Adapting Holiday Traditions During Coronavirus

A few days ago, we had a tough conversation with our kids. We explained that two of their beloved holiday traditions are not happening this year: We are not gathering with grandpa and cousins for a Thanksgiving meal, and their artist-aunt is not traveling to our house for a weekend of tree-trimming and holiday crafting.

In a nod to COVID-era resilience and creativity, the 6-year-old immediately began to brainstorm how Thanksgiving could be a Zoom event. But by bedtime, the tears began to flow.

Like so many parents, I’m staring wide-eyed at the holiday season. In a season that’s usually marked by gatherings, how can we adapt our celebrations in meaningful ways?

As I pondered this, I happened to click on a message from a friend named Laura inviting me to perform an act of kindness on November 19th in honor of her brother, who died from cancer as a teenager several years ago. To keep his memory alive, Todd’s family performs acts of kindness in his honor each November 19th. A few years ago, when our kids were in preschool together, Laura and her family inspired the entire preschool to participate in this event, turning a family’s personal day of remembrance into a community celebration of empathy and compassion. It was simple and beautiful — each child chose an act of kindness, and it helped them discover that they have the power to make people’s lives a little brighter. As Laura told me recently, this day helps remind her that “we can do hard things, and we can make hard things better for someone else.”

Have you ever watched a young child make plans to do something purposefully kind for someone else — like bring a homemade gift to a teacher or a get-well card for a friend? Have you watched how they grow excited with anticipation of giving their gift? Kindness can feel like a celebration. This year, I think we could all use a little more kindness and celebration. So I’m taking a page out of my friend’s book as I think about the upcoming holidays. After all, traditions start somewhere, and old ones can evolve to match changing circumstances.

My kids enjoy “ghosting” — a little Halloween tradition also known as “boo-ing,” where you leave a goody on someone’s doorstep without them catching you. So yesterday I posed this question to the kids: “What if we did lots of little things to spread holiday cheer this year — like ‘ghosting’ but not just for our neighbors? What if we found lots and lots of quiet ways to do kind things for other people?”

“We could call it elf-ing!” my kids exclaimed. As we began to brainstorm ways we could fill the holidays with service, my daughter remarked, “Wouldn’t it be amazing if this caught on — if it became a new holiday tradition for lots of people?”

Fred Rogers once shared, “When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.’” I have echoed these words to my kids many, many times during 2020. But as we close out the year, we are going to look for creative ways to BE the helpers — to make helping others a joyful, integral part of every holiday we celebrate.

Here is the holiday kindness ideas list my family is brainstorming, as well as some PBS KIDS resources that can help you make compassion a purposeful part of your family’s holiday season this year. As my friend Laura shared with me, “This year, there are going to be a lot of empty seats around holiday tables. Anything we can do to fill those seats with kindness is so important. Because you never know what people are going through.”

1. Leave a kind note or drawing on a family member’s pillow.
2. Make a thank you card for an essential worker.
3. Draw pictures or write encouraging words on the sidewalk.
4. Paint a kindness rock to place in a park or on someone’s doorstep.
5. Draw pictures and mail them to family or friends.
6. Make cards to send to a senior center or veteran’s home.
7. Help rake a neighbor’s leaves or shovel snow.
8. Pick up trash around the neighborhood.
9. Make a family member’s bed.
10. Leave a family member an encouraging note on the bathroom mirror.
11. Clean and beautify a spot in the house without being asked.
12. Create bookmarks to give to book-lovers.
13. Collect items or money to drop off at a local food pantry or animal shelter.
14. Leave a surprise — flowers, homemade cookies, a nice note — on a neighbor’s doorstep.
15. Read a story to someone.
16. Clean-out a dresser drawer and donate gently-used clothing.
17. Send a kind email message to a teacher.
18. Make encouraging signs to post in your window.
19. Tell someone that you love them.
20. Send a postcard to a community helper, thanking them.
21. Make a birdfeeder.
22. Plant bulbs for spring flowers.
23. Pay a friend a compliment.
24. Get to know your neighbors’ names.
25. Pick out and donate a toy for a holiday gift drive.
26. Help your mom or dad make dinner.
27. Make a get well card for someone.
28. Record a happy song or dance and send it to friends or family who need a pick-me-up.
29. Write a poem for someone.
30. Clean up a mess you didn’t make.

• Play Kindness Bingo.
• Watch Daniel Tiger’s “Thank You Day” episode and think of ways to show thanks to people in your life.
• Learn the Daniel Tiger songs, “It's Great to Be Kind” and “You Can Choose to be Kind.”
• Create a Kindness Tree.
• Read one of these 10 picture books that encourage kindness.
• Watch “PBS KIDS Talk About Kindness.”