We have a story today about a gay Orthodox Jew struggling with that seemingly impossible choice. It's one of several such stories in a documentary feature film released three years ago and directed by Sandi Simcha Dubowski. The title of the film is TREMBLING BEFORE G-D.
DAVID (Orthodox Jew): I don't want to be less than a Jew because I'm gay. The equation I had in my head was Judaism is correct. Judaism states that homosexuality is wrong. And I am homosexual -- then Judaism must have the answer.
Rabbi AHARON FELDMAN: You can't lie to someone. You can't tell a person that he can be a religious Jew and violate one of the mitzvot for which the Torah prescribes the death penalty and calls it an evil -- calls it an abomination.God says that homosexuality is forbidden. And this is a revolt against God. God is directly punishing us because he brings us sickness that goes directly through him. They are immoral people, these people. They are people that have to break down all the barriers of what they grew up with.
DAVID: When I grew up I didn't think you could be any more religious than what I was. We kept Shabbos (Sabbath), we kept kosher, the holidays. I wore a yarmulke all the time. I davened (prayed) three times a day. And my dad growing up at the time, he was a Hebrew teacher. When I came out to my parents, I had an article about homosexuality in my jacket and my dad took my jacket to the cleaners, saw the article with homosexuality , and he said, "David, what is this?" And I didn't know what to do -- I was at a total loss. After about five or 10 minutes I went to my parents' bedroom, and I told my parents that I was gay -- but don't worry, I was in therapy to change. "I am going to be all right. I am going to be straight. Everything is going to be fine."I spoke to this rabbi far from Chicago because I didn't want anyone to know. I told him how I was gay and I needed and wanted to change, so he told me to eat figs or dates, I'm not sure which one. I think figs. And to say Tehillim (Psalms), like 10 different Tehillims I should say every day. So I did that for a couple of months. I ate dates and I said Tehillim. It sounds like I am an idiot, just talking about it. What the hell is this? But I did it. I would have done anything. I spoke to this therapist. He was into conditioning where you put a rubber band on your wrist and every time I would see a man that I was attracted to I would flick the rubber band. You know, aversive conditioning, I guess you would call it. So my wrist was hurting. I was constantly flicking this rubber band. And then I thought, I can't do the rubber band because people would say why are you -- so I had to lie about why I was wearing a rubber band. So he said, "Okay, bite your tongue." I did that for two years. I thought that's what I needed to do to rid myself of the homosexuality. You know, to be the Jew that I thought that I should be.
Rabbi Dr. NATHAN LOPES CARDOZO: Theoretically speaking, it would be better for the homosexual to live a life of celibacy. I would just argue one thing: it's completely impossible. It doesn't work. The human force of sexuality is so big that you can't -- it can't be done.
Rabbi SHLOMO RISKIN: Interestingly enough, the Talmud explains you are making a mistake through this thing. You are making a mistake because it does not lead to the kind of normal family life which the Torah sees as being the fundamental building structure of a good and holy society.
DAVID: I don't think it's possible. I can't have sex with women. It's just inappropriate. It's like you having sex with men. I can't. I just can't do it; it's not me.
Rabbi LANGER: If you're only inclined to have relationships, sexual relationships with men, and nothing else works for you, then yes, you have to be celibate.
