Next week’s news: The college edition

Next week, I’m driving my daughter up to college. Now, a lot of people are asking: In this economy, is a college education really worth it?

Well to answer that question, I’m launching a special Next Week’s News investigation:

“In This Economy, Is a College Education Really Worth It?”

Helping me out are my two educational pals from PBS, Elmo from Sesame Street and Ken Burns.

Ken Burns goes to college and studies “documentary filmmaking.” Elmo doesn’t go to college.  Elmo lives with his parents and becomes a “barista.”

After four years of college, Ken Burns discovers that documentary filmmaking is an “unmarketable skill.” After four years at Starbucks, Elmo becomes a “manager.” Ken Burns applies to Elmo for a job as a barista.  Sorry, Ken Burns, says Elmo. You’re “overqualified.”

Elmo doesn’t have to live with his parents anymore. He gets his own apartment and a “Nintendo Wii.” Ken Burns has to sleep on his parents’ couch.  He owes thousands of dollars in college loans and drinks a lot of “malt liquor.”

But it’s a happy ending for Elmo.  He gets two weeks off for summer vacation on the “Jersey Shore.”

So, when I drive my daughter to college next week, I clearly have a lot to think about. Like, How am I going to pay for it all? Well, don’t worry — I’ve already got a plan.

Alison, Jon, may I take your order?

 
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Comments

  • Becca

    Andy loves to bag on Ken…I laughed out loud at the comments about Ken and banjos last week. Now it’s time for Ken to do a story about Andy….

  • mc

    Your story also reminds me of my experience when I was training graduates at Employment Development Department some time ago. He is a PhD and is unemployed. He applied for work everywhere and this was the only reply: “You are overqualified’. I helped him with his resume writing
    and told him not to mention his PhD anywhere during the interview. Still something came up during the conversation that gave the employer some clue that the candidate was highly educated.
    That was the end of the conversation- resulting in no job offer. It is hard.

    I think American education system is partly to be blamed. It is so funny that many students from Public Schools get Free Education, Free Textbooks, and Free Food (in some schools) until he or she finishes high school. The problem of paying tuition fees surface only from college level and that is when parents are worried about college education and retirement benefits, etc.

    Why go through all these things? Why don’t they pay tutition fees right from school levels, whether public or private, some nominal amount? This will also help schools develop some useful curriculums from the high school levels. During this process, we can remove some of the teachers who are not doing their job well and hire only those who can really deliver the goods.

    Then only we can see some efficiency. Otherwise, we will be talking to all these cartoon characters,
    and not the real people.

  • Shawn Cafferata

    I am a long time PBS viewer, feeling that the station fills an important intellectual void. “Need to Know” appears in the first few episodes to be a quality program; informative, concise and timely. The final segment called “Next Week”s News” is the glaring weak point in the formula. It is poorly written, flatly unfunny and uncomfortably executed as the two hosts attempt half-hearted, off-camera chuckles after every lame joke. Please, please…. cut this sandbag loose.

  • Patrick Harvard

    I hate to rag on a man (Andy) who is sending his daughter off to college. He probably needs a job as much as anyone. However, it is inconceivable to me how such an unfunny person could imagine that he is a humorist. After many NTK episodes, I have yet to chuckle at a single joke. I can only moan. Even worse than Andy’s mis-selfperception is the fact that the “Need to Know” producers and staff continue to encourage Andy’s pathetic efforts at comedy . Please, someone pull out the long hooked cane, pull him off the stage and find Andy a role to which he is properly suited.

  • Georgev

    Andy usually runs hot-and-cold, but this was just cold and cold. The set-up was unclear from the start, none of it was laugh-worthy, and the ending was spectacularly unfunny (it was all about as funny as Alison’s drink order). Andy is funniest when he’s making a POINT. This one had no point, so it was just one long unfunny joke. Raise the standard, Borowitz! We know you can do better.

  • Pamela

    He should stick to writing, he is not a funny on air personality. His tweets are very funny!

  • Mary

    I agree with Shawn Cafferata who posted above. I have gotten to the point that I only watch the show until Mr. Borowitz’ segment is announced, and then I turn it off. I gave him a few tries, but found them all uncomfortable. Ms. Stewart’s laughing off to the side is distracting as well. Please either reformat his segment, or lose it altogether.

  • Barton

    Very funny! Excellent use of of Andy’s PBS “pals,” Ken and Elmo.

  • dimchester

    i don’t think andy’s detractors get it. he’s not here to make you guffaw. if you get lost in the arc or can’t find the stream to follow perhaps you really don’t want to participate…that’s what ya’ll are really saying. andy is doing just fine – he’s clever and concise w/o craven simplicity. Kudos!