//

//store the quotations in arrays

quotes = new Array(29);
quotes[0] = "Base-a-ball been very good to me.";
quotes[1] = "Generalissimo Francisco Franco is still dead.";
quotes[2] = "Jane, you ignorant slut.";
quotes[3] = "We are two wild and crazy guys!";
quotes[4] = "Oh, nooooooooo!";
quotes[5] = "It's always something.";
quotes[6] = "Cheeseborger, cheeseborger, cheeseborger! No fries, cheeps! No Coke, Pepsi!";
quotes[7] = "Well, that's different. Never mind!";
quotes[8] = "We're going to pump... you up!";
quotes[9] = "Yeah, that's the ticket!";
quotes[10] = "Well isn't that special?";
quotes[11] = "Touch my monkey!";
quotes[12] = "I invite you to consume mass quantities.";
quotes[13] = "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and dog-gone it, people like me.";
quotes[14] = "...Not!";
quotes[15] = "Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball.";
quotes[16] = "Candygram.";
quotes[17] = "Not gonna do it... Wouldn't be prudent at this juncture.";
quotes[18] = "I'm getting verklempt... talk amongst yourselves.";
quotes[19] = "Superstar!";
quotes[20] = "We're not worthy!";
quotes[21] = "Could it be... SATAN?";
quotes[22] = "Acting!";
quotes[23] = "I got a fever! And the only prescription... is more cowbell!";
quotes[24] = "Buh-bye.";
quotes[25] = "Da Bears.";
quotes[26] = "I love it! I love it! I love it!";
quotes[27] = "U-G-L-Y! You ain't got no alibi... You're ugly, hey hey, you're ugly!";
quotes[28] = "S...s...s...sometimes, when I get nervous, I stick my fingers under my arms, and then I smell them, like that.";

attrib = new Array(29);
attrib[0] = "Chico Escuela (Garrett Morris), c. 1979";
attrib[1] = "'Weekend Update' anchor Chevy Chase, 1975";
attrib[2] = "Dan Aykroyd to Jane Curtin, in the 'Point-Counterpoint' segment of 'Weekend Update,' 1977-78";
attrib[3] = "Georg and Yortuk Festrunk (Dan Aykroyd and Steve Martin), 1977";
attrib[4] = "Mr. Bill (claymation by Walter Williams), 1976-81";
attrib[5] = "'Weekend Update' commentator Roseanne Roseannadanna (Gilda Radner), c. 1978";
attrib[6] = "Pete, owner of the Olympia Cafe (John Belushi), 1978";
attrib[7] = "'Weekend Update' commentator Emily Litella (Gilda Radner), 1975-77";
attrib[8] = "Hans and Franz (Dana Carvey and Kevin Nealon), 1987-91";
attrib[9] = "Tommy Flanagan (Jon Lovitz), 1985-87";
attrib[10] = "The Church Lady (Dana Carvey), 1986-90";
attrib[11] = "'Sprockets' host Dieter (Mike Meyers), c. 1989";
attrib[12] = "Beldar Conehead (Dan Aykroyd), 1977";
attrib[13] = "Stuart Smalley (Al Franken), 1991-95";
attrib[14] = "Wayne and Garth (Mike Meyers and Dana Carvey) on 'Wayne's World,' 1989-92";
attrib[15] = "Phil Hartman, 1991";
attrib[16] = "Land Shark (Chevy Chase), 1975";
attrib[17] = "President George H.W. Bush (Dana Carvey), c. 1990";
attrib[18] = "'Coffee Talk' host Linda Richman (Mike Myers), 1991-94";
attrib[19] = "Mary Katherine Gallagher (Molly Shannon), 1995-99";
attrib[20] = "Wayne and Garth (Mike Meyers and Dana Carvey) on 'Wayne's World,' 1989-92";
attrib[21] = "The Church Lady (Dana Carvey), 1986-90";
attrib[22] = "Master Thespian (Jon Lovitz), 1985-88";
attrib[23] = "Record producer Bruce Dickinson (Christopher Walken), 1999";
attrib[24] = "Total Bastard Airlines flight attendant (David Spade), 1994";
attrib[25] = "The Super Fans (George Wendt, Robert Smigel, Mike Meyers and Chris Farley), 1991-1992";
attrib[26] = "Helen Madden, Licensed Joyologist (Molly Shannon), 1996-2000";
attrib[27] = "Craig and Arianna, Spartan Cheerleaders (Will Ferrel & Cheri Oteri), 1995-1999";
attrib[28] = "Mary Katherine Gallagher (Molly Shannon), 1997";

//calculate a random index

index = Math.floor(Math.random() * quotes.length);

//display the quotation
document.write("\"" + quotes[index] + "\"</span></p>");
document.write("<div class=\"ltquote\">&#151;" + attrib[index] + "</div>");
//done