baby:
1. Cook together- Invite the kids into the kitchen to make some frozen meals for postpartum nights when cooking sounds like a hopeless task. Let the kids pick the desserts to have with each planned meal.
2. Get a code word- Decide on a code word that kids can use when they are feeling left out or need some extra attention. Talk about the demands of a tiny baby and how you will navigate everyone's needs. Ask kids for input on problem solving in different scenarios.
3. Make something sacred- Pick an activity you can do together that kids can count on no matter what. If reading before bed is your thing, pick a new book and commit to being there for that one activity.
Try to stick to a regular time if possible but make a prior "escape" plan with your child if baby crisis trumps the moment. Let your child decide when your alternative plan should take place.
Now can someone remind me of these ideas in 3 weeks when I'm pulling my hair out with an infant and 3 kids?
Books: part one
Things have been rumbling in our house lately. New jobs, a new school year, a new baby coming. All the new gives way to lots of joy but also requires navigating roles, identifying feelings and finding a flow.
I find more children have climbed in bed with us when I wake up, a new level of tantrums erupt and everyone seems just the tiniest bit out of sorts. It always takes me a few days to figure out change is the culprit.
When this happens I know from experience that family love is in order. So after we realize that our children are not monsters, we return to the basics of holding, listening and creating an experience to bring us together.
New baby is the the biggest change headed our direction so we decided to take it on with a book.
Did you know that according to Josiah, Jack and Lucy I'm going to have a one hour labor while I hula dance and roar like a lion?
These great predictions originated from conversations started by this little treasure:
Mama When is the Baby Gonna Hatch? by Cary York
It's a natural childbirth preparation book for families by Richmond artist Cary York.
The voice of this book is so honoring to kids and their journey to becoming siblings.
My favorite part was the kid's answers to the interactive questions in the book.
The mix of medical terminology with an invitation for kid input was just what we needed to open up lots of questions and talk about all that is coming.
A little information and a plan can go a long way to help everyone feel more settled during a big change.
Josiah and I reminisced about Lucy's birth while Jack was all about the predictions and information gathering. Lucy was happy to color and make "animal" mama labor noises.
After they decided they would play Legos and plan a birthday party for our new baby girl while I am in labor, we made a plan to do our next family activity in a few days.
This gives a chance to check back in together again as we find our way to becoming a family of six.
I'll be working on my hula dance in the mean time.
If you want to check out Cary's book and her amazing art, you can find her work here.
Check out part 2: Baby blessings on Friday!
Supersister Suggestion of the Day: What did you do to help your kids get ready for a new sibling?
A proud Jen holding a minutes old Lucy
We have had a problem prepping Lucy for preschool lately. It has to do with "Jen-love" as I like to call it. This might be because Jen completely delights in Lucy. Everyone needs someone in their life who thinks you are brilliant, clever and can do no wrong.
One of Lucy's new teachers at school is named Jim. I've tried to talk about him a lot to give her a sense of familiarity. The problem being, she only has Jen on the brain.
On the day of the home visit from her new teachers:
Me: Lucy, do you want to make some cookies for Liza and Jim?
Lucy: For JEN? Oh sure, I love make cookies for JEN!
Me: No Lucy, for JIM.
Lucy: No mama, I make cookies for Jen.
One more attempt at clarifying and getting her excited about school:
Me: So are you excited to go to school? Jim and Liza are going to have some great things waiting for you.
Lucy: Jen is going to be at my school? Oh how nice.
I give up.
The other night I was crying in a pregnancy induced overwhelmed moment.
Lucy came to comfort. She put her hand on my leg.
Lucy: Are you sad mama?
Me: Yeah, but I'll be alright.
Lucy: Do you miss Jen? (thinking this surely must be the reason for tears)
Me: Umm...No.
Lucy: Oh. (dumbfounded)
Every kid needs a favorite auntie I guess. Josiah absolutely adores "Cook" who is Kris.
Jack has a soft spot for our other sister Katie.
Lord help us when Jen isn't at preschool the first day. Poor Jim.
Who was the "auntie" when you were growing up that completely adored you? Who is the Supersister in your child's life today?
On the eve of my second born heading off to his first day of kindergarten I found myself watching this video over and over again. The video is of a recent speech given at a Dallas Teacher's Conference. The keynote speaker was Dalton Sherman, a local fifth grader who might as well be the next Barack Obama.
The biggest reason I find it so compelling is due to the sheer power and intention in this kid. I began to wonder how he came to this place. Was it just in him? Or was it really what he proposed, that those around him believe in him?
I decided that I agree with Dalton. While every child will not give a speech like his, each child holds something inside that is incredibly unique and makes a mark on this world. This can only grow with adults believing deeply and holding the space for children to discover it for themselves.
It all translates so differently into everyday life and parenting such different individuals. I get so caught up in managing my kids or the busyness of life that I think in little ways I forget to believe in them.
Do we believe that a toddler really can do it himself when he insists?
Do we believe the preschooler can offer suggestions for conflict resolution?
Do we believe our school age kid can really handle disappointment?
At the end of my video surfing I inexplicably felt like I needed a dose of the old tried and true, the biggest advocate and keeper of the idea that children should be loved and valued, Mr. Rogers. His simple truth and consistent message that we are all capable and special reminded me that we have to believe and then just do it. Believe in our kids and give them lots of opportunities to try.
Get your dose of the neighborhood wisdom here.
Comment conversation: What about your child do you believe in today? What superpower is uniquely his or hers?
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