OPENING Eden: Hi. I'm Eden Riegel and I've been living in New York for 12 years. On September 11 I was living with my family in an apartment building right across the street from the World Trade Center. On that day, the world as we knew it changed. For me, being displaced from my home was just a part of a broader sense of disorientation that I think we all felt. As we learn to deal with changes in our lives, what we call the New Normal, it's important to focus on the positive. Today we'll meet some teens who were directly affected by 9-11, like Jamie, who lost her stepfather, a firefighter; Phil, an EMT who left school to volunteer at the site; and Michael, who sought escape in drugs. We'll also meet some high school students in Colorado and California and see how 9-11 affected them, and how they view their future. But first, let's take a look back at 9-11 through the eyes of some teens who were at Ground Zero. HIGH SCHOOL OF ECONOMICS AND FINANCE Mahdi: There is actually a half a block between Economics and Finance and the World Trade Center... And we heard the radio and they turned it up a little louder and 1010 news was reporting about a plane having hit the World Trade Center and people were freaking out. At that point an actual second plane hit, we heard it and we felt the ground shake. When you actually feel an entire building lob up and down you kinda have a different perspective of it. And level by level we got out down the stairs and we went out staircase B, like the back of it. And right there you turn to your left you saw Battery Park and you turn to your right and you saw this big tower on flames at the top and about half a block away between you and the building. Not knowing exactly where to go and second not knowing how much time you had to get there. Denienne: We stopped, turned around and you could see the hole in the World Trade Center. And you could see the fire, you could see the people jumping out, and we started walking again. But we were walking slowly, people were trying to call their parents on cell phones, and then the towers started collapsing. So everybody just started running scattered in different directions. You didn't know where your friends were, your teachers were… Austin: When the tower starts collapsing, uh, we just watched this sort of wall of ash and dust come straight at us. And we didn't really know what to expect because it's a wall of just white ash coming from a burning building so we didn't know if it was going to be burning hot, or you know, sort of acidic or whatever. So we just watched that come over us, and after maybe a minute or so and we knew that we were ok. Uh, you know, we started running, but we started getting scattered. Denienne: Everybody was covered with the ash and at first you were just worried about yourself but then when you had time to think you didn't really know where anybody was. Austin: I go to the Staten Island Ferry and there is probably about 50 or 60 kids from our school there and we take the ferry over. I'm just trying to make sure they are all ok because a lot of them were very shook up and did not look really very well. Denienne: Everybody cried: I saw big basketball playing boys in Staten Island break down in tears and crying for their mother. Kristen: We literally were like delirious. We were just like woo. Denienne: September 11, it broke down all our hard barriers and shells. People that really never spoke, hated each other, came together. It really brought this school closer together. PHIL - EMT I've been volunteering as an EMT for about 2 years now. And on the day of the attacks I responded down to Ground Zero. I was in English class and I just heard, oh my god, you know, they collapsed, they collapsed. So I immediately… I knew I had to be down there, or I wanted to be down there and see what I could do. It was about 10:30, 11... And I'm walking towards the site, and no one's on the streets, all the cars are gone. And it's just the smell of just dust and ash, smoke...you're never gonna forget it, it's just a terrible, terrible smell. And I keep walking down, I turned down here, and I walked up and saw they had a triage, which is like medical staging, right in the Burger King, it says NYPD temporary headquarters. I actually treated a couple of people, bandaging their cuts and washing their eyes 'cause the dust here was just horrendous. We were on the bucket brigades, you know like I was on the top passing buckets and everybody just kept passing buckets, for hours. It was just weird because you were walking on these grates of steel and you see, like, a desk or papers and that was someone's office. Maybe they were in there. You can't breathe because they didn't have the masks yet, those nice masks with the cartridges. You didn't have anything. You kept going, you couldn't really stop. The first thing they tell you in EMT school is, the first thing you do when you get on scene, "is the scene safe". By looking on the rubble I'm sure, I'm guaranteed I'm in danger. But it didn't matter, it was just helping and it was just what I was able to do. I was here for about 24 hours the first day. I helped out a little more in the morning and then I went home and went to sleep because I was exhausted. I ended up coming back the next day, and I was here for another 24 hours. I didn't come back after that, for about a week, I just…couldn't deal with it. I wasn't grieving, I never cried about it. I never really was, had all my anger all bottled up inside. Or I never really had, um, alone time. I was able to be here, and I was able to help out. And it just helped me cope with it so much better because I was able to do what I was trained to do. And I was able to talk about it with people who do the same thing, friends of mine, and it was just much better than dealing with it myself. I don't have nightmares about it. I mean the smell, you know, fires, when we go to fires I remember. The guys on the street with the jackhammers, breaking up the concrete sometimes. I try not to pay attention to all the news alerts. But I mean, as far as feeling safe, you just gotta pretend that you know it's not 100% safe and you know nothing's 100% guaranteed. You just gotta keep going, you can't let it control your life. Even though I knew I wanted to be in the EMS field, it really fortified my belief that this is what I really wanted to do and I'd be content being an EMT and paramedic for the rest of my life. JAMIE Host: Jamie's stepfather, Jeff, was one of the firefighters who responded to the attacks. Jamie: I called my mom and said, "are you alright?" 'Cause she had an office where she used to work, she had an office in the city. She said, "yeah", oh actually Jeff is a fireman, is he ok? She said, "yeah, he left a note. He called, he said he's fine. His secretary called: he's just gonna go down there to see what's going on." As of that day I was fine. The next day I was still fine. He didn't come home, I didn't think anything about it. I said, "wow, he must be helping out." He can't get to the phones, the phone lines are down anyway. You know, so I just figured it was him: he is just the type of person that won't stop. Like, he will not stop. So we weren't worried. And then after a couple of days of not hearing from him. It was like no, definitely not. He's not ok. And that's when I was miserable. And that's when I stopped going to school. When I stopped answering the phone. And that's when I stopped checking in with everyone in the living room. I just stopped. I knew. After being in my house for a number of days straight, and not going to school or dance or anywhere, my friends who lived down the block came over. And my mom said, "why don't you get out of the house for a while. We'll wait for a phone call, if we hear anything we'll call your phone." I said, "ok". I think we were at the ice cream place, still in the mall. My ex-boyfriend called me up and he was like, "there are a whole bunch of firemen in your house, dressed in their uniforms." Right there I was like, I dropped my phone right in the middle of the mall. I jumped right in the car. I knew what had happened because I have seen Jeff get dressed up and have to go report to the families. So, I came home there was my mom sitting on the couch, my grandma, my sister, and my grandfather were next to her. There were about six firemen all in uniforms in a semicircle around her. Her hands were in her lap and I walked in and just jumped right on the couch and I did the same thing my mom was doing. I was just hysterical. And I was expecting it. But I was still hysterical. The firemen, they were hysterical, and they never get hysterical. They don't cry, when they tell you, just to be strong. It wasn't expected. Especially since he was not supposed to be working. He just happened to be there and happened to be the person who is going to be the one who jumps in. I was just lying there. I didn't go to school. I didn't go to dance. I didn't hang out. I didn't go out. I didn't go to dance after school. I just kinda sat home and wrote. I can't describe what I was feeling, it's like this didn't happen, but I knew it happened. I couldn't help myself from crying. I felt so guilty because I felt like I was the worst daughter in the world and all that. I lived for Jeff. I was scared to go to school… I didn't want everybody… I didn't know how to act. I didn't want them to treat me differently. I'm still the same me. A piece of me is missing, but you know, that has nothing to do with other people. I don't want to make it sound like I don't want anyone saying anything to me. It's nice to know people care and it helps, you know. But, um, I don't want people to be like, you can go first because your father just died. No, don't do that to me. You can say you're sorry and let me know that you know. You know, that's nice. Well, I go to cultural arts and it kinda did help me cope in a way just to be out again with all my friends. Like, we don't have time to talk, we're dancing, so no one is asking me questions and stuff. So that was cool. And the fact that, Jeff loved the fact that I danced. So going back, I felt like instead of just lying at home and crying about it, I go and I do something that I know he liked me to do. So I felt like I was making him happy, and that helped me out a lot. I was very honest with him about everything. I told him everything. I didn't hide anything from him. We had a good relationship that way. I knew I could tell him anything and turn to him whenever I needed to, and I did. If I had a problem I turned to him. Whether it be boys or school or whatever it was. I told him everything. We had a pretty good relationship. Like, and playing a lot, but whenever things got down to reality we disagreed on everything. Like school. Like whether I should miss because I'm sick, or my homework, when I do it. I felt like I didn't have enough respect for him and that I was mean to him. And I guess at times I was. But when I was nice, I could see in his face how much he appreciated it. And I just like, that I look to a normal everyday look. I wish I would have done more nice things, you know. That's why I feel guilty. And I felt like before he went we were in a fight. For my sweet sixteen we were in a fight. But I got to tell him I loved him at my sweet sixteen. And that was in August and that was the last time I told him I loved him. Everything in my life has changed. Like, even dance. Dance isn't what it was when Jeff was here. Because after like recitals and stuff, Jeff would, I'd come home to a sign made of money saying, "Jamie's number 1" and balloons throughout my whole room. Just to hear a quiet audience is different now. He used to be loud and stuff. My advice to other kids who have lost somebody, is writing definitely does help, like it really does. And reading it out loud helped what you wrote because you feel he can hear you, or she can hear you. And definitely getting out helps. Don't sit there and think about it all the time because it is not going to bring them back. We are on our way to my stepfather's cemetery where I go when I want to talk to him, when I am sad or I just feel like getting in touch with him. And he can see that I am going out of my way to spend time with him and just me and him. I love when people say, you know, can I write this about you. Can we film this? Can we have an interview? Sure, no problem. I want Jeff to live on. HIGH SCHOOL OF ECONOMICS AND FINANCE TEENS Host: Now, let's see how the teens from the High School of Economics have dealt with their frightening experience. They also had to spend the next five months at a different school but they were finally able to return. Denienne: Seniors came down here before we had to go back to school, when the buildings were still up and not torn down yet, and seeing them up and burnt where all the glass was shattered… that was hard. But when we came back to school… it looked like a regular construction site… we had already dealt with it… we did our crying. Austin: When I got back to my normal schedule… that really helped me out, because it just felt like I was at like a normal routine. Kristen: I was absolutely enthusiastic, to be honest, I was happy to come back, I really was… Mahdi: I would say that school was the biggest way I was able to cope with 9/11. Denienne: Teachers are very close with students… so we always had one to one communication. Everybody's door was always open… the guidance counselor, the principal… anybody that you wanted to talk to about anything. So I think that the fact that nobody was afraid to talk about it… helped the people that were having trouble coping with it. Kristen: Everything post September 11, I think, can best be described as each his own because everyone is going to react according to themselves. I don't think that it's just that a person is weak. Some people can't, they just keep everything inside. Mirela: I'm sure everybody panicked and everybody goes through a lot. But the important thing is to surpass it. And like Kristen said, it's true, some people just don't have the ability to do that. But for that there is counseling, there's so many things out there that you can just resort to. You don't have to be quiet and not talk to anybody. You can find out info on the Web. You can talk to your guidance counselor at school, talk to your teacher. There are so many methods of communication and I think the fault is that people don't know how to use them. MICHAEL, an ex-drug user My dad has been a firefighter for about 18 years. I started going to work with him when I was 12, maybe, and kept going to work hanging out with him, the guys there and stuff, they're real cool. The principal came on the loudspeaker and made an announcement that the World Trade Center was attacked and a bunch of people's parents worked there. I was kinda scared to find out what happened. I left school fifth period with my friend. We were hanging out at his house and he was doing coke. I didn't want to call my house, but I did want to call it, so I was like, "you know, forget it." I just tried coke, I did that. Later on I called my house. I found out everything was fine. I think when the first tower hit, that's when he went in. My dad knew a lot of people like, for like the past couple even months after it happened, my dad was going to at least like 3 or 4 wakes and funerals every week. I know fire fighting is dangerous, but you don't feel that when you are in the family of fire fighters 'cause, like, you pretty much grow up with it. Like your mom, dad goes to work, comes back the next day and everything is fine, he leaves the next morning. For a 16-year-old, I have been drinking for awhile. I guess when the attacks came, that's when I really started using more drugs. I started doing like coke. I started drinking a lot more than I used to. I just didn't want to deal with anything that was happening. I tried to keep myself so busy that I wouldn't have time to think about anything that happened pretty much. I tried not to let it get to me. I would go to school a couple hours late and leave like in the middle of the day. I didn't want to be around pretty much anybody. I didn't really feel like I could talk to anybody, really. Like, I just recently started talking to my dad about it. My relationship with him was pretty decent, but like once that happened, like I guess I didn't realize all the stress that was on him also and kept acting the same I always acted until one night I got into an argument with him and he was like "I've been down at the Trade Center pulling out my friends' bodies. Don't you think you could at least understand, my patience is a little bit thin." He could have died, he could die at any time. And I really don't want him to see me as like a loser my whole entire life doing drugs, amounting, doing nothing my whole entire life. I don't know, it pretty much hit me, so you know what, I am going to straighten out, do whatever I need to do to graduate high school and move on you know. My friends actually tried to talk to me 'cause they realized, some of them did, the ones that weren't using, they actually tried to talk to me and mentioned, they were like "Yo, I think you're getting a little bit out of hand here." And I was just like "yeah, whatever." I didn't think, and like you know, "You're not my parents, you don't know what's best for me, you're not me." But, it turned out they actually did know what was good for me… I should've listened to them, also. It's hard to ask for help if you're not ready to ask for help. Like if you want help, it's easy. I've been clean since October 22, and, actually, I feel a lot better without it, without using and everything. It makes me feel more in tuned with what's going on around me. I'm not always just like with my head down, you know, look… not paying attention to anything. If you're using drugs, it's gonna catch up with you no matter what. I mean there's nothing you can do about it. Whatever you're trying to escape from, is going to get to you so, I mean, it's going to catch up with you one way or another. It definitely made me value my life. Especially my dad's life, my mom's life. 'Cause… just that it happened like that, you know, it happened in a split second, hundreds of people just died. Even though I went to work with him and stuff I still didn't realize the stress and danger and stuff like that. But then it hit me, I realized he chooses to do it. I wanna be a fireman. Actually when I grow up, I want to be a fireman: that's what I want to do. And you know, I mean, it's a part of life. CALIFORNIA TEENS Host: You know, you don't need to be from New York or Washington to be deeply affected by the attacks and the ongoing threats. To take the pulse of teens far from Ground Zero, we went to Colorado and California. Nia: Life here in California has changed tremendously because of all the threats that our state has been getting after September 11. And the thought that we could have been hit is absolutely frightening. Jessie: After all this time, I still can't believe it actually happened. It's got this surreal feeling, like it's so far away. But it's right here. Chris: The question I always constantly ask is what does my life mean? And what does my life mean to others? And if I do something wrong, how can I help somebody else? Lisa: Through everything that has happened, you kinda have to realize that life is so short and so precious, that you just have to appreciate every moment that you have, and you can't let it go to waste. Nia: People are able to cope with it more now that they have time to grieve and now that they have time to look back on it and see, well, how did this happen, and how can we make this not happen again? COLORADO TEENS Maryanne: They had a bunch of fly-overs with F-16s, I think. Over the whole city for a couple of days afterwards, that was kind of freaky. Mike: It kind of adds something when you're almost afraid to get on a city bus or something because some psycho could be on with a bomb. I think a lot of people felt hatred towards what happened, but they took it out on innocent people. Omja: Our church is called a mosque and we've received a bomb threat and so we've had police security and other precautions taken. Peter: It definitely brought a sense of awareness. It let people know that we are not just living here and everybody loves us. It definitely let us know that there are people out there that aren't happy with our country. Rebecca: When it happened, we were all mourning, and I think we got together as a nation. And instead of falling apart, which I think the whole point of what the terrorists wanted to do, we just came together and we strengthened each other to just continue on with our lives. Ashley: We have to take into consideration that we know what happened, but we can't put our lives on hold for the things that had happened. And just have to realize that it did happen and things are going to be different. Mike: Freedom of speech is very important. That's why we wrote the Constitution, that's why those things are in there. And I think there are times when you need to sacrifice your freedoms FOR security. But you got to be careful. If you sacrifice too much freedom for the sake of security then we're not free anymore and that's the whole reason that we're the U.S.CALIFORNIA TEENS Jay: I've been living like a really like sheltered life. And at this age we're approaching this time when we really just want to get out into the world. And then 9/11 happened, and it was kinda like, "wow, there is like a harsh real world out there that we can step into." Mike: You know, I think you have to keep on going the way you do. Right after it happened, I… I think it was important that everybody stayed in school you know, and like, kept on living the life they did before. Amy: I think we've already seen people unite I mean, like, I know it was pretty awesome to see a bunch of American flags everywhere. Nia: Now more than ever, it's such an important time to get out into the world and to educate yourself. Because, without education, if you don't know about the other cultures, and about the worlds that surround you, then you're going to be stuck into a little ball. And if you get out into the world and you start seeing places that you've never seen before, you'll learn more and understand where they're coming from. Jay: Yeah, it actually got me started… I want to go to school in Washington D.C. And I looked up some of the majors they had there and it was "International Affairs." And that brought that whole thing up with different countries and I was just like, "this is just perfect that I'd want to study it." And I just totally relate with you in education. Lisa: Yeah and I also relate with you, because I see that there's such a need for a change in the world. And I realize that, you know, that we can all have an important part in the change. HIGH SCHOOL OF ECONOMICS AND FINANCE TEENS Mahdi: We can't really let September 11 hold us back. Even though we had gone through all that, we are still expected to do our regents, expected to do our AP tests, are expected to move on and go to college. Mirela: I'm planning for college, and I'm sure my classmates are, and I can't let that stop me. Kristen: It's always going to be part of my life and it's always gonna have an effect on me. Everything that happens, it always makes you look back, and put things into perspective. To realize, if you didn't before, what you do have and what you value and what you shouldn't. Mirela: You can't live in the past, but you can think about it, and you can see how it will change the future, and it makes you… if something does happen in any way. It just tells you: these are my barriers and these are my goals and this is what I need to get done. Kristen: There's always the question of why am I here and 3000 people are dead. Seriously, that's something that has crossed my mind thousands of times. Why is it that I'm here and other people aren't. So that makes me want to do, like, want me to accomplish my goals that much more because I'm here for a reason. It gives me more of a purpose that I should do something. CLOSE Host: We're all aware that we're facing a different world… one that is less safe. And we've all had to grow up a little faster than we expected. But the teens we've met today all agree that it's important not to let it change our lives unless it's for the better. Like appreciating family and friends more, having more focus on our future or just being involved more in what's going on in the world. I feel that the best way to honor those who lost their lives on September 11 is to live with an understanding that life is fragile and every day is precious. You can find out more about the teens in this program on the program's Web site pbs.org. There are also video clips, a transcript of the show, and lots more. And as always, we'd really like to hear your opinions and ideas on this and other topics. So you can send an email to inthemix@pbs.org or write to the address on your screen. Thank you. HIGH SCHOOL OF ECONOMICS AND FINANCE Graduation footage and voiceovers Austin: The future is going to be ok from now on. A lot of things were hard to do, but getting through it was just a real accomplishment for us all. Denienne: Our parents are that much more proud of us because a lot of us could have dropped out or slacked off like, "we could die tomorrow so why do I have to go to class". But we made it and we're here.