Three real-life sisters sharing their kids' antics, milestones and adventures through this crazy journey called motherhood. Find out more »
Archives
See our topics »
Home »
Patience: January 2009 Archives
I've had a few big family doubts lately. Will we be able to give everyone the attention they deserve and need? Will someone get lost in the shuffle? I'm so grouchy, would I be more patient and kind if I had 2 children? The parenting doubt and guilt seems to be very much alive no matter the number, the circumstance or situation. Can we ever be everything we want to be to our children? No, probably not. Then we remember if we could be, it would probably ruin them. This brings me to the great roll watch of 2009.
Everyday Lyra gets closer and closer to rolling over. "Lead with your head!", I told her. Whoever is watching her at the moment yells when she is making a rolling attempt. Everyone else runs in like it's some amazing replay in the Superbowl or something. And then they stare and cheer her on.
"Who is the best roller in the family?" Jack says in 3 octaves higher than his regular voice.
"You can do it baby!" Josiah believes.
"Come on mamacita!" Lucy insists.
The good news is that for every time she cries a little too long waiting for someone to pick her up, there are moments like these. Moments when she is the entire world.
She finally did it today, our rolling girl. Lucy caught it before anyone else. I watched as she showed me. It was big news on the car ride home from pick-up. They gathered around to show Jorge when he got home from work. These little happenings keep me going until the next time I am sure this is all too much and we are not enough. We are enough, we are all okay.
What little bit of parent guilt are you carrying around today? Do share in the comments, I'm pretty sure we'll all feel better if you do.
It's been brought to my attention that my life appears to be, well, dreamy, chock full of meaningful art moments and conversation. There's something you should know my friends. The truth is for every dreamy moment there are 3 in which someone is complaining, crying, arguing and I wonder why I even suggested such a project in the first place. Remember this?
So here are the tips I've learned in squeezing out the moments in life and cultivating opportunities for connection.
1. Let your children lead. Projects always go better when the kids decide what and how we are going to do something. Ownership makes everyone responsible and creates space for everyone to contribute.
2. Start with a question. Ask your kids what they think about a particular topic or how they can approach a task. You can offer options after to guide the process.
Ex. I have a problem, can you guys help me? What do you think we should do about...?
How should we celebrate...?
3. Let it be. If everyone has a horrible time on your kindness mission, or they fight over color choices for your group art project, it's okay. Not every experience will be perfect or lovely. These are opportunities to navigate group dynamics, personal growth, or just be in a family funk together. Don't give up, keep trying.
4.Leave some space. Some of the best moments just happen on their own. It's the beauty of letting life unfold before you.
What are your tricks for creating family togetherness or meaningful moments? Tell us dear ones in the comments.
"So what do you guys want to do to celebrate Martin Luther King day guys?" I asked.
"How about we paint stuff and write words on it like peace and dream, yeah dream, because Dr. King had A LOT of dreams." Jack said.
"You mean like make a sculpture?" I said.
"Yeah, and it has to say 'treat everyone the same'. " and with that he was off to gather supplies for our peace sculpture.
Lucy insisted the felt tiger be added, maybe he is the protector of peace, I do not know.
Josiah wanted flowers, I added the dove, everything about it was pure and lovely. Each person making their own contribution. All I could think about was how much I wanted to see Dr. King's dreams come true, in the flesh, the next day.The idea seemed almost impossible, like my very own dream.
We left to eat lunch with Jorge and by the time we got there I knew we had to go. 3 hours and 4 train tickets later, I gathered my crew and we were off to Washington D.C..It was completely crazy, so spontaneous, the perfect way to end a day held to honor a man who believed anything is possible.
Where are you watching the events today? and with who? Tell us in the comments.
As I promised from this post:
Who has a deep love for 80's rock ballads? Kris
Bad English, Warrant, Bon Jovi anyone? If you share this love, tell us your favorite in the comments.
Who is the mysterious 4th sister? Our sister Katie is a nursing student and aunt extraordinaire. She also happens to be a brilliant writer, so yes (to our reader Becky), we will try to convince her to guest post sometime.
Who was the homecoming queen? Patience, it's so embarassing.
Which sister has changed her entire outfit while driving in an old green Chevy Nova at 85mph? 2 sisters actually, Jen and Kris have switched entire outfits (even shoes) while one of them drove. It was impressive.
Who is the queen of "tips"? Jen, for sure. It's an older sister thing.
Danyelle, you were 3 for 3. Thanks for all your questions and look for answers in the weeks to come. Feel free to share any embarassing stories about your sisters in the comments, along with your favorite 80's rock ballad.
This is a magic potty. It will make all your parenting potty training dreams come true. It's pink, it looks like a royal throne, it will even play music for you if you fill it. Lucy picked it out and promptly decided it will never work after we got home from the store.
To say I'm the world's worst potty trainer would be an understatement. I should also add that the potty training gods haven't exactly been kind to me. Here's my report card:
1. Josiah- trained at almost 4 years old, you read that right, 4. years. old. He showed no interest whatsoever. I played it cool until a hair past 3 and when I finally asked him if he was ready he said, "No mom, but I'll try." We did (after consuming about 20 dum dum lollipops) and he wasn't. Fast foward 8 months and he trained in one day.
2. Jack- Oh Jackie-boy...he trained around 3 years 8 months after many tears and much drama. He showed interest much earlier but I either "missed the window" because I wasn't ready for the hassle of potty training, or he wasn't as ready as I thought when we started trying.
Now I'm a pretty gentle parent but potty training brings out the absolute worst in me. Jack would act happy to sit on the potty to try and as soon as he got up he would run to another room and pee on the floor. My favorite was when he would hold it until we got to the park, climb to the top of the jungle gym and and look at me while he pooped.
I did everything horrible to try to get him to train and made every mistake in the book- I made him clean up his messes, I shamed him, I even punished him by sending him to his room. It was clearly about control. When I gave up, he trained in about 3 days. For the life of me, I still can't figure out how it became such a big deal.
3. Lucy- 3 years, 3 months- in process. I was determined to not repeat the Jack debacle (especially with this stronger personality) so I acted very cool and laidback. I brought up the idea 6 months ago and was met with resistance so I immediately back off. We had a baby shortly after so I decided I would try again in January. So here we are on day 5. The pullups had to disappear. She wasn't crazy about the idea and did a tiny bit of testing to see if it was really true and has done well since. She still will not #2 in the potty but other than that she's training very quickly. An ideas on solving this problem?
So when potty training was one of the top contenders on the question list, I was nervous. What can I possibly tell you? I'm hoping my other sisters will come to my rescue, especially the one who is currently successfully training her almost 2 year old boy.
This is what I know so far:
1. Our reader Becky was so wise (she's trained 3 boys)- get rid of the pullups, stay home and let them run around without clothes on. Pump them full of drinks and let the practice begin. Be willing to stay home for a few days until you can get into a good routine.
2. Training is easier in the summer. You can wait until then. Follow the "so what" advice of this smart lady with those around you who are giving you the Judgey Joanna eyes. The preschool teachers reminded me of this very thing last week when I was stressing about Lucy. There is no required time or age, it is just some crazy expectation we like to put on ourselves as parents.
3. Look for signs of readiness. No BM's at night. Routines are developing and shows signs of awareness (hiding, squatting, etc.). Longer periods of dry diapers. Can begin to dress him/herself. Shows interest in the toilet and can follow simple directions.
If your child isn't showing signs quite yet, wait. Emotional readiness is just as important as physical. I'm pretty sure no one will be heading to college in diapers so don't worry too much. You can always consult your pediatrician if the questions are multiplying in your parent mind.
4. Being consistent in a casual way is the key. No judgement or frustration can be looming in the air. Keep creating opportunities for success yet still leaving room for your child to guide.
5. Candy rewards are a toss up. They never seemed to work for us but it might be the particular personalities we are working with. I know other families where a Rolo went a longway so the jury is still out on this one.
General celebration, potty dances and high fives seemed to do the trick. Picking out special underwear and a bottle of kid's smelly handwashing soap also created some potty buzz.
5. Books, books, books. Buy books about the potty, read books to your kids while they try, save special books for kids to look at during potty times. It's a great time to promote some literature love.
So there are the lessons learned by a potty trainer still very much in training. Now we need you to weigh in, share with us your best potty training tips in the comments. Help a sister out, will ya?
Do you have any questions? You have to have some. I'm sure you are dying to know which sister has a deep love of Bon Jovi and all 80's rock ballads. And who is the mysterious 4th sister? Who has changed her entire oufit while driving the boat that was the avocado green Chevy Nova at 85mph? Who was the Homecoming Queen? Can you guess which supersister loves to share her various and many "tips"?
But seriously, do you have a parenting question keeping you up at night? or are you wondering about how to get better photographs of your kids? Are you in need of advice from a supersister or the community at large?
We'd love to hear your questions, ideas, thoughts. Here's your chance to take the reins of this blog. Let us know in the comments. Ask anything, we're dying to hear what interests you.
For every 10 comments, I will reveal one embarrassing fact about one of my sisters, come on, it'll be fun. I SO wanna tell!
It's a rare occurrence to see those gummy little fruit snacks in my pantry. All I can see are the judgey Jane eyes of nutrionists and dentists everywhere when I pass them in the snack aisle. I then imagine my college aged kids buying them by the case load to keep stashed in their dorm rooms because "mom never let us have these", so I pick up a package like 4 times a year. This same logic does not apply to pizza and ice cream apparently which I am happy to purchase with zero guilt, go figure.
I bought Lucy some My Little Pony fruit snacks and thought since it's such an exciting treat, I would throw one in Jack's bag for his snack time at school. I wondered if the My Little Ponyness was a little young so I took them out of the bright pink packaging and put them in a small container.
"Mom, I don't want to take these to school." he said.
"Why? I thought you LOVED fruit snacks!" I replied.
"My friends will make fun of me, it's okay, thanks anyway mom." he said looking a little resigned.
"Oh dear, this is a problem. But what if you like them, I say blow off your friends." said with my most brave voice. "Let's ask Josiah if he has any advice, he's been in kindergarten before."
We tell Josiah the problem and he returns with a very flat and matter of fact, "Just tell them, Stop making fun of me, I like my fruit snacks."
Jack replies, "I'll just eat them now, how about that?", the advice offered being rendered completely useless.
"I think I know how you feel Jackie, I don't want anyone to make fun of me either. I used to be so worried about it when I was a kid. I still get worried about it sometimes. I think it kept me from trying some things I wanted to do but I had to learn a little bit at a time. You'll figure it out, it's okay."
Ummm, I'm still figuring it out. I promptly called my sister to analyze this parenting pitfall and obsess over my own childhood. She, much like Josiah, made it simple.
Her advice:
Go light with with him. Make your house and family the safe place. Tell him: "No problem buddy, We'll keep the My Little Pony fruit snack love on the down low. How about you have them when you get home?"
Problem solved. How is it that we even attempt to parent without the village?
I ask you supersister readers, what would you have done? or what do you do when the potential of projecting your past onto your kid creeps up? Let us know, oh wise ones, in the comments.
I officially declare 2009 as the year of the nap. No seriously, we all need a nap don't you think? 2008 proved to be a challenging year for my family, hard on all levels and ways. I think more than anything, we need a rest and lots of recovery. More play, more fun, more sleep. Is it a pipe dream my friends? We are experts at lounging over here so I'm guessing it will be a returning to our roots a bit.
My friend Jen Lee has this great podcast about a cherry pie and all the lessons simple things can hold. Kissing perfectionism goodbye, letting go and being together is the thing. I can feel it.
Much peace and joy to you and all those you hold dear all as you start this new year of 2009.
About PBS Parents | Site Map | Privacy Policy | Contact PBS Parents | ¿Habla Español? | PBS.org
© PBS 2003 - 2009, all rights reserved