Washington Week: Student Voices (O)

COLUMN: Valentine's Eve more important than Day
By Brandon Curl
The Chronicle (Duke)
02/13/2008

(U-WIRE) DURHAM, N.C. — Valentine's Day is tomorrow. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

In a romantic relationship, there are but three days each year for which you will be solely remembered and measured. Her birthday, your anniversary and Valentine's Day. Together, they are the gauntlet of gift-giving and the unholy trinity of, "But you said you didn't want anything!"

God help you if they all fall within the same month.

The gifts, the planning and the forethought involved all factor in on these precious benchmark days. Unanticipated, spontaneously given flowers "just because it's Wednesday" are good and fine, but you may never recover from a botched handling of your girlfriend's Valentine's Day-no matter how many times you duct-tape her name outside the BC for display by the Plaza cam.

Tomorrow will mark the sixth time in the last seven years I've sported a girlfriend on Valentine's Day. While I'm sure that statement makes my current girlfriend feel so uniquely special, it also means that by now I've developed a foolproof technique sure to win over any girl.

And no, it's not giving her a bouquet of plastic roses with a note that reads, "I'll love you until the last rose dies." (Although, that's scary good.)

Gentlemen, may I present to you the concept of "Valentine's Eve."

Today, Feb. 13, 2008-Valentine's Eve-is by far the most important day of the year. It is so important that it actually matters more what you do today for your girlfriend than what you do tomorrow.

The entire concept of Valentine's Eve hinges on the wonderful principle of contrast. Everything tends to seem better when it's placed next to something awful.

Let's face it. Franklin Street isn't that wonderful. It's less than a couple of blocks long and has more panhandlers than pedestrians. But because we're used to Ninth Street, we've somehow come to imagine the college thoroughfare as the next best thing to Fifth Avenue.

So you don't have to be Mr. Fifth Avenue to impress your girlfriend. Just make sure her best friend dates Mr. Ninth Street. "Wow, you're willing to be seen with me in public?! What a guy..."

In "When Harry Met Sally" (the romantic comedy), Billy Crystal speaks precisely to the principle of contrast. Crystal opines, "I have never taken anyone to the airport at the beginning of a relationship. Because eventually things move on and you don't take someone to the airport and I never wanted anyone to say to me, 'How come you never take me to the airport anymore?'"

Exactly. They can never get mad at you for stopping a behavior if you never began it in the first place. Here gentlemen, we must stop shooting ourselves in the foot.

No more surprises, no more dates and certainly no more compliments.

Just last week (a mere 10 days before Valentine's Day) I surprised my girlfriend with a rose, thoughtful note and two tickets to see "Chicago" in Page Auditorium. What was I thinking?! I could not have been more stupid.

Sure, I might have bought myself some goodwill then, but now my Valentine's Day preparations will seem far worse by contrast.

But why stop at halting our good behaviors? If we are to truly be wonderful boyfriends, we must act badly toward our girlfriends, especially today on Valentine's Eve.

Today is the day you are required, for the benefit of your own survival, to treat your girlfriend like she is Mike Nifong. Put her down. Insult her. And most of all ignore her. Basically, treat her like you did when you were trying to attract her in the first place.

If your girlfriend is not convinced by the end of the day that not only is she going to dump you, but that she's considering seeking legal action against you, then you have failed dramatically.

So if you'll excuse me, I have a personal matter to attend to.

To my wonderful girlfriend, Samantha: I hate you. You smell awful. And I only print your first name because I have forgotten your last.

Happy Valentine's Eve, Sweetheart!

Brandon Curl is a Trinity senior. His column runs every other Wednesday.

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