Next week’s news: Summer movie edition

Welcome to a special summer movie edition of “Next Week’s News.” What’s playing at the mulitplex this summer? A serious case of cinema derivate.

Sequels like “Shrek 4″ and “Toy Story 3.”

Remakes like “Karate Kid,” “The A-Team” and “Saved by the Bell: The Revenge of Screech.”

And even the movies that are supposed to be original seem to be based on recent events in the news. For example, let’s take a look at the upcoming Angelina Jolie spy thriller, “Salt.”

In “Salt,” Angelina plays a CIA agent who is accused by her bosses of being a Russian spy. Sound familiar? You got it: it’s a thinly veiled adaptation of the Elena Kagan confirmation hearings.

It’s the exact same story, only Kagan is a solicitor general who’s accused by Republican senators of being a liberal. And here’s the biggest similarity: when both women are interrogated, they refuse to reveal anything. Now, let’s take a look at the latest Tom Cruise action comedy, “Knight and Day.”

In the film, Tom Cruise plays a rogue agent who seems to be working for the government, but then turns out to be totally out of control. Heard this one before? That’s right: another name for this film could be, “The Stanley McChrystal Story.”

Now, given Hollywood’s current penchant for plot lines that have been ripped from the headlines, it’s surprising that no one’s made a summer movie based on the BP oil spill.

But maybe that’s because it’s already been done: the 1998 Michael Bay classic, “Armageddon.” In that movie a team of oil company employees led by Bruce Willis and Ben Affleck try to stop a catastrophe — an asteroid headed for Earth. The only difference between “Armageddon” and the BP story is that in “Armageddon” they succeed — and it only takes them two hours.

And finally, what about the latest adventure of those sexy “Twilight” vampires? Is it worth your twelve dollars? I don’t think so. If you crave entertainment starring a super-sexy stud, then wait until fall: CNN’s got a new show with Eliot Spitzer.

I want to see that in 3-D!

 

Comments

  • Nell Minow

    Brilliant! Almost too true to be funny.

  • Barbara Z. Banks

    Wonderful! I’m so grateful to the Internet for giving me access to this program, because neither of the Atlanta PBS stations carries it. Thanks, Andy, for posting this to your Facebook page!

  • Violet

    Good wrap-up! That saves me the suspense and ticket price of sitting in an actual movie theatre while I could be outside playing this summer.

  • maggiekay

    Please give Andy his own show. PBS needs more, and so do I!

  • Debbie Donushi

    With so much bad news out there,…I thank god, and PBS…(Perfect Borowitz Station)…for a few moments of humor every week with Andy Borowitz!! He is brilliantly funny! In fact, why not spin Andy off into a show of his own?? Laughter is the best medicine…and Andy is our phriendly, phunny, pharmacist! I’ll even buy a PBS tote bag!! Thanks, Andy…and PBS!!!! :)

  • Ray Dombrowe

    What? No comments on the swarm of 3D (I think that means $3 extra you Dummy to use the glasses for a few kind of neat scenes) movies..

    I love the way Andy ends each show.

  • Gorman

    This reads pretty UNfunny — so I watched the video to see if it got funnier. No such luck. It’s obvious this is getting kudos merely because humor doesn’t exist in any other form on the network. It’s not funny, but it is refreshing. Those “connections” between current events and movies were hardly connected at all, except for BP/Armageddon, which Andy could have had a lot more fun with. I’m a fan of Andy’s past satire and tweets, but this seems so forced. Even Meach and Allison barely chuckled.

  • Kelli

    Hilarious! This really made me laugh, especially the Spitzer bit at the end.