POV: Depression

It all started when I got sent to a treatment center (SCCH) for depression and anger in 8th grade. I was in the SCCH for about 4 or 5 months. As I stayed there I did learn coping skills but they didn't seem to help. I grew more and more depressed, because for one my boyfriend cheated on me and my brother went to prison and I was locked up in a treatment center. My parents visited me as much as they could but it didn't help. I started cutting the last month I was in SCCH and it wasn't that deep the first time but as the months went by the more deeper it got and the more scars I got...I was finally at home and I was growing more and more depressed as the days went by, I felt as though no one really cared and I did everything wrong. Today I'm still depressed and I'm on medication for it; I haven't cut in about a month now. I'm getting better and slowly getting out of my depression. I'm starting to feel more happy and loving life! (except school...haha) but things might change in the long run and I might end up cutting again...but for now I'm not.
--Alyssa, 15, Royalton, MN

I just want to get it out in the open...so here it goes. I started to know what harming yourself meant when I was 13. Me and my friend Billy used to talk about suicide...cutting and other stuff. He showed me his wrists and arms and I couldn't believe it. After my grandma died I started to get sadder each and everyday. No one knows that I cut myself besides my sister that doesn't think too much about it. The first time I cut my wrist was about a year ago. I didn't break the skin. But I wanted to. Then about 3 months ago I started going back to cutting because I was just depressed and didn't know what to do. Sometimes I would do deep cuts that would hurt so much and I do cry...Sometimes I do think about suicide. But never attemp it. Life is a gift and I don't intend on wasting it...make each day count.
--Beth, 14, Cincinnati, OH

Too many people are in a hurry to label someone with depression as weak or just weird. But it is not something the person can control. It takes over your life and smothers you. I've had depression ever since I was 10 years old. And it greatly strained my school performance, and ability to make friends because no one understood. The best thing you can do is be supporting and listen. It is a small thing to do, but the impact you can make on someones life will last forever.
--Cynthia, AL

Well, I was in 7th grade when I first had thoughts of suicide. So my friends took me to a psychologist and I was diagnosed with major depression and bipolar. It's rare that there's a mix of two types, but hey, I guess it's possible. I've had many re-occurring thoughts of suicide and only a few attempts. My most fatal attempt was my most recent, it was this past summer, but a friend walked in and brought me to a hospital in time. I want all teens to know not to be ashamed, but not to take things to the extreme. I shouldn't be talking, but it's the wrong way out of your problems. For three years I've been dealing with my depression and yet I await my cure. Will it come? I don't know...will I end it before it does? I don't know that either. But I live each day as it comes and I still let it get to me. Be strong don't let depression get a hold of you.
--Jody, 15, Cicero, NY

I had a full-blown nervous breakdown and found out I was Bipolar (manic depressive). I don't see how knowing about someone's need of medication should affect anything. It makes no sense to me.
--Juli, 17, Bedford, NY

I think suicide is awful. My best friend's friend commited suicide this year and it was so sad. I don't think that's the right thing to do.
--Bridgett, 15, Bryan, OH

I was about 15 when my father started drinking, and he would go days without coming home. He said he was at work, but he was at the pub getting drunk. He used to come home drunk out of his mind and my mum and brothers used to just pack up and leave sometimes. Also, in the middle of being a teenager and everything changing so fast, I hated myself and my body. I ended up turning bulimic 'cause I thought I was fat, and I had broken up with my boyfriend. I used to slit my wrists and I still do. It's a sudden rush and helps me feel alive when nobody seems to listen. Now, my dad stopped drinking but I'm still bulimic, and my parents don't know I'm so depressed and haven't been happy in months. I don't know where to turn.
--Liz, 17, Australia
(Note: We provided Liz with names and numbers of places in her area where she can get help.)

I considered suicide because of my mom. She punished me for something I never did, and I could not take it anymore, so I thought it would be the easy way out.[But I realized that wasn't the answer.]
--Alicia, 14, Las Vegas, NM

I've thought about death, but not about taking my life and I don't think less of people on anti-depressants.
--Jameela, 20, Philadelphia, PA

I was in 9th grade when my depression hit. Changing schools from junior high to the high school was a big change. I was stressed out all the time, and having a boyfriend didn't help. We always got in fights, because he didn't know what I was going through, and neither did I. I didn't know what was wrong with me, and hated how everything was going. I started to cut myself as a way to take out my emotions on myself, and not him. In the long run though, it wasn't the right thing to do. I am now on medication, and I'm doing much better. I hope my story helps those to get help soon, because cutting is only the beginning of a serious situation. Cutting can lead to other serious self-injuries, even suicide.
--Lauren, 17, Stone Ridge, NY

I have never contemplated suicide, although I have one friend who has. She is on anti-depressants. But, thinking less of her for taking the medicine is like thinking less of a diabetic for taking insulin. Because she has attempted suicide before, most of us, her friends, have taken it upon us to look out for warning signs. Things like saying goodbye, talking like they're not going to be around in the future, giving very personal stuff away, are all cries for help - all of which may be saying that they may try to end their life. When my friends and I recognized these warning signs in our friend, we let her know how much we care about her, and that she has a very big reason to live.
--Mirjam, 20, Morristown, NJ

It's such a hard point in life, where you're trying to find out who you are and what you want to do, just everything about yourself. It can be terribly confusing and often distressing. Those feelings of confusion and distress can be highly intensified at any time, particularly when you're "different" from your peers.
--Molly, 14, Pocatello, ID

We are at an emotionally high level. Things seem scary with all the change. You become more self-aware and that makes you more lonely. Many of us don't know our parents, really. I remember waking up one day and going into our living room, and feeling like I was around strangers. My mom was a single mom and I had been in day care until I could walk home. So I came home to an empty house, and woke up to an empty house. When my mom was home she was too tired to do anything, so we did nothing and I came to just wanting to be alone. I would skip school and do drugs and just wake up and want to be asleep again. I was always sad, but didn't know why, and that's why I had to drop out of school because I missed so many days from being depressed. I love my Mom and I don't think there is a better one out there. I think we were just in a bad situation. It took alot of people to show me they care, and that I wasn't alone. That I had a destiny and purpose in God's will, and that He does love me. I mean, that I am loved.
--Sara, Dallas, TX

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