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Next week’s news

Justice.  Immigration.  Politics.

These are all nouns.

They’re also the top stories from next week’s news.

Blasting Elena Kagan for her lack of judging experience, GOP senators will propose an alternative: Paula Abdul. As a judge on “American Idol,” Ms. Abdul often seemed absent and didn’t say anything. But one senator will argue, “You could say the same thing about Clarence Thomas.”

Immigration foes will gather on our northern border, protesting what they see as a dangerous influx of Canadians. In the words of one protester, “We’re sick of these people sneaking across the border and stealing our hockey jobs.”

Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez will become the most active totalitarian dictator on Twitter. Here are Hugo’s top tweets of next week:

“America is the devil! “

“Death to capitalism!”

“I heart Justin Bieber!”

And finally, some news out of Wasilla, Alaska. Sarah Palin will confirm it’s official: She has now written more books than she has read.  When asked which of her two books is her favorite, Governor Palin will reply, “All of them.”

And now a peek at next week’s viewers’ email. Arthur from Madison, Wisconsin will write:

“Dear Mr. Borowitz: What on earth is a clown like you doing on PBS? Take your so-called ‘satire’ and go back to the internet where you belong. Plus, you have a really big nose.”

Well, thanks, Arthur, for writing. And keep those emails coming!