I watched my mother die of pancreatic cancer in 1990. She died six months after diagnosis.She was able to sustain one operation which gave us more time together but we felt she was too weak to endure the chemo the doctors wanted to do.She and I never discussed the fact that she only had six months to live but I am sure she knew it. I was so caught up in all that was going on I was unable to cry,believe me I've cried so much since then. It still hurts so bad to think about that time but God has wiped away most of the tears.I have vivid memories of our time together.I wish that I had had the priviledge to view your program prior to her death. Perhaps I would have been able to ask questions when she said that she had seen her mother and other family members and a very bright light. After seeing the bright light she reported that she was sent back because it was not time for her to die.

She did not want to leave her mother but returned to us,speaking often of this light. She was very calm and very aware of everthing going on around her. Although she was quite weak, because she could not eat solid food and was not being fed by tubes she wanted to see all visitors.I was teaching school in Ohio and she lived in Virginia, several times during the summer I visited but she waited for me to come for a scheduled visit before she died. I was too sad to call all the people I should have.

Six days after her funeral my husband decided we needed a vacation so we went to Chicago. There I met a woman who gave me a copy of a book by Norman Vincent Peale. It was called "When Sorrow Comes" . I read it until I could cry no more. The soothing words helped to heal my sorrow.

Jan
Texas

Very good series. I wish that it had been filmed and shown in 1997. My husband was diagnosed with cancer and was dead in 61 days. It was so fast and I did not know what was happening. I did not know what a hospice was, I thought that it was a place for people who were getting better.

I learned so much in such a short time, the hard way.

I formed a grief support group, as I found that there was a charge for them.

It is three years later. Looking back I would have done things differently.

I still have my moments and I have not let myself really grieve as it is too painful. Now I just exist.

Myrna
Washington

I feel so alone in my grief. I am in counseling, my pastor is always available, I know my friends care, but I am so alone. My Mother died at 84 (11/97)-it was a "good" death (altho her last months were not) and I was "getting used" to her death and then my son (age 34) was killed in a auto crash. It's almost 15 months since he was killed-I've read all (almost all) the books-I do everything my "shrink' tells me but I cannot "move on". I contemplate my own death and consider the peace of it. I do nothing to further my demise but I welcome it.

Elaine
NY

I resently lost my husband at 42, to espohagus cancer. He was diagnosed in December and died March 30 of this year. I feel so alone and devastated. I havea 4 1/2 year old daughter and had to give up the adopted daughter, who was 9mths, after my husband passed away. Our love for eachother was endless. Our lives were filled with challenges and obstacles. We lost 3 children before they were a year old, from a kidney disease. I lost my mother and sisters and brother in a firer in 78 and my father the following year.

Why so much loss. Why so many montains to climb, only to fall again when you reach the top. My husband was my bestfriend, my soul mate, my confident, I loved him so. He is my hardest loss. He has made me look at life so differently. I want to keep him alive, in a way that we will all be reminded of the young losing the young. When your in the prime of your life, and the road looks so clear, all of a sudden a sharp curve changes your whole life.

I am having a really hard time finding a group for younger spouses, no disrespect, but most of the groups you don't usually find younger spouses who have lost. I am 36 years of age. Please don't get me wrong a loss is devasting no matter what your age, but when your younger there are different issues, children, work etc. I want to try and start up some groups for the young losing he young. Not just meetings, but dinners amoung the groups, babysitting assistance, support, encouragement and most of all understanding exactly how you feel.

Why is it when you need people the most, they have all left. It's like life is suppose to go on, because theirs is. Yet you don't know this life, you have never lived it.

Please if anyone has any ideas or people they think I could write, to help with advertising, publicity, and just simply awareness.

Although I feel it, I know I'm not the only one out there.

For all you who have lost and read this remember one thing no one can take the dear memories we hold so close to our hearts. Remember they will always be a part of sky, the wind the sand, the stars and for that, they are never far away. Always remember, when you think of me I will alway be in your heart and never far away. (As my husband said to me).

Bless you all,

thank you

Anne

I think I should say, that 60 is young to me. I am refering to your 70's to 80s when you usually have more support from your dear friends who have lost as well.

Anne
Canada

Since losing my husband to mesothelomia in March of 1999, I try to make better choices. I say no when I really don't want to do something. I am more aware of death as something that could happen to me at any time. I don't want nonsense in my life, just the things that are important and true. He had Hospice and they were wonderful people.I feel I must be true to myself. I have always known that God was with us before and during his illness. Now I know he is with me every moment. I feel as though he and I are on a journey. He has just gone ahead and I will follow someday. We are in this together and God will see me through it all. I am more careful about how I speak to people. I guess, more honest and to the point.

I've always been careful not to hurt others feelings and I still am but I also am more to the point, ever so gentle.

Judith
Texas

What has helped me to move forward is that I know my mother would be unhappy if I didn't. At times I find it almost impossible;but I keep her with me every day.

Sha
Michigan

Had to terminate life support on wife of 52 yrs.

on venterlator and with a tempature of 108 degrees and having a heart attack and seizures , her situation was hopeless plus being in a coma , did not make it any easier to disconnect , but it was done.. after all hope is gone one should not hesitate in this .

Louis
Ohio

There are times where I wonder why we are here at all. Both of my parents are deceased.My mom died many years ago, my dad in the last year. The experience of their dying was very different--closed & don't talk about it with mom, & being very open about it with my father. I often wonder what has happened to them. I don't think I will ever understand why God or whoever/whatever has in mind allowing some people to live in pain for a long time before death finally takes them & others die quickly & peacefully. Why does he allow young children to suffer nutritionally, physically, with no one to love them or meet their needs...Why are we here????

Sharon
IL

My sister died 3 years ago. She was 33 years old. She left a son (5 Years old) and a daughter 8 years old. She sent her children to school, and went off to work, put in a full shift, and went out for a coffee with a friend. She never made it home. She had a brain aneurysm, fell into a coma for 6 months.

The decision was made to stop life support. She had no quality of life. I have no regrets of making that decision. As for grief, I am far from over it. I have good and bad days. After 3 years, the only thing I know for sure is the pain never goes away. The only thing that changes with time is the way you deal with it on a day to day basis. You learn how to control it. At work I will laugh and have a good day. Because it's not the time to cry. When I come home, it's home work with the chidren, still not the time to cry. When every one is sleeping, or if I'm driving alone in the car, it is time to cry. Amazingly, I find that your system does it on it's own. It seems to learn, when to mourn and when not to. The hardest part for me was and still is, not having the people around you understand that yes 6 months after, you are still in limbo and in a great deal of pain, and yes 2 years later, you are still in the same situation. And today, 3 years later, people still don't understand that you still

Maggie
Quebec Canada

Knowing that I provided comfort, compassion, and companionship to my husband as he died helps me during this mourning process.

Donna
Michigan

after my mother passed away and i had to return home from australia i bought a journal and wrote down everything that happened in the 6 weeeks that my mother was told she had cancer and then died in such a short time it was then i cried and was able to get on with living again

Sheila
Utah

In the last two years I have lost 4 family members(Dad,Grandmother,Aunt & Birth-father), and a good friend to various illnesses. During this time 2 other family members have been diagnosed with cancer, one is terminal. Explaining to my 9year old why his Poppa died, even though he prayed for him everyday, helped me reinforce my own beliefs and helped me in my own healing. You can't lose a loved one and not contemplate your own mortality. But, I hope by facing my mortality, it makes me a better person, more sensitive to the feelings of others who are going through the pain the last 2 years have brought to me, and stronger in my belief that in same way we'll all be together again one day.

Brenda
CA

WE LOST OUR FATHER WITHIN MONTHS OF FINDING OUT HE HAD CANCER...BUT WHAT HELPED US THROUGH THIS DIFFICULT TIME WAS HIS COURAGE AND SENCE OF HUMOR. EVEN WHEN HE WAS SUFFERING HE WOULD CRACK A JOKE OR JUST SING TO US AS IF WE WERE THE ONES DYING AND HE NEEDED TO COMFORT US... NOW WHEN I LOOK BACK I SEE HIM DANCING WITH A WALKER.LISTENING TO LEON REDBONE AND HOLDING MOM'S HAND OR ONE OF OUR HANDS..OR JUST LISTENING TO ONE OF THE GRANDCHILDS STORIES...HE WANTED US TO REMEMBER THE WONDERFUL TIMES OUR FAMILY SPENT WITH HIM NOT SADDNESS... EVEN THOUGH WE SUFFER AT TIMES HIS MEMORIES CAN ALWAYS MAKE US SMILE...WE MISS HIM SOMETHING AWEFUL. WE ALSO NOW HE IS ALWAYS GOING TO BE WITH US..

 Melody
Washington

On Friday I went to a funeral of a 6 year old. This bright little redhead was an only child of a single mother. A year ago he was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor. The last few months were very painful for him and emotionally devastating for his mother. You have not touched on what happens when a child dies. Perhaps this is a whole different show.

Carol

I just lost my father 2 weeks ago. Me & my father were very close. We did things together everyday, whether it be camping fishing talking, Taking trips, & or working on cars or the yard. I cant except that he is gone. I hurts too much. It is the weirdest feeling inside me that is just making me sick inside. Six yrs ago we found out he had 6 months to live. At that time I structured my life around him & enjoying him. He lasted 6 yrs & maybe thats why it hurts so much. I know hes in no more pain & I am glad for that but I think its more selfishness. I will never see him gain. I cry everyday. I need help to deal with it.

Daniel
Cal

I lost my Mother in death in May and My husband the 17th of August after a year, short of 10 days, being an invalid after a stroke and massive brain hemorrage.I think it would help to talk to others experiencing this type of grief. Thank you.

Lucie
Texas

What was the name of the book that was required reading for the palliative team @ the hospital?

Judy
MO

My father's death in March not only taught me that life is precious and that we should strive towards quality and not quantity but that also we should not be afraid of death. I miss my father very much but because of my faith I truly believe that he is in a better place and finally resting in peace. Society tends to ignore issues about death, terminal illness, etc. because for one reason or another it is consumed with being young and death is ignored. If you keep in mind that death like living is a big part of life then you are on the right track. The series on "Living with Dying" is absolutely wonderful and extremely informative and I have suggested it to people (even though they are not faced with terminal illnesses) to watch it because it opens up your eyes.

Bea
Washington, D.C.

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