Lisa Carlson: Several issues are important to remember, as a general overview:

1. In the case of an anticipated death, be SURE to walk through the entire procedure with local officials and the receiving crematory or cemetery AHEAD of time. Also talk with doctors and nursing staff. If you are planning to handle a funeral in an area where this has not happened in recent years, you may have to educate authorities and others as to your legal rights. It will also make things easier for you to know exactly where to go and what to expect when you get there and what the paperwork involves.
   
   
2. Most municipal or hospital officials aren't interested in anything other than obeying the law. Try not to take any hesitance on their part personally. You will find state laws referenced in my book that will support your right to care for your own dead in your state. Having that citation handy may be critical. About 450 of the 640 pages in my book are state-by-state chapters; many are eight to ten pages each. I trust readers of this feature realize that the answers here will be far less detailed and that I encourage getting a copy of your state chapter from a library edition. Please feel free to copy that chapter as many times as you wish. I'm more interested in getting the information out than selling books.
   
   
3. If handling a death on your own seems daunting and you'd like to find a support group, check with a local hospice or church group. That said, it's important to remember that many hospice groups are dependent on donations from the funeral industry and may have funeral directors on their boards. I find it surprising that hospice groups have not been more active in educating their staff and volunteers regarding family funerals. In one situation, a hospice nurse — convinced that such an idea was illegal — kidnapped the death certificate from a doctor and gave it to an undertaker, which ended up costing the family a fee for his signature and release. On the other end of the spectrum, a pediatric oncology nurse found that there is a dramatic difference in the healing when parents have had a hands-on funeral experience with the death of a child and actively assist in funeral arrangements when wanted. Church groups seem to be equally schizophrenic in their response to family funerals. Indeed, one priest told me that the local funeral home was a major church donor and he certainly had no intention of alienating any of the funeral homes in his area. End of discussion with that fellow. Other clergy will be less hostile to such concerns. A touching story is told in the book "A Plain Pine Box," written by a rabbi after his Minneapolis congregation voted to offer free traditional Jewish funerals to their members. Because the local Jewish funeral home wouldn't cooperate, it split the Jewish community apart. But the dedication to such an ideal prevailed, even when they had to use a Gentile funeral home to transport bodies. (This book is available through the FCA bookstore.)
   
   
4. If you run into difficulty of any kind, feel free to call one of us — Josh at Funeral Consumers Alliance is 800-765-0107. I can be reached at Funeral Ethics Organization at 866-866-5411. Both of us have voicemail when we're away from the phone and try to check often, evenings and weekends included. If you are in a restrictive state or running into problems at a time of need, we may be able to refer you to a friendly funeral director who can do the minimum necessary to facilitate your plans.
   
   
5. If you are in one of the five states that have conflicting laws that limit caring for your own dead — CT, IN, LA, NE, NY — or in MI where the Health Department is being just plain contrary and doesn't appear to be obeying their own laws, there may be help for anyone wishing to bring a court case to force the issue. Of course, with a dead body on one's hands, time is of the essence. It may be more prudent to rally the hospice and church troops to testify at legislative hearings if one can find a sympathetic representative to introduce the needed legislation. Local Funeral Consumers Alliance groups are likely to be helpful, as well. Minnesota has a good statute to copy, that exempts from licensing (in reference to funeral directors) church groups and noncompensated relatives who are handling funeral arrangements. There may be other tweaking needed for your restrictive state laws, but this is a logical beginning.

Choose from the pull-down menu below for a brief summary of critical laws in your state regarding family funerals. I encourage you, however, to get a copy of the book "Caring for the Dead" and read the entire state chapter for any states in which you have an interest.

[Also refer to my comments in the Burial, Embalming & Cremation section (open in new window) for guidelines regarding burials on your property.]

Select a state... -------------- Arkansas Colorado Connecticut Georgia Idaho Illinois Indiana Kansas Louisiana Massachusetts Michigan Missouri New Jersey New Mexico New York North Carolina Ohio Oklahoma Pennsylvania South Dakota Tennessee Texas Utah Vermont Virginia Washington West Virginia Wisconsin

NOTE: If you don't find your state on the list, feel free to contact the Funeral Consumers Alliance or Funeral Ethics Organization for further information.

Top of Page