TRANSCRIPT
-Next, on "Great Performances"... -When you're onstage is when you're the most free.
You have to learn the technique and put in the work while you're in the rehearsal room, and then you go onstage and you forget it all.
-New York City Ballet's prima ballerina Tiler Peck arrives at a career crossroads.
Sidelined by injury, the pandemic, and personal loss, she must find a new path to the future.
Using her suspended time wisely, she returns to the stage with renewed confidence as a dancer and a new career as a choreographer.
-This is something I want to continue doing.
I want to continue choreographing.
I want to continue to be in the front of the room.
-"Tiler Peck: Suspending Time" starts now.
♪♪ Major funding for "Great Performances" is provided by... ...and by contributions to your PBS station from viewers like you.
Thank you.
-[ Breathes deeply ] ♪♪ -I grew up in a small town, never thinking I'd be a prima ballerina.
♪♪ All I knew was that I loved to dance and becoming a ballerina seemed like the highest bar I could clear.
♪♪ For most of my life, I tried to be perfect... hoping to please the person in front of the room.
Somewhere along the way, I realized perfection doesn't exist.
♪♪ Perfectionism definitely helped me get to where I am.
But what makes a true artist is when you finally find your voice.
-Three, four.
And one, two, three.
One, two, three.
-Some people just move you when they move.
-One and two and three.
And one... -And others don't.
♪♪ The making of a principal dancer is an almost-mysterious process.
-Really tight at the top of the jump.
-Very early on, you're being asked to do this every day.
Up!
Glissade, two, up!
-Because the physical demands are so great, it's almost like joining a monastic faith.
-And seven, eight.
-Can you do four pirouettes?
Can you do this faster, bigger, brighter?
♪♪ Not everybody is a star.
♪♪ [ Horns honking, siren wails ] -Okay, let's see what we have.
So, we're going to see what we find right now and hopefully we find some perfect ones for tomorrow.
Okay, let me see.
I'm just gonna start trying some on.
I can't really sleep unless I know that I have, like, a good pair of shoes to wear the following day.
I like things done the way I know I can count on them.
Yeah, that could be a possibility.
Just felt really solid.
Like, flat, you know?
So when I'm turning, I think it'll be a good thing.
And the problem is, is that it's from 2017.
The shoes that I picked for my right foot are from 2016.
These have the potential to be good.
Good balance.
Oh, yeah, I like this shoe.
-New York City Ballet is one of the best companies in the entire world.
Getting into New York City Ballet is like getting drafted into the Lakers.
You want to be a part of the best, and there's only a few spots open.
-Tiler Peck is, of course, one of the most extraordinary ballerinas in the world.
She's a consummate professional, but there's also something very straightforward.
-To me, she was one of the top prima ballerinas of The New York City Ballet.
The first thing she said to me -- She called me over and she was like, "You need to pick your passé up just a little bit more.
It's pretty -- It's low."
You know?
[ Laughs ] -That idea of what a ballerina is supposed to be.
She's bitchy and she doesn't eat.
Hair tight and up.
Yes, that's me in the sense of I work my ass off, but I'm kind of goofy and want to have a good time, and I want that to be what people also see when they see me.
-With Tiler's dancing, it's simply the audacity of it.
There's a moment at the end of the Kennedy Center Honors, and Tiler's doing her solo, going on diagonal down toward stage right wing.
Suddenly, she's picking up speed, and it's just actually not human.
-I'm getting chills now thinking about it.
It's like one of the most epic performances.
It's that thing that you can't teach she just has, and it makes her one of the most important dancers of our generation.
♪♪ -She had the desire to be that person, that little girl from a small, rural town, Bakersfield, to become what she is now.
-I remember being really young and turning in the kitchen floor, because you could really spin a lot.
My mother owned a dance studio.
As soon as I could walk, I was at the studio, being babysat there.
-...something.
-Oh, no.
-I didn't listen.
-No.
-I just wanted to be up and dancing.
-You were out of the baby class, in the big room.
-Yeah.
-And sometimes in the front of the class.
She took dance from me until she was 3.
She would go to a competition, and everybody would storm in to watch her.
And then, when she was through, everybody cleared.
She was a jazz dancer and she didn't like ballet.
I said, "If you don't take your ballet class, you don't get to do the jazz class."
"Oh, I'll take ballet then."
Then a dance studio down South called me and asked me if I'd be interested in letting Tiler dance with them.
-So, then I drove three hours to dance class and three hours back five days a week with my grandmother.
I loved every minute of it, but it took up my entire life.
-You don't know how much I enjoyed it to sit there and see.
I'm very proud, because here was this little, teeny tot in with the 16- and 17-year-olds.
-When I was 11, I wanted to be in "The Music Man" on Broadway.
My mom, I don't think she ever thought I was going to get it.
We flew to New York, and she was like, "Okay, we'll just audition and see."
I don't think I thought I was going to get it either.
It was a replacement for an 18-year-old, and I was 11.
But I got the part, and my mom was like, "You are not moving to New York."
And I said, "But what if I never get a Broadway show ever again, and then you didn't let me do it?"
So of course I moved to New York with my grandmother, and I did this show for a year.
I would go to School of American Ballet during the day and train.
Then I would go do the Broadway show at night.
I never thought I would be a ballerina ever.
Dad, can I get -- Where's the hot chocolate at?
I used this.
I knew I wanted to dance, but ballet was to classical music, which I was like, "Oh, that's boring."
And it took the most discipline.
And I just wanted to do my jazz dances.
And it wasn't until I saw the New York City Ballet, when I was 11 -- I was here in New York, doing "The Music Man" on Broadway.
My dad got us tickets to "The Nutcracker."
It's really good, Dad.
I was just in awe.
I remember saying, "Daddy, I'm going to dance on that stage someday."
There was just something about "The Nutcracker" that just seemed like something so untouchable.
Callie, come here.
You want a little?
Just a little bit.
Good girl.
When September 11th happened, I really started missing home.
My grandma and I were sleeping, and my mom frantically called and was saying, "Are you okay?
Are you okay?"
And we're like, "What are you talking about?"
She had been trying to call us forever and she couldn't get through.
And then we looked out the window, and you could just see so much smoke and haze.
You know, at 11 years old, you can't really comprehend it, but I was terrified.
And I just, at the end, was like, "Mom, I want to come home."
I went home, then I went to summer courses at School of American Ballet back in New York.
And they said, "You know, I think you really should stay for the year."
And I'll never forget, we were getting ready for the end-of-the-year performance, where the director of New York City Ballet, comes, watches, and then picks who he wants to be into the company.
They said, "Okay, we want a picture onstage before."
And I remember being really upset because I had the first ballet and I thought, "I really need to prepare.
I can't be taking a photo."
And all of a sudden, there's like six of us onstage, and the director walks in and he says, "I just want you all to know that, in October, you'll be starting as apprentices."
And that's how I got my contract with the New York City Ballet.
I just remember looking around like, "Is this a joke or is this for real?"
I thought maybe it would happen in a few years, but not at 15.
When I got into the company, I mean, I got in super-young and I started doing parts, like, very quickly, and a lot of the girls didn't necessarily like that, that I was, at 16, doing some of their parts.
There might be a role that four girls are right for.
Even though you're a principal doesn't necessarily mean you're doing that role.
Everybody's friendly, but are they really your friends?
♪♪ There's this unspoken tension that's building.
-She'd be cast first cast in front of them, and they can be brutal.
-I was one of the leading dancers.
And I remember the stagehand had been at the show and he said, "Have you heard about this girl?"
I was like, "What girl?
Who's the next competition?"
-They accepted her in the company when she was 15.
She was a soloist when she was 17 and then principal when she was 19.
When you keep moving up and you do it fast, you have to learn how to accept all the things that happen with that, too.
-Good.
Don't let that arabesque bounce.
Hold it.
Now slow... -In 2009, I got promoted to principal dancer at the New York City Ballet.
-Yes!
-Four years later, I got married, and everything just seemed like it was soaring and my career was going great.
-Good girl.
And this is the end.
-To make it to the principal level was a really big achievement for me.
And just a few years after that, that's when my personal life started to crumble.
My husband at the time and I separated.
He was my best friend since I was 11 years old.
I met him in New York when I was very first here.
So my world came crashing down.
I said my vows.
I meant them.
I stayed true to them.
There was nothing I could do.
-After the divorce, she didn't want to let anybody else in, because she never thought she could trust anyone again.
♪♪ -You know, at the moment, you never think that life is going to look up from there.
I had to move forward and rebuild myself.
I wasn't going to let a failed marriage define me.
I never want to sit and be depressed.
I'm just like, "Let's move forward and dance."
That was my love, so I was like, "I'll just focus on that."
-All she did was dance.
At the Music Center, she did 15 different ballets in three days.
♪♪ ♪♪ -I focused on work so much that I didn't really allow myself to feel the feelings that maybe I needed to at that moment, but I wasn't ready to.
♪♪ -It's been eating at her, and she's never let it out.
♪♪ -I pushed myself to the limit, and my body paid the price.
I woke up and I basically cannot move my head.
I have excruciating pain running down my right side.
I can dance through pain, but this pain is beyond anything I've ever felt.
I just start calling a chiropractor.
She basically got my head moving enough to do the show that night.
[ Crack ] Then they put me on oral steroids, and I did this show for another month.
Sleeping at night was the most miserable experience.
I remember waking up hysterically crying.
I just started seeing a lot of doctors.
-And push out against me.
Perfect.
I'll have you put your wrists down like this.
And don't let me pull up.
-The first doctor I saw said that if I got tapped that I would be paralyzed.
I had a severe herniated disc in my neck that was pushing on my spinal cord.
I saw four other surgeons after that.
Out of the six, five told me I had to get surgery, because you just can't dance with this injury.
It wasn't until I went to this sixth surgeon.
♪♪ ♪♪ -Tiler, you know, I am not certain that you're going to be able to go back to dance.
I can't give you guarantees that that's going to happen.
We're going to start you on a non-surgical program.
We're going to repeat an MRI in three months and see if there's been resorption.
-What, like seven other doctors didn't even give that as, like, an option.
-Option.
No.
-I know.
And, like -- -I think my heart is beating really fast.
-Yeah.
-It really is.
-I know.
I know.
-It was what we wanted to hear, but not what we expected to hear.
So I think three more months and another MRI, and then, perhaps at that time, we could stand up and do a little baby-bar kind of thing.
But in the meantime, just get the rest of you strong enough, because you haven't done anything for the rest of your body.
So you have to stop focusing so much on just the neck and really take care of the environment that the neck has to live in.
And then I think that disc will reabsorb.
I really believe that.
-I hope so.
-And, actually, you should start wearing your pointe shoes around the house, right?
[Echoing] So that your feet start getting used to the pressure and how all that feels.
And maybe then your mind will be taken off your neck and then you can look at the rest of your body.
♪♪ -Feel like I'm starting at square one, and I can't even believe it, at 30 years old.
-There you go.
So you feel that landing on one leg.
-The first day, I still felt symptoms in my hands and I thought, "Oh, my God.
I had just given up five months, and nothing is better."
I never thought, like, something so easy would feel so hard.
-And relax your upper body, but activate your deep abdominals.
-Okay.
-That's it.
And... Nice.
And... -I'm slowly, slowly starting to take baby beginning classes, like, start from scratch.
-In.
High up on that left leg.
Back side in front now.
-I slowly started to see that the more I did class, my symptoms went away.
-And one, one and two.
One, one and two.
Yes.
Good.
This is great.
Fantastic.
Good strength in that right foot.
-This is like the golden period right now, because it's when you can still physically do everything just as good as when you were 17, but your artistry is also at the same exact level.
-Reach.
And back up.
-I hope that I can see it through.
-Again, you're extending through your thoracic.
You're gonna let the spine, neck, head follow.
-I think it's getting better, but I'm just terrified.
Every day you start to feel a symptom and you think, "All of that wait, all of that work, and I just re-injured it."
♪♪ This has made me feel like, "Okay, what is life without dance?"
-Whenever you are, Elaine.
-I'm watching you.
-Thanks.
♪♪ ♪♪ And I can't physically do it yet.
Yeah, I mean... I can just get, like, the spotting in my body but I can't do it, like, up to speed yet.
-Up to speed.
Okay.
-If that's okay?
-Sure.
♪♪ ♪♪ It's feeling pretty good.
It's just frustrating to not be able to dance the way I know I can dance, you know?
So I'm just trying to figure... Figure it out.
♪♪ ♪♪ Okay.
I think that's it.
That's all I can do right now.
Yeah.
-Okay.
-Thanks, Elaine.
-Sure.
No problem.
-Really appreciate it.
Yeah.
I don't know what's really going to happen tonight, but I'm excited and I'm nervous and I just -- I can't believe I'm going to be back onstage.
-It's coming out of you.
Your thoracic spine is open and your heart is open and you have joy.
-I guess I've been so nervous that I'm going to be this different dancer, but maybe different, like, isn't such a bad thing.
-Maybe it's even better.
-Maybe.
-She was back on the stage.
♪♪ ♪♪ [ Cheers and applause ] -I really just remember her being in this backbend, holding it.
And I was like, "I hope she's okay.
And I hope she doesn't feel the pressure."
She did it remarkably.
And then you're like, "Ah!
Truth is revealing itself."
♪♪ This was her seed of this new bloom.
[ Cheers and applause ] ♪♪ -When you're onstage is when you're the most free.
You have to learn the technique and put in the work while you're in the rehearsal room, and then you go onstage and you forget it all.
-Most dancers could give you a series of steps to music, but does it mean anything?
Does it make your heart beat faster?
Does it make you leave the theater feeling like you've seen something that's changed your life?
Dance is about time.
As you move through time, you play with time.
That's one of the great powers that a dancer has is to speed up or slow down, to move through music in ways that make time appear to stop or move faster.
♪♪ -One of my favorite moments onstage, we were doing "Carousel," and there's this moment where I go under his arm and I look up and see the lights.
I felt the warmth of the lights on my face.
-All is still in the world, and everybody just wants to stop with her.
-Being onstage is just about being present and feeling those feelings right then.
That's what's amazing about live dance.
-She was just getting started.
She was still holding on to her recovery.
COVID happened and took everything out.
Everybody had to stop.
[ Kettle whistling ] -When the pandemic hit and the theaters closed, we lost the art of live dance.
-When COVID started getting really scary in New York, the city just felt really quiet.
And after four days being there, I called my mom and I said, "I just have this really bad feeling and I just want to come home."
When it very first shut down, we just didn't leave the house.
We all just banded together.
I'm glad about that, because... I really have been away from home my entire life.
She's not coming out because she's freezing.
Is that what it is?
While it really sucked, I feel like, this time I'm going to remember forever.
I'm 32 today and I don't know how to drive, because I've been living in New York City.
So my mom thought, "Let's use this time while you're home to learn how to drive a stick."
And I was like, "Oh, I'm a dancer.
This is going to be so easy.
It's like choreography with the feet."
Give it some gas and move forward.
-[ Laughs ] There's my coordinated Tiler.
-Okay, so, now I'm going to give it the gas.
-Clutch in.
-Okay.
Put the left foot on the clutch.
-Yep.
-A lot of gas.
-Aaaah!
-♪ Happy birthday, dear Tiler ♪ ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪ -Oh, you did it.
-Almost didn't do it.
-Yay!
-Whoo!
-I was telling work -- I'm like, "I'm leaving.
It's my sister's birthday."
I don't think I've celebrated your birthday in how many years?
-What you're doing as you age, as a dancer, is you're watching your own body die.
It's painful because you're extremely young and you have to figure out how to dance here, now.
And you have to know that it's gonna end.
-We're not getting these years back, and as a dancer, I feel it even more because I don't have that much left.
I have the neck of a 65-year-old at 32.
A ballerina's career is just like any athlete.
To have two of those years taken away, I'll never get those back.
Some dancers make it well into their 40s.
I have never wanted to be a ballerina that people are worried that I'm not going to get through it.
I want to go out on the top, when people think, "Oh, my gosh, don't leave.
I still want to watch you dance."
When I very first got to Bakersfield, I really didn't know what to do.
I just knew that I had just got back to dancing and I couldn't let myself get back out of shape.
I couldn't do another nine months of no dancing.
So I called the Kennedy Center and I said, "How do you feel about putting on a show, and we can film it and let people watch it at their home?"
I felt like, during this pandemic, one thing I could do was work with choreographers that I never had the chance to.
I called Alonzo.
How are you, Alonzo?
-Hey, Tiler.
How are you?
-And he said, "Well, what do you want made for you?"
And I said, "You know, I really love dancing slow, where I can really feel the music more."
And he said, "Well, then let's do that."
He said, "I think we should have a partner.
Have Roman Mejia."
And I was like, "Yes, I like dancing with Roman Mejia.
So that sounds good."
So we flew to San Francisco to rehearse with Alonzo King.
Alonzo is a very intellectual choreographer, so when you're in the room with him, he almost sounds like a philosopher.
He makes you look at dance in a different light.
-You have to break into humility, and when that happens, you start again, because you say, "I don't know anything."
♪♪ It's the mind and the heart that are moving that physical instrument in the same way that we move through our lives based on our thoughts and our feelings.
-The first day in San Francisco, he threw out so much material, and I hadn't learned from a choreographer in so long.
It was a little stressful.
-This is beautiful at the top of the jump, but I wanted to kind of also finish down here, then go so we can still see it connected.
I like it.
-I couldn't pick up and I'm normally really quick, and I remember putting a lot of pressure on myself because I thought, "Oh, my God.
I'm wasting his time.
He's standing there watching me.
It's taking me forever."
Ugh!
Then he builds upon that.
So I realized we did most of the material in the day one and then started fine-tuning it.
-That works.
-Your turn.
-Tiler and I -- I mean, we didn't really have much of a personal relationship.
I'm pretty silent, I didn't really say much, so it was pretty professional, and I never really overstepped.
-We really became not only dance partners, which we were, but, like, really great friends during that COVID time.
The pas de deux he was making for us, it was so intimate.
And then we would come back home at night, just the two of us, and, like, sit on opposite couches.
There was, like, one here and one here.
-Yeah, and then we gradually got closer and closer.
-I got to be my authentic self with him.
♪♪ -You're removing what's clouding clarity.
That's what training is.
It's almost like dance is saying, "Do you really love me?"
And you say, "Yes, no matter what."
-Alonzo King's voice as a choreographer is just so powerful that he really helped push me to start discovering a new side of myself.
My body feels, like, a little bit better than it did, like, on the first day, for sure.
But the first day, oh, my God.
I felt really slow.
Like, I couldn't catch it.
-We didn't really discuss it, but, I mean, you know, when you're in these situations, you think you feel -- you know, there's a vibe.
Yeah, I'm a little tight.
-[ Laughs ] My worst fear was, like, making the first move and her being like, "Ew, as if" or ruining our professional relationship.
-That part really takes it out of me.
-Same, yeah.
-Well, I don't know.
And as soon as I realized that I miss him even when I'm not with him for an hour, I thought, "Oh, God, this is really not a good idea."
I like adagio, but I'm just not good at it.
-Me too.
-[ Laughs ] ♪♪ ♪♪ We worked on it at the Kennedy Center for an extra week.
Right now, it feels like we have the opera house to ourselves.
It's just vacant, but we're putting on this performance.
♪♪ Ahh!
That was a good turn!
-And this is a big musical cue.
♪ Da-da-da-da-da!
♪ When you see someone in their essence and they're fully committed, we want to be loved like that.
Every time you see Tiler, she plummets to that place because that is her real reality.
♪♪ We had to share a dressing room on the side of the stage, 'cause there wasn't really, like, a dressing room.
There was just a lot of interesting things happening that day.
♪♪ This was our first performance since COVID.
When I walked out onstage, I remember feeling like, "Okay, yeah, I'm back.
This is where I'm supposed to be."
♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ That night, after the performance, everything felt different.
-We actually brought dinner back to the hotel because we were pretty gassed from the show.
We were tired.
We were watching a TV show.
I went back to my room and I was like, "What are you -- You could have just done something.
You know, I could have done something."
And I had a little glass of wine before I went back up.
And I went up and made the first move.
That was it.
-Well, I guess I just really didn't see this, like, being a thing.
And I guess I'm happy that it happened.
-Yeah, me too.
-Me too.
-I feel like I like you more every day, which is pretty good.
-Yeah.
-[ Laughs ] Because if you're not like this... I think the injury and the pandemic opened me up.
It's like I've given myself permission to feel things and to be okay to voice them.
I feel like I have so much more to do and explore.
Here.
♪♪ -George Balanchine co-founded the New York City Ballet in 1948.
The whole system and institution and style of movement -- it's his invention.
The responsibility and difficulty facing a generation that's trying to live in his dances without him is exactly that.
It's a huge responsibility.
The idea of stars was something he hated.
The star was the choreography.
-And the men had "the right," traditionally, to take the lead.
It's an old, antiquated model that was instilled on us for generations.
So you had to fight for your place in the ballet world as a woman.
Choreography was a distraction, and it may tell the boss that you're not interested in ballet.
And the boss would be like, "Oh, well, there's plenty of other women to take your place on the stage in the pointe shoes, dancing."
It takes a really special woman to break out and be able to do that, with the brain to put the steps together.
-I have always choreographed at my mother's studio, but I never thought that that would lead into anything.
I never gave myself credit or thought I was good enough to do that.
It wasn't until Damian Woetzel invited me.
He said, "Tiler, I think it's time now for you to choreograph something for the Vail Dance Festival."
And then commissions just kept coming my way.
-She had a commission at the Boston Ballet.
I was like, "Alright, she's getting a chance."
-This was finally my chance to let my voice be heard, to be the person in charge.
-75th anniversary was coming up.
I was like, "Oh, we need to celebrate New York City Ballet.
You know, maybe a woman.
75th, let's celebrate a woman choreographer.
Young, fresh."
-I remember Wendy texting me, "Do you have time for, like, a phone call?"
[ Cellphone rings ] Hello?
I had no idea that it was going to be like, "Do you want to choreograph for the New York City Ballet?"
And I think I got really silent when she asked me that.
I'm very, very excited.
I just -- I feel like I'm -- I don't really know what to say.
I just really wasn't expecting it.
I'm honored that you guys are asking me.
And then, immediately after, then I started screaming.
I was really excited.
Babe!
-Yeah?
-I'm choreographing for New York City Ballet, and it just came out, like, literally today.
-Oh, my god!
That is so unbelievable.
-I'm, like, so freaked out about it.
-This is, like, the jumping-off point.
And I think that it's, like, so beautiful this day and age to be able to, as a woman, have a full career in your late 30s, in your 40s.
It doesn't mean that you're going to stop dancing or, you know, whatever, that we can make our careers whatever it is we want it to be.
-Being a choreographer is not a natural progression from being a dancer.
It's a completely different skill.
-Choreography is visualizing a dance and a group and a pattern and timing and musicality.
It's mathematical.
It's a whole other part of your brain.
Bad choreography is boring, just like bad books and bad art.
Being a dancer does not earn you the right to be a choreographer.
You have to have a reason for wanting to be a choreographer.
-It's a big deal to choreograph at the New York City Ballet no matter what time it happens, but it's an even bigger deal because I'm still an active dancer there.
That doesn't happen very often.
It's hard enough to just do what I need to do to get myself onstage, yet alone now have the full responsibility of putting together this piece.
I had a year to think about what I wanted to do for the company.
What kind of style, what kind of music.
This was the 75th anniversary of the company, and I thought to myself, "What do I want to bring to that?"
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7... I felt like all of the new choreographers that were coming were trying to do something different.
They shy away from the classical form, doing stuff that is totally contemporary, and not using the technique that these dancers train our entire lives for.
And I thought, "I really want to showcase that.
That's what I have to give."
Because I think you can make classical new.
That fall, every spare moment I had was spent in the hospital with my dad.
He'd been really sick for a few months, and any chance I got, I'd fly home to California to be with him.
I was supposed to start my ballet that week.
But I called the company and said, "I need a day to just listen to the music."
♪♪ Yeah?
[ Laughs ] He passed away on November 1st.
My dad was just the rock for all of us.
He was super-mellow, never lost his cool.
He was so selfless and supportive.
♪♪ ♪♪ My dad passed, and three days later, it was my first rehearsal for this piece.
I was having to hold it together all day long.
The first day was with Roman.
I played the music, he had the score, and he's reading every single note on the page.
-1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8.
-2, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6... I have to go in the room knowing that.
That helps me decide what to choreograph to.
The music is the road map to choreography for me.
Alright, well, I'm glad that you're my first rehearsal tomorrow, so we'll just figure it out.
-Yeah, we'll be fine.
♪♪ ♪ Bah ♪ It kind of feels like it's, like, cascading, like, from something huge and then goes down.
So what would be your favorite jump?
It's the first time they see you, so I want you to do something that you love.
-I think grand jeté.
-Like, developpé grand jeté?
-No, straight leg.
-Straight leg?
-Yeah.
-But you're going to have to hang in the air for like three counts.
-Imagine Misha up there like that.
-Okay.
So you're gonna be like, "Bahhh!"
-Yeah.
Pshooooo!
Running start?
-You have a running start, yeah.
-That's possible.
I can do that.
-Okay.
-Yeah.
-You're gonna have to show me.
♪♪ The creative process went really fast.
It was because I needed that outlet so badly that I just kept going, going, going.
It looks amazing.
It's like the first time I see you.
It's so exciting.
And the jump is good, so we'll keep it.
-Yeah.
I got you.
When I walked into the room, it felt like, "Wow, there's a lot of people in this room staring at me."
And it's all my colleagues, and I wonder how this is going to go.
And I think we'll start with Mira, and then the two of you will come on from the side.
But after five minutes and seeing how excited they were, I kind of lost the nerves.
I was like, "Okay, this could be okay."
It's funny, I had my pointe shoes on the first day, and then the dancers were like, "You're gonna have your shoes on?"
And I was like, "It wasn't even a thought of mine.
Of course I'm going to have my shoes on.
I have my shoes on anytime I'm dancing."
But then I thought, "Whoa.
In the 19 years I've been at the company, never have I had a choreographer with pointe shoes on in the front of the room."
They come in and they've never been in a pointe shoe, because a lot of them are men.
That was something that made me unique as a choreographer, because I really understand the day-to-day.
And then when they say, "You know that's not possible," I'm like, "Mm...let's see."
And then I'm like, "Oh, it is possible," You know, and I can show them.
You need to make it look like a port de bras rather than like a preparation.
And then, Emma, I think, once you're up, if you can keep the focus looking up... I think that was fun to have somebody like that that can still do it and also figure it out with them in real time.
-And up.
And attitude.
That was better.
Yeah, I think that was good.
I think it was more the timing than anything.
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
-We don't have that many dancers who are also choreographers.
She's been dancing all day, is going to have the performance at night, and she's showing up and giving us energy, so we have to do the same.
♪♪ -I was mentally exhausted from having to hold it together, you know, in the front of the room.
But I finished the 20-minute piece in 10 days.
I think that I'm going to be more nervous than I ever have been to, like, dance myself, just 'cause I can't, like -- I feel like when we dance together, I don't get nervous because I know what's going to happen.
But, like, sitting in the front, I just have to trust.
Which I trust all of you.
I have an amazing cast.
It's just going to be a different feeling because I've never done that.
-No, but you'll enjoy it.
-Do you think?
-Yeah, for sure.
Yeah.
-I hope I can.
-Oh, you will.
-I, like, really wish my dad was going to see it.
But I never expected to choreograph for the company, so I think he would have been... Yeah.
I don't know.
-No, he would have been so excited.
-Six, you come on, seven, eight.
-It feels to me like a moment of enormous flux.
Flux comes with danger and it comes with possibility.
-This isn't just about me.
It's about showing that women can lead and create at the highest level in ballet.
Then you start thinking about the review.
The worst-case scenario would be, "She should not be choreographing.
She's not a talented choreographer.
She should stick to dancing."
Okay, so, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6.
Yes, again.
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6.
Even if that were said, there's never going to be the perfect new work.
All I know is, I want to continue doing this.
I want to continue choreographing.
I want to continue to be in the front of the room.
And around.
5, 6... -As a ballerina, You're very used to being told what to do.
You follow the rules.
I think I used to just people-please and try to be perfect for others.
What I've realized is that the person that I need to really be worried about is me.
And if you have something that you want to say... you should say it.
♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ -She's a dreamer.
She has a vision.
She makes it happen.
♪♪ And she created this ballet.
She took it to a new place in her own way that I've never seen before.
♪♪ She featured Roman as the central character, and just let him shine.
I think it's fun for her to give what she knows to a partner, and he admires her tremendously.
She lifted him up as a dancer, and he lifted her up as a choreographer.
It's kind of a beautiful thing to watch.
♪♪ -Watching it, I could tell there was another chapter ahead.
-She will be coming back to make another ballet for us.
♪♪ [ Cheers and applause ] -It was so good!
-Okay, that was good.
It was so good.
-Thanks.
-Guys, thank you so much for just, like, helping me through this time.
It was really hard just losing my dad.
And I just wanted to say, like, I felt you guys showing up in the room for me every day.
And I loved watching you guys out there tonight, and I'm just so proud, so thank you so much.
[ Cheers and applause ] ♪♪ When I was injured, I thought dance could be completely taken away from me.
I don't know how many years I have left as a dancer.
But as a choreographer... I'm just getting started.
[ Breathes deeply ] ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ -To find out more about this and other "Great Performances" programs, visit pbs.org/greatperformances and follow us on Facebook and Instagram.
♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪
