A Lao wedding, or kiin dong, is a celebration that involves the entire village or community. The festivities usually begin one or two nights before the wedding day itself with an informal gathering at the bride's family's home as they begin their preparations. Elders create the ritual pieces to be used in the suu khwan — the formal wedding ceremony. Others prep and cook traditional Lao food for the wedding reception. Even with so many tasks to complete, the atmosphere is relaxed and festive, with plenty of food and drinks, and with people generally being sabay — Lao for "happy."
The wedding day itself begins early in the morning, as family members continue to prepare food for the luncheon reception. The bride, or naang saow, begins her preparations earlier than the groom, or chao bao, since her costume is much more intricate. She wears a traditional Laotian wedding outfit consisting of sinh, a Laotian silk shirt, and paa bien, a scarf, both made from raw silk, and decorates her hair in a traditional bun with ornate gold jewelry. The style of the wedding outfit and hair will vary depending on the family's wealth and the region of Laos they are from.
The wedding ceremony, or suu khwan, is held in the late morning. The guests, mainly family and close friends, gather at the bride's family's home. The ceremony commences when the groom, along with his family and friends, leads a procession from his family's home through the village to the bride's home. Upon arrival, the groom's entourage must convince the bride's family of his worth before he can enter the house and wed his bride. Playful banter between respected elders from the groom's and bride's sides ensue, marked by light-hearted jeers and teasing.
The suu khwan takes place with the bride, groom and guests seated on the floor around two paa khwan — arrangements made up of flowers and white strings to be blessed during the ceremony. The ceremony is officiated by a mo phone, or lay community elder, who offers chants and blessings to unify the couple, family and community, and to call back all the individual khwan, or spirits, in order to make the person complete. The ceremony continues with more blessings for the bride and groom, as the guests tie the white strings to the bride's and groom's wrists. The mat khene, or string-tying, provides an opportunity to share a personal message and blessing with the bride and groom. The ceremony is followed by the lunch reception.
The wedding day ends with an evening reception, which is often held at a hall or hotel. In the United States, it is common to have 400 or 500 guests at a Lao wedding reception, which includes live traditional Lao music, dancing, speeches and, of course, more delicious Lao food.
Resources:
» Lao Heritage Foundation
» Center for Lao Studies
Related Books and Articles:
» Hesser, Amanda. "To Eat in Laos." New York Times. July 13, 2005.
» Xayavong, Daovone. Taste of Laos: Lao/Thai Recipes from Dara Restaurant. Berkeley, CA: SLG Books, 2000.
» Sing, Phia. Traditional Recipes of Laos. Alan Davidson and Jennifer Davidson, eds. London: Prospect Books, 1981.
This essay was researched and written by Channapha Khamvongsa, the executive director of Legacies of War, an organization dedicated to resolving the problem of unexploded cluster bombs in Laos, providing space for healing the wounds of war and creating greater hope for a future of peace. Legacies of War uses art, culture, education and community organizing to bring people together and create healing and transformation out of the wreckage of war. Previously, Channapha worked at the Ford Foundation and Public Interest Projects, focusing on immigrant and refugee rights, global civil society, civic engagement, capacity building and transformational leadership. She was born in Vientiane, Laos and has lived in the U.S. for more than 30 years. She received her master's degree in public policy from Georgetown University.
Talk About This
dowry
how much is the usaul dowry for a laos bride, my girlfriends sister told me her parents expect 1,000,000 bht. they are not wealthy nor am I, this seems like a lot of money to give to her parents for us to be able to wed.
by ken poitras from enfield, connecticut
August 28, 2009, 6:30 PM
This is a response to Ken's post. Converted, the dowry amount your girlfriend's family is requesting is $29,895.37 USD. First I have a question: Does this include a certain amount of gold or will the gold be separate? Usually the family asks for both cash and gold. In any case, the dowry amount is very family specific and usually is not disclosed so publicly. Even if it was disclosed, the number may be inflated. So it is difficult to say what is "normal" especially when you consider conversion rates and what seems outrageous in USD may be reasonable in baht or Lao kip or vice versa. That being said some families have done away with the dowry system altogether especially in situations of marrying a non-lao where weddings may be more expensive and both families share the costs of the wedding. The important thing to remember is that the request for dowry is not based on greed but rather family and cultural tradition that has been passed down and is seen as a "thank you" to the bride's parents for doing a great job raising a respectable lao woman especially since the bride will now be "given away" to the groom's family. As such this "thank you" amount can be negotiated as it often is. Usually this occurs between the families during or before the engagement party. Furthermore, once the dowry amount has been settled and then given to the bride's parents, the bride's parents can refuse the money and gold and give it back to the newlywed couple as a gift to start their new lives. It is said that the bride's parents will then receive "boon" or good karma for this act of generosity. And even further if the couple refuses the parents offer to take back the dowry and in turn give it back to the bride's parents, the couple will then receive the "boon". It's like how good family and friends fight over the restaurant bill, the going back and forth until someone relents. So you can see in actuality the dowry is not really about money at all but about gratitude, respect, generosity, and love. Knowing that, I would advise you that if you cannot afford the dowry, then respectfully negotiate the amount and see what you can offer from your heart. Also usually this is a family offering so see if your family will help contribute. Keep in mind that traditional Lao brides do not usually receive large expensive engagement rings, so perhaps there can be a trade-off, smaller diamond plus dowry versus one humongo diamond engagement and wedding band. Whichever you decide, like any other marriage should be, it is about the love that is bringing the two of you together, so even if you do not end up offering a dowry, I am sure your girlfriend will still marry you. She will just have to explain to her parents that this is not a tradition you have elected to follow and hopefully her parents will see that your love for her is more important than any tradition. Good Luck! (and FYI I am a Lao-American woman engaged to be married to a non-Lao and yes my family has requested a dowry interestingly enough almost the same amount as your dowry in question. He is not rich either but we have decided to come up with a "payment plan" solution to allow him to earn the money overtime. As such my ring is smaller and a large expensive wedding is not my expectation. I am just thrilled that he is following through on the dowry because he certainly does not have to, I would still marry him but it makes my family happy and that makes me happy!)
by april from chicago, IL
October 25, 2009, 3:36 AM