♪♪ MAN: Standby, two.

Mix through.

Cue on two.

REPORTER: The BBC has announced the appointment of ex-head of Olympic Deliverance, Ian Fletcher, as its new Head of Values.

WOMAN: Time now for the Shipping Forecast.

MAN: Superimpose.

( beeping ) I mean, obviously, a royal visit at any time would be a big thing for us, but coming now... NARRATOR: It's Monday at the BBC's Central London Headquarters, New Broadcasting House in Central London, and Head of Values, Ian Fletcher, is chairing an important meeting of the Way Ahead taskforce.

Anyway, the point is the relationship between the BBC and the royal family is a very delicate and important issue in all kinds of ways.

But in the context of charter renewal in 2016, and, let's face it, this is a royal charter we're talking about renewing here... Yay.

Suddenly an occasion like this starts to look like a really significant opportunity for us to, you know, to... Yeah, basically, it's a huge opportunity to not...it up.

Well, I mean...

Yes.

Yes.

Cool!

Yes, no, brilliant.

Brilliant.

In his role as patron and future heir to the environment, Prince Charles is due to visit New Broadcasting House to present an award for the BBC as the world's first zero-energy broadcaster.

Can I just say, Ian, that we have been in regular contact with the comms people at Clarence House?

Right, well, this is good, 'cause it's important to get the fine detail of this thing right, right from the start.

Apparently, the key thing is, whatever you do, you absolutely must not touch him.

No, sure.

Yes.

Unless he touches you first.

The fact is that's true.

No, sure, I'm totally good with that.

Right, good.

Also, we have to lock down a special toilet for three days in advance before he actually arrives.

Right.

Christ.

I was thinking more, I mean, that's very fine detail.

Yes, it is, exactly, Ian.

Also, something else that came up, he doesn't do sweetcorn at all.

Right.

No.

Cool.

Brilliant.

Meanwhile, downstairs, intern Will Humphries is arriving as usual, keen to get into the building and begin some sort of day.

Uh, yeah, hi.

Hi, can I help?

Yeah, it's, like, my pass doesn't work?

Okay.

Yeah, I don't know, it's, like, it's not working.

Okay, let me try.

Okay.

Yeah, 'cause I've got, like, a coffee for Ian Fletcher?

Okay, you will have to sign in.

Yeah, but I work here?

You work here.

I'm kind of like an intern.

Okay, but, I mean, your pass doesn't work, so you will have to sign in.

( cell phone vibrating ) ( cell phone vibrating ) ( cell phone vibrating ) Hi, Will.

Oh, yeah, hi, Izzy.

Yeah, hi.

How are you?

Yeah, I'm good.

Yeah, I'm good.

I'm good.

Good.

Yeah, so, like, I'm in reception, but, like, my pass isn't working?

Oh, okay.

Like, I'm supposed to sign in, but it's like I have to be visiting someone?

Right, yes.

Yeah, so, like, would it be okay if I visited you?

Uh, yeah, sure, okay.

Okay, cool.

'Cause I've got, like, a coffee for Ian Fletcher?

I think I have to come down and get you, though.

What?

Yeah, I know, yeah, crap.

Okay, stay there and I'll come down in a minute.

Okay, cool, yeah, I'll stay here.

Okay.

Okay, cool.

I mean, I am quite busy at the moment, David.

Oh, I know...

I have got quite a lot on.

I know, tell me about it.

Meanwhile, after a more than usually complicated start to the day with her daughter at home, senior producer Lucy Freeman has arrived, with just enough time to snatch a quick breakfast on her own, but, nevertheless, entertainment format executive David Wilkes is keen to ask her advice about an idea he's been asked to have.

I mean, what was the remit she gave you?

The remit?

Yeah.

No, sorry, you've lost me already there, Lucy.

Following a mixed reception for Britain's Top Village, with Gary Lineker and Holly Willoughby last year, he's been invited to come up with something even better than that by Head of Output Anna Rampton.

I don't know what it is!

Whether she's like done something to her hair... Do you know what I mean?

Mmm.

I can't quite put my finger on it.

So, what ideas have you got so far?

Okay, so the direction I'm going in, like the way my mind is working, I was thinking maybe something like Uptown Downtown.

What?

I'm still working on the title, obviously.

Yes.

So, basically, celebrities have like a town, okay?

So, maybe Myleene Klass was born in... Well, I don't know, she must come from somewhere.

Yes.

And they compete against each other.

You have, like, judges, like Kirstie Allsopp, to convince you that theirs is the best town in Britain.

Right, okay.

So, almost exactly like Britain's Top Village then.

Okay, so, with Town, it's, like, what you've done is you've taken Village, okay?

And what you've done is you've gone up a gear straightaway.

Right.

Any others?

Oh, what?

Any other ideas?

Just in case that one doesn't fly, yes.

Look at you, you're so healthy, Lucy.

Do you know what?

Excuse me.

I'm putting this back.

I'm going for fruit salad instead.

Do you know what?

I'm going to have both.

Sorry, think I'll have both.

Honestly, what am I like?

And then finally the other thing I just wanted to touch on this morning is this issue around Wimbledon that's come up.

Ah, okay.

Yeah, bollocks.

Brilliant.

Brilliant.

Meanwhile, back up in Frankie Howerd, Ian is literally setting the agenda in the Way Ahead Meeting.

Can I just say I was actually going to raise this in Damage Limitation, Ian.

Right.

It doesn't matter what meeting it is, it's the BBC, it's damage limitation, okay?

Well, I mean... Just saves time.

In the past few weeks, there have been rumors that the BBC could be in danger of losing its exclusive contract to broadcast the Wimbledon Tennis Championships to a rival broadcaster, in this case, ( bleep ).

The fact is I've made my views clear on this.

Cannot happen, okay?

Well, exactly.

Absolutely cannot happen.

I mean, for Christ's sake.

I'm sorry, but here we go, we're panicking already.

This is just a bit of...

I mean, I don't even know where this story came from for a start.

Well, I can't speak for anyone else, Neil, but I got it from BBC News.

Yeah, okay.

Yes, me too, Neil, yes.

Yes.

Right.

The BBC has broadcast Wimbledon in one form or another unremittingly for over 90 years.

If it was to lose it now, it would be a major blow to its very BBCness.

Worse still, the ensuing debate has thrown up suggestions in some quarters that its coverage of the Championships is, in certain respects, too white.

Guys, I don't want to be dramatic about this, and, I mean, we all love Sue Barker, but I got to say we are looking at a situation here and not in a good way.

Brilliant.

Brilliant.

I mean, brilliant.

Too white?

Bummer.

I don't think it's about Sue Barker specifically.

Apart from anything else, it's factually inaccurate.

Right, well...

The fact is Sue Barker was originally blonde.

Right, yes... As I say, I don't...

Yes, Will, come in.

( continues knocking ) No, come in, come in.

Come in!

Thanks, Will, that's great.

Yeah, hi, sorry.

No, that's great, thanks.

Uh, we missed each other earlier.

Yeah, I know, it's like my pass isn't working?

Oh, bad luck.

Yeah, crap.

Right, well... Yeah, so, like, Izzy came down to get me.

Oh, right, did she?

Yeah.

Oh, well, that's nice.

Yeah.

Okay.

Well, thanks, anyway, Will.

Yeah, no worries, yeah, cool.

Right.

Good.

Yes, no, I mean, I think we're in danger of being drawn into detail too early again here.

I mean, Wimbledon is obviously a cornerstone of the...

Okay, okay, okay, um, here's the thing with this, um, it's a no-brainer.

What it is is, okay, so, now we've got two things, okay?

We've got like Wimbledon, which is like tennis, okay?

And we've got BBC, which is like, um, I don't know... Sue Parker, okay?

Sue Barker.

Sure, and what you want is, um, you want one thing... One thing?

Sure.

So, what you're looking at here is a brand mashup.

Right... Oh, right.

Here we go.

A "brand mashup"?

Sure.

You want to say more about how that could work?

Well, um... No, sure.

Really?

Um, so it's, like, I don't know, it's like okay, okay, okay...

Okay.

So, it's like I say, um, like the word "peanut", okay?

What are you thinking?

Peanut?

No, I said that.

That's the word I just said.

Yes, no, I... What are you thinking?

Um...

Okay, I'll say it again, okay?

But don't think, just say stuff.

Peanut.

Monkey.

Yes, very good.

Butter.

"Butter"?

Peanut butter, okay?

Brilliant.

Duh.

Well, I'm sorry, Siobhan, but I think of monkey.

Okay, there's no such thing as peanut monkey, okay?

What?

I mean, that's like, I don't even know where to start.

So, like peanut and butter, two things.

Peanut butter, one thing.

Yes...

Yes, no, very strong.

BBC and Wimbledon, two things.

BB-Swimbledon, one thing.

Yes, no, I think we've got that.

No, sure, it's, like, what's not to get?

And this is an area where you could have some ideas?

Well, hang on... Where we could have ideas?

Yes.

Like there are areas we don't?

Right...

Okay, good.

Shall we just have a think about exactly how we want to play this?

The fact is this is important.

Yes.

I've already made that clear.

Yes, no, brilliant.

But, Siobhan, I don't want to spoil this party we're all having now, but you can actually have other kinds of butter.

Excuse me?

I don't believe this.

You can have, like, brandy butter or just ordinary butter.

It doesn't have to be peanut.

There's no such thing as monkey butter, okay?

What?

Brilliant.

Get over it.

Brilliant.

Very strong.

'Cause, sometimes, I mean, it's her hair, obviously, but sometimes, she has it done really straight, and, to be honest, I just don't think it does her any favors.

Mmm... Do you know what I mean, though?

Meanwhile, down in the Syncopaticafe, it's becoming increasingly clear to Lucy that she's having breakfast with David.

So, why the sudden urgency from Anna, all of a sudden, anyway?

Mmm, I know.

Do you know what, Lucy?

I think it's to do with this new job.

What new job?

Oh, okay.

Well, apparently, no one's supposed to know anything yet, but they created this new like Director of Better or... "Director of Better"?

Apparently, yeah.

Better what?

I mean, basically, I think what it is is... Yeah, you know what?

I don't care.

No?

Okay.

Anyway, all it is is she needs something really good to have up her sleeve if she applies.

Right.

So, all you need to do now is think of something really good?

Oh, I know, tell me about it.

I mean, this is so not my area, David... No, I know.

But if you want my honest opinion...

Yes, please, Lucy, I do.

I'd be tempted to go in a different direction altogether, I think.

All right.

If I was you.

Maybe surprise her with something original.

Okay.

That's interesting.

That's brilliant, Lucy.

That's really great.

Thank you.

So, when you say "different direction", Lucy... As I say, I'm really not... No, no, just an example of what you mean, I mean.

I mean, I don't know, if all the celebrities in the world swapped pets with each other for a week or... Oh, my God!

I mean, not that, obviously... Kylie has a Rhodesian ridgeback.

Yes, well, that's... And then it's, like, "Will they miss their old pets?

Or will they fall in love with the new one?"

No, David... Do you think a week would be enough?

♪ Okay, so, how it works is you guys go either end and I'm like umpire or judge or whatever.

Cool.

Groovy.

Over at Perfect Curve, it's a different day and Siobhan is preparing her creative team to play mashup tennis.

So, then you guys have, like, ideas, okay, so, like, you have an idea, okay?

Yeah, so, like...

So, no shut up, still me.

Yeah.

So, like, you hit the idea ball...

Cool.

And if your idea isn't better than your idea, then you lose the point, okay?

Okay.

Okay, cool.

Yeah.

With other broadcasters, such as ( bleep ) making moves to poach the iconic event from the BBC, leaving it with no live sports that people understand, their mission to both mashup and pimp the BBC Wimbledon brand at the same time, which isn't easy.

SIOBHAN: So, it's, like, serious.

But that doesn't mean they can't have fun.

It doesn't mean we can't have fun here, right?

Okay, you serve.

Sure, whatever.

Go!

Okay.

No, hang on, what's going on?

Okay, no, that's too slow, you're out.

No, but it's like it's singles, otherwise it doesn't work.

Yeah, singles, yeah, whatever.

Go.

Okay?

So, I could be, like, down the other end?

No.

Yeah.

Well, how's that going to help?

He could be, like, ball boy.

Yeah, cool, yeah, ball boy, yeah, cool.

Okay?

Yeah.

Okay.

Right.

Ready?

Yeah.

Go!

So, you have BBC newsreaders or like David Thingy actually umpiring the matches.

Cool.

David who?

This is good.

Uh, old guy, grey hair, does, like, political stuff with politicians.

Attenborough.

Yeah, David Attenborough.

Yeah, cool, yeah.

Okay, cool idea, Barney.

15-love.

Coco, your...

Fault.

Excuse me?

What?

Yeah, because what if David Attenborough doesn't know the rules of tennis or like how to score?

In this idea, he does know the rules.

Well, he might not, it's not as easy as it looks.

You're a ball boy, okay?

Yeah.

Okay, cool.

So, I could be like net cord judge?

What?

Okay, 30-15.

Coco.

Okay, so... With, like, the finger, it's pretty cool.

Yeah, so, like, with the umpires, like, with David Attenborough or maybe, like, Alan Sugar?

Yeah, yeah, cool, yeah, Alan Sugar, yeah.

Like, so now all they do is, like, say the score, but they could be more like judges.

Cool.

So, like, at the end of the rally, they'd be like "15-love.

Nice footwork."

Yeah, yeah, cool.

Or if it's just out, they're like "Love-15.

Cool shot, but no cigar."

Yeah, cool, yeah.

Okay, I love this, this is epic.

Okay, so, um, like, 30 all, whatever.

Barney?

Okay.

So, we have Graham Norton up in the Players' Box.

Excuse me?

Cool.

Yeah, so he's, like, up there with, like, the players' girlfriends.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No way!

Yeah.

'Cause when, like, the players swap ends and sit down, normally that's when you go to adverts, but, with the BBC, they don't have adverts, Bummer.

Yeah, so instead you've just got two guys, like, sitting there eating bananas.

Well, sometimes it's like they take their shirts off.

Yeah, but... Yeah, sometimes.

But with Graham up there with, like, Andy Murray's girlfriend... Kim?

Yeah, Kim, yeah.

We love Kim, she's gorgeous.

Yeah.

And big sunglasses.

Yeah, and Graham's like, "How are you feeling?"

Or "Oh, my God, we're so loving that dress, Kim."

God, I love this, this is just, like, the best thing ever, okay?

Um, 30-40.

No, it's...

Okay, okay.

40... 30-30?

40, deuce, whatever.

Go!

♪ Hi, Izzy.

Hi.

Have you got a moment?

Back at New Broadcasting House, Ian has had an issue on his mind, and it hasn't gone away.

I don't want to disturb you, I know you're busy enough.

That's okay.

But I wonder if it would be possible?

Will's pass isn't working, for some reason.

Yes, no, I know.

Oh, yes, thanks for letting him in again today.

I had a quick look on Syncopatico...

Yes.

But as usual, I couldn't make... No.

You know, it kept telling me I wasn't discoverable, or my network settings were in conflict with, you know, my, God knows.

Yes.

So, basically I fell at the first hurdle.

Yes, no, I had a look earlier, too.

Oh, right.

And?

His pass has actually run out.

Well, I mean yes, that's the... No, I mean, it's... What?

I think Will's internship has expired.

Oh, God.

I know.

No.

Yeah.

I haven't said anything to him.

No, no, of course.

I don't know what to say.

I mean, are you sure?

So, the standard period is normally, like, eight weeks.

Eight weeks?

I know.

But, I mean, that's, how long?

Eleven months.

Eleven months?

Yeah.

Well, how can that happen?

I don't think anyone's noticed.

No.

No, okay.

Well, at least that's something positive, I suppose.

Yes.

Yeah.

Okay, so, like, on court, you have, like, BBC theme tunes for both players.

Okay, so, I don't get that.

Yeah, okay...

I don't get it.

Yeah, so, like, say Andy Murray is gonna play Novak Djokovic, okay?

Okay, so, I don't even know what that is.

He's, like, world number one or something.

Okay, sure, whatever.

Yeah, but, like, at tennis.

Yeah, so, like, Novak, he'd be like Doctor Who, because he's, like, a bit... Sure, whatever.

Yeah, he's kind of like an alien.

Yeah, but... Yeah, like his hair.

Yeah, but, Andy, he'd be, like, Strictly.

We love Strictly.

Yeah, so, like, if Novak wins a rally and then it's like... ( vocalizing Doctor Who theme music ) Okay, no, I get that.

Yeah, but then, like, the whole crowd joins in, so it's like... ( vocalizing Doctor Who theme music ) Yeah, I still get it.

Do Strictly.

Then, if, like, Andy wins a rally, then it's like... Ho!

( vocalizing Strictly Come Dancing theme ) Holy... Yeah, 'cause then it's, like, suddenly it's, like, party time.

Do it again.

Ho!

( vocalizing Strictly Come Dancing theme ) Somebody tie this girl down.

Yeah, it's like... Ho!

( vocalizing Strictly Come Dancing theme ) Good job, guys, we did good here.

We totally nailed this coyote.

It's like ho!

We just BBCed Wimbledon.

Well played, good match.

Cool.

Yeah.

Ho... ♪ Back over at New Broadcasting House, it's a completely different day.

And as Ian arrives for work, the first issue of the morning presents itself even before he's made it inside the building.

Oh, hi, Will.

Yeah, hey, yeah, cool.

There you go.

Right, thanks.

I mean, that's really good of you, Will... No worries.

No, I mean, really, I'm perfectly capable, I should get used to carrying my own bike and getting my own coffee.

Yeah, no, no worries.

That's cool.

No, but...

It's like a system.

Right, yes.

Yeah, so my pass still isn't working?

Right, no.

I asked Simon Harwood when he came through if I could visit him, but he said it's probably better if I visit you?

Oh, right, yes, did he?

Yeah.

I prefer visiting you anyway, it's better.

I mean, we really need to sort this out at some point.

Yeah, I know, crap.

Yes.

Yeah, with the pass, I was thinking maybe it's like the photo's, like, just too weird.

I mean, someone's going to have to tell him, aren't they?

Yes.

Yes.

I'll tell him.

This is awful.

I know.

I'll tell him.

Really, I don't mind.

I don't think there is, like, a formal system.

But he seems to be closest to you.

Well, that's... Yeah, like you've adopted him.

Me?

Well, or Will's adopted you.

I mean, maybe if his pass just keeps not working, I suppose there's a chance he might just work it out for himself eventually.

Yes.

Right, okay, no.

Great.

Meanwhile, producer Lucy Freeman is with potentially new writer Dan Shepherd.

After working towards developing a new drama, Home Truth, with him for over two years, the project is finally nearing another meeting.

I have to say, I don't know what Matt's going to say.

Right.

But he asked for the meeting so... Yeah.

I mean, I'm always cautious, but, really, after everything, with everything you've been through, you have to think, what else can it be but something good?

Yeah.

So, do you, like, actually work in this place every day?

Yes, I do, yes.

Right, okay.

Every day.

Dan.

Hi.

You remember Matt?

How are we?

Yeah, good, yeah.

Thanks so much for coming all the way down.

How's Whitby?

Wetherby.

Wetherby, yes, Wetherby, of course.

Yeah, no, it's okay, thanks.

Great.

It's still pretty much the same.

Great, have a seat or something.

Yeah.

Oh... Generic Head of Comedy and/or Drama Matt Taverner has asked to meet Lucy and Dan to talk about what happens next with Home Truth, a love story set and told very much in the context of the Yorkshire seaside town of Scarborough.

I mean, first of all, I love what you've done with these scripts.

Oh, right.

They're great, aren't they?

I just think the characters are really solid now.

Yeah.

Especially, I mean, the main character, I just... Sarah.

I love that she's a woman.

I love that she's, you know, she's strong.

I really feel I know who, uh, Sarah is now.

Yeah, I haven't really done anything to her.

No.

Well, maybe not, but the way she reads now in the architecture of the whole... Oh, right.

So, the work you've done around her as a protagonist.

Yeah.

I mean, look, what I'm basically saying is congratulations.

Oh, right, okay.

Terrific.

Yes.

See?

Thanks.

So, I guess part of my job is I think a lot at the moment about what is a BBC story today.

Oh, right.

Do you?

And also about who do we want to be telling stories about.

And who do we want to tell them to.

Right.

Right.

I don't know.

Who?

I don't know.

I may be wrong about this...

Uh, but is there just something about Scarborough as a place, as a precinct, if you like, is it a bit, I don't know, maybe a bit one-dimensional in some ways?

Yeah.

"One dimensional"?

Yeah, it is.

What do you mean by?

What do you mean, one... What do you mean, Matt?

Well, I guess I just mean culturally, really.

Is it all just a bit the same?

Yeah, no, definitely.

Well... Yeah.

'Cause I mean that's sort of like the point.

Yeah, no, sure, that's great, Dan.

That's brilliant.

I mean, okay, would it help us at all here if...

I'm just throwing this out there.

...would it help us if we thought about reimagining it somewhere a bit more like, I don't know, Leicester or...?

Leicester?

Oh, right.

You know, or Wolverhampton or, I don't know, maybe even somewhere like Walthamstow, perhaps or...?

Yeah.

I'm just... Walthamstow?

Would that make it culturally richer?

And, if so, would that be a good thing?

No, but, Matt, but that's Walthamstow.

I mean, that's the polar opposite of Scarborough.

No, sure.

You might as well just start again.

No, no, no, this has such potential, Dan.

We all feel the same about that.

I guess, my job is just to ask the question, could it be even better?

Okay.

Right.

And if it could, I guess what I'm asking Dan just to think about is, is there something we might all gain from that?

Yeah.

That's all I'm thinking about here.

Yes.

Great.

♪ I'm sorry, I've got this wrong.

I thought he'd apologized already.

Yes.

Oh, he has, Neil, yes.

Meanwhile, it's Thursday, and time for the Thursday Damage Limitation Meeting.

Since the making of this documentary, certain events have happened.

As a result of which, for technical reasons, we are unable to mention certain individuals by name.

The fact is he's issued a formal apology on Twitter.

Yeah, okay, so...

He says he's never had anything at all against tossers, he's worked with them all his life.

Yes.

Yes, no, very good.

Tracey, do we know what the legal situation is?

Okay, I have spoken to them quite extensively.

Traditionally, the first item on the agenda is the Jeremy ( bleep ) item and today is no exception.

And what they're saying is, over the last four series of the show, if his use of the word comes to less than once an hour of broadcast time, or to put it more clearly, 0.5 times every half hour, This week, there have been complaints about his use of the word "tosser" in the BBC Two hit sitcom, Top Gear.

Whereas if his use of the word is above that figure, it counts as detrimental...

Okay.

In which case, I don't know what.

I mean, listen, this is so not my area of thingy, I don't know how the whole ( bleep ) thing works.

The fact is we need to be better at this sort of thing.

Yes, very good.

Right.

Yes.

Well, I mean, leaving aside the issue of whose responsibility this actually is for a moment...

I've already said what I think.

Surely the first thing is to establish the answer to the frequency of use question.

Brilliant.

Because that might just clarify the whole thing.

Right, okay, fine.

Brilliant.

Good-o!

So, hang on, wait a minute, so someone's going to have to watch four years' worth of Top Gear back-to-back?

Well, I mean...

Yes.

Jesus!

Exactly, Neil, yes.

Going to go bloody mad.

The fact is it's basically Dave.

Yeah, they're going to go bloody mad.

Okay.

All righty, uh, Jeremy, tick.

Now onto frankly rather more royal matters now.

With this week's ( bleep ) strategy agreed, Simon can move the meeting onto the main item, the increasingly forthcoming visit of Prince Charles.

Uh, brilliant, so, Ian, I had a quick decaf with Tony earlier.

Right, did you?

Yes, I mean, you'll know how you want to play this better than I do, but, um, for what it's worth, we got really rather excited about the idea of you doing a sort of head prefect number for us on the day, Ian.

Yes.

You know, ushering his HRH-ness up to the headmaster's office, chatting with some of the brighter sixth formers on the way.

Yes, no, I talked to Tony about this last week.

Oh, okay, brilliant.

We both...

Brilliant.

We both agreed, though, when it comes to the sequence of events on the day itself, it's key that we all know what's going to happen and we all know what we're doing.

Yes.

Yes, very good.

No, I agree with that, Ian.

Yeah, also it'd be a first.

One thing I can say, something they've been very clear about, apparently he wants to meet people from all levels in the BBC.

Right.

Yes, no, very good.

Why?

No, I don't know why, Anna, they don't tell you that.

But he doesn't just want to meet the high-ups.

Well, that's all good to know.

Another thing they want to know in advance, Ian, is exactly who is going to be in the greeting party.

Right, yes.

Yes.

You know, who's actually going to be meeting him, personally.

Yes.

That is something they will need to know in advance, Ian.

No, I mean, I said to Tony that this is obviously something we'll need to think about very carefully.

Yes.

Yes, exactly.

Yeah.

Yes.

Brilliant.

Yeah, good luck with that.

♪ DAVID: 'Cause, do you know what, Anna?

I just think it would be great to go in a different direction from Village, if you want my honest opinion.

Heavy petting?

Okay, so Kylie swaps her Rhodesian ridgeback for like one week with Alan Carr's Maine Coon.

What?

I know, I hadn't heard of them, either, had to look them up.

It's later that day and Head of Output Anna Rampton has asked David Wilkes to come into her office and talk about his ideas.

"The largest domesticated breed of cat with a distinctive physical appearance and valuable hunting skills."

Yes.

"Also known for its intelligence, gentle personality, and health problems, such as feline..." Yes, all right.

It's just something I've not seen on television, that's all.

Yes, and the fact is that's not going to change.

No.

The fact is this is a critical moment in the history of the...

Aware that this is a critical moment in the BBC's history, Anna knows she's in a situation where she needs something that's not only different, but, crucially, better than different.

And, crucially, better than different.

Yes, right.

For David, this is a moment to draw on his experience as a development executive, whilst at the same time thinking with his feet.

Imagine Britain's Got Talent meets Family Fortunes.

Right.

With a bit of The One Show thrown in just in case, obviously.

Britain's Top Family?

But that's just the working title.

I was thinking maybe something like Family Face-Off.

Or maybe just Family, because one word's good.

Yes.

And it's, like, do you know what?

This is about all of us.

It's just got everything, it's very...

Yes, so how would it work?

Well, each week, you've got, like, two different families, so, you know, like, one, like, really posh one, one, like, total car crash, and they compete against each other.

They compete how?

Sorry, Anna?

They compete how?

Yes.

Because it's like we've all got something we can do.

So, one week Granddad plays, like, tunes on his head with, like, a spoon.

Okay.

And the kids are doing, like, handstands while doing impressions of, like, different...

The fact is the future of the BBC is not old people playing spoons on their head with tunes.

No.

The fact is that's what ITV is for.

Sorry, Anna, excuse me.

Jack?

Afraid they didn't have any white tea in the end, but I...

Okay, no.

I did manage to get hold of some oolong.

No, that's not going to work.

Right, sure.

Can I get you anything else?

I'll have water.

Water.

Sure.

Not from the... No, sure.

Oh, yes...

Nothing for me, thanks, Jack, I'm fine.

Another e-mail from Carrie at BBC America.

Yes?

They really need to know now if you can do that week of the 27th in LA?

Right.

I've been stalling, 'cause I know that's the week of the Prince Charles thing.

The, yes.

I wasn't sure if you were going to be involved in that.

I can't do LA.

Okay.

They can move it.

No, sure.

Okay, cool.

Yes.

Wow.

Yes?

You're meeting Prince Charles when he comes, Anna?

The fact is we've met before.

Lucky you.

Talk about Britain's Top Family.

Hmm, yes.

Get him involved, then you really have got a show.

IAN: I mean, when you first came here, to the BBC, I mean, what did they actually tell you?

Yeah, they just said, like, "Wait in reception."

Right.

But did they say anything about how long it was for?

Yeah, it was like most of the morning.

Then Izzy came down.

Right... Yeah, I know.

Meanwhile, Ian has invited Will into Frankie Howerd to talk about things generally.

I don't really know how to say this, but internships are normally for a limited amount of time.

Yeah.

They don't normally last forever.

Yeah.

So, we need to talk about that.

Yeah, no worries.

It's not my pass that's expired, it's me.

Well, no, that's not quite... Yeah, no, that's cool.

It's like with school.

Well, yes...

It's like sometimes you've just got to leave like right in the middle of the morning.

Yes, I mean, really?

Yeah, my sister just turned up in my mother's car.

Right.

But, as well as things generally, Ian also knows that at some point someone is going to have to talk to Will about things specifically and that, for better, or, more accurately, for worse, he is that person and this is that moment.

Anyway, as I say, I think things have probably come to the point where we...

I mean, I don't know if you've had any thoughts about the sort of thing you might want to do next?

Yeah, I have, yeah.

Because I mean... You have?

Yeah.

Oh, well, that's really... That's great, Will.

Yeah, I know, yeah.

It's pretty cool.

So, what sort of thing are you thinking of going for?

'Cause I was going to ask you about it.

Well, of course.

I mean, obviously, I'd love to help, if I can.

Yeah, cool, yeah.

'Cause, you know, like, Izzy is, like, a PA to, like, Simon Harwood?

Yes, right.

Like, she feeds his fish for him and stuff.

Yes, I mean... She what?

Yeah, so, like, I was thinking... His fish?

So, I was thinking, like, I do your coffee and, like, your bike and stuff.

Right...

So...

I mean, could I, like, be PA to you?

PA to me?

Yeah, I mean, like, a real one.

Like, a real job.

Like, I could do other stuff, too.

'Cause that would be, like... That would be so cool.

Right, okay... Yeah, okay, no.

Well, no, Will... Yeah, no worries.

Yeah, you know, yeah, crap.

No, it's just, as I say, I'd like to help... Yeah, me too.

But it's just, I mean, for that to happen...

Okay, for a start, I'd have to work out a formal job description of some kind.

Yeah, cool, yeah.

No, but... No, but you'd have to apply for it, formally.

Okay.

I'd probably have to give you a reference...

Cool.

Which would be, well, I'd have to think about how to do that.

Yeah.

This whole thing would have to go through the BBC HR department... Whoa!

And ultimately, you'd need to be able to put together a really top-quality, impressive CV.

Okay.

What?

Let's go for it.

Well, no...

It's, like, sometimes you have to believe in yourself, because no one else does, either.

The, what?

Yeah, cool, yeah, let's do it.

Right, okay.

Good.

MAN: Just to say, guys, the royal convoy has left Clarence House.

Great to have you around.

Yeah.

And, you know, good luck with... Yeah, no.

Good luck.

We've got a suspicious object in the plaza.

What?

The world is full of rucksacks with Sue Barker's face on them.

No, it isn't!

That's a ridiculous thing to say.

I know who that is.

Gonna have to... ( door buzzing ) LUCY: I think he's actually arrived.

But where actually are you?

I really do need to get out.

Okay, I know what I did there.

Where does this go?

What the hell's going on in there?

TRACEY: The others are just grouping up.

IAN: Grouping up?

What are they, the bloody red arrows?

The fact is, Prince Charles is here to be met, and somebody's got to meet him.

Sorry, how do we get back to New Broadcasting House?

MAN: He's here.

Okay?

He's outside now.

He's arrived.

Oh, God.

♪