 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
 |
|
 |
|
 |
|
 |
|
 |
ANITA’S STORY I have a son who was involved in gangs at the age of 12. When he entered the gang culture, I made it a point to find out why. He was in a parochial school, there were two parents in the home, financially we were fine. I couldn't understand what it was that he was not getting that he felt he needed to get out of the streets, or out of other children, or out of negative behavior. I had to get to know my son all over again in a culture that I did not know. There was nobody that could teach me. It wasn't like I could go to the library and get a book or go to a doctor and get some type of reading to find out how to work with my son. I got to know where he hung out, where they went to get high. I got to know abandoned buildings I listened to his music and know the gang colors, signs, graffiti and rival gangs. It was a real hardship because I had other children, and I was afraid that by focusing so much attention on him, I was going to lose the other ones. So at some point I had to make up my mind how much time I was to willing to put into him and still not neglect my other children. It was hard but, as a family you learn to do things together and take the good with the bad. And so my other children learned to understand the things that I was going through with my son and they pitched in. Together we learned... as a family. He wasn't doing well in school. His grades were dropping, he was skipping classes and I was constantly at the office. I think I went to his school more than he did. I made up my mind that I was not going to go out on the streets and look for him nor go sleepless at night because he didn't come home. I refused to let him turn my home upside down because he had chosen a life that eventually was going to lead to incarceration or to death. When he went out I'd say "god bless you, I love you" and hope that god would bring him back to me. I used to have to explain to others that I wasn't a bad mother because I didn't sit up all night waiting for him by the window or because I didn't go on the streets and look for him and risk my life- I had other children to care for. You're not a bad mother when you don't do those things. You're a good mother because you're not giving into it. Finally he reached a point when he decided he didn't want to be involved in the gangs anymore. It was very tiring for him. It was a pace that they had to keep up all the time. They had the parties, staying up late, drinking, the inhalants... The only way he knew out was either to take another beating...or death. I said "No. you're going to walk out of it with your head held up high." He looked at me like "Yeah you're crazy." I said "No, I'm going to teach you how you're going to do this." One day I came home and found him- he had tried to commit suicide. He was in the hospital for three days. As soon as he got out I placed him in another home, in another area of Dallas and switched schools. It was like going undercover. He took a whole new identity. That was the only way that I knew that the gangs couldn't find him. It was through the help of the psychologists, psychiatrists, medication, family therapy that I was able to get my son back. In the Latino culture, therapy is not something you go to. You don't have counseling. We believe in going to our aunts, uncles, godparents, or grandparents- that's who our counselors are... that's who we trust with our lives. But I knew I needed something more powerful to help my son. I had decided that I was going to challenge the streets and the gangs to get my son back. I wasn't going to let them take away what I had brought into this world. He had already come out of the gangs for a while and he had gone to a school party that they were giving for good grades- that year he was graduating. They invited a lot of different kids from the Dallas area...someone remembered him. Gangs don't forget, gang rivals never forget who you are, where you come from, or who you've been associated with. They stabbed him eight times...and left him for dead. My son is doing very well now. I'm very proud of him. He lives back in the neighborhood where all this started and he can walk around with his head held high. This year he will be 21. He is enrolled in college, has a full time job, and recently received a promotion to supervisor. I have another son who is 16. Recently, he was held at gunpoint by a gang. They wanted to steal his jacket and his shoes. He gave the jacket, but he refused to give the shoes he had just received for Christmas. He ran into the neighborhood rec-center and got away. He decided he was going to file charges. He did everything on his own. But when he went to school the next day the young men there told him to keep it on the 'down low' which means you don't tell what you saw. But when the court date came, all the gang members showed up- just to intimidate us. The room was packed. "Forget it, drop this." I told my son. "It is not worth it. It's not worth you losing your life. I've been through this once, I can not go through it again. Let it go. Let them walk." He got so angry at me, he said, "No, Mom, you always told me to stand up for what's right, and now I'm going to stand up for it. And if it costs me my life, it's because I stood up for it." I just stood there with my mouth open. "Okay," I said "if that is what you choose to do, we have come this far, I will support you in it." Unfortunately, the guy got probation. As a social worker I am always telling families in similar situations to press charges, go forward, you know, take charge. I don't know that I can do that anymore. I was lucky, I knew where to go, I knew what to look for and I knew what I needed for my son. Some mothers aren't that lucky. The only thing that I can say is you have to learn the culture; you have to learn the gang life to be able to work with these children. And this is not a one or two-year process when you're trying to bring them back. It takes years. excerpt from Cooke, Gwendolyn and Alan McEvoy, “Mothers of Gang Members,” The High School Magazine. March/April 1997. |
