P.O.V. - Jesse's Gone . Ricardo

I'm sixteen years old and I'm Spanish. I'm Dominican. I like to rap and stuff like that. I like to dance, too. I live in Brooklyn and it's kind of a rough neighborhood there, where I live.

Out there where I live, they sell a lot of drugs. They have a lot of guns out there. You don't want to get involved with it. I used to be scared, but now I'm not scared because I know how the whole thing goes. It's like, they done it so many times, it's like, forget about it, whatever happens, happens. To me it doesn't matter, it's like, I'm eating and watching TV and it's like somebody shoots, it's like wow. It's like a firecracker, so I'm not going to pay attention to it. That's how it is out there where I live.

They shoot each other just to have fun, you know. It's like it's going crazy. Our block is crazy. I don't have a gun now. But I used to carry weapons, like knives, kitchen knives that could really cut. Like a meat cleaver or something like that. I did it to protect myself in case anything happens, you know. Like if anything goes down, if anybody tries to rob me or something, it's just right there and I could pull it out. Because it's all by respect, you know.

It's not like you can just walk down the street. In my block if you get beat up you're a pussy, man, you're like the lowest. You do not belong on that block. So that's why you have to have your respect, so nobody will mess with you. And the way you get respect is if you go out there and you fight other people on their block, you get respect there and then. They'll hear about you and then it's like, once you have all that respect, people are going to see that you know what's up, you're big like them, they ain't gonna mess with you. That's the way it goes. That's the biggest thing in the streets, to have your respect.

Around my building it's very dangerous. Very, very dangerous. And I don't live in no projects, I live in an apartment and halfway down my block is houses. In my building there's a basement and a lot of crackheads go down there to smoke. And then a lot of them come and deal down there and say, Yo, where's my money? If I don't get my money by tomorrow, you're gonna get shot.

And it really happens, you know, it really happens, especially on my roof. On my roof it's like, there's a lot of gunshots, pow, pow, pow, you hear like five of them, or six. You know, just flying up in the air, you can even hear the bullets going zzziiirrr, zoom away. In the middle of the night.

In the daytime, there's only drug addicts and stuff like that. There's hardly any fights. So I hang out. But after twelve I go to my house because I know something's always gonna happen. At night, it's hell, man. It's fuckin' hell.

I know I cannot live in a good neighborhood because my mother doesn't have the money to move into a good neighborhood, so I have to just keep on living where I live at. It's like that's my place. That's my home. That's everything. That neighborhood means everything to me. It's like a friend, it's like my best friend. Even though there's a lot of fights, it's still like my best friend.

To tell you the truth, I think this violence is going to keep on like this for a long time. Because cops can't even stop crime today. They be gettin' shot, too. They're afraid. too. They're afraid of what's going to happen to them 'cause they hardly even want to get involved with gun shooting around them, you know, 'cause like it's too much. It's too much crime out there.

The only way you could stop violence is if you start bringing some robots out there and some transformers. If you try to stop a fight between human beings, definitely something's going to happen to you, man. Definitely.

There's no way to resolve these things without fighting. There is no way. You'll never solve these things, you know, because it's so hard for people. You try to talk to somebody, like let's say he started with you, like, Why you have to push for, man? It'll be like, Yo, man, I pushed you because I don't li— Come on, please man, yo, just chill out man, just chill out. Chill out? Chill this, man! Pow! And he'll hit you right in the face, and you're gonna fight back. You can never solve it.

You may want to try, to say, Come on, give me that handshake. But then, right there, you lost your respect. You lost your whole respect, because then they'll give you like, Damn, man, I smashed him on the face and this punk, man, he's trying to befriend me. Get the hell out of here, man. Watch him when he comes down the block, watch what a beating I'm gonna give this punk, man. You see, you cannot solve this, you cannot just talk it out. It's so hard to do that. Can't do that. It's so hard. Especially now.

Now, I don't have a gun. But sometimes, sometimes I carry like a little weapon, just in case something happens. Because, you know, they always try to pick on little kids, and I'm sixteen but I look like a little kid, and it's like, Damn, he's just a little fuckin' asshole, you know. So they'll try to pull out something and if they pull out something, then I'm going to pull out something, too. And that's how I'm going to get my respect.

But I'm also doing good in my grades. I never cut out, I always go to school, man, because I want to be something in life. I want to be an architect. That's my dream. And, you know, now I'm trying to help other kids, too, help them see they can be somebody if they try. So I'm going to keep on doing good because I want to go to college. I want to be something.

Then, when I've graduated and all, I'll go back to my neighborhood. I mean, if I'm rich, right, I'll go back and help them out. If I have enough money to support myself then I'm going to support half my block. I'm going to support my friends and see how they're doing.

I want to see the little kids on my block grow up in a good way, and not in a bad way. On the block today, the only chance you're gonna get is the bad way. But maybe I can get through college and come back and make the bad road better. That's my dream, anyway.

Ricardo, age 16