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Seinfeld’s New York: Custom Quote Map

Think you know your Seinfeld? Test your skills by locating these witty snippets on our custom quote map! Click “Get Quote” to generate a new quote, then hit “Reveal Location” to see where it was said.

How would you describe the smell in this house? Dandruff, kasha, mothballs, cheap carpeting. It's potpourri, really. - Jerry

I always have tuna on toast. Nothing's ever worked out for me with tuna on toast. I want the complete opposite of on toast. Chicken salad, on rye, un-toasted ... and a cup of tea. - George

Oh, get the swordfish. Best swordfish in the city. The best, Jerry. - Bania

So what! Have a yolk. It won't kill you. - George

No soup for you! - The Soup Nazi

No! We have to go to Schnitzer's! I'll show these people something about taste! - Frank

The greasy doorknob, the constant licking of the fingers. He's hooked on this chicken, isn't he? - Jerry

Do you think they're going to let a jacket-stealer join? I don't think so! They're going to charge me 800 dollars for the jacket, and I gotta deal with Pat Cooper! - Jerry

They don’t have a decent piece of fruit at the supermarket. The apples are mealy, the oranges are dry… I don’t know what’s going on with the papayas! - Kramer

It's a used clothing store. See when people like you die, the widows, they bring in their wardrobes. They make a bundle. - Kramer

I read somewhere that this Brentano's is the place to meet girls in New York. - George

Oh yeah, I've been known to drink a beer or two, but then again, I've been known to do a lot of things. - Kramer

Hey, you know what would make a great coffee table book? A coffee table book about coffee tables! - Kramer

No, that's my only suit. It cost me 350 dollars! I got it at Moe Ginsburg. - George

A job with the New York Yankees! This has been the dream of my life ever since I was a child, and it's all happening because I'm completely ignoring every urge towards common sense and good judgment I've ever had. - George

On Prancer, on Dancer, on Donna, on Ethyl, on Harriet! - Mickey

Where are the tote bags? I'm not leaving the premises without tote bags. I was promised tote bags and tote bags I shall have. - Kramer

I love the black and white. Two races of flavor living side by side in harmony. It's a wonderful thing isn't it? - Jerry

The guys a baseball player Jerry, Baseball! - George

The Dewey Decimal System... What a scam that was! - Kramer

Do you have anything that's been...you know, laying around for a while? Something prewar would be just great. - Elaine

Uh, this was designed in 1850 by Joe Pepitone. Um, built during the Civil War so the northern armies could practice fighting on... on grass. Oh, yeah. Giddyup. On Rusty! - Kramer

Anywhere in the city - I'll tell you the best public toilet. - George

I just threw away a lifetime of guilt-free sex and floor seats for every sporting event... so please, a little respect, for I am Costanza, lord of the idiots! - George

Believe me, somewhere in this hospital the anguished oink of pig-man cries out for help. - Kramer

This is the Hamlet of diseases. Severe pain, nausea, delusions, it's got everything. - Mickey

Ok, you can take the B or the F and switch for the N at Broadway Lafayette, or you can go over the bridge to DeKalb and catch the Q to Atlantic Avenue, then switch to the IRT 2, 3, 4 or 5, but don't get on the G. See that's very tempting, but you wind up on Smith and 9th street, then you got to get on the R. - Kramer

You want to be a ball man? Go ahead and break the ball barrier. - Jerry

I am such a huge whale fan. - George

Look, you don't understand. There was shrinkage. - George

I don't trust men in capes. - George

Why does everything have to be so... jokey with you? - Elaine

H&H wouldn't let us use their bathroom while we were picketing. It put a cramp in our solidarity. - Kramer

So, you're Elaine Benes. We've been getting calls for you for 5 years. - Bookie

Wait, wait, wait… Sergio Mendes has a cult following! - Kramer

Mary, we've been eating a lot of your husband's Yogurt lately. Does that have fat in it? - Jerry

They're a crazy religious cult. The carpet cleaning is just a means for them to get into your apartment. - Kramer

I'll tell you a little secret about zip codes: They're meaningless. - Newman

How can the same street intersect with itself? I must be at the nexus of the universe! - Kramer

Yeah, we're heading up to Westchester - gonna hit the links! - Kramer

Well, I had to. I had to apologize. I mean, I punched Mickey Mantle, my idol. It was eating me up inside! - Kramer

Artistic integrity. Where did you come up with that? You're not artistic and you have no integrity. - Jerry

Well boys, I did it. I had to stay up all night but I finally came up with a great New Yorker cartoon. - Elaine

You know, it's not fair that people are selected first come, first served. It should be based on who's hungriest! - Elaine

A party? Oh no, that was just my stupid friend Jerry. - Elaine

When a guy’s got a coma going like this… you don’t want to mess with it. - Jerry

It's a foreign movie... a film is what it is, actually. - George

Well, occasionally, I like to help the humans. - Kramer

I was a 718 when I first moved here. I cried every night. - Elaine