(soft string music) - I love fishing.

I thought about fishing when I'd go to bed at night.

It's kind of like just hearing the sound of the water just kind of gently hitting the rocks and the breeze on your face.

And you feel free.

It feels like freedom.

So, yeah, I would think about that when I was in prison quite frequently.

My dad got me into it.

My brothers fish.

Something we do as a family, so it reminds me of them, too.

This gives me a time to reflect on choices good and bad, and plan for the future.

All right, Jim.

I will see you later.

All right, thanks.

- Yeah.

- I have been to Cook County Jail 17 times.

I've been to prison three times.

I'm characterized as a chronic relapser as far as addiction goes.

And this has been ongoing since I was like 19, and I'm gonna be 39 next week.

Tight quarters.

(Kyle exhales) Home sweet home.

In the beginning, it was extremely hard.

I would get a couple months clean, and then I would go do something stupid and get arrested and then back to jail and then back to prison.

That's why I'm in a halfway house right now.

Phoenix House is a recovery home.

It's a structured environment for you to kind of restart your life and get back on your feet.

You're able to live here if you're drug-free, you've come out of some kind of institution, be it rehab, be it jail or prison.

It's people that are trying to change their lives and do something different with them.

When you start off here, you're in a two-man room, and then as you complete things, and you move up, you eventually get into your own room.

It's kind of preparing us to be like normal people 'cause, I mean, when you're in jail or prison, you could sleep all day if you want to.

And this is not something that you can do here.

It's not a flop house.

It's not a shelter.

It's not just a roof.

It's an actual program that has structure and rules behind it.

Some of the rules are not leaving any electronics on in your room, if your bed's not made before 8:00 AM, if your door is shut.

If you break a rule, say you leave garbage in your garbage can, What's up?

You'll get a behavior modification where you'll have to go to a meeting, and they're not giant.

It's not giant things, you know, but in the beginning, coming in in the beginning, it's a big deal.

- What would you call the state of your relationship?

- It's not so good.

- Maury?

Really?

- You don't like it?

- All right, well, teeth gotta come out.

Part of the celiac, you get a calcium deficiency, so normally people break bones, or they'll lose their teeth.

Well, I lost my teeth.

I had an underlying health issue with a celiac disease that I wasn't aware of until I turned 33.

So that was a few years ago.

In order to eat, I gotta take 'em out, but it totally changes the structure of my face.

And if I went in a job trying to do an interview with no teeth, don't I look completely different?

Yeah.

(soft string music) Parents got divorced when I was eight.

My mom died when I was 10.

I moved back in with my father after that.

He worked blue-collar job, worked for ComEd for a long time.

My siblings had a big hand in me being raised.

High school was kind of a pivotal point of everything with the addiction starting.

I was on wrestling.

I did sports.

And it was like the prelude to college, you know, so we thought.

Started smoking weed a lot, and when I say a lot, I mean a lot.

My dentist's office was right across the street, and that's kind of what led me into the opiates with the amount of painkillers that I was getting for all the dental work that I had done, not knowing that that was part of celiac disease.

So, I mean, everything really started right here.

After a while, I got cut off from the painkillers from the dentist 'cause they probably, I think they observed that there was an issue.

I started buying 'em off the street, and I got tricked into my first bag of heroin 'cause I thought it was a crushed up prescription pill.

And I decided I loved that, and I would run with that.

(unsettling music) I wound up going to rehab for the first time at 19, and it just kept happening over and over and over.

I was in bad shape.

I was doing like 26 bags of heroin a day at the time.

I was living with my dad.

And I stole his truck and went and bought drugs and all that stuff and pawned his laptop.

Then he'd kicked me out of the house.

I was like, "I must need to go to prison," 'cause I hadn't been to prison at this point, but I've been to jail quite a few times.

And I just didn't know how to stop or what could help me.

So I thought going to prison would stop it, you know?

And I went into Home Depot, and I stole something, and I stood outside, and I literally rolled a cigarette and sat there and smoked it until they realized what I had done to come out and grab me, which was, you know, quite a while.

So I could have got away with that, but I was ready just to get put somewhere, and that's the first time I went to prison.

(train humming) (dog barking) - [Instructor] Go lift it, go dance.

Go lift it, go dance.

♪ Shake, shake, shake ♪ ♪ Oh, shake, shake, shake ♪ ♪ Shake, shake, shake ♪ - [Instructor] All right.

♪ Shake your booty ♪ - [Instructor] Go down.

Shake, shake, shake.

- [Kyle] I love dancing.

I was dancing when I was a little kid, and it's something I haven't done in a very long time.

♪ Shake, shake ♪ - [Kyle] I never would've thought of using that kind of dancing as a therapy or a treatment for someone in recovery.

But they do have sober dances and things like that to show you you can still have fun without getting drunk or high.

And to have that in an actual part of your treatment makes all the difference in the world.

When I walked into Above and Beyond, I didn't know what to expect.

I'm used to going into a place for treatment where it's very institutional.

When I walked in here, everyone had smiles.

They were very friendly.

The other thing that I found out after I did my assessment was that we pick our own classes.

So they give us options of what to pick.

It's pretty awesome.

It's not your textbook therapy that you're getting there.

You're getting more of a customized therapy session for each individual person.

- Clap, clap, clap.

Let the body go.

- [Kyle] You gotta focus on the body, the mind, and the soul.

- Just do the clap and reach, reach.

- Dancing helps out with a lot of the physical aspect of it, with the correct way to stretch.

And physical activities increase endorphins, so that affects the chemical makeup.

And it's all-encompassing being here, getting the treatment for the mental stuff, you know, the mind.

The body is taken care of.

And I have a renewed sense of self and hope.

(instructor speaks faintly) Liz is my girlfriend.

We actually met six years ago.

She was in a recovery home at the time, and she was sober, and I was sober.

And we've been together four years now.

Yeah.

(Liz laughs) Tim said he's gonna take me Sunday up to the storage unit.

- All right.

- So I can get the suit for graduation and the coffee pot.

- Oh, the suit.

- Yeah.

It's riskier to be in a relationship in early sobriety 'cause if one of you relapses, the other one might go with you.

But on the same note, you both kind of understand what the other person's going through.

- She had a cat that her son used to feed, and then the cat had kittens, and those kittens had kittens.

- [Kyle] Should she relapse or should I relapse, we'll cross that bridge when we get to it.

- [Liz] All right, I'll see you.

- All right, bye, babe.

- All right, babe.

- Love you.

- Love you too.

- I can't look too far ahead into the future 'cause it's never worked before.

I just gotta grab some connectors.

I went to prison last time for retail theft.

At the time, I was homeless, living in a car, addiction problem, and I was stealing to support my habit and just kind of survive.

- Ready?

- Yeah.

Right here at this intersection is the first place I ever got arrested, my first felony right here.

Cops pulled up, and they were like, drew their guns.

They're like, "Get out of the car."

I didn't grow up and say I'm gonna be a criminal with a drug addiction problem.

That wasn't my goal.

Yeah, just roll up your windows and get that last box.

When I would get out of prison, and I'd be doing good and everything, and by good, I mean not using and getting towards being self-sufficient, Okay.

You start hitting all these roadblocks with getting an apartment, with getting a better-paying job, with trying to do the things that normal people would do.

It's a struggle trying to pursue those things and keep getting shot down because of your background.

It's very depressing.

And then you just kind of get to the point where you say F it.

You just continue to hurt yourself and everybody else around you.

How's that look, Jim?

- [Jim] Good.

- I started going to Above and Beyond for classes, and I was introduced to Jim, who is the maintenance guy at Above and Beyond, And he was telling me how he had a few projects around there, and I was just kind of like, "Yeah, cool, I get to help you out."

The biggest level you got.

- Okay, I got a four-foot level.

- He's a good guy.

He actually cares about what he's doing and where he's at.

It helps him get his stuff done there.

It helps me work and use my hands, which makes me feel like more of a human being, and a little bit of money to support myself while I'm in the halfway house.

So all this is gonna come out, and then it's just gonna be reframed.

It's not the right door height.

You can see where we got the different markings for header, door, and beam.

I'll survive off of doing jobs like this, but I need something that's not only full-time but with benefits, insurance, pension, things for when I can't do this work anymore.

I mean, I'm in shape now, but I'm not gonna be for another, you know, another 20 years.

I won't be able to do this.

My hands won't take it.

You know, my body just, I can't do this work forever.

So I need something where I can get into a union or like work for the CTA or something where I can use my skills, and I can have some kind of long-term stability.

That's super hard with having any kind of background.

So then what do you do in the meantime, you know?

You do jobs like this.

I have to get the record sealed or expunged.

Whatever I got a conviction for, I can get sealed, Whatever got thrown out, I can get expunged like it never happened.

But it's a process.

It's not something that just happens overnight.

(poignant music) When you come out after you've done your time, and you've paid for the crime that you committed, for it to stick with you for the rest of your life, it's like having a scarlet letter.

I'd like to have a family, and I would just hate to be applying to a preschool, and my kid gets denied because I was in prison.

- Hello.

- Hi.

I am trying to get my rap sheet.

What do I have to do for that?

- Yes, sir, that would be down in records, that office right there.

But to get the rap sheet, you need to be fingerprinted.

Unfortunately fingerprinting, they only do fingerprinting Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays.

- [Kyle] Okay, all right.

- So.

- Thank you very much.

- [Guard] Yes, sir, see you tomorrow.

- All right.

It's definitely a sacrifice to come and do this.

Means I gotta take more time off of work, which I might not be able to.

It means that I might miss the lease or the apartment that I'm going for because I can't get the record taken care of.

So it completely jeopardizes and pushes your timeline out.

I just gotta keep making accommodations and rolling with the punches.

(poignant music) I don't have a driver's license right now 'cause I have a bunch of fines to pay off to get my license back.

I think I need something like 3,000 or something.

So that's quite a lot of money when you have nothing, and you're trying to start over.

(train announcer speaks faintly) I don't have keys for the house anymore.

My family took those away a long time ago.

So I had to call my brother and let him know.

Came to get stuff out of my truck.

They let me park my truck here while I'm in the halfway house.

And it's a high-tension time.

(Kyle knocks on door) What?

(person speaks faintly) With going to prison and using, I manipulated a lot of my family, manipulated situations.

Any time I would come into the house, I would've tried to take something that I could sell to get money.

So now, you know, I'm pretty much watched while I'm in the house, period.

And I'm okay with that.

I mean, I understand why.

I'd probably do the same.

I would do the same thing if I were in their shoes.

The unfortunate thing is I hurt my family very badly, and they're very cautious about me being around.

But they still love me, and I still love them.

It's just gonna take time.

It's a lot of pain looking at all this stuff.

It's a memory of a lot of bad choices.

I feel lucky knowing that I haven't lost absolutely everything, which is normally what goes with, you know, going to jail or going into recovery.

You usually walk in with absolutely nothing to your name.

All the things that mean something to you are gone.

Coming back and opening up the truck, I see that I have a lot of work to do getting rid of stuff, cleaning it up.

It's like the story of my life.

I have a lot of work to do to make things right.

(gate squeaks) (gentle suspenseful music) (Kyle knocks on door) - Hello.

- Hey.

What's going on, bud?

- How are you?

Good to see you.

- Good, I got your saw.

- Well.

- [Kyle] I met Sean and Maddy four years ago.

I was actually in treatment with Sean.

It was a lot of helping him out get back on his feet, and now the table's kind of turned, and he's in the position where he's helping me out, getting me on my feet.

So it's huge to have somebody like that in your life, knows exactly where you're coming from, and willing to still be there to help you.

- [Teenager] What are they?

- For the pumpkin carving.

- Remember when we were doing the camp fire festival?

- Oh yeah.

- [Kyle] For some reason, they like having me around.

You know, I haven't figured that out yet, but it gives me a sense of that normal feeling people would have with family.

- So what's been going on with you and Liz?

- You know, this is her first experience with going through anything like I've been through so many times.

So she's doing really well on that, and she's actually gone, and I've had more independence myself 'cause that, remember that was the first thing when we got together.

I'm like, "I can't get away."

- I'm happy you guys are trying to do this together, but both of you need to realize that you need independence in recovery and not this unhealthy co-dependence that you developed as drug buddies.

Like, let's be honest.

- [Kyle] Yeah.

- How many times have you done this, of going through?

- The revolving door of- - Rehab.

- Jail, rehab.

- Halfway house.

- Prison, rehab.

- And going to AA and getting a sponsor and even working the whole 12 steps, et cetera.

What's happened whenever I've slipped up in the past, immediately we have some conversation, and the question is, what am I gonna do different this time, right?

Because whatever I did that last time didn't work, so.

- What's different, so the work thing, you know, not overloading myself with trying to just get any little thing that I can is one aspect of it.

But the other one is that I actually do the handyman stuff.

That's why I accepted the position to work there, so I can- - Stay connected, or?

- Balance it out, yeah And I can do like the recovery classes, and I do, you know?

- What's going on with your dad?

What's going on with your relationship with your father?

- He actually just started like conversating with me again.

He was putting me on no talk for a while.

- Do you you blame him?

- No, I'm fine with it.

- Is he here in the city?

- No, he's coming.

He's still in Alaska.

He's coming back.

I'm working on it.

- Yeah.

- I'm working on it.

- No, it takes time, for sure.

(soft poignant music) - [Kyle] Liz loves cats.

You know, I'm a cat person too, I guess.

So we're at Phoenix and see all these cats walking the neighborhood.

So we've been taking care of them, and they come around us.

Oh, you're okay.

- You just gotta let her eat first, babe.

Remember she let you pet her when you're done, when she was done.

- Yeah.

They're animals that are outside struggling.

It would just kill me if anything happened to 'em.

It's just the right thing to do, help something that can't really help itself.

You don't see it too often where two people meet up and go through this whole journey together coming out of the mud.

I told her if we can weather all this stuff that's going on now, we'll be unstoppable when we leave.

I've been in Cook County 17 times, mostly for possession, simple possession, or a retail theft.

And the experience going through here, I'm not sure if the punishment fits the crime.

There's no level of jail.

You know, it's jail, period.

So however you would expect a Jeffrey Dahmer or, you know, a John Wayne Gacy, you're getting treated the same way.

It's meant to be a deterrent, but it becomes more of, this is what I'm worth.

The self-esteem level and what it does to you mentally, it gives you a feeling of hopelessness.

That just perpetuates the cycle of the revolving door of coming in and going out.

I understand why it's meant to be harsh, and it's not meant to be something that's fun or easy.

I just think there should be more programs for people to help you realize that what you did and the thought patterns behind it are not conducive to a healthy lifestyle.

(soft poignant music continues) I have, I think, like 49 cents in the bank.

I'm pretty much surviving off of the generosity of the taxpayers with my LINK card for food.

Having the celiac and having to eat everything gluten-free makes that super challenging 'cause gluten-free food is very expensive, and I struggle with that.

It's a hopeless feeling, but I'm trying to stay as positive as I can, and small accomplishments are big wins.

Staying at Phoenix House, you're limited to what you can do.

There's quite a few requirements to get off of restriction, but the benefits that come with it are when a single-man room's available, you get moved into that.

You kind of get your freedom back.

They're not watching you as closely as they were when you were on restriction.

Brand-new room, just got it yesterday.

It's still got that new-car smell.

Had to clean it profusely.

One of the requirements is you have to be self-sufficient.

They help you with laundry money and bus passes while you're on restrictions so you can get to your appointments and clean your clothes.

So now that I'm off of it, I'm responsible for a little more on my end of paying for things.

It's a big step.

It's a big step, and everybody notices it, and you feel it too 'cause it took a lot of work to get there.

(soft suspenseful music) - We cover everything in this group, from conflict resolution, anger management, all the way to financial literacy, which is where we're in the middle of right now.

Okay, so two weeks ago, we started understanding your credit a little bit with credit cards, and we're gonna wrap up hopefully today.

But we ask a lot of questions, and there's a lot of talk.

- [Kyle] When you go for an apartment, they do credit checks, and they do background checks.

So the credit score is something that I can improve upon.

- And we talked about how to get your credit report, so now let's move into credit repair.

If there is something on there that you think is not accurate, either you paid it off already, or it's absolutely wrong or wasn't you, you can dispute every single item on your credit report.

Now, they may come back and ask you for proof, right?

What do you have to back up that you paid this?

Do you have receipts?

What do you got?

- If I can attain to have good credit, even with a bad background, it should hopefully neutralize any worries that they might have when I go to try and get an apartment.

- All right, thank you, guys.

(participants chattering) (bird chirps) (Kyle sighs) - It's kind of weird going to a police station after, you know, being incarcerated, but not so much today 'cause I haven't done anything, and I'm doing something positive, so.

Today I am coming for the second time to try and get my fingerprints taken for my rap sheet so I can get my expungement.

Apparently, they only do fingerprinting on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays.

Hi, how are you?

- Good.

You've been arrested by Chicago Police?

- Yes sir.

- [Clerk] Today's gonna be $16.

You'll pay that after you're printed.

- [Kyle] Okay.

- [Clerk] You can fill out the top section of this form.

- The case where I went to prison was for retail theft.

That one can't get expunged, but it can be sealed.

So the difference is they're not gonna see it on a background check unless they do a background check where I have to get fingerprinted.

And if it does show up, it will show it as sealed, which tells the person looking at it that I have moved on with my life, and I'm not committing those offenses.

It'll show initiative on my part that I'm trying to change.

So hopefully whoever's making the decision, be it the apartment place or the job, to give me a second chance.

- [Worker] Flight one.

- It was a little more nerve-racking than I thought it was gonna be.

Now I just gotta wait seven to 10 days to get my rap sheet from Chicago.

Then my next step is going to Cabrini Green Legal Aid and filing with the Cook County Circuit Court.

And then I'll get a court date and go to court, and hopefully that'll be it.

(gentle upbeat music) Big day today, graduating from A and B, me and my sweetheart.

- Both of us are.

- Yeah.

(Liz chuckles) (chuckles) Just to think that two months ago we were- - Living in a tent.

- Sleeping in a tent.

(Liz laughs) It was really hard to get into treatment.

(train humming) I got a surprise for you, too.

(Liz chuckles) - Did you get the ring?

Oh my goodness.

Oh wow, babe.

- Wow.

- It's a promise ring.

- Oh wow.

- So, 'cause we graduated, and things are going really good.

- Oh wow.

- So I wanted to get you a promise ring.

- Ooh, yeah.

Oh, that fits perfect.

- Yep.

- [Liz] You did good.

You did good, babe.

The moon rock- - Yeah.

- That we talked about.

Aw.

- Yep.

- Thank you.

- Aw.

- But- - Thank you, babe.

- Yeah.

- Aw, thank you, though.

- I love you.

- [Liz] I do too.

Oh.

- Oh, Did you get me all?

(Liz laughs) Uh-oh.

- [Liz] Smudged you with makeup.

- Welcome, everybody, to our once-a-month graduation.

(attendees applaud) We get to see people here on their first day.

We get to see people here completing.

We get to see people who've been here for five years who still come back because they're part of this family.

This family doesn't end the day that you complete your program, and this day really just marks a transformation and marking really hard work that you've put in.

All right, let's give it up for Ms. Elizabeth Parker.

(attendees cheer and applaud) - I still remember the- - Love wins!

(attendees laugh) - I still remember the first day coming here.

I had a fold-up chair with me and a lot of luggage 'cause I didn't know where I was gonna sleep at night.

And above and Beyond helped me find a recovery home I'm very grateful to be at.

Thank you, everybody.

- Yay!

(attendees applauding) Whoo!

- [Emcee] Kyle Hilbert.

(attendees cheer and applaud) - [Kyle] Thank you.

- [Emcee] Good step.

- It's amazing to see this right now 'cause, you know, two months ago, I was hopeless, irritable, and discontent, living in a tent.

(attendees chuckle) - [Emcee] Talk about it.

- With all my stuff, nowhere to go.

And it was really hard.

Like a lot of people said, my family's not really talking to me that much, and my dad's in Alaska, so I'll send him a picture and see if I get a phone call this, (chuckles) you know, today.

- Yay.

- I'm hoping for that.

This is my first time getting through this with a partner.

So, you know, the fact that both of us are graduating today is pretty special.

(attendees applaud) Yeah, I'm just very grateful to be here, and I will definitely keep coming back.

Thanks, guys - Whoo!

(attendees applaud) - Graduating Above and Beyond signifies that I'm growing in my recovery and that I'm getting ready to start moving on to the next levels of getting ready to be out on my own.

You good?

- [Jim] So proud to you, brother, It's your turn.

- Yeah, thank you.

It's not only important to myself but to my family and other people that see that I've taken the initiative to get treatment and help for myself that wasn't court-mandated or for some other reason other than me wanting a better life for myself.

(poignant music) My dad responded back to my text.

I sent him a picture of me graduating and let him know.

I hope he's doing okay.

I look forward to seeing him.

I finally got a response back 'cause he wasn't talking to me for a while.

And he texted me back: "Always pleased to hear you're doing better and hope and pray that you can finally start living a normal life," in all capital letters, "and be happy and healthy for the rest of it."

There's still a lot of hard work ahead and a lot of obstacles that I'm gonna face.

Knowing what I know, I won't say for sure that nothing bad is going to happen 'cause, you know, it probably will, and it usually does, but I got too much going for me now.

I got no reason to give this up.

(resolute music) (automobile humming)