Washington Week: Student Voices (O)

Oklahoma court uphold's same-sex couples' rights to adopted children
By Maria Prato-Gaines
Oklahoma Daily (U. Oklahoma)
05/31/2006

(U-WIRE) NORMAN, Okla. — When Assistant Professor Anne Magro looks at Heather Finstuen, a law graduate, she sees a loving and caring human being, she sees her partner in life and most importantly, she sees the mother of her children.

Owing to the couple's groundbreaking case, for the first time, Oklahoma must recognize Finstuen's parental rights as well as Margo's.

Magro said that seven years ago in New Jersey, she gave birth to two twin girls, and soon after Finstuen adopted them.

To Kate and Sarah, Magro has always been Mama and Finstuen, Mommy.

The family ventured to Norman, Okla., in 2000, and Magro began working as an assistant professor for the University of Oklahoma.

Nearly four years later, state legislators passed the Adoption Invalidation Law, which did not recognize out-of-state adoptions by homosexual couples and in many cases denied parental rights.

That's when the couple decided to sue the state's attorney general for Finstuen's parental recognition by the state.

The couple's lawyer, Ken Upton, a senior staff attorney in Lambda Legal's south central regional office, works with a non-profit legal firm specializing in cases involving the gay and lesbian community.

After reviewing the couple's case, he said he was disheartened that such a warm, family atmosphere could be viewed as an illegitimate union by legislators.

"There aren't any family values in breaking up families (that) are loving and stable," he said.

Magro said she was open and honest with her children, telling them that no law could ever dictate who their Mommy was.

However, the girls were still visibly shaken and awaited the court's ruling, she said.

That is, until President George Bush's 2004 run for presidency when Kate overheard Heather discussing his aims at protecting the traditional family, she said.

"She started bawling. I finally calmed her down," Magro said. "Then she asked me, 'If he's elected president again, are they going to take Mommy away?' "

In the meantime, both Magro and Finstuen had concerns over the legal ramifications of such a law.

If Magro were to suddenly die, it was unlikely that the government would allow Finstuen to raise the children.

Magro said that when leaving on work-related trips, if the children had a medical emergency, Finstuen wouldn't be able to make decisions concerning their health or even be allowed in the Intensive Care Unit.

Then there were the aggravating day-to-day issues, she said, such as teacher's notes, school enrollment and doctor visits.

But the court ultimately made the ruling that spoke true to the issue at hand, Magro said.

"The judge saw that even more important than Heather's rights as a parent are the kid's right to a parent," she said.

When news of the legal victory reached Sara and Kate, Magro said a miniature jubilation erupted.

"When we told them we won the lawsuit, they were dancing and singing: 'Mommy is our Mommy,'" Magro said. "Now we can just focus on being parents, and that's what we're good at."

Upton said he saw the establishment of the Adoption Invalidation Law as a notch in the belt of state politicians who are facing an upcoming election year.

"It scares me where the country is heading — the polarization and not getting along," Upton said. "We should be concerned with issues like education, but instead we fight each other over who can get married or who can have a family."

Magro said if she had just a minute with these lawmakers, she would have a few choice words to share with them.

"I would say, 'Before they make a judgment about what's in the best interest of our children, they should come visit our family,'" she said.

But the court's ruling isn't concrete, and whether the state will stand firm in its advocacy for gay and lesbian couples with children is still in limbo, Upton said.

Still, Upton has faith in the future generations that will filter into the White House as the powers that be.

"As younger people move up and take over the government, you'll see a shift," Upton said. "My hope is that they will worry about what's going on in the world rather than their neighbor's bedroom."

Magro said a conversation that Kate once had with her grandfather best sums up the concerns of gay and lesbian families, "Kate said 'Papa you're always talking about protecting the family. Who's protecting our family?'"

All the while, Magro continues to stand firm in her own family values.

"I think the key is who you are as a parent, not your gender," she said.

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