Washington Week: Student Voices (O)

COLUMN: The Republican field of schemes
By Dan Treul
The Saint (Aquinas College)
08/15/2007

(U-WIRE) GRAND RAPIDS, Michigan — How do you get 4,416 conservative Iowans to vote for someone who once supported gay and abortion rights and occupied the top government post in what is perhaps the most liberal state in the country?

Well, it certainly helps to charter a fleet of buses to transport voters to the polls, pay the $35 poll "tax" for several thousand, and serve up a couple truckloads of complimentary pulled pork.

And that's exactly what Mitt Romney and his presidential campaign did for this year's Ames Straw Poll, perhaps the most outrageously insignificant and flagrantly undemocratic political show in the United States. Even Rudy Giuliani, the current national Republican frontrunner, had the common sense to pull out of the ludicrous competition (this sense does not, sadly, apply to his judgment on Iraq).

The straw poll, which is only open to Republican candidates, is a tremendous point of pride to the people of Iowa — something that is perhaps understandable given Iowa's equally tremendous significance as "The Tall Corn State."

Mitt Romney ought to be proud.

As a result of his Tammanyesque spending on the straw poll, the former governor of Massachusetts has — yes — temporarily marginalized his opponents (at least in Iowa), and put a LOT of good barbecue to waste.

Iowa, whose state motto is "Our liberties we prize, and our rights we will maintain," should be ashamed of its poll, which makes the public "elections" of former Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein look legitimate. Unless the so-called "liberties" that Iowans claim to "prize" include the right to pay to vote, I'd say that Iowan Republicans are spitting chewed pork all over the democratic ideals for which both Iowa and this country supposedly stand.

All right, all right, let's be fair. The $35 charge to vote technically covers the cost of dinner (and with a National Rifle Association rally beforehand, the food's bound to be, *wink*wink*, real nice). But the fact remains that if you don't pay, or a candidate doesn't pay for you, you don't vote.

(Yes, it is 2007 and these same Republicans are leading the effort to "democratize" Iraq.)

Speaking of Iraq, it's worth mentioning that the Iowa Republican Party has taken steps to combat "voter fraud" at the straw poll in recent years. Taking a lesson from elections in the war-torn country, at this year's straw poll, Iowan voters' fingers were dipped in indelible ink after voting, which doesn't really mean anything except that if you've got dedication, a high tolerance for pain, and 10 fingers, you can vote 10 times. Just be sure to send the hospital bill to Mitt Romney.

Perhaps I've been a bit too harsh. After all, since its inception in 1979, the winner of the Ames Straw Poll has gone on to win the Republican presidential nomination two out of four times. That number could be significant, were it not for the fact that the winner of the straw poll is consistently the candidate that has and spends the most money; and thus, the results of the poll are hardly surprising, and actually don't tell us much at all.

Serving as master of ceremonies at this year's straw poll was conservative author and radio host Laura Ingraham, whose official biography heralds her "commitment to conservative principles" and her work exposing "Hollywood inanity." Funny, because I find it difficult to recall even Hollywood doing something as inane and absurd as staging a popularity contest in which fans pay to vote. I guess I didn't know that the poll tax still existed as a "conservative principle."

Perhaps Iowan Republicans are coming around. Turnout at this year's poll was dismally low (roughly 14,300 votes were cast as opposed to 1999's strong showing of nearly 24,000 voters) and seems to reflect broad Republican discontent with the party's field of candidates.

Aww, shucks. Should have rented another bus.

[ Back to Student Voices ]