Dear Mom,
There are many things I would love to say in this letter, but first and foremost, I would like to express to you my immense love and respect for all you have done for me.
College has opened my eyes so that I understand your story and the sacrifices you have made for me. Now I realize many of the things we argued over were simply miscommunication in the grandest form — not only miscommunication through language, but cultural and generational miscommunication as well. I have now learned that I can meet you halfway. I need to see the world from your perspective to understand the reasons why you have opinions that seem strange to me.
I now just hope that I can do you the service of bringing you along on this journey, through college and my life beyond, so that you can understand my own perspective on the world in all its duality and you will be able to see what it's like to exist in two places and never really connect fully with either. I hope by the time I graduate college you will have a better understanding of my American life, both in the Bronx and here at college. I hope you've seen the radical changes that I have gone through in the short period of time since I left home, went to Ghana and then started college. I want to sit down and talk with you about all things I'm learning and reading. I want to tell you all the big words I've learned, like "postmodernism" and "poststructuralism," even if you don't understand everything I am saying.
I hope that you will see the appreciation in my eyes for the fact that you have given me the gift of opportunity — the opportunity to pursue an education so rich and fulfilling that all I can do is share it with you. No words can describe how amazingly you have reared me. I only hope I can do as good a job with my own children.
Much love,
Rockyatu
Talk About This
Write a letter to your mother or daughter! You can also send it via email to feedback[at]pov.org. We will select our favorite letters and feature them.A Letter from a Cambodian American daughter
Dear Mom,
After watching the film “Bronx Princess” with my peers I realized that our relationship is not much different from the mother and daughter featured in the film. It makes me feel like there might be some overall common themes that American children deal with when their parents are immigrants from other countries.
I understand how hard it was and is for you as an adult living in a completely different country other than the one you grew up in. I know we lose a lot in terms of communication because of the obvious language and culture barriers. Watching the film helped me really see the dynamic of our relationship in a different light and appreciate our arguments as your way of showing you care.
Even though we’re Cambodian I felt a strong connection to Rocky’s experience visiting her family in Ghana. Although my father is not a chief in Africa and I have no immediate family in Cambodia I find my self searching for an identity somewhere between your experience and my own.
The first time we went to Cambodia since you immigrated after the Vietnam War, I remember being let down by my expectations because I didn’t feel accepted. There was one part in the film where the people in Rocky’s father’s community were laughing at her because she couldn’t speak the language and I know how that feels. I think even you have laughed at me about our cultural differences. I don’t like Pong Muan Ang like all our family in Cambodia, I think it’s gross and refuse to eat it.
I image some of the anger Rocky directed at her own mother was really more meant for the community of people around her who didn’t know how to support her as a first generation person born in America. Much like Rocky I dealt with problems, like not knowing what certain holidays meant because we didn’t celebrate them (only Cambodian New Years) and not having parents who knew how to help me prepare for college.
I wanted you to know that this film helped me realize how much I love and hate you for many things. Our relationship is complicated and I wouldn’t change it even if I could. I’m in college now and I love your monthly packages of fish sauce and prahok because they make me feel at home in my own Cambodian American way.
Love your Cambodian princess,
Voisanne
by Voisanne from New York, NY
September 24, 2009, 4:51 PM
A Letter to my Mother-in-Law
Dear Mother-in-Law,
I’ve known your family for many years, and I’m grateful that you and your children have always provided a safe haven for me. As a teenager, I always found you with open arms. I wonder how I could ever repay you for all the affection and strength you’ve given me over the years.
It’s funny how I know so many women who wouldn’t like the idea of living with their in-laws, but for me this is really like another benefit. I actually look forward to cooking with you, and learning from you. I don’t know many people with the calm presence that you seem to emanate.
I wonder what it means to be a part of a family. Is there a give and take between one’s own independence, and the obligation to be present and mindful of those one is closest to? After moving home from college, I realize how much I value my own autonomy. How much I need to feel the day is mine, and my decisions and choices are my own. Without those choices, I begin to loose interest; I begin to feel useless, and unsure why God has given me life.
I wonder if it will be easier with you, then it was with my own mother. We are not family; we are coming to live together as adults. I wasn’t raised with the freedom to find my own space, to think about and discover the world on my own. Perhaps, my own mother wasn’t aware of my social needs, because she wasn’t aware of her own.
I am lucky to have the family and community that I have. I want to be a part of that. I also want that community to grow. I trust that you will continue to be a strength for me on my journey.
Yours,
Sarah
by Sarah from Queens, New York
September 24, 2009, 4:52 PM
tough was good for Rocky
To Rocky's Mother: You were tough, but it was good for Rocky. Only now that she is out of the nest will she understand. It has to be tough for the family to see youthful mistakes on television. But I am sure Rocky has come a long way. Maybe they can do a follow up on you both when Rocky graduates college. But Mom, how are YOU doing? You are important, too!
by Melissa Mize from Montgomery, Texas
September 24, 2009, 10:58 PM
A letter to the mother I never knew
Dear Mother:
I have no real memories of you; I remember you from the pictures I've been shown. I was so small, 4 years old, when you passed away.
I love you because I know that as my mother you gave me life. But, I wonder what of my life is because of you.
I wonder how my life would have been different if you had been a part of it.
I hope, Mother, that you look down from heaven upon me and are proud of the woman I became.
Love, your youngest daughter.
by Kathy from Benicia, CA
September 25, 2009, 11:43 PM
Moochie
Dear Moochie: On November 8th it will be the first anniversary of your death. I wanted to thank you for the words of wisdom you gave me over the years. As I approach my 60th birthday, I realize how invaluable a gift you were to me. This short documentary reminded me of the days I would call you from Medical school, not understanding how really to live on my own and take full advantage of the education in front of me. "Slow Down", you would say...so important to understand these words. I am finally learning how to slow down and let God! Oh, how you would smile now, to see me finally understand the fullness of those words.
I miss you...though I know, because I know, you are closer now to me than ever. Fina
by Josefina V. Marin MD from Albany, New York
October 11, 2009, 5:23 PM