George Shapiro: Jack Welch and Bob Wright really wanted a tenth year.  And we had a meeting with Howard West and myself and Jerry and Bob Wright and Jack Welch, you know, he was the chairman of General Electric. Like the biggest entrepreneur in the world. And we had this breakfast on the thirty-eighth floor overlooking Central Park; we had engraved, you know, menus. And Jack Welch was there – he was pitching Jerry, it was just the opposite. He had charts, “Look how it went up, it went way past ‘Home Improvement’, all the shows – it’s still growing in its ninth year.” And he wrote on a little piece of paper, you know, what he was offering Jerry. And he handed it to Jerry and – whew! Do you want to know what it was?  Okay, because I think it’s been out already. It was five million an episode for twenty-two episodes. To do the tenth year. And Jerry said, “let’s talk.” You know, we went for a walk. Howard, Jerry and I went for a walk in Central Park, and we sat down on the bench on eight-first street and Central Park West, the same bench where he told his father he wanted to be a comedian. So anyway Jerry sits down, he said, “You know, as a standup comedian, you know, you feel you’re getting a standing ovation. And that’s the time to leave. You don’t want to stay on stage too long. You don’t want to stay on like another fifteen minutes so they say ‘Oh he was good but he was on a little long.’” He said, “My deepest gut, you know, is to leave now. Despite the offer and everything else.” So I was happy ‘cause I said, “This is a great – to go off like that and for the future you have that. Nothing – no one can ever take that away from you.

Reynaldo Rey: One minute she would talk about how she loved Brook Benton, the next minute, and she couldn’t say Brook Benton, she’d call him “Book Ben’n”. And she’d take her teeth out and her face would collapse!  She, oh she looked horrible when she took her teeth out.  And she wore this horrible outfit.  And she didn’t like the way the microphones came up out of the floor at the Apollo.  She said, “God damn microphone be shootin’ up out of the floor, one of them got me right up tight.”  And she was just a crazy, wonderful woman.

Jeffrey Ross: I roasted Jerry Lewis at the Friars’ Club.  And at first I didn’t wanna do it.  And the roast master called me up– in L.A.  I was in L.A. at the time.  Richard Belzer called me up.  He said, “Who the hell are you to say no to Jerry Lewis?  This is the last time you’re gonna have to roast a legend like Jerry Lewis.  Get your ass on a plane.  Do it for me.  Do it for Jerry Lewis.  Do it for yourself.  This is a huge, huge comedy icon.  You gotta come out and roast Jerry Lewis.”  So I do.  And I’m writing jokes for days, getting– ’cause you– you know, you gotta bring your A game when you’re roasting a legend like that.  And to his credit, he was a great sport.  I said– I said, “Jerry Lewis was huge in France.  Then again, they don’t even know when they stink.”  The one thing they said was, “You know, Jerry’s very sort of– sensitive about doing jokes about, you know, muscular dystrophy.  And could you stay away from that?”  That’s all I have to hear, you know.  I’m going right for it. But if you’re saying it to his face, somehow it’s okay.  And I said– I sorta slowed it down.  I had my sorta rat-a-tat-tat delivery.  And I took a deep breath and I said, “You know what, Jerry?  A lotta people make fun of you, but they don’t talk about the good things that you do.  What about the fact that just this past Labor Day a six year-old kid got up out of his wheelchair and walked for the first time to turn off the Jerry Lewis Telethon?”  The subject that they told me not to talk about was the biggest laugh I got, the biggest smile that Jerry made the whole day.

Kaye Ballard: She used to come to this house all the time and say, “Let’s go for a bike ride.” So we’d go for a bike ride, and we were coming down the main street, because then there weren’t any houses around here. There were a lot of palm trees, and a mad dog came out of the woods just like this. Foaming at the mouth. And I fell off the bike. And Lucy says, “Get the hell out of here. Go back in the woods.” And I turned to her and I said, “That is why you are queen of the world” She was a toughie when she wanted to be, but she was also the best.

Bill Marx: The last performance of Harpo Marx occurred at the Pasadena Theatre in California.  And he shared the bill with Allan Sherman who he helped to create a career for himself as one of our great parodists of all time.  Allan did the first half of the show.  There was an intermission and then Dad did the second half of the show.  Allan comes in at intermission and notices there’s a bottle of cognac on Allan’s cot where he would lie down and relax for a while.  And a note saying, “Allan, I want you to know this is my final performance.” Well, Allan went crazy.  He couldn’t believe it.  And the opening of the act after the intermission, he came out and he says, “I want you to know that you’re having a historical moment this evening, folks.  Harpo Marx is retiring.  This is the last time you’re ever going to see him onstage as Harpo Marx.  I now introduce you to Harpo Marx.” And Dad goes and he does some stuff and people are going crazy and whatever it is and, finally, at the very end, he picks up the microphone and he launches into his Bar Mitzvah speech.  “For thirteen long years, I have toiled and labored for your happ-“ and does the whole thing.  The people are just silent as… as a church mouse.  I mean you can’t hear a pin drop.  And he comes to the end of this and he says, “And, in conclusion, I am so honored to know that you folks are, have the keenness and the perspicacity for recognizing monumental genius.  I thank you.” And walked off the stage.  Well, people must have applauded for at least a good two or three minutes. That’s a long time if you’re just counting.

Larry Gelbart: If you want to hear my favorite George Burns story, one of my first writing partners was a man named Sid Dorfman. And when Sid and I ended our association, Sid went to work with George Burns and he worked for Burns for about seven or eight years and then, he finally handed in his notice to George’s brother Willy and Willy said, “George is gonna want to talk to you.” So when he talked to George, George said, “Sit down Sid. I understand you’re leaving.” And he said, “Yes I am George.” And he said, “You know, Gracie and I love you as a son.” And Sid who had a very low tolerance for any sentimentality, he, he, his eyes went to the floor. And George said, “The son we never had.” He said, “It’s not like someone’s leaving the staff. It’s like someone’s running away from home. And Sid,” and George finally said, “Sid, if you don’t look at me, I can’t work.” He just never stopped being in show business.