Washington Week: Student Voices (O)

COLUMN: Cheesy tunes salute the season
By Andy Deloach
Campus Carrier (Berry College)
12/29/2006

(U-WIRE) MOUNT BERRY, Ga. — I never liked nutmeg. If I had the choice between nutmeg and cinnamon, me and the rest of America would most likely grab the age-old friendly spice — cinnamon.

So how did nutmeg make it into our holiday hearts? It's a stubborn spice that begs us to grab it at the holiday season and top it on everything. And why do we give into its demanding cries? Because it's tradition.

Tradition is the same reason we're inundated with Christmas music every year from Thanksgiving to the end of the holiday season. This leads me to the historic question, "Does Christmas music suck?"

Considering that cartoon chipmunks are the best selling Christmas album is evidence of our traditional misfortune.

One time I heard a whole album of dogs barking through the '80s Norwegian sensation "A-Ha's greatest hits" and thought to myself, who would do that? Then I remembered Alvin and his furry band and realized our sad, sad condition.

But let me be logical about this and try not to generalize too much. I would be naive to say there is no good Christmas music, because to be honest, I love Christmas music.

In fact, one of my favorite songs is "Christmas Time is Here" by Vince Guaraldi. It captures the beauty of Christmas with one awkwardly lovely piano and a dozen choirboys dressed in scarves and ugly holiday sweaters. It is so fantastically moving and personal that you can't help but be filled with Christmas cheer at the sound of that first piano line.

Let me not forget Bing Crosby, The Rat Pack and Rosemary Clooney. This was a time when pop stardom actually did rely on your golden vocals and not in an "American Idol" vocal talent kind of way.

I'd like to hear Clay Aiken do "White Christmas" without sounding like a robot for once. When Bing touched those same notes, he made it human. The '80s really brought the downfall of Christmas music. A decade submerged in cheesiness, these times filled them with decadence and sappy, sappy syrup.

With the exception of Wham's "Last Christmas," a great song despite its overdose of femininity, the '80s killed Christmas.

We have all heard about the "war on Christmas," but little did we know the greatest culprits: Mannheim Steamroller, the self-proclaimed "18th century classical rock" band of the 20th century.

Never have I heard music so dated remain popular for so long. The only thing worse would be a self-described "progressive rock/metal orchestra" group attempting to "save" Christmas, hence the Trans-Siberian Orchestra.

To be honest, even though there is a lot of bad Christmas music, people still love it. I think that's kind of endearing because this is the one season that people cast aside their critical snobbery and down that nutmeg and listen to that song for the 100th time, and it still manages to warm our hearts.

So with all of that said, go enjoy your nutmeg-topped, slightly-cheesy holiday traditions, because that is the only way to save Christmas.

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