At this point in my life I never expected to be a divorced single mother of 4 young boys & trying to figure out who I am & what I want in life at 30 years old. I was with my ex-husband for over 13 years, he was my first and only love. It's been over 2 years now & I still find myself missing him. I lost him to drug addiction. He became a complete stranger. He drove himself mentally unstable & I think it's a permanent state of mind for him. I am now trying to maneuver my way around loving him, missing him, living w/out him & knowing that we will never have him in our future but also feeling sorry for him yet angry with him for choosing that over his family. My heart breaks for my boys. They loved him so much & now they cannot have their Dad in their life. I had to make that decision & it will always be on my heart.