(written by Tod Lending, copyright 1999)

Important Moments
This film had a very large impact on me both emotionally and artistically. Never before had I become so intimate with the subjects of a film. I became particularly close to Alaissa, Nikki, and Wanda, and I know that these friendships will be long lasting. The Collinses have referred to me as a member of their family, and that is how I feel about them.

Filming Terrell's funeral was one of the most difficult scenes I have ever had to film. The emotional environment was overwhelmingly intense. It was very eerie and disturbing to see so many young people at the funeral service-schoolmates, friends, and numerous young people from the neighborhood who didn't even know Terrell personally, but knew of him. To see these kids wracked with pain, weeping uncontrollably, some of them collapsing into the arms of family and friends, was very difficult to watch. The fact that Terrell was so young and successful while growing up in a community so plagued by violence and poverty made his killing all the more tragic.

Terrell's funeral is a scene that must be witnessed by people in order to understand emotionally the reality of this young, vibrant person's senseless death and its impact on his family and community. It is important to see Terrell in the casket because this is what his family had to see. It makes his death more tangible, and the image offers a powerful contrast to the images that we see of him when he was alive.

I had dreams about the funeral for many months afterward. They were filled with violence. But now that I've seen the footage over and over again throughout the years, I've established a distance from it. It has found its resting place in my psyche. I'm still moved by the footage, but I'm at peace with Terrell's death. However, the strong emotions that I experienced at the funeral are stirred again whenever I watch the film with a new audience and see their deep reaction to the funeral scene.

Another powerful scene to film was Nickcole's high school graduation. She had grown up in a family dependent upon welfare for three generations. None of her elders had graduated from high school, and many of her peers were dropping out, joining gangs or getting pregnant. Nickcole's graduation from high school was therefore a major turning point for the family and was very moving for me to film. Seeing Nickcole graduate had positive repercussions for the whole family. She became a source of pride and inspiration for her brothers, sisters, cousins, aunts, uncles, mother and grandmother. Her graduation from high school was the first real triumph the family had experienced since the death of Terrell.

Much of the emotion that filled this momentous occasion was captured on film when Dorothy embraced Nickcole outside the auditorium after the ceremony. We see Dorothy at first laughing and smiling with joy, but then the tears form and a much deeper emotion of love, resolve and pride is released. At that moment we see in Dorothy's face a catharsis that embodies all that the family has struggled for. I slowed down the footage so that Dorothy's shift in emotions could be seen clearly and appreciated. The camera is tight on her face. It is one of those moments that every documentary filmmaker dreams of catching-pure and emotionally truthful.

That moment where Dorothy hugs Nickcole reaches to the core of what LEGACY is about-a family transforming and revitalizing itself in the face of adversity. In that single moment we see a young African-American woman, raised in a single-parent home, and in an impoverished community, who is overcoming the barriers of poverty, surviving the violence in her community, and making it without the support structures that so many in our society take for granted. This graduation was a profound sign for Nickcole and her family that change was possible, that life could get better. Until that moment, I had never imagined a high school graduation could be so important.

Understanding the Process
As the years pass, and the Collins family continues to grow, I have seen how Terrell continues to live in their hearts and minds. Not a day goes by when someone in the family doesn't think or talk about Terrell. No holiday passes without remembering him and visiting the cemetery.

When documentary filmmakers become close to their subjects, many issues and questions begin to surface. The process of telling the story becomes much more complicated than if it were simply reportage. The filmmaker is no longer just an outsider looking in. To a certain degree, one is inside the story itself as a character or subject and always questioning to what extent one should be part of it. When do you play the role of a friend? When do you play the role of a filmmaker? Can you play both roles? When are you catalyzing the story? When are you manipulating the story? If you had not been filming their story, how would it be different? How would you be different?

The closer you are to your subjects, the more complex these questions become. In making LEGACY I was as intimate with my subjects as I had ever been. So these questions were much more complicated for me to answer than in earlier films I had made. In the beginning it was difficult and confusing to navigate both worlds of being a friend and being a filmmaker. Sometimes when we went to the gravesite I felt guilty bringing my camera along. I felt I should just be there as a friend and that I should not be filming this. Anytime you begin filming, you put yourself outside the circle. You become the observer. There were times when I was very uncomfortable with that and would have preferred to be let back in as a friend.

As the years passed, I became more comfortable being both friend and filmmaker. For me, this was a matter of getting used to the complexities of this new relationship, and also sensing that the Collins family members were becoming more comfortable with me taking on both roles. But this continued to raise the issue of how our friendship would effect the progression of the stories the Collins family members were living.

I believe the entire process of making a film about this family had an impact on the direction of their lives. I have been asked: What was it that caused Alaissa to finally get off welfare? Wanda to kick her drug habit? Dorothy to finally move out of the projects? Nikki to graduate from high school and go on to college? These questions do not have simple answers. There is never any one single event or experience that causes change in people. It's always a mixture of events and experiences. Faith is one factor, but another is support from people such as Brigid Miller, the principal at St. Malachy; Kenny Butler at the Boys & Girls Clubs; Mike Byrnes, the lawyer; Sheila Barber, the banker; Loretta, Alaissa's teaching mentor; and the Haymarket treatment center. All have had a profound effect on helping family members change their lives. But the act of filming their lives also served as strong motivation for the changes that occurred.

According to Dr. William Julius Wilson, one of our advisors, research has shown that people with a sense of high-efficacy (self-esteem) have a much better chance of making it than those with a sense of low-efficacy. This should not surprise anyone. In the context of filming a family, however, I can clearly see how the filming process would heighten a family's sense of self-esteem. The Collins family knew that my original intention for filming Terrell was to look at a kid who was on his way out of the projects. They knew that I was interested in seeing what kind of coping mechanisms he had, what kind of family was raising him, why he was making it while others were not. They knew that I was looking for the positive things within their family, and this certainly gave them a sense of pride. The fact that I wanted to tell their story, that I thought they were important enough to be shown on television, made them feel a certain pride, and must have provided some sort of motivation for them to make something of themselves. This is something that can never be measured, but you know it's there.

In making documentaries, I have never been interested in just reportage. With documentary you have the opportunity to go beyond reporting statistics and facts-you have a chance to delve into the subtleties of your subject's life. You have a chance to take an issue like welfare or public housing, and by focusing on one family, illuminate the emotional and psychological realities of those issues and find truth in a way that engages your viewers. This type of documentary is much more powerful and effective than one that merely reports the facts and statistics.

Once I formed my company and began producing my own work, my goal has been to create a more subjective narrative-one that focuses on capturing the vicissitudes of life from a particular point of view. LEGACY is as close as I've come to creating this type of documentary. In the case of LEGACY, I am relying on the subjective voices of one family, and myself, to tell their story, to depict the realities of their experiences, and to expose some of the truths of poverty.

Welfare
I used to believe that getting off welfare was about providing people with decent jobs, and not just minimum wage jobs with no future. I believed that people on welfare would be willing to leave it behind if given the proper opportunity. But in watching Alaissa lose one job opportunity after another, I learned that getting off welfare is much more complicated than that. Leaving welfare is a process, not an event. Providing a job is only one of the steps. The system has to deal first and foremost with the practical issue of childcare. When Alaissa searched for work, she was unable to find a trustworthy childcare program for her children. If there was such a program, it was certainly difficult to access. It is absurd to think that the system can begin weaning people off welfare before they have a highly effective childcare service in place.

But just as important as having the proper services in place, I have also learned that psychological help, in the form of group or individual counseling, must be provided to low income people who suffer from low self-esteem. No matter how many support systems you have in place for people who are stuck on welfare, unless they believe in themselves, and believe theycan actually make it, they will not be able to take advantage of opportunities. I've learned that breaking the psychological pattern of low self-esteem takes a long time and numerous job opportunities. The system has to be willing to counsel welfare recipients and stay committed to them even while they may fail at many jobs. Alaissa needed to be trained in how to work within the system, how to present herself on the phone and in meetings, how to negotiate and how to communicate in a way that is effective. She needed to believe in her own abilities.

Substance Abuse
Wanda altered my preconceived notions of those who are severely addicted. In the beginning I had no hope for her. In fact, in some ways I despised her for abandoning her kids to the care of her mother. For 20 years she had been addicted to alcohol and drugs, and had been selling her body on the streets for almost the same amount of time. Then one day she asked me for help. She said she was ready to try treatment. I don't think she actually believed that I would get her into treatment, and I didn't believe that she would really go.

That very day I found her a treatment center and she registered. But I still doubted her ability to stay clean for more than a few weeks. She's now been clean for two and a half years and is caring for her children under her own roof. Even if she relapses tomorrow, she has gone far beyond my expectations of any human being's capacity for change. She has opened my eyes to the fact that one must never lose compassion for another, no matter how desperate and destitute their circumstances.

I have tried to understand how it is that in one day a person who has been addicted as long as Wanda is able to go into treatment and begin the process of kicking her habit and completely changing her lifestyle. It is not only about overcoming the physical effects of the drug. It is also about overcoming the long-term mental and emotional addiction. How was she able to create an entirely new form of existence? How was she able to go from never having held down a job, to working full-time? How was she able to discipline herself to get up every morning at 7:00 am and go to work? How was she able to work in the projects in the same buildings where she had used crack? How was she able to be around the same people, and resist turning back to the drug and the lifestyle?

Terrell's death at first pushed Wanda further down. But then she saw how Nikki and Alaissa had taken his death and used it as a source of inspiration to move forward with their lives. This must have affected her on a subconscious level. In one interview Wanda said that using drugs was a way for her to medicate her mind and emotions. Deep down I think she believed that there was a message in Terrell's death, and the message was for her to pull herself together, to stop medicating herself and start becoming the person and mother that she wanted to be. I don't know this for certain. She has never articulated her thoughts in exactly these words. And then there was her faith in God. She says that she has put her life in God's hands, that she has surrendered herself to Him, and it is through this process of surrendering that she has come to the place where she is today.

Public Housing
Chicago has a shortage of public housing right now. The Section 8 housing lists are closed to new applicants, and it is extremely difficult to find well-maintained public housing. Alaissa's salary is so low that she still needs public housing. When Dorothy moved out of the projects and into her new home, Alaissa had to move in with her because she couldn't afford a clean apartment and there was no decent public housing available. Through Wanda, who is working in West Haven (the new homes that are replacing the Henry Horner high-rise projects), Alaissa was able to get on a waiting list for one of the new town houses. After living in cramped conditions for six months at Dorothy's, she was finally able to move into a West Haven home.

Poorly maintained public housing, like Horner, only perpetuates all of the problems of poverty. The substandard living conditions increase residents' low self-esteem and leave them vulnerable to drug addiction, crime, poor schooling, joblessness and compromised physical health. In the long run, it is many times more expensive to have poorly maintained public housing than to invest in keeping the buildings and grounds in good condition. The public housing community Alaissa now lives in is clean and relatively safe; the lawns are well manicured, and the buildings are bi-level town homes so residents have more privacy and space. Because of these changes, there is a greater sense of pride in the community, and therefore greater potential for growth.

Violence
I learned about the unpredictable nature of killing when I interviewed O' Brian McGee, the young man who killed Terrell. I had decided to interview him out of a personal interest in understanding his motives for killing Terrell. I had read the police report that included his interview following the murder. But I still wondered whether Terrell really had been his target, or whether it had been Jack, Terrell's older brother. Everyone in the Collins family thought that Jack may have been the instigator of the incident because he was more of a troublemaker and had a loose affiliation with a gang. Jack never talked about the incident following his brother's murder, which made people even more suspicious. I thought O' Brian might have some answers.I also thought that there may be a place for him in the film.

His teacher told me O' Brian was a relatively good kid who had a learning disability. He never had any major problems with him and never envisioned him as being capable of killing. He had no knowledge of his involvement in gangs. He also confirmed that O' Brian was a kid who was picked on a lot.

When I met O' Brian at Menard state penitentiary I was expecting to meet the stare of a cold-hearted killer. Instead I met the forlorn gaze of a man-child who was lost and confused. He is slender, short and completely non-threatening. He is soft-spoken and appears to be emotionally vulnerable.

After interviewing O' Brian it became clear to me that Terrell was in fact his target. It was Terrell whom he fought with the week before at a basketball game. As good a kid as Terrell was, he was also fully capable of stirring up trouble, and never liked to back away from it. In talking to O' Brian, it also became clear to me how appealing and natural it is for a young person to resort to gun violence when they have a history of being mistreated by family or peers, when they live in an environment that provides easy access to guns, and when they're exposed to a society that mythologizes and romanticizes the use of violence for resolving conflicts. After meeting O' Brian I was left with the sad realization that given the history of his personal past and his social environment, it was no surprise that he had murdered a young man to avenge a lost street fight.

The reason I decided not to use any of O' Brian's interview material in the film is because it served no purpose. But I might have considered including an interview with O' Brian had someone in the Collins family decided to visit him on their own. Although Alaissa and Wanda expressed an interest in meeting him and asking him why he did it, neither was motivated enough to actually go to the prison and confront him.

It is very interesting to consider the role retribution played in the healing of the Collins family. In the first year after the death of Terrell, they were obviously focused on the sentence that McGee would receive for the murder. They were somewhat satisfied when he was convicted of first-degree murder and sentenced to 50 years. However, I know they would have been even more satisfied (and I would have been too) had he been sentenced to life without parole. I never heard them talk about wanting him to receive the death penalty. What was most upsetting for them was the possibility of his sentence being cut in half through good behavior. In remembering Terrell, McGee is never mentioned, and when I ask them how they feel about McGee, there is no malice in their answers. Yes, they hope he has to serve the full amount of time, and yes, they have questions about how he could have done what he did. But the questions are not pressing and have had no role in the healing process.

Faith
Having faith in God has been a key element in helping the Collins family recover from the loss of Terrell and in finding the strength to move forward with their lives. Faith has provided an essential support structure for the family, and it is the thread that ties their lives to Terrell, and to one another. Their belief in God has helped them make sense of the senseless and to find meaning where others may find none. It provides a rationale for why things are the way they are. They all believe that their futures are predetermined, that their destinies rest in God's hands. Faith has provided them with a sense of hope for the future, and having this hope, this belief in the possibility of change, helped to make change a reality.

For Dorothy, faith fed her hope and belief that she would one day get out of the projects. Faith gave Wanda the strength to go into treatment, kick her drug habit and stay clean, despite the fact that she was working near the same people and places where she once used drugs. Faith helped Alaissa persevere in her job search. It helped Nikki cope with the loss of Terrell and emboldened her belief that she would lead a different life from that of her mother and grandmother, one that was free of welfare and poverty. Having faith for this family gave order to the chaos that encompassed their lives. It is an essential element in their natures, something that they have all learned and incorporated into their lives from an early age. Having faith in God has played a critical role in supporting faith in themselves and their abilities to create change.

I have never known a family to visit a grave so regularly. But in watching the Collins family visit Terrell's grave, it is clear how this ritual has helped them come to terms with his death. Their deeply held faith in God's presence has served as a bridge between themselves and Terrell. They truly believe that Terrell is in heaven watching over them, and that they will join him in the afterlife. As Alaissa said in an interview, the cemetery is a meeting ground for the family. As the years passed, I saw this meeting ground transformed from a place of sadness and mourning to a place of joy and solace. Alaissa seemed to find peace with Terrell' s death before anyone else. Dorothy and Nickcole followed Alaissa. Wanda came next, after entering treatment, although she still is in the process of coming to terms with it.

The cemetery is quiet and peaceful, a spiritual place where the Collins family can all be together and focus their thoughts and energies on Terrell. Their regular visitations help to incorporate the presence of Terrell into their daily lives. I have been deeply affected by the experience of going to Terrell's gravesite repeatedly during the filming of LEGACY. In a strange way, I feel that I knew Terrell during his life, even though we never met. His story has shaped my work, and to a degree it has shaped my life. It is unsettling to feel so close to someone, and so indebted to a person I never actually knew in life. I only wish I had been given a chance to know Terrell before his life was stolen.

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